Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

4 Defeating Thoughts and How to Overcome Them

by 5 Comments

Welcome to Girls to Grow today, whether you’re a first-time or long-time reader! I hope your summer’s going well so far and that you had a good 4th of July holiday weekend. It’s a fairly quiet week here, so we’re fitting in a couple of routine doctor appointments and starting the dorm-room shopping process with my younger daughter.

Lately, I’ll admit to having to work hard to keep my thoughts positive. It seems like I run to the negative side of things very quickly! I get down on myself or someone else. Or I dwell on what’s wrong in a situation rather than choosing to trust God and His timing.

But I know that’s not how God would have for us to live. He wants us to walk in His truth. In order to do that, we need to fight those negative thoughts with God’s Word. It is our sword [Ephesians 6:17], and we can use it to get victory over those thoughts.

Here are four common defeating thought patterns along with Scripture to overcome them.

We can fight against the negative thoughts that discourage us by using truth from God's Word.

1. I’ve messed up too many times for God to still love me.

Saved or unsaved, you can have this thought. Let’s remind ourselves about some truths regarding God’s love for us.

“Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.” ~1 John 4:10 We weren’t the ones to initiate love towards God. He loved us first.

“But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” ~Romans 5:8 So often we think of love as conditional. As imperfect humans, it can be hard to grasp that God’s love was so great that He loved us and sent His Son to die for us while we were still in our sinful state, far from wanting the redemption we needed.

“The Lord hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.” ~Jeremiah 31:3 God’s love is everlasting. Nothing can separate us from that love. [Romans 8:38-39]

2. God doesn’t know or care about the little things in my life.

We get discouraged, and while we know in our heads this isn’t true, our hearts may feel differently. Thankfully feelings don’t equal truth.

“Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.” ~Luke 12:6-7 The God who remembers every sparrow and knows the number of hairs on your head knows and cares about every detail of your life.

“How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee.” ~Psalm 139:17-18 What an idea to meditate on – God’s thoughts about me are precious and more in number than the sand!

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” ~Psalm 37:23 God knows not just our whole path, but each step that we’re taking along the way.

3. No one else has the same struggles that I do.

This one has come up often for me as a mom. Other moms seem to have this whole parenting thing down way better than I do! She doesn’t seem to struggle with __________ [insert whatever difficult behavior my child is currently displaying]. But we can also allow this thought to defeat us when it comes to any type of temptation or difficulty we’re facing.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” ~1 Corinthians 10:13 This verse is pretty clear – temptation is common to all of us. Yet God knows what we can handle and makes a way of escape for us.

“For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” ~Hebrews 4:15 Jesus, all-God yet all-man, understands what it’s like to live on this earth with its trials and temptations.

“For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.” ~Hebrews 2:18 We can run to Christ for comfort and support. We don’t have to do it alone.

4. My prayers aren’t doing any good.

Have you ever prayed for something that, as far as you know, is in God’s will, but it doesn’t seem to get answered?

“Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.” ~John 9:31 The Bible says over and over that God hears our prayers.

“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us:” ~1 John 5:14 If we don’t see our prayer answered right away, it doesn’t mean that God hasn’t heard us. We can’t know the mind of God, but we can trust that He is working out what is best.

“And when he had taken the book, the four beasts and four and twenty elders fell down before the Lamb, having every one of them harps, and golden vials full of odours, which are the prayers of saints.” ~Revelation 5:8 I love this verse that tells us that our prayers are before God as sweet incense!

And finally, in 1 Thessalonians 5:17, we’re instructed to pray without ceasing. Why would we be told to do this if our prayers don’t do any good?

Let’s be purposeful about choosing our thoughts today. If the defeating thought you’re facing isn’t on this list, find a Bible verse that will help you overcome it. May we use God’s Word to live victoriously as Christian women today.

Related posts:

5 Simple Things to Do Today to Be a Wise Woman

by 4 Comments

Welcome to the blog on this mid-May morning! We’ve done a switcheroo at our house this week – our older daughter is now home from college while our younger daughter is off on her Senior trip for eight days. One thing’s for certain about this season of life; things are always changing!

As part of my morning Bible time, I review passages of Scripture that I’ve memorized in the past. I’ve recently started using the Verses app to do this and I’m really enjoying it. This week I’m working on Proverbs 31, which leads me to the topic of today’s post.

I’m always inspired and yet convicted by this chapter. The virtuous woman described here seems to have it all together in every area of her life. And yet I know myself and, let’s just say that I don’t. But I want to become more like her if that means I’ll be a blessing to my family and a better testimony for my Savior.

I’ve done a deeper dive into this passage in the past, but today I just wanted to choose five very practical things each of us can do today that can help us become more like this virtuous woman.

Check out these five things we can learn from the Proverbs 31 woman and see how we can apply them to our lives today.

1. Be dependable.

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.” ~Verse 11

It doesn’t take any special skill or particular talent to be dependable. Anyone can do it. It’s just a matter of ensuring that other people can trust you because you do what you say you will do.

In this particular verse, it’s referring to her husband being able to rely on her. He knows his wife is responsible. He doesn’t have to worry about how she’s running their home. Could our husbands say this about us – that we are trustworthy and faithful when it comes to managing the resources we have?

2. Take care of your body.

“She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.” ~Verse 17

In the New Testament, we’re told that our body is the temple of the Holy Ghost. [1 Corinthians 6:19-20] We only get one body. In order to accomplish all that’s on this woman’s list, she has to be strong. There’s no way a woman could do all these things if she’s not in good health mentally, physically, and emotionally.

We all know what to do. Sleep. Drink water. Eat well. Move our bodies in some way. But let this be our encouragement to set aside time to take care of ourselves on a regular basis.

3. Look for someone you can help.

“She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.” ~Verse 20

This doesn’t have to be a big, noteworthy deed. Just keep your eyes open as you go through your day. Notice people. More than money, someone may just need a smile or a word of encouragement. Seek to bless others.

4. Think before you speak.

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” ~Verse 26

This may be the one I most aspire to – consistently speaking with wisdom and kindness. Too often that’s not how my words would be described. I think especially of how I want my children to remember the ways in which I spoke to them. We certainly need the Holy Spirit’s help to control our tongue.

5. Use your time wisely.

“She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” ~Verse 27

There are lots of things that can take up our time. Mine tends to be Instagram scrolling (which is why I try to limit how many people I follow there). Maybe you get wrapped up in Facebook or Netflix. It’s okay to take some time to relax and recharge, but let’s be purposeful about it. This woman knew what was going on in her home and with her people because she stayed engaged and wasn’t lazy.

Can you focus on one or more of these as you go throughout your day? Are there other ways the virtuous woman is described that inspire you? While we may not feel like we can check off many of her traits in our own lives, may God help us to continue growing in each of these areas.

Related posts:

How to Praise God When Life Is Difficult

by 4 Comments

It’s hard to believe we’re closing out March today! We’ve definitely had some spring-like weather here lately. I walk outside in our neighborhood most days, and it’s been fun to see which trees and plants are newly blooming and budding each week.

Our focus on the blog this month has been praising God. We’ll close out this series today by focusing on how we can praise God when life is difficult.

There’s a long list of things that can make certain seasons of life hard. Let’s list some of them.

  • sickness – your own or a family member’s
  • death of someone you love
  • job loss
  • financial troubles
  • discouragement
  • disappointment
  • frustration with a current situation
  • marriage problems
  • parenting struggles
  • difficult co-workers
  • uncertainty about a medical issue
  • feeling lost spiritually
  • unmet expectations

And sometimes we have more than one of these happening at the same time!

So how do we praise God on those days…days when we feel overwhelmed, helpless, or hopeless? Here are five ideas.

Here are five ways we can continue to praise God when we're in a hard season of life.

1. Focus on God’s character.

What we face from one life season to another will change, but God never does. Get into His Word. Write down and meditate on Bible verses that tell you Who God is.

2. Recount His faithfulness in your life.

I think almost every post this month has included this point, but it’s so true. Think back to past trials, times when you hit a rough patch and God came through for you. Remind yourself that God has been steadfast and constant in His deliverance and provision.

3. Make a conscious decision to trust Him.

Now, when it’s hard, is the time to prove your faith. We can’t see behind the scenes to how He is working. We don’t know how or when our difficult circumstances will end. So just decide right there in the middle of it to have faith and trust God.

4. Be grateful.

As the hymn writer says, count your blessings. Are there days when the silver lining is so thin you can barely see it? You bet. But you’ll never see it if you’re not looking. Before you get out of bed each morning, mentally give thanks for something. Do like I do and keep a gratitude journal. Every day write down at least three things for which you’re thankful.

5. Reach out to others.

This one is two-pronged. First of all, ask someone you love and trust to pray for you or with you about what you’re facing. Pray for a proper perspective on the problem. If they’ve been through something similar, they can empathize. They can come alongside you and help you offer praise.

Secondly, see who there is around you who could use your help. Give someone else a reason to praise God because you’ve been a blessing to them!

When life is difficult, we can still worship our Lord and praise our God. I like how Habakkuk sums it up.

“Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.” [3:17-18]

(In Friday’s subscriber e-mail I’ll be talking about a verse I’ve read many times that came to mean something new and personal to me in light of a recent disappointment. If you’re not already subscribed, you can do so here.)

Related posts:

7 Important Prayers for Our Homes and Families

by 3 Comments

This month on the blog we’ve been talking about our homes. Previous posts focused on how to keep traps out of our homes and discovering what makes our homes happy.

Today I want to talk about how we can pray for our homes and families, especially in our current culture. These seven ideas are based on Scripture. You could pray one of these prayers for your family each day of the week. Or you could choose one day to pray through all seven, making your home your prayer focus for that day.

I hope these remind all of us of the importance of praying for our homes and families. How thankful we can be for a God who hears and answers our prayers!

Here's a list of 7 Bible-based prayers that we can pray over our homes and families this year. You can use one for each day of the week!

Here’s a list of seven prayers to pray for our homes and families.

1. Pray that our homes will be built on a solid foundation of faith.

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” ~Matthew 7:24-25

Hard times will come to our families. Your storm will look different than mine and different than your neighbors. And when those rains and floods come, we want our homes to still be standing when it’s all over. That can only happen as we build our house on the rock of God’s Word and live by it.

Prayer: Dear God, help us to build our home on You and Your Word. Give us ears and hearts to hear what the Bible says to us and the strength to live out its commands. May we base our decisions on Bible principles, seeking your guidance through prayer. When trials come, may our family be a testimony to our faith in you.

2. Pray for the courage to make Godly choices in your home regardless of what culture says or the choices others around you make.

“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” ~Joshua 24:15

It seems like every day it becomes clearer that following God or following the world system and its philosophies are in direct opposition. While we’re to be good citizens in the world, we’re not to buy into beliefs that go against what God teaches us in His Word. In his day, Joshua made it clear where he and his family stood.

Prayer: God, give us the courage to make a stand as a family to do right. May we do it as a way to honor you, in a spirit of love and mercy for those who don’t know you, so we can be a light shining brightly in a world that is dark with sin.

3. Pray for our homes to be marked by love and unity.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This one gets kind of personal! Sometimes it’s easier to love people outside our homes because we don’t know them and their faults nearly as well as we do the people who live inside our homes.

We know the characteristics of love from the passage above. It’s patient, kind, not jealous, selfless, not easily provoked, believes the best about the other person, longsuffering. Just reading through the list reminds me how often I fall short of loving my family well.

Yet our homes can be characterized by love, even though we’ll have children – and adults – who disagree. We can speak our love and we can show it through our actions.

Prayer: Lord, let love characterize our home. When children argue, when parents disagree, convict our hearts. Don’t let us get caught up in having to be right or only be concerned about getting our own way. May we cultivate a love within our family that flows over into the lives of others as a testimony to the love you have for each one of us.

4. Pray that God will protect your home from evil.

“But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.” ~2 Thessalonians 3:3

We talked about some of the harmful things that can enter our homes in a post earlier this month. Blatant sin, like pornography, brings evil directly into our homes. But we also want to pray that God will keep our family from the subtle influences that may seem harmless at first but can lead to real problems.

Prayer: God, please protect our home from evil. Don’t let Satan gain a foothold in any of our lives. Help us to guard against temptation, especially in areas where we know we’re weak. We know that greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. [1 John 4:4] May your Holy Spirit keep our hearts tender and sensitive to those things that would lead us into sin.

5. Pray for wisdom to build your home and guide your family.

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” ~Proverbs 14:1

I definitely want to be the wise woman, not the foolish one! We can build up our homes by loving and encouraging those in our family, and by following Biblical principles.

According to James 1:5, wisdom is ours for the asking. I often face situations that I don’t know how to deal with. But God has the wisdom I need and He willingly makes it available to me.

Prayer: God, I need your wisdom to build my home in a way that’s pleasing to you. Help me remember to pray for that wisdom before I give correction or advice to my children. Your Word provides direction, so bring appropriate verses to my mind when I’m not sure what to do. Thank you that you’re always willing to give wisdom when I ask for it.

6. Pray that God will bless and protect each one in your family, that He will be gracious to them and give them peace.

“The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: the Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.” ~Numbers 6:24-26

This is my favorite passage to pray over my husband and our girls. In fact, I have a print of these verses hanging on a wall in our living area.

Prayer: Lord, bless my daughter/son/spouse today. Protect her mind, her heart and her body. May your face shine on her. Please show her your grace as she goes through her day. Watch over her and give her your peace in her spirit.

7. Praise God for how He provides for and blesses our homes as we trust in Him.

“Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;” ~1 Timothy 6:17

What a blessing our families can be! It’s a privilege to grow together spiritually, to become friends with our adult children, to see our children learn lessons and mature, and to experience how we as parents become better people because we’ve learned from our children.

Prayer: Dear God, thank you for the gift of a home and a family. One day we’ll know the full experience of a family when we’re all in Heaven with you. Thank you that we can have a tiny taste of that here as we learn and grow with ones we love so much.

May we use the gift of prayer to intercede with our Heavenly Father on behalf of our homes and families so that together, we can bring glory to God.

Related posts:

3 Places to Find God’s Goodness When Life is Hard

by 4 Comments

As I write this post on a late January afternoon, it’s partly cloudy outside and temps are in the low 70s. Winter days here in coastal South Carolina can be unpredictable, but I’ll take this one for sure!

I know a lot of people who are carrying heavy loads in this first month of 2021. I mentioned that we’ve already been to two funerals, and have other friends who’ve lost loved ones. We know people who’ve had surgeries, hospitalizations, received a cancer diagnosis, or dealt with covid. None of us are exempt from trials.

In my Friday e-mail to blog subscribers, I included a video where I talked about part of our journey expecting an anencephalic baby. [If you’re not signed up to receive those e-mails, you can do that here.] Since we’ve been looking at God’s goodness on the blog this month, I hoped to encourage you by sharing a time in my life when God’s goodness was particularly evident.

Today I wanted to dig into this a little more. When we’re going through a difficult time, it may not be natural to immediately focus on God’s goodness. But if we can, it’s always there for us to see. It can change our perspective on the situation and give us hope going forward.

When life is hard, we can still see God's goodness in our lives in these three ways.

Three ways we see God’s goodness in our trials are through…

1. His grace

Like His unexplainable peace, God’s grace is always there to sustain us. It’s such a comfort to know that whatever comes, He will give us grace to meet the need.

In our case, it arrived when well-meaning strangers saw that I was pregnant and excitedly asked questions about the baby. They had no idea that she would never take a breath on her own on this earth.

We needed grace as other couples around us were choosing furniture for their nursery while we chose a gravesite. And His grace brought me through a difficult delivery and allowed us to hold our stillborn baby.

Does God’s grace mean that there weren’t hard days? Of course not. But His grace sustained us and brought us through that trial. We came to a place of knowing His goodness that we’d never have reached without it.

“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” ~1 Peter 5:10

2. His gifts

Can there really be gifts in a trial? Yes, so many! Among the greatest were our ob/gyn who fully supported our decision to continue the pregnancy. Our labor and delivery nurse in the hospital was unbelievably kind and caring. Family, friends, and church members prayed for and supported us.

While we may not have seen it at the time, God used this trial to knit my husband and me together. We gained a common confidence in the goodness of God. What a gift that was! It’s a lesson that has stood us in good stead over the 23 years since this happened.

God’s gifts can be people or financial provision or deliverance from a situation that only He could have orchestrated. Regardless of the form it takes, there are always gifts from God that demonstrate His unfailing goodness.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” ~James 1:17

3. His guidance

After our baby was born, I needed to go back to work. I’d given up my teaching job before we received our baby’s diagnosis since I thought I’d be staying home with a baby. God opened the door to a wonderful administrative position in a hospital system that was a blessing for the next three years. That experience would never have unfolded if not for the trial we’d been through.

In every difficulty we face, there are decisions to make. We won’t always know what to do. But as we pray and seek God through His Word, we can trust that He will guide us into what is best for us because He is good.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” ~Psalm 37:23

Have you’ve experienced God’s goodness for yourself? I hope the verses we looked at in last week’s post cement in your soul the truth that He is a good God. Whether life is smooth or today is hard, let’s look for His goodness in His grace, His gifts, and His guidance.

[If you’d like to read our full story about our daughter Angel, I wrote a blog post series on it called Our Story of God’s Goodness and Grace.]

Related posts:

How Can We Know God Will Be Good to Us in 2021?

by 6 Comments

Here we are, partway through the first full week of 2021. I’m excited about the year ahead. Hopefully, we’re all still on track with our goals at this point!

However, I know that just because one year rolled into the next, none of our trials or troubles just automatically disappeared. We’re likely carrying over some fears or disappointments from last year. Perhaps we don’t see a lot of hope ahead, even with 2020 behind us. Maybe we’ve even questioned whether God will be good to us in the coming months.

I believe we can definitely say that He will!

Let’s start this discussion with how we define “good.” Here’s a parenting example that might help.

As a child (okay, so maybe this is still the case!), one of my daughters would have thought it was “good” to eat only dessert for every meal with a few candy snacks between those meals for good measure! But while that would have fulfilled her physical desire in the moment, it would in no way be good for her overall health. As her mom, I knew more than she did as a four-year-old. Hence, fruits and vegetables appeared on her plate more often than chocolate ice cream.

In the same way, what we deem as “good” for us isn’t always seen that way by a God who is much wiser than we are. He alone knows what is truly good for us. What He allows into our lives – some of which we may not see as good – is ultimately what is best for us. Those things will help us grow into the person that He would have us to be.

So how do we know we can trust God to be good to us in 2021? Here are three reasons.

Here are three reasons we can know that God will be good to us in the coming year.

His Word tells us so.

“Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!” ~Psalm 31:19

Isn’t it neat to think about God storing up goodness for us, His beloved children?! So many of those things will be received by us as blessings straight from His hand. It could be financial gain, good health, a steady job, the love of family, His clear guidance, and so many other things.

Over and over in the Bible, we’re told that God is good. Not only that, but we also read stories of His goodness to His people.

Think of the life of Joseph. God was good to him and blessed him throughout his life. Did being sold as a slave or unjustly imprisoned seem good? No, not in the moment. But look at how God used him to preserve the lives of his countrymen as well as his own family.

Remember what he told his brothers in Genesis 50:20? “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.“

Here are a couple more verses that tell us God is good.

“The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.” ~Psalm 145:9

“O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good; for his mercy endureth forever.” ~1 Chronicles 16:34

God has been good to us in the past.

“O Lord, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.” ~Isaiah 25:1

Every one of us has lived through hard times. Yet not one of us can say that God hasn’t been faithful.

This is one reason why I love keeping a gratitude journal. Even before I got as old as I am, my memory was short! I get into a trial and forget what God did previously in a similar situation. But when it’s written down, I can read back through how He worked in the past and trust that He’ll do the same in the present.

I like this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen.“

Here are a couple more verses that encourage us to recall God’s goodness.

“I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.” ~Psalm 77:11-12

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” ~Psalm 34:8

God has a plan to prosper us.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” ~Romans 8:28

I’ve sometimes avoided this verse because it feels overused. It’s like we trot it out to give people comfort when something “bad” comes into their lives. But it’s God’s Word, so it’s one hundred percent true.

ALL things work together for good in God’s economy. He only wants what’s best for us. In the long run, He wants us to flourish spiritually and in every other area of our lives.

Not a one of us could have foretold what 2020 would look like. But God knew. And in each individual case, He had a plan.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Will things that we deem “bad” continue to happen in 2021? I’d say that’s almost a guarantee. But from God’s perspective, all of it can be His blessing and through His grace, it works for our good and His glory.

Related posts:

What Lessons Have You Learned in 2020?

by 3 Comments

This has been a year for the history books!

Recently I found a template to create a list of “Things to Grieve” and “Things to Celebrate” from the past year. After filling it out, it was obvious that even with the hard parts of 2020, my “celebrate” list was a good bit longer than the “grieve” list.

At the top of my “grieve” list was my dad’s passing on to Heaven early in the year. That was followed by some activities our girls missed out on along with canceled trips and other plans that had to be adjusted.

But in spite of all that, there were many, many things to celebrate. Steady jobs and more family time, Friday afternoon outings with my husband, the trips we did get to take, along with some normalcy that came with our girls’ schooling this fall.

Before entering a new year, I like to review the past one. As 2020 comes to a close, I especially wanted to pull out some lessons I’ve learned in this unprecedented (way over-used word of the year!) time. Maybe you can identify with some of these!

10 Lessons I've Learned in 2020

1. I have very little control over the big things in life.

This includes most any type of pre-arranged plans, travel, health, or politics. I can pray and make decisions based on the information I have, but ultimately a lot of life is out of my control.

2. I have lots of control over the little things in life.

By that, I mean that I control a lot in my personal life. I get to choose my attitude in every situation. My response to a trial is totally up to me. Being grateful, praying, helping others – those are all things I can decide to do…or not.

3. I can always find things for which to be thankful.

There’s been less traffic on the road when our daughter drives to school in the mornings. We went through a time earlier this year when family game nights were more common. That empty seat between passengers on an airplane row is pretty sweet! We all had some trying moments this year, but we also continued to receive blessings from God.

4. Spending time outside is good for my physical and mental health.

I’ve probably taken more steps this year than in any year before! It’s become a habit to walk in our neighborhood five or six days a week. Back in the spring, my husband was able to take off work early on Friday afternoons, and we’d find a new place to walk or hike each week. All of this has been so good for helping me keep a more positive mindset.

5. It’s nice to have online church services as an option, but there’s nothing like meeting together with fellow believers in person.

There’s something to be said, on occasion, for watching church services from the comfort of your couch. But it didn’t take long to miss gathering as a community to worship.

6. I miss traveling.

We had to cancel the cruise we had planned in June. Thankfully we did get to take more local trips, but I’m ready to plan something bigger!

7. I can survive a vacation rental house with mice and a snake.

So yeah, on one of those trips we took, we found a snake on the indoor stairs leading from one level of the house to the next. And a mouse (or likely more than one) was seen on all three levels at different times by all four of us! Safe to say that’s one VRBO we won’t be staying at again!!

8. I didn’t always appreciate “normal” like I should have.

Normal was going to basketball games in a packed gym. It was counting on there being school tomorrow, not wondering if too many COVID cases would close it down. I don’t know what “normal” will look like going forward, but I hope I remember to be grateful for it!

9. Heaven is an even sweeter place the more it’s populated by people I love.

No question – to see Jesus is the ultimate joy of Heaven! Yet every year, more people that I know and love are going there. I have two children there, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and now my dad. As much as we miss him, what a blessing that he got to spend 2020 in Heaven!

10. I don’t know what 2021 will bring, but I pray that it leads me closer to Jesus.

We certainly hope it will be a better year in terms of fewer restrictions and COVID issues. But as my brother mentioned in his sermon on Sunday, any year that sees us growing spiritually is a good one. May the choices that we make in the year ahead cause us to grow in our faith.

What lessons has 2020 taught you? Do any of these ring true with you? Let me know in the comments or via e-mail.

In Friday’s e-mail, I’ll share the top ten most popular blog posts from Girls to Grow for the past year. If you’re not subscribed to e-mail updates, click here to sign up.

Wishing each of you a very happy and blessed New Year!!

Related posts:

It’s a Storyline Through Time, Waiting on God

by 4 Comments

Happy week before Christmas!!

December continues to fly by here. Our college daughter took her last final exam online this week. Today is the last day of school for our high school senior before her two-week holiday break.

In these days leading up to Christmas, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to wait. As we move through Advent, I remember Mary, mother of Jesus. How she must have waited eagerly for the birth of her promised son! Israel as a nation had been waiting hundreds of years for their Messiah to come. Individuals like Simeon and Anna in Luke 2 were waiting for the fulfillment of a promise God had made long ago.

If you’re like me, your 2020 has had some waiting seasons in it. Even now we wait to see what will happen with the COVID vaccine. We wonder how long it will be before we can ditch the masks, travel freely, and return to “life before COVID.”

Recently I’ve found myself in a particular situation of my own that I’d like to see resolved. But it’s going to require some waiting. As I continued my recent Bible study in Psalms, I came to this verse which reminded me to make God the focus of all my waiting.

“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.” ~Psalm 62:5

Waiting on God is worth it. Waiting on another person to deliver me or on some plan I’ve concocted to fix everything isn’t. It doesn’t take long for me to exhaust my own resources. My plans get derailed and none of my efforts to resolve things work out. Other people may try to help, but God is the only one who can truly provide what I need.

And doesn’t our faith grow stronger as we wait? If everything happened on our schedule, how would we learn to trust? Yet when we see God’s faithfulness time and time again on our behalf, we get a little bit bolder at claiming His promises while we patiently wait.

I’m looking forward to 2021, to starting a new year. But flipping a calendar won’t fix my problems. No, my hope is found in God. I can expect all that God has in store for me next year to be good for me because He is good.

If you’re waiting for something today – a relationship to be repaired, a situation to be resolved, wisdom and guidance for a big decision – turn your focus on God. Expect Him to answer your prayer, to deliver on His promises just as He did for Mary, for Israel, for Simeon, and for Anna.

Related posts:

20 Lessons I’ve Learned in 20 Years of Parenting

by 2 Comments

Our older daughter turned 20 last week. Yikes, y’all! On one hand, I ask, “Where has the time gone?” On the other, I feel so very blessed to have walked with our children as they’ve grown to be the almost adults that they are today.

As I reflected on these 20 years of parenting, I came up with 20 lessons I’ve learned. There’s some hard-won wisdom that comes with all this parenting experience! I hope you’ll find some help and encouragement through these 20 lessons that I’ve learned in 20 years of parenting.

Twenty lessons I've learned in twenty years of parenting

1. Parenting teaches us just as much about ourselves as it does about our children.

It’s shown me my lack of patience and my love of myself. Parenting has also revealed how much I like to be in control…and the fact that I really control very little when it comes to my children.

2. I’ll always love my children, but there are days I may not like them.

In the middle of a day filled with a child’s defiance or her attitude that constantly needs adjusting, I may feel like I deserve a serious break from my kids! Those days, while not easy, are to be expected. But I will always love my daughters and want what is best for them.

3. Having mom friends in the same stage of parenting is invaluable.

I’ve felt like a certain stage of parenting is making me crazy, like surely no one else has the same struggles with their child that I do with mine. But then I sit and talk with another mom and am reassured that I’m not the only one dealing with those issues. It’s comforting and encouraging to realize that other moms are in the same boat!

4. There’s no feeling like watching your child perform or compete in something they enjoy.

I have loved watching our girls at basketball games, cheer competitions, and fine arts performances. It’s one of the things I’ll really miss when our younger daughter graduates from high school in June.

5. I can’t parent well without God’s wisdom.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. God’s promise in James 1:5 to give wisdom liberally to those who ask for it has been a lifesaver in my years of parenting teens. There are many times when I haven’t known what to do or how to respond to a situation. Yet God keeps His promise and gives wisdom.

6. I’m so blessed to have a husband who parents with me.

He is so wise and sees situations from more of a long-term perspective than I do. It’s helpful to have someone who knows and loves our children as much as I do to speak into their lives. It also gives me a great admiration for single mothers who have to handle parenting duties alone.

7. Children are sinners who sin…just like their mother.

I can tend to expect perfection which no one can live up to. I never wanted to be the parent who told the teacher, “My child would never lie/cheat/steal/say a bad word.” Because we’re all tempted, and sometimes we give in. This doesn’t mean that we make excuses for our children, but we recognize that they will sin and then deal with it when it happens.

8. Those siblings who fight like cats and dogs can eventually become great friends.

We had plenty of bickering in our house over the years. And do our girls get along perfectly now? Not every minute. But they FaceTime and text when they’re apart. They choose to go Black Friday shopping together. And whenever our college daughter comes home, they’ll stay up for hours catching up on each other’s lives – having actually invited their sister into their bedroom!

9. I am not my child’s Holy Spirit.

I can’t make my child ask Jesus to be her Savior. Neither can I force her to grow in her walk with God. I can teach her about God’s Word and expose her to what I believe, but ultimately, the choices she makes about her faith have to be her own.

10. Every child is different.

This is an obvious one, but so important. Each child responds differently to correction. One needs more boundaries or words of encouragement or physical touch. An interesting part of parenting is getting to know each child as an individual.

11. Prayer is an invaluable resource.

I can take everything to God in prayer – my child’s health, friendships (or lack thereof), habits, struggles, attitudes, decisions, and anything and everything else. God is in control. He can give me peace and help my child.

12. Biting your tongue is a valuable parenting skill.

This applies to interacting with your 15-year-old who knows it all. Rather than launch into a lecture when they’re spouting off about something, it’s often helpful to use phrases like, “You could be right.”

But it also applies to younger children. When correcting our girls, I’ve been guilty of going on and on instead of just getting to the point. That’s especially valuable when dealing with one of our daughters who definitely appreciates a direct approach!

13. Traditions are a fun part of family culture.

I actually wish I’d created more traditions when our children were young, but I treasure the ones we have! For example, we go out to eat and then walk on the beach the Saturday evening before Mother’s Day. An early Christmas Eve dinner at home is followed by a drive to downtown Charleston and dessert at Kaminsky’s Dessert Cafe.

Some traditions have to change over the years, but I’m already looking forward to adding some new ones as our girls move into the next stage of life.

14. Reading aloud to my children was a great use of my time.

I know that not everyone loves to read, but it’s a pastime I’ve so enjoyed sharing with our daughters. When they were little, we’d read books before nap time and at bedtime…and at other random times during the day. Introducing them to books that were my childhood favorites (and getting to re-read them myself) was a great pleasure during their younger years. And sometimes reading books together opens the door to discussing valuable life lessons.

15. Being a stay-at-home mom is a luxury…and also hard.

Not everyone has the option to stay home with their children during the workday. I’m so grateful for a husband who’s supported me in that – and has also been willing to listen to me unload about all that happened at the end of the day! Because 24/7 with two little ones – or two older ones! – can be a challenge. But I wouldn’t trade the years I’ve had with our girls for anything.

16. Start teaching them to handle issues for themselves at an early age.

In other words, don’t step in every time there’s an argument with a friend. Try to get them to work it out on their own. Explain to them how to address a teacher if they have a question about their grade or need to talk about something that happened in class. There certainly may be times you need to get involved, but try to make that the exception, not the norm.

17. Not every parenting hill is worth dying on.

I found this to be true whether it was my toddler or my teen. Put simply, choose your battles.

18. When they hurt, I hurt.

It can be a broken friendship, not making the team, or some other disappointment that brings on tears or hurt feelings. Because it affects them so deeply, I hurt with and for them. And I’m finding this doesn’t change, no matter how old they get.

19. Other people who pour into my kids are one of life’s greatest blessings.

Teachers, coaches, babysitters, piano teachers, or youth pastors – the list of people who can influence our kids for good is long. We have been blessed to have many of these in our daughters’ lives over the years.

20. Children are a gift from God and bring much joy to our lives.

There have been some really hard days of parenting. But what a gift that God gives us precious lives to steward for Him…and in the process gives us relationships that bless us over and over again all throughout our lives.

Now that I’m moving into the empty nest stage, I’m sure I have at least 20 more parenting lessons to learn!

Related posts:

7 Life Principles from Proverbs to Teach Our Children

by 6 Comments

We’re one month into our youngest daughter’s senior year of high school, and the countdown is on. Not literally, because I’m not ready to actually dwell on that yet! But in the back of my mind, I know that we’re now looking at months – not years – before she steps out on her own.

As parents, we have a lot we want to teach our children in the eighteen or so years while they live in our homes. There are some practical skills that will come in real handy for them – like brushing their teeth, doing laundry, and driving a car. But there are also character traits we want them to develop as they mature.

Teaching our children truth from the Bible is much more valuable than just giving our opinion or sharing our life experiences, though those can be helpful. When our children are young, we can introduce principles very simply, ideally in the form of a story. Isaiah 28:9-10 talks about teaching “precept upon precept…line upon line…here a little, and there a little.” As they become teenagers, we can move into deeper conversations.

I recently went through Proverbs and found seven principles that our children can benefit from. There are many more in this particular book of the Bible, but these are a good place to start.

Here's wisdom from Proverbs to help our children develop character traits that will benefit them throughout their lives.

1. You need to guard your heart.

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” ~4:23

We have to be proactive in setting a guard. In other words, be on the lookout for things that would turn you away from following God. To me this especially means guarding your thought life. Protect it from sinful influences. This could help you explain to your child why your family doesn’t watch certain movies, read particular books, or listen to some styles of music. What we think about comes out in our words and actions.

I pray this verse daily for one of our daughters, that she will diligently guard her heart. Negative emotions like fear, doubt, or a lack of confidence can also cause infiltrate our hearts and cause us to make poor decisions.

2. Sin makes you a slave.

“His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.” ~5:22

We think freedom comes when we get to choose whatever we want to do. Let’s help our children understand that when we choose sin, it eventually makes you do whatever it wants you to.

Too often we think we can commit a sin once or twice, and then walk away from it, but that’s rarely the case. As Christians, we can get the victory, but it takes God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit.

3. Laziness makes you poor.

“How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.” ~6:9-11

Here are the basics. Work hard. Be responsible. Get rich quick schemes don’t work. Let me just add that as parents, one of the qualities we most value in a potential spouse for our children is someone who knows the value of hard work.

4. Don’t talk too much.

“In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” ~10:19

We’ve all had times when we said something we immediately wished we could take back. That goes back to the old adage of “think before you speak!” And no one likes being around a person who doesn’t have an off button! If you talk alot, something you say is going to get you into trouble. And an easy way to be wise is just to get control of your tongue. (Much easier said than done!)

5. Be generous.

“The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.” ~11:25

Give. Not just your money, but your time. No matter how little you think you have, it would appear abundant to someone else. Look for ways to bless others, and you’ll find that you’re blessed as well.

6. If you go looking for trouble, you’ll find it.

“He that diligently seeketh good procureth favour: but he that seeketh mischief, it shall come unto him.” ~11:27

Let your child know that their reputation proceeds them, even at a young age. Don’t let yourself be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Pay attention to the people you hang around with and the situations you put yourself in.

7. Listen to wise advice.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” ~12:15

Don’t be a know-it-all! Find wise people to advise you when you need to make a decision. Sometimes we want to be in control and forge ahead with our own plan, but listening to the prudent counsel of others can cause us to avoid some costly mistakes.

Teaching our children these seven principles – and incorporating them into our own lives! – can help all of us have good character and walk in wisdom.

Related posts: