Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

10 Things We Can Know About God’s Goodness

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Our life is changing again this week. Our older daughter heads back to college on Friday. She’s ready and I know it will be good for her to get back to her life and schedule there. What’s hard is knowing that the next time she leaves, her younger sister will be going, too! But, as the saying goes, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

This month I’ve been sharing posts that focus on God’s goodness. His unchanging goodness is one of His character qualities that gives me such comfort and peace. Would I want to trust a God who’s only good some of the time? Of course not! But because our God is good all the time, I can trust Him in every situation.

Today I wanted to list out ten things we can know about God’s goodness based on Scripture.

We can trust God because He is good. Here are 10 things we can know about His goodness based on Scripture.

1. God’s goodness doesn’t run out.

“…The Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth,” ~Exodus 34:6

We can’t use it up or age out of it. God’s goodness is plentiful and always more than enough for us.

2. No one is exempt from God’s goodness.

“The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.” ~Psalm 145:9

None of us deserve God’s goodness, but He extends it to everyone. There’s no favoritism or partiality involved. His goodness is just part of His nature.

3. Every good thing we have comes from God.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.” ~James 1:17

All good gifts come from God. Whether it’s material blessings, good health, or a loving family, they’re all sent to us from His hand.

4. Trusting in God’s goodness sustains us.

“I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” ~Psalm 27:13

There’s plenty in our world right now to discourage us. Yet we need to have a firm belief in God’s goodness. Not that every act happening around us is good, but we as Christians fundamentally know that God is in control. Believe His promises and trust in His providence.

5. It’s good to reflect on God’s goodness in our lives.

“They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, and shall sing of thy righteousness.” ~Psalm 145:7

How powerful it is to look back over all the times God’s been good – how many there are! – and reflect on them. It encourages us in our faith.

6. As we trust God in all things, we can experience God’s goodness in our lives.

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” ~Psalm 34:8

This doesn’t mean life will always be easy, but if we’re willing to step out in faith and trust God, we will know His goodness is real. In fact, sometimes it’s through a trial that we’re brought face to face with how good He is.

7. Because of His goodness, God is worthy of our praise.

“Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name. For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations.“~Psalm 100:4-5

We would be very remiss not to praise God for His abundant goodness. Let’s thank God privately and also publicly as we’re given an opportunity.

8. Because God is good, we can run to Him in our troubles.

“The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knows those who trust in Him.” ~Nahum 1:7

We don’t have to worry about God’s response when difficulty comes. Because He is good, He will be a refuge and shelter for us.

9. God has goodness stored up for His children.

“Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!” ~Psalm 31:19

God has goodness waiting for us here and now as well as in heaven. When the time is right, He releases this treasure into our lives. It’s exciting to consider that He has even more special grace and favor ahead for us!

10. Because God is good, we can trust Him to lead us.

“Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.” ~Psalm 143:10

We wouldn’t trust someone to lead us unless we’re confident that they have our best interest at heart. And God always does. We can follow Him without reservation.

As we go through the rest of our week, let’s spend some time meditating on the goodness of God.

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When What Seems Bad Can Actually Be Good

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Here we are, firmly entrenched in this new year of 2021. Last year is definitely in the rear view mirror. My hope and optimism for this new year are still fairly strong!

Last week we talked about how our definition of “good” is subjective. For us, saying, “life is good” usually means we’re happy and don’t have any troubles. And that’s a nice place to be!

But going through hard or “bad” things is a part of life. Another person says hurtful things to or about us. A loved one passes away. We lose a job or struggle to pay our bills. Maybe we or one of our children develops a health need. These are all serious issues that are difficult to deal with and we have no control over many of them. But one part of them we can control is our perspective.

As I reflected on how we can properly view the bad times in life, I was reminded of the story of Joseph. The patterns in his life remind me of ours.

He’s the favorite child of Jacob, his dad. Life is good.

His jealous brothers throw him in a pit, then sell him to traveling merchants. Life is bad.

He’s taken in as a slave in a prominent man’s house and, through hard work and God’s blessing, he’s put in charge of everything the man owns. Life is good.

The man’s wife falsely accuses Joseph and he’s thrown into prison. Life is bad.

I could go on, but you get the picture. Joseph’s life was just like ours is – full of seasons that change, full of “bad” times and “good” ones.

But what’s convicting to me is that Joseph didn’t change. As far as we can tell, no matter whether his circumstances appeared good or bad, he continued to trust God.

So what kept him going through the hard seasons? Here are three things that gave him a proper perspective of good and bad events in his life.

Three lessons we can learn from Joseph's life to help us keep going when life's circumstances seem bad

Patience.

Remember when Joseph interpreted the dreams of the butler and the baker? After telling the butler that he’d be restored to his former position, Joseph asked him to tell his story to Pharaoh.

Once the butler, as predicted, left prison, I wonder how long it took for Joseph’s hope to fade. Did he spend that first week listening for the outer door to open? Every time the keeper of the prison called his name, did he think there was a messenger sent to get him out? After a month of nothing changing, was he discouraged?

We don’t know what was happening in his mind, but we do know exactly how long Joseph had to wait.

“And it came to pass at the end of two full years…” ~Genesis 41:1

Joseph waited on God for two years to get out of prison. But did Joseph learn lessons during those two years that he wouldn’t have learned if he’d been pulled out of prison and returned to his family? We can’t know for sure. Yet I believe that God puts us in specific places for a particular time period to teach us lessons like trusting Him. (Know that this is easy to write but much harder to remember when we’re actually in one of these times!)

Faithfulness to his duties.

Whether in Potiphar’s house or in prison, Joseph didn’t give in and sit around having a pity party. I have to believe that he had hard days when the difficulty or unjustness of his situation overwhelmed him.

But everywhere he went, we see Joseph working hard and prospering.

“And his master saw that the Lord was with him, and that the Lord made all that he did to prosper in his hand. And Joseph found grace in his sight, and he served him: and he made him overseer over his house, and all that he had he put into his hand.” ~Genesis 39:3-4

“But the Lord was with Joseph, and shewed him mercy, and gave him favour in the sight of the keeper of the prison. And the keeper of the prison committed to Joseph’s hand all the prisoners that were in the prison; and whatsoever they did there, he was the doer of it.” ~Genesis 39:21-11

When it seems like we’re in the midst of a bad time, let’s keep being faithful. Let’s continue doing our best in service to the Lord.

Serving others.

So when the baker and the butler ended up in the prison where Joseph was, he helped them. I might have been tempted to say, “Listen, I realize this is bad for you, but let me tell you all I’ve been through.”

Instead, he noticed they were sad, and reached out to them. “And he asked Pharaoh’s officers that were with him in the ward of his lord’s house, saying, Wherefore look ye so sadly today?” ~Genesis 40:7

I think we all know that we can gain a better perspective on our own problems when we look for someone else in need and try to help them. It’s like the old acronym for JOY – Jesus, Others, You.

You and I don’t stress when we see Joseph thrown into a pit by his brothers. We’re not overly concerned when the merchants drag him off to Egypt. We don’t wonder what’s going to happen because we know how it all turns out just a few pages later. We know that Joseph will say to his brothers in Genesis 50:20, “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.“

But Joseph didn’t have any of that information in real-time. And right now, you and I don’t know the end of our story. But God does. Even the parts we see as bad, He’s in control of those, too.

So we have a choice. Our perspective can make all the difference. Let’s be patient, be faithful, and serve those around us. And as we trust Him, let’s believe that when our last chapter is finished, God will have written the just-right ending to our story.

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How Can We Know God Will Be Good to Us in 2021?

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Here we are, partway through the first full week of 2021. I’m excited about the year ahead. Hopefully, we’re all still on track with our goals at this point!

However, I know that just because one year rolled into the next, none of our trials or troubles just automatically disappeared. We’re likely carrying over some fears or disappointments from last year. Perhaps we don’t see a lot of hope ahead, even with 2020 behind us. Maybe we’ve even questioned whether God will be good to us in the coming months.

I believe we can definitely say that He will!

Let’s start this discussion with how we define “good.” Here’s a parenting example that might help.

As a child (okay, so maybe this is still the case!), one of my daughters would have thought it was “good” to eat only dessert for every meal with a few candy snacks between those meals for good measure! But while that would have fulfilled her physical desire in the moment, it would in no way be good for her overall health. As her mom, I knew more than she did as a four-year-old. Hence, fruits and vegetables appeared on her plate more often than chocolate ice cream.

In the same way, what we deem as “good” for us isn’t always seen that way by a God who is much wiser than we are. He alone knows what is truly good for us. What He allows into our lives – some of which we may not see as good – is ultimately what is best for us. Those things will help us grow into the person that He would have us to be.

So how do we know we can trust God to be good to us in 2021? Here are three reasons.

Here are three reasons we can know that God will be good to us in the coming year.

His Word tells us so.

“Oh how great is thy goodness, which thou hast laid up for them that fear thee; which thou hast wrought for them that trust in thee before the sons of men!” ~Psalm 31:19

Isn’t it neat to think about God storing up goodness for us, His beloved children?! So many of those things will be received by us as blessings straight from His hand. It could be financial gain, good health, a steady job, the love of family, His clear guidance, and so many other things.

Over and over in the Bible, we’re told that God is good. Not only that, but we also read stories of His goodness to His people.

Think of the life of Joseph. God was good to him and blessed him throughout his life. Did being sold as a slave or unjustly imprisoned seem good? No, not in the moment. But look at how God used him to preserve the lives of his countrymen as well as his own family.

Remember what he told his brothers in Genesis 50:20? “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive.“

Here are a couple more verses that tell us God is good.

“The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works.” ~Psalm 145:9

“O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good; for his mercy endureth forever.” ~1 Chronicles 16:34

God has been good to us in the past.

“O Lord, thou art my God; I will exalt thee, I will praise thy name; for thou hast done wonderful things; thy counsels of old are faithfulness and truth.” ~Isaiah 25:1

Every one of us has lived through hard times. Yet not one of us can say that God hasn’t been faithful.

This is one reason why I love keeping a gratitude journal. Even before I got as old as I am, my memory was short! I get into a trial and forget what God did previously in a similar situation. But when it’s written down, I can read back through how He worked in the past and trust that He’ll do the same in the present.

I like this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson.

“All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen.“

Here are a couple more verses that encourage us to recall God’s goodness.

“I will remember the works of the Lord: surely I will remember thy wonders of old. I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.” ~Psalm 77:11-12

“O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.” ~Psalm 34:8

God has a plan to prosper us.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” ~Romans 8:28

I’ve sometimes avoided this verse because it feels overused. It’s like we trot it out to give people comfort when something “bad” comes into their lives. But it’s God’s Word, so it’s one hundred percent true.

ALL things work together for good in God’s economy. He only wants what’s best for us. In the long run, He wants us to flourish spiritually and in every other area of our lives.

Not a one of us could have foretold what 2020 would look like. But God knew. And in each individual case, He had a plan.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Will things that we deem “bad” continue to happen in 2021? I’d say that’s almost a guarantee. But from God’s perspective, all of it can be His blessing and through His grace, it works for our good and His glory.

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What Lessons Have You Learned in 2020?

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This has been a year for the history books!

Recently I found a template to create a list of “Things to Grieve” and “Things to Celebrate” from the past year. After filling it out, it was obvious that even with the hard parts of 2020, my “celebrate” list was a good bit longer than the “grieve” list.

At the top of my “grieve” list was my dad’s passing on to Heaven early in the year. That was followed by some activities our girls missed out on along with canceled trips and other plans that had to be adjusted.

But in spite of all that, there were many, many things to celebrate. Steady jobs and more family time, Friday afternoon outings with my husband, the trips we did get to take, along with some normalcy that came with our girls’ schooling this fall.

Before entering a new year, I like to review the past one. As 2020 comes to a close, I especially wanted to pull out some lessons I’ve learned in this unprecedented (way over-used word of the year!) time. Maybe you can identify with some of these!

10 Lessons I've Learned in 2020

1. I have very little control over the big things in life.

This includes most any type of pre-arranged plans, travel, health, or politics. I can pray and make decisions based on the information I have, but ultimately a lot of life is out of my control.

2. I have lots of control over the little things in life.

By that, I mean that I control a lot in my personal life. I get to choose my attitude in every situation. My response to a trial is totally up to me. Being grateful, praying, helping others – those are all things I can decide to do…or not.

3. I can always find things for which to be thankful.

There’s been less traffic on the road when our daughter drives to school in the mornings. We went through a time earlier this year when family game nights were more common. That empty seat between passengers on an airplane row is pretty sweet! We all had some trying moments this year, but we also continued to receive blessings from God.

4. Spending time outside is good for my physical and mental health.

I’ve probably taken more steps this year than in any year before! It’s become a habit to walk in our neighborhood five or six days a week. Back in the spring, my husband was able to take off work early on Friday afternoons, and we’d find a new place to walk or hike each week. All of this has been so good for helping me keep a more positive mindset.

5. It’s nice to have online church services as an option, but there’s nothing like meeting together with fellow believers in person.

There’s something to be said, on occasion, for watching church services from the comfort of your couch. But it didn’t take long to miss gathering as a community to worship.

6. I miss traveling.

We had to cancel the cruise we had planned in June. Thankfully we did get to take more local trips, but I’m ready to plan something bigger!

7. I can survive a vacation rental house with mice and a snake.

So yeah, on one of those trips we took, we found a snake on the indoor stairs leading from one level of the house to the next. And a mouse (or likely more than one) was seen on all three levels at different times by all four of us! Safe to say that’s one VRBO we won’t be staying at again!!

8. I didn’t always appreciate “normal” like I should have.

Normal was going to basketball games in a packed gym. It was counting on there being school tomorrow, not wondering if too many COVID cases would close it down. I don’t know what “normal” will look like going forward, but I hope I remember to be grateful for it!

9. Heaven is an even sweeter place the more it’s populated by people I love.

No question – to see Jesus is the ultimate joy of Heaven! Yet every year, more people that I know and love are going there. I have two children there, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and now my dad. As much as we miss him, what a blessing that he got to spend 2020 in Heaven!

10. I don’t know what 2021 will bring, but I pray that it leads me closer to Jesus.

We certainly hope it will be a better year in terms of fewer restrictions and COVID issues. But as my brother mentioned in his sermon on Sunday, any year that sees us growing spiritually is a good one. May the choices that we make in the year ahead cause us to grow in our faith.

What lessons has 2020 taught you? Do any of these ring true with you? Let me know in the comments or via e-mail.

In Friday’s e-mail, I’ll share the top ten most popular blog posts from Girls to Grow for the past year. If you’re not subscribed to e-mail updates, click here to sign up.

Wishing each of you a very happy and blessed New Year!!

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Celebrate Christmas in Your Heart

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Christmas is almost here. The tree in the living area is starting to drop a few needles. Most of the presents are already wrapped, which is actually early for me! And while I hope we’ve been thinking about the reason for the season all month long, now is the time to fully turn our thoughts to the true meaning of Christmas.

Maybe the outward trappings of Christmas have grabbed our attention. The carols and shopping and decorations and presents and holiday treats are a fun part of the season. But let’s take time over the next couple of days to meditate on what Jesus’ birth means to us.

In other words, how can we celebrate Christmas in our hearts? How do we move from the noise around us to quiet reflections inside us? Here are five truths we can focus on.

Five truths about Jesus to focus on as we prepare our hearts for Christmas

A redeemer has come.

The one promised way back in Genesis finally made His appearance.

But when the fulness of the time was come, God sent forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law, To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons. ~Galatians 4:4-5

At the right time, in the right place, and to the right woman, our Redeemer was born. Jesus bought us back. We were His by creation, then separated from Him by sin. He paid the penalty for our sin, and made us His once more.

A Savior is born.

We couldn’t save ourselves.

And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins. ~Matthew 1:21

We couldn’t work our way or pay our way out of the punishment we deserved for our sin. But Jesus, the perfect God-man, came to earth with the mission of saving us from eternal destruction.

He became like us.

Jesus left the glory of Heaven to become a man.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us… ~John 1:14

God took on a body of flesh. Jesus lived within the confines of a human that He might fulfill the Father’s plan to restore mankind to fellowship with Him.

Jesus is God’s expression of His love for us.

We need never ask how much God loves us.

In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. ~1 John 4:9-10

What greater gift could we receive than that which God provided by sending His only Son to die for our sins? We didn’t initiate the relationship; God did, because of His great love.

Jesus, babe in the manger, will one day reign as king.

He will be a just and righteous leader.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder…Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over his kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore… ~Isaiah 9:6-7

Not only do we have the blessings of today, but we have a bright future ahead! One day, Christ will reign over all the earth. The baby we remember at Christmas will be the one we worship as Lord and King.

As we prepare our hearts for Christmas, may we thank God for the precious gift of His Son. We are all unworthy of the gift. Yet if we accept that Son as our Savior, we are redeemed and assured of an eternal home with Him.

Whatever your celebrating looks like in this year of Covid, I want to wish you and those you love a very Merry Christmas! May you feel the peace and joy that only God can give (and that a virus can’t take away!) Then, just as you pass out other gifts, take that joy and peace and share it with others.

Merry Christmas!!

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It’s a Storyline Through Time, Waiting on God

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Happy week before Christmas!!

December continues to fly by here. Our college daughter took her last final exam online this week. Today is the last day of school for our high school senior before her two-week holiday break.

In these days leading up to Christmas, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to wait. As we move through Advent, I remember Mary, mother of Jesus. How she must have waited eagerly for the birth of her promised son! Israel as a nation had been waiting hundreds of years for their Messiah to come. Individuals like Simeon and Anna in Luke 2 were waiting for the fulfillment of a promise God had made long ago.

If you’re like me, your 2020 has had some waiting seasons in it. Even now we wait to see what will happen with the COVID vaccine. We wonder how long it will be before we can ditch the masks, travel freely, and return to “life before COVID.”

Recently I’ve found myself in a particular situation of my own that I’d like to see resolved. But it’s going to require some waiting. As I continued my recent Bible study in Psalms, I came to this verse which reminded me to make God the focus of all my waiting.

“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.” ~Psalm 62:5

Waiting on God is worth it. Waiting on another person to deliver me or on some plan I’ve concocted to fix everything isn’t. It doesn’t take long for me to exhaust my own resources. My plans get derailed and none of my efforts to resolve things work out. Other people may try to help, but God is the only one who can truly provide what I need.

And doesn’t our faith grow stronger as we wait? If everything happened on our schedule, how would we learn to trust? Yet when we see God’s faithfulness time and time again on our behalf, we get a little bit bolder at claiming His promises while we patiently wait.

I’m looking forward to 2021, to starting a new year. But flipping a calendar won’t fix my problems. No, my hope is found in God. I can expect all that God has in store for me next year to be good for me because He is good.

If you’re waiting for something today – a relationship to be repaired, a situation to be resolved, wisdom and guidance for a big decision – turn your focus on God. Expect Him to answer your prayer, to deliver on His promises just as He did for Mary, for Israel, for Simeon, and for Anna.

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20 Things I’ve Learned in 20 Years of Parenting

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Our older daughter turned 20 last week. Yikes, y’all! On one hand, I ask, “Where has the time gone?” On the other, I feel so very blessed to have walked with our children as they’ve grown to be the almost-adults they are today.

As I reflected over these 20 years of parenting, I came up with 20 lessons I’ve learned. There’s some hard-won wisdom that comes with all this parenting experience! And I know there’s even more I’ll be learning in this new stage of life as we parent young adults.

Twenty lessons I've learned in twenty years of parenting

1. Parenting teaches us just as much about ourselves as it does about our children.

It’s shown me my lack of patience and my love of myself. Parenting has also revealed how much I like to be in control…and the fact that I really control very little when it comes to my children.

2. I’ll always love my children, but there are days I may not like them.

In the middle of a day filled with a child’s defiance or her attitude that constantly needs adjusting, I may feel like I deserve a serious break from my kids! Those days, while not easy, are to be expected. But I will always love my daughters and want what is best for them.

3. Having mom friends in the same stage of parenting is invaluable.

I’ve felt like a certain stage of parenting is making me crazy, like surely no one else has the same struggles with their child that I do with mine. But then I sit and talk with another mom and am reassured that I’m not the only one dealing with those issues. It’s comforting and encouraging to realize that other moms are in the same boat!

4. There’s no feeling like watching your child perform or compete in something they enjoy.

I have loved watching our girls at basketball games, cheer competitions, and fine arts performances. It’s one of the things I’ll really miss when our younger daughter graduates from high school in June.

5. I can’t parent well without God’s wisdom.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. God’s promise in James 1:5 to give wisdom liberally to those who ask for it has been a lifesaver in my years of parenting teens. There are many times when I haven’t know what to do or how to respond in a situation. Yet God keeps His promise and gives wisdom.

6. I’m so blessed to have a husband who parents with me.

He is so wise and sees situations from more of a long-term perspective than I do. It’s helpful to have someone who knows and loves our children as much as I do to speak into their lives. It also give me a great admiration for single mothers who have to handle parenting duties alone.

7. Children are sinners who sin…just like their mother.

I can tend to expect perfection which no one can live up to. I never wanted to be the parent who told the teacher, “My child would never lie/cheat/steal/say a bad word.” Because we’re all tempted, and sometimes we give in. This doesn’t mean that we make excuses for our children, but we recognize that they will sin and then deal with it when it happens.

8. Those siblings who fight like cats and dogs can eventually become great friends.

We had plenty of bickering in our house over the years. And do our girls get along perfectly now? Not every minute. But they FaceTime and text when they’re apart. They choose to go Black Friday shopping together. And whenever our college daughter comes home, they’ll stay up for hours catching up on each other’s lives – having actually invited their sister into their bedroom!

9. I am not my child’s Holy Spirit.

I can’t make my child ask Jesus to be her Savior. Neither can I force her to grow in her walk with God. I can teach her about God’s Word and expose her to what I believe, but ultimately, the choices she makes about her faith have to be her own.

10. Every child is different.

This is an obvious one, but so important. Each child responds differently to correction. One needs more boundaries or words of encouragement or physical touch. An interesting part of parenting is getting to know each child as an individual.

11. Prayer is an invaluable resource.

I can take everything to God in prayer – my child’s health, friendships (or lack thereof), habits, struggles, attitudes, decisions, and anything and everything else. God is in control. He can give me peace and help my child.

12. Biting your tongue is a valuable parenting skill.

This applies to interacting with your 15-year-old who knows it all. Rather than launch into a lecture when they’re spouting off about something, it’s often helpful to use phrases like, “You could be right.”

But it also applies to younger children. When correcting our girls, I’ve been guilty of going on and on instead of just getting to the point. That’s especially valuable when dealing with one of our daughters who definitely appreciates a direct approach!

13. Traditions are a fun part of family culture.

I actually wish I’d created more traditions when our children were young, but I treasure the ones we have! For example, we go out to eat and then walk on the beach the Saturday evening before Mother’s Day. An early Christmas Eve dinner at home is followed by a drive to downtown Charleston and dessert at Kaminsky’s Dessert Cafe.

Some traditions have to change over the years, but I’m already looking forward to adding some new ones as our girls move into the next stage of life.

14. Reading aloud to my children was a great use of my time.

I know that not everyone loves to read, but it’s a pastime I so enjoyed sharing with our daughters. When they were little, we’d read books before nap time and at bedtime…and at other random times during the day. Introducing them to books that were my childhood favorites (and getting to re-read them myself) was a great pleasure during their younger years. And sometimes reading books together opens the door to discussing valuable life lessons.

15. Being a stay-at-home mom is a luxury…and also hard.

Not everyone has the option to stay home with their children during the workday. I’m so grateful for a husband who’s supported me in that – and has also been willing to listen to me unload about all that happened at the end of the day! Because 24/7 with two little ones – or two older ones! – can be a challenge. But I wouldn’t trade the years I’ve had with our girls for anything.

16. Start teaching them to handle issues for themselves at an early age.

In other words, don’t step in every time there’s an argument with a friend. Try to get them to work it out on their own. Explain to them how to address a teacher if they have a question about their grade or need to talk about something that happened in class. There certainly may be times you need to get involved, but try to make that the exception, not the norm.

17. Not every parenting hill is worth dying on.

I found this to be true whether it was my toddler or my teen. Put simply, choose your battles.

18. When they hurt, I hurt.

It can be a broken friendship, not making the team, or some other disappointment that brings on tears or hurt feelings. Because it effects them so deeply, I hurt with and for them. And I’m finding this doesn’t change, not matter how old they get.

19. Other people who pour into my kids are one of life’s greatest blessings.

Teachers, coaches, babysitters, piano teachers, or youth pastors – the list of people who can influence our kids for good is long. We have been blessed to have many of these in our daughters’ lives over the years.

20. Children are a gift from God and bring much joy to our lives.

There have been some really hard days of parenting. But what a gift that God gives us precious lives to steward for Him…and in the process gives us relationships that bless us over and over again all throughout our lives.

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Giving Thanks in a Year That Went Sideways

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At the beginning of 2020, none of us could have predicted how this year would unfold. Who could have foreseen a worldwide pandemic that shut down schools and many businesses, confined us all to our homes for a long period of time, and emptied store shelves of toilet paper and cleaning products?

Throw in some major hurricanes, wildfires, protests, and a contentious election season, not to mention the personal ups and downs we’ve all experienced. It’s certainly been a year we’ll talk about for a long time to come.

Yet here we are. It’s Thanksgiving. Maybe the celebration of the season looks different for our families than any other year, or even what we expected a month ago. So can we give thanks in a year that caught us by surprise and delivered more than its share of disappointment and devastation? Yes, yes we can.

Here are eight things we can be thankful for no matter what 2020 has brought us.

8 things we can be thankful for in 2020, a year full of unsettling and unexpected experiences

1. God is faithful.

“Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;” ~Deuteronomy 7:9

Our God still meets our needs and even gives us many of our wants. He has not left us to figure out our way through the mess alone. He is ever present and always acts according to His character.

2. His Word never changes.

We learned a little about change in 2020, didn’t we? Yet what the Bible said on January 1st is still true on November 25th.

“The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand for ever.” ~Isaiah 40:8

3. We were able to learn new lessons about God and ourselves in 2020.

We may not have chosen this particular method of instruction, but we learned lessons nonetheless! Perhaps we learned to trust God more or made an effort to reach out to others in new ways. Maybe we developed a positive new habit or grew closer in our family relationships. Even though they’re hard, challenging times can help us mature.

4. We can always find hope in God’s promises.

There were some days this year that I needed a healthy dose of hope! I’m always encouraged when I remind myself of God’s promises. And praying those promises blesses my soul, too!

5. His mercies are new every morning.

“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” ~Lamentation 3:22-23

We’ve been through some uncertain days, but His mercy hasn’t failed. We don’t know what tomorrow looks like, but He does, and will provide whatever mercy is needed.

6. As Christians, our life here on earth is as bad as it gets for us.

When we know Jesus as our Savior, Heaven is our eternal home. That, my friends, is something to be thankful for!

“In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.” ~John 14:2-3

7. God hears and answers prayer.

Have you prayed more this year than you did before? There have certainly been plenty of things to talk to God about! How wonderful to know that our God hears and answers prayer.

“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.” ~ 1 John 5:14-15

8. God is good.

Do I look back over the past nine months and say they were good? No, not in the sense we think of “good.” There were some good parts, but there were also hard, sad, disappointing, fearful parts.

But because God is good, I can trust that what He’s allowed to happen is part of His overall plan. And because God is incapable of doing anything else, His plan has to be good.

“The Lord is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works.” ~Psalm 145:17

As we turn our hearts toward gratitude this Thanksgiving, let’s realize that no matter how crazy this year has been, we have much to be thankful for!

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How to Give Your Teenage Daughter Her Independence

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Can I go to the mall with some friends on Saturday?

What time do I have to be home after the game?

Do I still have to text you when I get where I’m going?

How old do I have to be to…(go on a date/ride in a car with a friend who just got her license/take a three-hour road trip with friends/etc, etc, etc)?

My husband and I have been asked some version of these questions – and many others! – over the last five years. In two weeks, our daughters will be 20 and 18. We are definitely still in the process of giving our girls their independence!

Today I’m sharing eleven things we’re learning as we go through this process. I’ll likely need to update it in another few years! And since I’m a girl mom, that’s my perspective here. But I think many of these apply to teenage sons as well.

Check out these eleven tips we moms can use as we allow our teen daughters to make their own decisions and become independent adults.

1. Cover your daughter in prayer.

Let’s start with the absolute most important thing! Pray for your daughter. God has brought us to this point in our parenting. He is the one we can trust to walk with our children through whatever these teen and young adult years hold.

Our Heavenly Father, who loves our daughters even more than we do, is always with them, even when we are not. His Holy Spirit can work in their lives and guide them when we cannot. Let’s continually pray that they will be open to His leading. (Here are three prayers based on Scripture that we can pray as we’re learning to let go of our teenagers.)

2. Get wisdom.

Go to your Bible. Read passages about the wise and the foolish in Proverbs. Look for Scriptural principles that will help you make good decisions. Ask counsel from older moms you respect who have already walked through this season of life.

And while we pray for our daughters, let’s also pray for ourselves. Ask God to grant us wisdom to release them in a way that will honor Him and be good for our girls.

3. Give independence a little at a time.

It’s like learning to drive. You start out in a large, empty parking lot. Then it’s on to quiet, neighborhood streets, followed by slightly busier roads, a four-lane highway, and finally the interstate!

This applies to many areas from having cell phones to participating in certain activities to how often they can go out with friends. Don’t throw them in the deep end, so to speak. Slowly allow them to have more privileges…once you’ve dealt with number four.

4. Have some definite boundaries that don’t change.

These will vary based on your family and situation. But whatever you determine your boundaries are, communicate them clearly to your teenager. It could be a curfew, rules about driving, or places they’re not allowed to go alone.

Even though our children likely won’t understand, we can explain that we’ve set these boundaries for their own protection. Also share how you’re feeling about the letting go process and challenge them to build trust by following the guidelines you’ve set.

5. Base privileges on her level of responsibility.

In our married life, my husband and I have owned one dog. We had her until right before our now 17-year-old daughter was born. Since then, for various reasons, we’ve never had a pet.

However, when our college freshman daughter came home because of the pandemic back in March, she bought a fish. (That counts as a pet, right??) Now she’s preparing to come home between semesters and wants to bring the hamster she and her roommate currently have. Because she regularly took care of that fish (meaning I never smelled anything weird in her room, which is my litmus test), we don’t have a problem with that.

That’s a minor example, but you get the point. As our daughters prove themselves able to handle a little independence, we give them more.

6. Let her make some decisions on her own.

How late can she stay up at night? Can she sleep in on Saturday and skip that extra sports practice? At some point, she has to work out in her mind if she would rather get that extra sleep or deal with the consequence of not getting to start in the game because she missed practice. I’m good at trying to impose what I think she should do, but at a certain age, she needs to own her decisions.

You can feel pretty good about yourself as a parent when they make what you deem is the right decision. However, you’ll remain humble because…

7. Know that she’ll likely mess up a time or two.

You’ve given her a curfew and she’s late. You told her to text you when she was leaving her friend’s house, and she forgot. We’re not perfect and neither are they. I heard someone say recently, “As parents, we’re just sinners raising sinners.” It’s okay to give grace occasionally, but…

8. Allow natural consequences to happen.

If her poor decision has repercussions, don’t rescue her from them. I think the lesson is most effective if it’s a natural consequence, but that doesn’t always happen. If you’ve agreed that a certain restriction will be enforced for a particular action, follow through.

9. Maintain some oversight until she’s proven she can handle her independence.

Our children build trust by being responsible. One easy example is cell phones. While we haven’t managed them perfectly, we tried to guide our girls by maintaining the ability to check their texts or monitor their Instagram account, especially as they were starting out. As they handled those things well, we felt there was less of a need to oversee it. However, that would change if they were misusing their phones.

10. Have frequent conversations about how her decisions now can impact her future.

Teenagers tend to live in the moment, so it’s up to us as the adults to help them think long-term. Now she’s likely not going to be excited about these conversations, but bring them up anyway – especially when she’s a captive audience, like when you’re in the car together or eating out at a restaurant.

11. Be excited with her as she experiences new milestones.

The first time each of our daughters drove off in the car by herself, I was a nervous wreck! I prayed from the time they left the driveway until they got back home!! Yet they were each thrilled with the independence that came from driving, so I made sure to be excited with them.

Offer your love, support, and encouragement. After all, this is what we’ve been working toward all these years. What a blessing to see our daughters growing up, learning to be independent, and stepping into all that God has for their future!

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7 Helpful Tips for Navigating a Season of Change

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If there’s anything 2020 has handed us, it’s been opportunities to adjust to changes!

These adjustments have looked different for everyone over the past nine months. Our latest one involves our younger daughter. She’d been attending in-person classes at her high school for most of the first nine weeks of the school year. However, due to several students and teachers testing positive for COVID recently, she’s now in the midst of two weeks of Zoom classes before hopefully returning to school on Monday. We’d settled into the school year routine fairly well, and then…change.

Change takes many forms.  It can be the literal seasons, a season of life (I’m looking at you, empty nest years!), a new job, a move, adding a family member, or a lot of other scenarios.

Over the years, the seven tips listed below have been helpful as I navigated uncertain periods of life.

Check out these seven tips we can use to help keep us focused and growing during a season of change.

1.  Have a basic routine. 

A routine can be as simple as waking up and getting dressed at the same time each morning. Planning the first hour of the day by scheduling Bible time or exercise or a particular household chore can be helpful.  I remember one mom saying that the first activity of her day was emptying the dishwasher of clean dishes so it was ready to be filled with dirty ones as the day progressed.

I find that anchoring my morning with just two or three essential activities gives me a sense of control for the day. You can find guidance on building simple morning routines at Kat Lee’s site Hello Mornings. Once life gets back to a more predictable pattern, you can add other details back into your schedule. But in the meantime, set yourself up for success by establishing a basic routine.

2.  Put relationships first. 

Since I’m task-oriented, following a routine is fairly easy for me. And while that’s important because it gives a rhythm to my days, I can skip connecting with the people around me.  If we’re talking about family members, they’re likely experiencing change in some form right along with us. Are we taking the time to acknowledge their needs?

We may have to be purposeful about sitting down to a meal together or going out for coffee. Often, in a season of change, we can be distracted or feel like there’s not enough time to get everything done. That’s why we have to focus on our relationships and make maintaining them a priority.

3.  Keep to-do-lists short. 

Figure out what actually has to get done each day.  We can easily get overwhelmed in an unsettled situation. Having a manageable list of tasks to accomplish can keep us from getting discouraged. It can also give us focus when we don’t know what to do next.

The Lazy Genius has an interesting podcast episode called What Is Your List-Making Personality? (You can also read it as a PDF here.) Most of us feel a sense of accomplishment when we can check a piece of paper (or our phones) at the end of the day and see what we actually completed.

4.  Be flexible. 

Remember up there when I said routines are my friend? Flexibility is not. 🙂 Change is all about situations that are in flux, so be willing to adjust plans as needed. Again, 2020 has allowed us to practice this over and over again.

Be patient with yourselves and others when plans or situations change. Know that there’s a time and a season for everything…but we can’t always do all the things right now.

5.  Simplify. 

Make simple meals, wear clothes that don’t require ironing, do only essential cleaning.  Keep your schedule as free as possible so you can deal with unexpected situations that arise.

I often enjoy Emily P. Freeman’s podcast The Next Right Thing. She helps listeners tackle just the very next decision that needs to be made rather than looking ahead to what’s farther down the road.

6.  Pray. 

In seasons of change, this should actually top the list!  Ask for God’s wisdom and help with your current circumstances. When I’m overwhelmed, I find comfort in basing my prayers on the Psalms.

We’re all familiar with Philippians 4:6-7. When life’s uncertain, let’s really grab hold of God’s promise of peace as we bypass worry and take our requests to Him.

7.  Give yourself grace.

Many days don’t go as planned.  That’s okay! 

Stop. Let go of the frustration. Take a minute to count your blessings. Realize that eventually, life will return to some sort of normal. Until then, don’t expect everything to function just like before.

Seasons of change help us grow.  We often get a new perspective and are able to re-evaluate what’s most important in our lives. Change can be scary, but hopefully these tips can help us handle it a bit more calmly!

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