Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

6 Quotes About Friends for Our Teenagers

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As I go through the process of parenting two teenage girls, I’ve found something I often heard to be true.  Friends play a big part in their lives. 

While I believe that the most important influence continues to be us as parents, their friends can either help or hinder what we’re trying to teach our children during these years.

As with every area of their lives, the most important thing we can do is to pray over their friendships.  I pray almost daily that our girls will have wisdom and discernment in their relationships.  I desire for them to have strong, life-giving friendships with those who will be loyal, honest, and loving.  Most of all, I want them to be surrounded by peers who will encourage them to grow in their relationship with Christ.

Below are six quotes, wisdom from others, that I want to pass along to my daughters as they consider how to be and how to find good friends.

Here's wisdom we can pass along to our teenagers as they evaluate their friendships.

1.  “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”  ~Proverbs 18:24. 

With our oldest daughter heading off to a college where she doesn’t have close friends, she’ll be in a position to reach out in friendship to others.  And if/when loneliness starts to creep in, I want her to realize that Jesus will always be her closest friend.  In fact, He can meet needs in her that no friend, no matter how close, ever can.

2.  “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”  ~Henry Ford  

A true friend makes us a better person. It’s good to ask, “Am I blessed and encouraged when I’m with this friend, or do I feel ‘less-than’ or discouraged after we’ve been together?”

Conversely, ask “Am I able to help my friend grow and shine through the way I treat her?”

3.  “Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.”  ~Khalil Gibran  

View friendships through the lens of what you can give to others, not what you can get from them. Be the friend you would like to have.

4.  “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”  ~George Washington  

It takes time to build trust, so be careful who you share your deepest thoughts and feelings with. Be just as careful to keep the trust that is given to you by a friend.

I’ve heard it said that you will only have a few truly close friends throughout your lifetime. Treasure those people with whom you can build lasting relationships!

5. “Never do a wrong thing to make a friend or to keep one.” ~Robert E. Lee

A true friend will not ask you to do anything that he or she knows goes against your beliefs. Don’t let peer pressure cause you to act foolishly. Remember Proverbs 13:20. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

6.  “When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character.”  ~W. Somerset Maugham

Value those who are true to themselves and who live in a way that is God-honoring. It’s easy to be attracted to those who are popular or funny, but make sure they are also good, kind people.

I think it goes without saying that these truths apply to our adult friendships as well! Good friends can be a blessing in the lives of our teenagers and in our lives, too.

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Saturday Salutes ~ Planning for the School Year, College Drop Off, and Beloved Picture Books

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Our daughters and I are making the last trip of the summer to spend a few days with my family out-of-state. We’ll be back for the girls to have a few more “sleep-in” mornings before our youngest starts school on August 19th. I know it’s cliched, but seriously, where has the summer gone??

Some weeks I have to dig for posts to share here, but this week I found some really good ones just in my regular blog browsing.

You know this post is right up my alley – College Drop Off: How to Handle this Gut-Wrenching Milestone.

Lisa shares A Mom’s Guide to a Great School Year.

Elizabeth writes Who You Are Is Not Outside You…and 17 Other Things I Want My High School Daughter to Know.

Jennifer has a great list of books in her post Every Child Will Treasure These Beloved Picture Books.

Arleen tells us Why You Should Stop Hitting the Snooze.

You might be surprised by what Jennifer says is The Homemaker’s Best Friend.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

8 Ways to Know if We Have Godly Wisdom

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We’ve all learned (hopefully long ago!) that there are plenty of things money can’t buy. I mean, I think we’d rather have money than not! But no amount of cash can purchase real love, more time, good health, lasting peace, or a host of other things.

The older I get, the more I value wisdom. Parenting teenagers has shown me more than anything else how valuable wisdom is! It’s something that’s so important to have, yet it can’t be bought.

As Christian moms, we desire Godly wisdom. But how do we know if the wisdom we have is actually Godly wisdom? I think James 3:17 defines it well.

“But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”

I thought it might be helpful if we examined each of these characteristics a little further. If our wisdom is Godly, it will have these eight traits.

1. Pure

True wisdom lines up with what the Bible says. It doesn’t have any sinful thinking mixed in. It’s faithful to the truth found in God’s Word.

2. Peaceable

True wisdom isn’t contentious or angry. We know from James 3:14, 15 that those are characteristics of earthly wisdom. Instead, Godly wisdom is willing to sacrifice – not the truth – but our own preferences and strong opinions.

3. Gentle

Does the wisdom we believe we have manifest itself in kindness? Godly wisdom is calm and rational. I would say that it always has the best interest of others at its core.

4. Approachable

The phrase originally used here is “easy to be intreated.” In other words, true wisdom isn’t stubborn or unyielding. Rather it’s characterized by meekness and patience.

5. Merciful

It should go without saying that wisdom that comes from God will be full of mercy. How blessed we are to have a merciful God! And just as He has pity and compassion on us, Godly wisdom will lead us to have the same for others. No grudges are held; instead, forgiveness is offered in abundance.

6. Fruitful

It makes sense that Godly wisdom would produce good fruit. Wisdom is generous, not selfish. Just like fruit, real wisdom is constructive, helpful, and worthwhile.

7. Impartial

True wisdom doesn’t discriminate. James already dealt with this in chapter 2, verse 9. He says that if we have respect of persons, we’re in sin. God’s wisdom applies to everyone equally, regardless of their wealth, race, gender, etc.

8. Sincere

This seems like a simple one to grasp. There’s no place in wisdom for hypocrisy. Rather, it should be transparent, without a hidden motive or agenda, not deceitful.

We need wisdom in every area of our lives. Thankfully God promises to give it to those who recognize they need it and ask for it in faith. [James 1:5]

Since I referenced parenting earlier in this post, let’s see how these eight tests could apply in a specific situation. Maybe my teenager asks to do something, and I’m not sure whether to allow it or not.

First, I look for a principle in God’s Word to give me guidance. I believe as we pray and ask for the Holy Spirit’s help, He can direct us.

Then I talk through my decision with that child calmly, whether it’s a yes or a no, allowing them to ask questions and express an opinion as long as it’s done respectfully.

And if the answer isn’t what they wanted, I can empathize, without changing what I’ve decided. I let her know that I want good things for her life. And if I’m expecting her to live up to a certain standard, I’d better be doing the same myself!

God is the author of all wisdom. If we want that wisdom, we need to fear Him [Proverbs 9:10], ask Him for wisdom [James 1:5], and believe that He will give it to us.

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Five Thoughts to Encourage the Mom (aka Me) Who’s Sending a Child Off to College

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When August 1st arrived, I knew it was real. The countdown to dropping our oldest daughter off at college was on and moving fast.

I’m processing lots of feelings and emotions over here…which I’m sure is delightful for everyone around me! In the midst of that, I’m gathering encouragement for when that day arrives.

These five thoughts are helping me so far. And while my situation deals with college separation, it could also apply to a child starting any new phase of life.

1. God’s not done with your child…and He’s not done with you.

We see our children the way they are today, 18 and 16-years-old, in my case. And while much about them might be wonderful, they still have a lot of maturing to do. When I think back to how I was at 18, I’m glad I’ve grown up some more since then!

I love the words of Paul in Philippians 1:6. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.“

Not only will God continue to perfect His work in our children, but He will do the same for us as parents. This change in our family situation will give me more opportunities to trust Him and grow my faith – especially since our daughter will be almost 600 miles away.

2. It’s okay to feel sad about the “lasts,” but make time to celebrate the “firsts.”

Process the feelings of sadness. They’re natural and okay. But also have fun buying for and decorating her dorm room (or book bag or school locker). Put together a care package with some of her favorite things and be ready to send it at the first sign of homesickness.

Endings usually lead to new beginnings. One of my favorite verses about the changing seasons of life is Isaiah 42:19. “Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.“

Even when change is hard, there’s always room for God to do a new thing. Let’s look ahead to the good things in store for us and for our child.

3. Remember that God never fails.

Change doesn’t mean that God leaves you or walks away. In fact, sometimes we recognize Him more in the difficult times.

“My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.” ~Psalm 73:26

I remember the season of new motherhood. I had no idea what to do with a baby. Yet through the sleepless nights, high fevers, terrible-two tantrums, middle school drama, and teenage disappointments, God has guided me as a mom to this daughter. He will continue to do so.

Not only will He not fail me, He won’t fail my daughter. I’m excited to think about the lessons she will learn about God’s faithfulness in the coming months.

4. This too shall pass.

My husband and I have said this about several stages in our children’s lives!

At first, I’ll cry when I drive past the Chick-fil-a where she’s worked for the last 2 1/2 years. I already dread walking back into the house after college drop off and seeing her empty bedroom. It won’t ever be the same again, but there will be a new normal.

“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” ~1 Peter 5:10

I might not classify this situation as suffering, but I do know that God can use it to continue to grow us. We’ll learn lessons through this adjustment, and move on to what God has for us next.

5. Other moms are walking this same road.

There’s comfort in shared experiences. I have a number of friends who’ve either just come through this stage, are in the middle of it, or are beginning it just like me. We all experience it differently, as do our kids, based on personalities and expectations. However, it’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone in this.

“Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.” ~Proverbs 27:9

If any of you have already passed this milestone, I’d love to hear what advice was most helpful to you!

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ God’s Plans, Calming Psalms, and a Reading Update

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Much has happened in the last couple of weeks! My husband and I celebrated our 28th anniversary on July 27th. Our daughters have been away at camp all this week, so we took a quick overnight trip to Kiawah Island. It’s been nice to have time for just the two of us!

Now I’m ready to welcome our girls back home this afternoon. It’s only three weeks until we drop our oldest off for her freshman year at college. I’m trying to process all that while preparing our youngest for her junior year of high school which starts on August 19th.

Here are some helpful posts I found over the past few weeks.

Jennifer asks Are Your Deadlines Flexible to God’s Plans?

Briana lists 4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Prune Away What Hinders Growth.

Danielle gives us 7 Psalms to Help Calm Anxiety.

Chelsia shares 5 Ways to Be Supportive of a Spouse Who Travels for Work.

And if you plan to travel with your children, Cori has Our Favorite Things to Do in NYC in the Summer with Kids.

Here’s an update on the books I’ve finished lately.

Both of my non-fiction books were re-reads. The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman and Give Them Wings by Carol Kuykendall and Krista Gilbert were just what I need for the month ahead!

I read two fiction books. Effective Immediately was the third book in The Agency Series by Chautona Havig. I really enjoyed Love Starts with Elle by Rachel Hauck.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

This post may contain affiliate links, which means that if you click on a product link and make a purchase, I’ll receive a small percentage from any sales.  This does not affect your price in any way.

Who Knows Your Name?

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I was in Starbucks recently, and after taking my order, the cashier asked for my name. I told her it was Tracey, and she asked, “Is that with an ‘-ey?”

Surprised that she guessed correctly, I told her yes, and mentioned that most people just spell it “Tracy.” Having it misspelled, especially by people who don’t know me, is not a big deal. However, it’s nice when someone does take the time to find out how to spell it right.

When it comes to the names of Bible characters, there are many we know well. Even non-church-attenders recognize names like Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, and Jonah.

While reading the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew chapter one, I found an interesting person mentioned in verse five.  It says, “And Salmon begat Booz [Boaz] of Rachab [Rahab]; and Booz begat Obed of Ruth; and Obed begat Jesse;”

Rahab, Boaz, Ruth, and Jesse are all names with which I’m familiar. But never before had I noticed Salmon.  The more I considered this man, the more I realized what an interesting person he must have been.

You don't have to be a VIP to be noticed by God.

Salmon married Rahab, a known harlot from the city of Jericho. She wasn’t one of his people, the children of Israel, but a foreigner.  We have no details about the circumstances surrounding their marriage. It makes me wonder what emotions, if any, were involved. Was it love, sympathy, kindness, or some sense of duty that prompted him to take this unlikely woman as his wife?

Secondly, he was the father of Boaz.  We know nothing about Salmon’s character, but we’re told a good bit about Boaz in the book of Ruth. Boaz was a “mighty man of wealth” (Ruth 2:1), one who knew the Lord and showed compassion for those in need.  He was willing to take his rightful place as kinsman-redeemer and have Ruth for his wife.  Surely he learned some of these admirable traits from his father.   Like his father, Boaz married a woman who was an outsider.

While some Christians, today and in the past, have highly recognizable names, how many countless others have stories that are not recorded in history, yet have had a great impact for the cause of Christ? 

We know about David Livingstone and Amy Carmichael, but how many missionaries are faithfully serving in foreign countries in relative anonymity? Men like Billy Graham have been well-known, yet there are plenty of wonderful preachers who have never spoken to a large crowd.

Whether it’s an elderly widow who prays unceasingly for others, a young mother who spends her days pouring into the lives of her children, or a Christian businessman who has a vibrant testimony at work, God knows all about each one of them.

I’m thankful for the reminder Salmon is to us. We know so little about him, yet he’s listed in the genealogy of Jesus. In the same way, you and I don’t need to be well-known or full of talent to fulfill our place in God’s plan.  We don’t have to score hundreds of likes on Instagram or maintain a large platform to share the message of the gospel.

There’s nothing wrong with those things if that’s where God has put us. But our task is to surrender to His will, trusting that He knows how to work in our lives what is best for His kingdom. We just need to be faithful to do what He has called us to do.

So if you think that what you’re accomplishing today is small or unimportant, be encouraged by Salmon. None of us go unnoticed by God.

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Saturday Salutes ~ Growing in Faith, Hard Parenting Tips, and Cheap Summer Activities

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It’s the weekend again! I realized this week that my younger daughter begins her junior year of high school one month from yesterday. I’m trying not to let that get lost in the shuffle of college preparations for our oldest!

In the meantime, we’re fitting a lot into this final month of summer…including some family badminton matches. We have a set similar to this one that’s held up well so far in our backyard.

I didn’t intend to have so many parenting posts in this roundup, but that’s what I found this past week.

Ayanna has suggestions for Why You Are Not Growing in Your Faith.

If you have teen or young adult children, I highly recommend you read Lisa’s 7 of the Hardest Parenting Tips You Will Ever Need.

Nancy shares 3 Choices Your Teen Needs to Make Every Day.

Lara lists 7 Things Your Strong-Willed Child Needs from You.

Mary shows us 10 Kids’ Summer Activities Using Dollar Tree Items.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

(This post may contain affiliate links, which means that if you click on a product link and make a purchase, I’ll receive a small percentage from any sales.  This does not affect your price in any way.)

Three Sentences Our Children Should Learn to Say

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When our daughters were young, I often had to prompt them to say “thank you” or coach them in other proper responses. I’m sure I asked the typical “What do you say?” when they’d get candy or a toy from someone until I was even tired of hearing myself!

Maybe you’ve done the same with your kids. So why do we do that? Yes, we want them to appear to be civilized human beings with good manners. But I think we want more than that. I think we want those feelings that we’re trying to force them to express to become a natural part of who they are.

In the beginning, when they say those certain phrases, it’s just an automated response that’s usually lacking the desired emotion. But we can begin training them early to actually think about how they’re interacting with other people.

There are typically plenty of opportunities to practice these sentences at home. Using them with parents and siblings provides a great training ground for learning to use them in public.

1. Thank you.

An attitude of gratitude goes a long way in life. Whether expressing appreciation for a gift or a thoughtful gesture, these are the words that many of us automatically teach our kids to say.

And by the way, this doesn’t end when they get to be teenagers. We encouraged (“made”) our oldest daughter to write thank-you notes for all of the graduation gifts she received. I know that not everyone does that anymore, but I think it’s a good way to be grateful and acknowledge the giver.

2. I’m sorry; I was wrong. Please forgive me.

Okay, that’s two sentences, but you get the point. These words can be difficult to say at any age, so the earlier our children can learn to acknowledge their wrong words or actions and ask for forgiveness, the better it is.

How much you get into having your child apologize certainly depends on their age. A two-year-old who just hit another kid because he picked up the toy she was playing with probably isn’t going to understand the dynamics of saying “I’m sorry.” But talking through a situation with a six-year-old who’s learning how to empathize with others can help them understand the need to ask for forgiveness.

3. I’m happy for you.

Much of our culture promotes self-centeredness and comparison. If we can help our children learn to be excited for someone else when that person succeeds, we can potentially give them a head start on fighting those negative feelings.

I’ve mentioned before how much I love Kay Wyma’s book I’m Happy for You (Sort Of…Not Really). It addresses this issue for moms. And it reminds me that the best way to help my children learn to say these sentences is to set the example by using them myself!!

Are there other phrases you emphasize with your children? Do you have tips on helping them remember to use these words at appropriate times? Please share!

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(This post may contain affiliate links, which means that if you click on a product link and make a purchase, I’ll receive a small percentage from any sales.  This does not affect your price in any way.)

Are Daily Devotions Just Another Thing to Check Off Your List?

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Our daughters are at a teen retreat with their church youth group this week. On Sunday afternoon, they were busy doing laundry and packing for the trip.

I’ve noticed that one of them shares my list-making gene; whenever she travels, she makes a list of all that she needs to pack ahead of time. (I actually don’t ever make a packing list, but I do make lists for almost everything else! The one I’m currently working on is what this particular daughter needs for a first-aid/medical kit for college. Exciting stuff…)

It’s so satisfying for me to check the box or cross off items on a list. And unfortunately, sometimes that’s how I feel about spiritual disciplines…things like Bible reading, prayer time, Scripture memory, etc.

It’s like, “Okay, I have to get this done, then I can move on with my day.” Perhaps subconsciously I even think, “God will like me better and bless my day more if I’ve done these certain things.”

Do you ever feel that way? Maybe it’s because my personality tends to be performance-based. I feel that I’m loved when I’m “good,” when I perform in the way that’s expected of me.

Regardless, the following paragraph really resonated with me. I read it in the book The Next Right Thing by Emily P. Freeman.

“Practicing a spiritual discipline is not about trying to earn something, prove something, or win. Practicing a spiritual discipline is more about receiving power to live in the kingdom. It’s about being aware of the presence of God and putting myself there on purpose so that my character might be transformed. It’s about training my mind and my will to practice what my heart deeply believes…It’s about becoming the person I already am in Christ.”

Our purpose in spending time with Jesus each day is not to check a box or make us feel better about ourselves. It’s to know God better and to grow to be more like Jesus. I don’t want to look at it as a “have-to in order to get God’s favor” but a “get-to because fellowship with my Savior is sweet.”

I like that she uses the phrase “training my mind and my will.” We won’t always jump out of bed and be ready to dive right into God’s Word. But as we establish a habit of spending time with Him, it can become an integral part of our day.

But just because I have that daily habit doesn’t mean I’m a spiritual giant for the rest of the day. Sometimes I can get up from reading my Bible and praying and five minutes later I’m frustrated with my husband and annoyed with my kids and I think, “Well, what good did that do me? I’m still the same person that I was before.”

That’s when we have to remember that spiritual growth is a process. It’s just like when we bury a seed in the ground and wait and wait and wait for just a small sliver of green to poke through. Sometimes we grow very, very slowly. But if we’re allowing the Holy Spirit to cultivate our hearts, we can rest in knowing that “…He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.“

Since I read Emily’s quote last week, I’ve been trying to approach my time with the Lord a little differently. Instead of making it about me and getting it done, I want to make it about Him. It’s not a task to be accomplished, but a quieting of my heart and a seeking of what He would have me to learn about Him today.

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Saturday Salutes ~ Your Personal Growth, Emotional Teens, and a Yummy Brownie Recipe

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Hard to believe another week of July is behind us! It’s the height of summer heat and humidity here in South Carolina. Beyond the air conditioning, it’s all about the cut-up watermelon in the fridge, smoothies in our Ninja blender (still my favorite blender ever!) and ice cream in the freezer.

Hope you’re beating the heat wherever you are! Here are some helpful posts I’ve read this week.

Courtney reminds us This I Know – God is for You!

Ayanna tells us Why Personal Growth Should Not Be Optional.

Tricia tells us What You Really Need to Know About Emotional Teens.

We’re reminded to make the most of our summer in The Mid-Summer Happiness Hustle.

My younger daughter’s been cooking again (yay!) and this Chicken Bacon Ranch Baked Penne was another winner!

And then…these S’mores Poke Brownies…all I can say is that it’s a good thing she only has time to bake during the summer or I’d be seriously on a sugar high all the time! I’m not even a fan of marshmallows, but these were SO good.

Have a wonderful weekend!!

(This post may contain affiliate or sponsored links. All opinions expressed are my own.)