Girls To Grow

When our daughters were young, I often had to prompt them to say “thank you” or coach them in other proper responses. I’m sure I asked the typical “What do you say?” when they’d get candy or a toy from someone until I was even tired of hearing myself!

Maybe you’ve done the same with your kids. So why do we do that? Yes, we want them to appear to be civilized human beings with good manners. But I think we want more than that. I think we want those feelings that we’re trying to force them to express to become a natural part of who they are.

In the beginning, when they say those certain phrases, it’s just an automated response that’s usually lacking the desired emotion. But we can begin training them early to actually think about how they’re interacting with other people.

There are typically plenty of opportunities to practice these sentences at home. Using them with parents and siblings provides a great training ground for learning to use them in public.

1. Thank you.

An attitude of gratitude goes a long way in life. Whether expressing appreciation for a gift or a thoughtful gesture, these are the words that many of us automatically teach our kids to say.

And by the way, this doesn’t end when they get to be teenagers. We encouraged (“made”) our oldest daughter to write thank-you notes for all of the graduation gifts she received. I know that not everyone does that anymore, but I think it’s a good way to be grateful and acknowledge the giver.

2. I’m sorry; I was wrong. Please forgive me.

Okay, that’s two sentences, but you get the point. These words can be difficult to say at any age, so the earlier our children can learn to acknowledge their wrong words or actions and ask for forgiveness, the better it is.

How much you get into having your child apologize certainly depends on their age. A two-year-old who just hit another kid because he picked up the toy she was playing with probably isn’t going to understand the dynamics of saying “I’m sorry.” But talking through a situation with a six-year-old who’s learning how to empathize with others can help them understand the need to ask for forgiveness.

3. I’m happy for you.

Much of our culture promotes self-centeredness and comparison. If we can help our children learn to be excited for someone else when that person succeeds, we can potentially give them a head start on fighting those negative feelings.

I’ve mentioned before how much I love Kay Wyma’s book I’m Happy for You (Sort Of…Not Really). It addresses this issue for moms. And it reminds me that the best way to help my children learn to say these sentences is to set the example by using them myself!!

Are there other phrases you emphasize with your children? Do you have tips on helping them remember to use these words at appropriate times? Please share!

Related posts:

• How to Have Peace in Your Home
• Parenting Is Not About Making Me Look Like a Good Mom
• I Can Be Happy for You

(This post may contain affiliate links, which means that if you click on a product link and make a purchase, I’ll receive a small percentage from any sales.  This does not affect your price in any way.)

Here’s a scenario that’s happened at our house on more than occasion.  Maybe you can relate…

One of our daughters had been looking forward to something for weeks.  We got news at the last minute that it wasn’t going to work out like she’d hoped.  Actually, my husband and I knew first, and I DREADED telling her.  I knew how disappointed she was going to be.  And what if she cried???  I’m not one to cry easily, and neither are my girls, so when there are tears involved, my heart just melts.

She took it like a champ, and in the end, it all worked out okay.  But that wasn’t the first time – and certainly wasn’t the last – that she’d receive disappointing news.  Maybe our daughter won’t get the job or the invitation or the scholarship or the guy.

That particular day, I was able to share with her a disappointment that I’d experienced…because haven’t we all had our share of those moments?  Whether it’s missing an event you’ve looked forward to or not receiving something you expected to get, we’ve all known what it’s like to feel disappointment.

No one likes to be disappointed.  But learning to accept and deal with it is part of life.  And since we know that our children will face disappointment, it’s helpful if we can give them strategies for handling it.

The following is a quote by Thomas Monson.

The principles of living greatly include the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and trial with humility.

I don’t know that I’m at the point of facing disappointment with cheerfulness, but that’s a great goal to have!  Here are six tips I try to remember when walking our children through a disappointment since even our older kids get disappointed at times.

1.  Empathize.  Don’t just brush off their disappointment as no big deal.  Take time to acknowledge their feelings.  Show compassion for the situation, and let them know that you’ve suffered disappointments, too.

2.  Remind them that God knows all about it.  Gently remind them that God is in control, and has allowed this to happen.  We know that God loves us and only wants what’s best for us, so we can trust that it is in His good plans for us.

Do this on an age-appropriate level; it will likely be a shorter conversation with younger kids.  Since my daughters are teenagers, we can really get into a discussion on this – and I did with a daughter who recently faced disappointment.  Let your child know that we can talk to God about this disappointment, and hopefully see it as a way God is growing our trust in Him.

3.  Allow some time to grieve the disappointment.  I’m not talking about whining and pouting or allowing it to drag on for hours.  But even as an adult, I need a few minutes to adjust my thinking and try to get back into a positive mindset when I’ve had a sudden change of plans or gotten disappointing news.  Taking a little while to reframe the situation and adjust our attitudes is helpful.

4.  Think of something new to anticipate.  Part of maturing is learning to bounce back from disappointments.  Once they’ve had a little time to grieve, help them think of something else to look forward to.

With younger children, maybe there’s a distraction, or something fun you can do instead.  Take the focus off of the current situation and begin to look forward to another outing, activity, etc.  Or a good strategy for any situation is to come up with a list of things to be grateful for.

5.  Set a good example.  When you suffer a disappointment, deal with it as you would want your children to do.  Seeing how you handle these situations can help your children as well.

6.  Don’t try to shield your child from ever feeling disappointed.  Disappointment is a fact of life.  We’ll all experience it on multiple occasions.  Helping your child learn to deal with it well will help them as they go through life.  I’d rather them learn now how to handle it rather than have to do it by themselves when they’ve left our home.

Going through disappointments helps our children realize that there are things in life that can be changed and there are those that can’t.  And here’s where my dad’s wise, age-old advice comes in handy.

Attitude is everything.

Adjusting our attitude as we manage our disappointments gives us the capacity to live life greatly!

Do you have other suggestions for handling disappointment?

Related posts:

• When You’re Parenting a Teen Girl, and It’s One of Those Days
• 7 Life Lessons Our Child is Learning from Team Sports
• 3 Parenting Truths for Those Tough Days

While our weather here feels like it’s been summer for a while, I realize the actual season just began last week! Our family is at the point where it feels like we’re actually in summer rather than “just-finished-school” mode.

Summer looks different when your kids are working and driving themselves wherever they want to go. I’m not required to be as hands-on with them as in previous years, but we’re definitely on a different schedule and I have to be a lot more flexible with my time.

How well I remember the days with littles and trying to get something “profitable” done around the house, yet wanting to spend time with our children, too.

None of us can do it all, but I know that as moms we want to make sure we’re fitting in some special family time during these summer months. This list of ten things might help us focus on creating those moments – and they can apply whether we have toddlers or teens!

1. Make a memory.

Not every day, maybe not even every week, but try to think of ways to make a memory with your kids. This could be small, like a trip to a new-to-you ice cream shop or a different playground. Blow bubbles in the park or stock up on glowsticks at a dollar store and play hide-and-seek in the dark.

2. Establish a tradition.

This could actually tie into number one if you wanted it to! Make homemade ice cream every weekend or have build your-own-pizza night on Fridays. Take an after-dinner walk or bike ride in the neighborhood on Tuesdays or organize family game nights on Saturday.

3. Let go of something.

Perhaps Wednesday is laundry day, but your kids are asking for you to play with them. It’s okay to step outside of the routine once in awhile. Give yourself a break. Let go of the regularly scheduled programming and try something different. Maybe lighten up the bedtime routine for the summer or decide to make only simple suppers on weeknights.

4. Be outside.

South Carolina summers are HOT and HUMID. I’m not naturally an outdoorsy girl anyway and pretty much avoid staying outside during the day. But I know my mood is better when I can spend time outside.

Early mornings or late evenings aren’t so bad for a walk or bike ride with the family. If you like to garden, get out and plant flowers or vegetables with your kids.

5. Do something for someone else.

Make a card or art project to send to a grandparent. Bake cookies for a Sunday School teacher. See if a neighbor needs help with their yard or housework.

6. Eat seasonal and local foods.

We eat lots of watermelon at our house in June and July! And I’ve already mentioned ice cream at least twice in this post, but it’s a summer favorite here.

7. Play in water.

We’ve had many kiddie pools over the years! Let your children run through the sprinkler, paint the house (or playset or shed or driveway) with water, or wash the car or their bikes. If you’re near the lake or the beach, that makes it easy!

8. Give extra hugs and kisses.

if your kids are normally in school all day, you now have them at home a LOT more than usual. My teenagers may not appreciate me giving random hugs and kisses, but I can still maneuver around for a side hug or back rub.

9. Work together.

This is probably not going to sound fun to the family, but tackling a project together can be profitable in more ways than one. Clean out the garage, build something, or organize the playroom. You can offer a reward at the end, or just let the satisfaction of a job well done be enough.

10. Pass along truth.

Choose a verse or brief Scripture passage to memorize and study this summer. Read a new Bible storybook with younger kids or find a new devotional one for older kids. We enjoyed books like Wisdom and the Millers (and other books in this series) and Those Kids in Proverbsville. These had stories that were like parables and taught character-building lessons.

While some summer days drag by, the first day of school will be here before we know it. Let’s plan a few things today that will help us when we look back to count this as a successful summer.

Related posts:

• 5 Ways to Make the Most of This Summer
• A Different Kind of Summer; or, When Kiddie Pools and Sand Boxes Don’t Cut It Anymore
• 3 Good Things to Have in Your Home This Summer