Girls To Grow - Nurturing moms in their walk with God

What Esther Teaches Me About Courage

September 26, 2017 by Tracey Leave a Comment

I’ve never been a fan of the movie The Wizard of Oz. Glinda is certainly sweet and beautiful, and Dorothy is spunky – I even like Tin Woodman. The movie has some delightful music, too. But as a child, I remember being scared of the Wicked Witch of the West and all the creepy winged monkeys!

If you’ve seen the movie, you’ll remember that each of the characters traveling the yellow brick road wants to ask the wizard for something. Cowardly Lion’s request is for courage. He wants to be brave enough to overcome his fears. He failed to realize that courage is taking action even when you’re afraid.

I think Esther, one of my favorite Bible characters, is a great example of courage. She was a young woman who took action to save her people, even though she knew it might mean death for herself.

I’m not sure that they had newspapers back then, but if so, I can see the headline after Esther chapter two – “Local Girl Makes Good!” The article details how Esther, an orphan raised by her cousin, beats out all the other beautiful young women in the kingdom to become the new queen. Perhaps there was even an exclusive interview!

Things are good in the palace…for awhile. Then Esther hears that her cousin, Mordecai, is outside the gates. He’s dressed in sackcloth, and covered in ashes, weeping and wailing. She sends a servant down to figure out what the problem is. Mordecai tells of evil Haman’s plot to destroy the Jews, her people. But not to worry – Mordecai has a plan to get them all out of this trouble.

Mordecai is forceful in his command to Esther. “Also he [Mordecai] gave him [Hatach, Esther’s servant] the copy of the writing of the decree that was given at Shushan to destroy them, to shew it unto Esther, and to declare it unto her, and to charge her that she should go in unto the king, to make supplication unto him, and to make request before him for her people.”

Mordecai knows that this is going to put Esther in a difficult spot. Yet he expects her to rise to the occasion. After a timid first response, Esther steps up and carries out a plan to save her people.

We’re not likely to face the exact situation that Esther did. However, I have little doubt that we’ll be called upon to exercise courage at some point. It could be, as in her circumstance, having to do something that frightens you. Or maybe it’s displaying strength in the face of grief or pain. Here are a few lessons from Esther’s experience that can help us to find the courage we need.

When I face a difficult situation, I can find courage as I follow these principles found in Esther's life.

Courage may not be our first response to trouble.

After hearing Mordecai’s instruction to go before the king, Esther sends word back.

“All the king’s servants, and the people of the king’s provinces, do know, that whosoever, whether man or women, shall come unto the king into the inner court, who is not called, there is one law of his to put him to death, except such to whom the king shall hold out the golden sceptre, that he may live: but I have not been called to come in unto the king these thirty days.” (Esther 4:11)

In other words, the king may not be interested in what I have to say – and if I do what you’re directing me to, it means putting my life at stake!

I can’t imagine the initial struggle in Esther’s heart as she determined the course of action she would take. But we do see that she made the choice to follow Mordecai’s order.

God can orchestrate events to allow my courage to accomplish His plan and bring glory to Him.

It may be the most famous verse from the book of Esther.

“…And who knoweth whether thou art come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14)

Truly God had placed Esther in the right place at the right time to save His people. Initially, she didn’t know how it was all going to play out. But when she did her part, and courageously went to see the king, God put into motion His plan for the Jews to be spared from destruction.

In the same way, I may not see how God’s agenda is unfolding in my life. Yet I can ask Him for the courage to do what He calls me to do. If my goal is to bring glory to God, He can do a mighty work through me.

God gives me courage as I seek Him.

Before Esther approaches the king, she sends specific instructions to Mordecai.

“Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise...” (Esther 4:16)

Any courage I can generate in my flesh is likely to fade away fast. God is the source of my courage. If I want to be brave, it’s going to come as I read and meditate on His Word, and spend time with Him in prayer. And just like Esther, I can ask others to pray with me and for me when there’s a difficult situation ahead.

Doing what I’m called to do must come before thoughts of my own well being.

“…and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish.” (Esther 4:16)

Once I’ve set out to do the task God’s placed before me, I then have to trust Him for the outcome. Esther didn’t know when she went before the king if he was going to extend his sceptre to her or not. But she went anyway.

Often I can think, “Well, if I do this, what will other people think?” or “How will this affect me or my family?” Instead, I need to step out in faith and follow where God leads.

God can use my courage to affect the lives of others.

“The Jews ordained, and took upon them, and upon their seed, and upon all such as joined themselves unto them, so as it should not fail, that they would keep these two days according to their writing, and according to their appointed time every year; And that these days should be remembered and kept throughout every generation, every family, every province, and every city; and that these days of Purim should not fail from among the Jews, nor the memorial of them perish from their seed.”

I may never know who is positively affected by my taking a stand. Perhaps my testimony as I’m going through a difficult time can be a witness to others. Esther’s courage and the working of God in her situation are still celebrated by the Jewish people today. When we, through God’s power, have the courage to do what is right, it will affect others. It could be our own family, our church, the unsaved around us, or even future generations.

I’m thankful for Esther’s example as a courageous woman. In the same way, God can use us in this day and age to carry out His plan and bring glory to Him.

Saturday Salutes

September 23, 2017 by Tracey 2 Comments

Marci has 10 Tips for Beginning Homemakers.

Antoinette shares 7 Tips to Goal Setting and Preparing for Success This Fall.

Erin lists 11 Ways for Moms to Spark Creativity.

Deb gives us 5 Verses That Will Inspire You to Praise God in the Mundane.

Jessica tells us The Verse That You Need Taped to Your Refrigerator.

In my current season of life, I needed this reminder from Tonya…

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

Pondering the Positive In Our Parenting

September 21, 2017 by Tracey 3 Comments

One of my favorite Bible verses about parenting comes from an unlikely place – the Christmas story. As many times as I’ve read it, Luke 2:19 always brings Mary to life as a mom just like me.

“But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.”

What great and wonderful things Mary had to ponder! Her baby was Jesus, the Son of God Himself.

His birth had been announced by an angel. She’d carried a baby in her womb without ever having a relationship with a man. In the midst of a trip to another town, while staying in a stable, she’d given birth. Furthermore, shepherds appeared in the doorway to worship her son. How full her heart and mind must have been with all that had taken place!

Mary kept these events fresh in her mind, she reviewed them over and over. Surely she thought long and heard about what all of this meant in regards to her child.

Admittedly, Mary witnessed miraculous events surrounding the birth of Jesus. We moms surely won’t share those experiences, yet we do have much to think about when it comes to our children.

Let's focus on the positive behavior we see in our kids.

What type of thoughts do you meditate on when it comes to your children? If you’re like me, you spend a lot of time thinking about them. Whether it’s how they’re doing in a particular subject in school, the way they’re responding to correction, or their latest friendship, I’m usually reflecting about what’s going on in their lives.

Recently I was talking (okay, obsessing) to my husband about something related to one of our girls. I’d had a bit of a run-in with her that morning, and I was focusing on a negative behavior. And honestly, in that moment, I’m sure my mama mind was blowing it out of proportion.

Being the voice of calm (as always), he gently encouraged me to think of all the positive things about her – and admittedly, there are many. As he listed a few of them aloud to me, I realized he was right. It was a reminder to me that I can let one negative incident color my perception of my child for days.

What I realized anew is the importance of focusing on the good in my children. If I look for the bad, I’m going to find it. And honestly, it’s often easier to see all that needs to be corrected, and the many ways they could do better.

If, instead, I focus on the good, I find it easier to encourage her. I can speak words that bless her and lift her up. Because if the good is what I’m looking for, that’s what I’m more likely to see.

Yes, there are issues that will need to be addressed. But with both of my girls, I want to make sure I notice and think about the good. After all, I sure like to be told what I’m doing right more than I like to hear about what I’m doing wrong!

Ultimately I want to concentrate on those things that have eternal value. My highest calling as their mom is to see them come to know and love their Savior. My daughters’ spiritual condition, seeing them develop a personal relationship with Christ, is my top priority.

If her room is messy when she leaves for school, but I know that she took a few minutes to pray and read God’s Word, that’s a win. If I see her being kind to a classmate who needs help, I’ll put less importance on the inconvenience of making a trip back to school to retrieve the book bag she left in her locker.

Our children are blessings from God, beautiful treasures that my husband and I have been given to raise. I want to take each day, each stage, each age, and see the good in it, enjoy it to its fullest. Yes, some seasons will be easier than others. But we will not pass this way again, these lovely young ladies or I.

I believe Mary looked back often on those early days with her baby boy. How special those memories must have been! May I, too, soak up the moments today, focusing on all that is good in my children, so that one day I’ll have many good memories to ponder.

What Abigail Teaches Me About Discretion

September 19, 2017 by Tracey 6 Comments

I’m fascinated by the story of Abigail in the Bible. If she were alive today and penned her autobiography, I’d be pre-ordering that book for sure!

When we meet Abigail in I Samuel 25, she’s married to a good-for-nothing guy. That’s not just my opinion of him! His name, Nabal, means “wicked or foolish.” He’s also called “a son of Belial,” which means worthless or lawless.

The chapter tells how David, the future king of Israel, asks Nabal to provide some food and water for he and his men. It seems like a reasonable request since they’ve helped protect some of Nabal’s interests during the sheep-shearing season. When Nabal harshly refuses, David prepares his men for an attack.

Here’s where Abigail steps in. She hears of what’s about to happen, and rapidly devises a plan. Abigail not only wants to protect her household, but also to keep David from doing something he’ll later regret. Quickly gathering provisions, she hurries out to meet David as he’s headed her way.

David receives her advice, as well as the gifts she brings, and blesses her. You know the end of the story. Nabal dies soon after, and Abigail becomes David’s wife.

Abigail handled this whole situation in such a smart way. I would definitely say she used discretion to bring a peaceful end to what could have been an ugly confrontation.

So what does that word even mean, discretion? In a world that seems to value putting it all out there, discretion isn’t talked about much.

The dictionary says discretion is “the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information. Cautious or reserved in speech.”

Abigail was discreet in how she handled these two men in her life. I can certainly think of times when I could benefit from the same trait. Here are a few lessons I can learn from her story.

Timing is everything.

Verse 36 says, “And Abigail came to Nabal; and, behold, he held a feast in his house, like the feast of a king; and Nabal’s heart was merry within him, for he was very drunken: wherefore she told him nothing, less or more, until the morning light.”

Now I don’t see this as an excuse for hiding things from your husband! However,there’s nothing wrong with choosing an appropriate time to talk to him about certain things. I don’t think many men appreciate being bombarded with tales of the kids’ misbehavior or our own complaints from the day when they first walk in the door in the evening. As good as it feels to get things off our chest, there’s usually a time and a setting that are best for saying what needs to be said. If you study your husband, you can probably figure out when that time is.

This actually applies to all of our relationships. As I’m learning with my teenage daughters, not every thought or concern I have needs to be said in a particular moment. In fact, learning to control my tongue is one of the hardest parenting lessons I’m learning these days! Just as with my husband, framing my conversation in the right words and speaking them in a time when they’ll be heard and (hopefully!) accepted is vital to good communication.

Your attitude in the situation is key.

In verse 24, Abigail took the blame for David being offended. “And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be…” A discreet person doesn’t want to offend, but rather seeks to bring peace.

Humility is the major factor here. This means we’re not walking in hoping to make ourselves look good, but want to do what’s going to result in the best outcome for all involved. Abigail wasn’t trying to get noticed; she was trying to diffuse a tense situation.

Again in verse 28, she says, “…forgive the trespass of thine handmaid.” If David felt the need to assess blame, she was willing to accept it.

Think about the best way to approach the people involved.

Abigail knew David was a man of God, and one who would listen to reason. She says in verses 30 and 31, “And it shall come to pass, when the Lord shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel;That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself.”

This has many practical applications. People differ in backgrounds, personalities, spiritual maturity – all of which might affect how I interact with them. Praying about how to work through a problem with another person is the best place to start! The Holy Spirit can give us wisdom and insight for any set of circumstances we face.

Let God deal with those who are doing wrong.

Abigail could have rejoiced that David was coming to deal with Nabal. Surely she’d experienced some embarrassment or witnessed poor behavior from her husband before. I doubt her marriage to him had been ideal. Yet Abigail, while openly admitting to David Nabal’s faults, goes out of her way to protect him.

While I might recognize the sin in someone’s life – and perhaps, if the relationship is a good one, even lovingly confront them about it – it’s not my place to see that they’re punished for that sin. James 4:12 says, “There is one lawgiver, who is able to save and to destroy.” God is the one who judges and corrects in His own time and in His own way.

Proverbs 2:10-11 says, “When wisdom entereth into thine heart, and knowledge is pleasant unto thy soul;Discretion shall preserve thee, understanding shall keep thee:” Let’s seek wisdom from God, assess the people and situations we face, then practice discretion as we deal with our friends and loved ones.

Saturday Salutes

September 16, 2017 by Tracey 2 Comments

Well, I’m back with Saturday Salutes…and hopefully a good plan for more blogging time and posts next week! In the meantime, here are some good reads I found this week.

Lore says We Were Going to Move to Chattanooga.

Melanie writes Because There Absolutely Is No Such Thing as a Small Life.

For the record, I’ve never been camping. However, if I were to try it at some point, I thought Crystal’s post 7 Ways to Make Camping with Kids Easier and More Fun was practical and helpful.

Ami lists 25 Ways to Cultivate Curiosity in Your Children.

I think I need to buy a doughnut pan just so I can make these Baked Apple Cider Doughnuts.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

Saturday Salutes

September 9, 2017 by Tracey 2 Comments

Ruth says None of Them Are Who They Once Were {When I Thought Things Would Never Change}.

Lori tells us 9 Surefire Ways to Grow a Rebellious Heart in Your Child.

If you’re in a similar life stage to mine, you’ll probably relate to Janae’s 10 Tips for Raising a Teenage Daughter.

I found 7 Practical Tips for Teaching Children Self-Control at The Character Corner.

Jessica’s recipe for Pumpkin Cinnamon Rolls looks simple and delicious. I think Kara’s Easy Pumpkin Cobbler is calling my name, too!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

God Is Writing My Book

September 8, 2017 by Tracey 5 Comments

Bedtime read-aloud’s were a big part of our daughters’ early childhood. I loved reading back through some of my own childhood favorites like Charlotte’s Web, A Little Princess, and of course, The Little House on the Prairie series.

We also discovered some new favorites, like The Bronze Bow and The Railway Children. That last one, written by E. Nesbit, was at times a bit difficult to understand because of its age (published in 1906) and setting (London, England). And while it’s not necessarily a “Christian” book, I remember how a certain section really spoke to my heart.

The mother in the story, who is a writer, explains to her son, Peter, that the way things happen in books are not always the way they play out in real life. Peter mentions how nice it would be if his mother could write the story of their family, and make the current difficulties they are facing go away.

Here’s how the mother responds:

“Don’t you think it’s rather nice to think that we’re in a book that God’s writing? If I were writing the book, I might make mistakes. But God knows how to make the story end just right – in the way that’s best for us.”

I could sit and meditate on that for a very long time.

God is the author of my life's story.

God is the perfect author. He’s writing the book that is my life. Every part of it is there for a reason. He doesn’t have to go back and edit any parts out, because He never makes a mistake. He knows exactly what needs to be included, and what needs to be left out. The plot, the places, and the people in my book are arranged by Him.

Not only that, but every chapter has a purpose. There’s no randomness in my book. It all moves toward the intended conclusion of making me more like Him.

Only God knows how the book will end. If I will allow Him to work in and through me, the story will be one that brings honor and glory, not to me, but to the author.

This is just another way to look at what it means to trust God. Trust isn’t a one-time deal. I can’t just say, “Well, I trusted God through that situation in my past, so I’m good for whatever comes along next.”

No, While our faith grows based on past experiences and the faithfulness of our loving Heavenly Father, I don’t know that we’ll ever trust perfectly. In Keep a Quiet Heart, Elisabeth Elliot says, “Gold is gold, but it has to go through fire. Faith is even more precious, so faith will always have another test to stand.”

The God who loved me enough to send His only Son to die for me will only allow what is for my good into my life. As I submit my will and desires to Him, I can trust that, no matter what I encounter, God is writing my book. It’s one-of-a-kind, free of mistakes, and penned with love.

Saturday Salutes

September 2, 2017 by Tracey 6 Comments

The girls’ school had their first home soccer game of the year last night. My daughter loves being a flyer!

Kayse writes about The Secret to Surviving When Life Doesn’t Go Your Way.

Liv lists 5 Lessons on Waiting from Women of the Bible.

Devon tells us How to Love Being a Homemaker.

Kari shares 10 Common Mistakes Parents Today Make (Me Included).

Kristi gives us Back to School Sanity Savers.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

God Will Prepare the Way

August 31, 2017 by Tracey 7 Comments

When I was an elementary school teacher, I spent my summers working for a temp agency. Mostly I did office work for different local businesses, and even spent one summer helping out in the temp agency office.

I left teaching at the end of a school year to have our first child (who was stillborn in December). That left me looking for a job in the middle of the school year. The temp agency placed me in the offices of a hospital downtown, which eventually led to a permanent job with the hospital. I ended up working there for almost three years. Not only did I enjoy the job, but I met some wonderful people who blessed my life. The job also turned into work I was able to do from home for a couple of years once I became a full-time mom.

I could never have imagined how all that would play out, but God knew. He put everything into place at just the right time. Hopefully you can look back over the years and see how God has orchestrated events in order to accomplish His will in your life.

Genesis 24 is one of my favorite Bible stories. Abraham is sending Eliezer far away to find a bride for his son, Isaac. Eliezer isn’t sure that he’s going to find a woman willing to leave her home and travel back with him to wed an unknown husband. As the servant prepares for his journey, Abraham says in verse seven, “The LORD God of heaven….shall send his angel before thee, and thou shalt take a wife unto my son from thence.”

We see Abraham’s faith evidenced here. He’s trusting God to work out a situation over which he himself has little control. He’ll be sitting at home, waiting to hear how it all works out.

God prepared the way before Eliezer as he sought Isaac's bride. In the same way, God prepares my way.

Arriving at his destination, Eliezer prays that God will send along the right woman. I love the boldness of his prayer and how specific he is in his request! He asks for a woman who will bring him a drink, and also offer to water his camels. Then, before he’s even finished praying, Rebekah approaches.

Not only does Eliezer get a specific answer to his request – he gets even more. The woman who arrives to fulfill these requirements is a member of Abraham’s extended family. The servant says, “…I being in the way, the Lord led me…” (verse 27).

God always prepares the circumstances for His will to be accomplished. If there’s something God wants to take place in my life, He will prepare the way. His timing will be perfect. He’ll put the people in place around me that are needed to make His plan work.

Of course, I typically want to work it all out, to see ahead of time how each step will unfold. But my part should resemble Abraham’s. I pray, I trust, I rest. As I study God’s Word and seek His face in prayer, I’ll realize anew that He can arrange things far better than I ever could!

Just as Abraham was seeking the best for his son, so I want the same for our daughters. I pray about college selection and career choices and future husbands, if it’s God’s will that they marry. Can I trust like Abraham did? Yes, God can give me the faith I need to allow Him to guide and direct in their lives.

Are you facing a situation that has some uncertainty in it right now? God will prepare the way.

And when you look back in the months to come and see what God has done? Be like Eliezer in verse 26. “And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord.” Remember to give thanks for the way God has brought you through and shown Himself mighty once again.

May this truth give us peace as we entrust our future – and that of our families – to His plan.

10 “Don’ts” for Moms of Teenage Girls

August 29, 2017 by Tracey 2 Comments

The way I see it, I’m about halfway done with parenting teenage daughters.

There are many, many positive moments in parenting teenage girls. We can share shoes and jewelry and hair styling instruments (clothes, not so much). They can be very helpful around the house. Each one is developing into her own individual person with a sense of humor and the ability to carry on meaningful conversations. I love watching them participate in sports and fine arts, and seeing how they continue to develop new interests.

But over the past several years, I’ve figured out some ways I shouldn’t go about this parenting teenagers deal. How do I know about these mistakes? I’ve made them all. I’m experiencing this times two on a daily basis. More than anything, this is a list for me to refer back to over the second half of this parenting teens season!

Ten things moms of teenage girls may want to avoid

1. Don’t ask too many questions all at once.

I’ve found that I can usually get away with asking two or three questions before I begin to sound like an interrogator. However, I might be able to circle back and throw out a question related to the same topic later on and get a decent response.

Also, non-specific questions such as “How was your day at school?” get no real conversation flowing here. It usually works better if I ask about a specific thing that I know was happening that day, such as “Did you get that class project finished on time?”

Now this does depend on the personality of your child. Some like to give blow-by-blow details of the day, and are happy to answer any questions you might have. Others just keep most of their thoughts to themselves. I’ve got one on each side of the spectrum.

2. Don’t continue to treat her like a little girl.

Okay, so she’ll still act like a little girl at times, but she is growing up. She needs to accept responsibility and, along with that, be granted some new freedoms as she proves herself trustworthy. She can have a later bedtime, handle getting herself up in the morning with an alarm clock, etc.

3. Don’t minimize her feelings.

Yes, whatever is causing her world to fall apart may seem unimportant to you, but it’s a big deal to her. She may not want to hear, “I know just how you feel” because likely, you don’t. You may have experienced something similar, but it’s probably not exactly what she’s feeling.

I’m trying to learn to just listen, to not offer advice unless I’m asked for it. It’s rare that a daughter wants me to fix something. She usually only wants to talk it through.

4. Don’t respond in the heat of the moment.

If your daughter is worked up about something – and especially if she’s upset with you – it almost never does any good to deal with the situation until she’s calmed down. And usually I need time to calm down, too. Much more will be accomplished if we both retreat to our private spaces, and reconnect a little bit later.

5. Don’t feel like you have to answer a request immediately.

It’s okay to say, “Let me think about that” when a child asks to do something or go somewhere, and you’re unsure about what to say. You may need a little while to pray about it, talk to your spouse, or find out more about the situation.

6. Don’t get drawn into the drama.

Be the adult. Yes, you are one (and she’s not – yet), so prove that when a drama-filled situation arises. My initial reaction is to jump right into the middle of it along with her, but that doesn’t help anyone. SO much easier said than done. (And my husband is much better at this than I am!!)

7. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground when you’ve said “no.”

If our teenagers suddenly took our “no’s” sweetly and submissively, would we even know how to react? Sometimes they’re going to grumble and complain. Or they may keep trying to suggest a work around that we’ll accept. I’m of the opinion that we should say “yes” as often as we can, but when we give a well-thought-out “no,” we should stand by it.

8. Don’t forget to say “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” as often as you can.

Make it a priority. That is all.

9. Don’t think she doesn’t need you anymore.

My 16-year-old just packed for an overnight trip. I didn’t have to get down a bag, think about what type of clothes she needed, or do a final check to make sure she had her toothbrush. She can wash her own clothes and drive a car. She works a job and she’s understanding chemistry without me (praises be!!)

But I know she still needs a mom. A lot of times that just means being around in case she wants to talk, going to the store to pick up that notebook she needs for school, or surprising her with a frappuccino at the end of a hard school day.

10. Don’t neglect praying for her.

Prayer is our most powerful weapon against the temptations our daughters will face. It’s also what my heart needs as I struggle to be the mom I should be when our relationship seems less than ideal. Only the Holy Spirit can grow her heart into loving Jesus more. And He’s the only one who can manifest His fruit in me to be an example I’d want her to follow.

If you would add another “don’t” to this list, please share it in the comments below! I’ve got just over five years left with a teenage girl in the house, and I’ll take all the help I can get!!