Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

Saturday Salutes ~ Joy in Marriage and Hospitality

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In an ongoing tradition, we spent last weekend in Myrtle Beach. We’ve been taking this “winter weekend getaway” as a family for years now. We tend to eat at the same restaurants and do the same activities every year…which may sound boring, but is actually lovely, because there are few decisions to make! We mainly spend time relaxing.

Friday night supper at Abuelos
Sunrise at the beach

Lisa tells us 6 Ways Your Child’s Misbehavior Makes You a Better Parent.

Ayanna tells us How to Find Joy When Marriage is Hard.

This is an older post, but I needed to hear what Jennifer shares in Hospitality: Overcoming Obstacles.

Amy shares 6 Steps to Finally Get Your Digital Photos Organized.

I’m not normally a big fan of banana bread, but this Dark Chocolate Banana Bread (with Coconut) might change my mind!

We have a full day today. The varsity basketball team that our girls are on plays in their state tournament – and our younger daughter also has her state cheerleading competition at the same location. Looking forward to watching our daughters compete!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

The True Purpose in Prayer ~ And Why It May Make Us Uncomfortable

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Do you have a prayer list?

I’ve shared the template for my monthly family prayer list before.  I also keep a list of current requests for other family, friends, or needs that I want to talk to God about.

Most of the time when you and I pray, we have an outcome we want to see.  It may be that someone gets well, that God opens a door, closes a door, mends a broken relationship, or meets a financial need.  The list could go on and on.

As I was reading R.A. Torrey’s book How to Pray, the following line stuck with me.

“The true purpose in prayer is that God may be glorified in the answer.”

So as we bring every concern, fear, hope, and desire to God in prayer, beyond all else, we should want God to be glorified.

If we have a self-centered purpose or wrong motive behind our request, it is highly likely that our prayer will not be answered.  Remember what James 4:3 says?

“Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.”

In every request I make, my main desire should be that – no matter how God chooses to answer – He will be glorified.

What’s sometimes hard to accept is that God may be glorified by allowing us to continue in our trial, our sickness, our financial trouble, or dealing with our difficult child.

In our humanity, we don’t know the outcome that will bring the most glory to God. We have to trust that God will accomplish that goal as we surrender to Him.

Here’s a personal example.  Our 18-year-old daughter will be heading to college in August.  This month I started specifically praying for her roommates.  I’m asking that God will put in her room girls that she can become good friends with.  I’m praying that they will get along, and that she’ll make many happy memories with these girls during her freshman year.

But I have to admit that God, knowing what is best, could potentially give her a roommate that’s hard to get along with.  Maybe their personalities will clash.  Perhaps one of the girls will disturb everyone else by staying up super late or being noisy when she gets up early. 

(Admittedly I have flashbacks to a roommate during my junior year who would set her alarm clock at some extremely early hour, then hit snooze over and over and over.  She could – and did – sleep through it, but it woke me up every. single. time.  Mercifully she got transferred to another room for the second semester. Not that I’m still bitter over that, ha!)

Maybe God would be glorified by my daughter learning to live with a difficult person. Perhaps God knows she’ll experience more growth if she has to deal with some frustration. 

Will that be easy for her (or her mom)? No. But I need to understand that whatever the outcome of the roommate situation, the ultimate purpose is that God would be glorified.

“Not unto us, O Lord, not unto us, but unto thy name give glory, for thy mercy, and for thy truth’s sake.” ~Psalm 115:1

So maybe we need to say it out loud or write it in colored ink at the top of our prayer list.

Lord, as you hear the requests I make, may You be glorified in every answer.   

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ Be Present and Buy Flowers

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Brittany reminds us How to Be Present When Life is Busy.

I enjoyed Elizabeth’s post on God as Our Guide.

Kaitlyn challenges us in I Dare You: Buy the Flowers.

Leslie has Winter Birthday Party Ideas: 10 Party Themes They’ll Love.  Also  check out How to Throw a Starbucks Birthday Party on a Budget.

If you’re looking for ways to save money, check out Julie’s list of Best Things to Buy in February.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: I Think One Day You’ll Understand

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Dear Daughter,

The doctors and nurses don’t tell you when you leave the hospital with a tiny newborn baby all that lies ahead of you as a mom. And that’s probably a good thing…

All these years later, we’ve landed in the middle of your teenage years. We’re learning to walk a tight rope between our parental input and your independence.

It’s not easy for any of us. The wisdom that we’ve gained from years of living and your desire to make your own choices clash at times.

And even when you dutifully (and sometimes sweetly) follow our directives, I know you don’t necessarily understand.

You don’t understand…

~ why I remind you to “be careful” nearly every time you get behind the wheel of the car.

~why I want you to text and let me know when you’re leaving the school to drive home after a late night ball game.

~why I said “no” to that sleepover, and the only excuse I had to give you was that it just didn’t feel right.

~why I probably drive you crazy with how often I ask if you’re okay.

~why I want to know where you’re going and who with…all the time.

~why I won’t let you watch that movie or listen to that song.

~why your cellphone has to be in a basket in the kitchen by 10pm.

~why we’ve taught you to budget and work a job instead of just handing you money.

~why I buy you books titled Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For and send you blog posts about not settling for bad relationships and ask you to read them.

~why I pray for you so often (though I know I should be on my knees even more).

When, if God wills it, you have a newborn of your own, you’ll begin to understand. When that cuddly baby becomes a toddler, then a kindergartener, you’ll get it even more.

And when that 16-year-old, license in hand, heads out the door to drive all by herself for the first time, then, my sweet daughter, you will understand.

As hard as it is to believe today, I see you doing many of the same things that right now you think you’ll never do as a mom.

Because your heart will be like mine…overflowing with love for a nearly grown child whom you want desperately to protect from the hurts of life and the scars of sin. A child for whom you want only the best.

And in the process of learning to let go, you, as I do, will find yourself leaning ever more on the God who ultimately has control and who loves that child more than you ever could.

So thank you, in these days when you don’t understand, for being patient with your dad and I. We’re all together in this new stage of the growing-up journey.

You’ll make mistakes, and so will we. But if we keep our relationships with God and with each other front and center, we’ll make this transition successfully. We’ll see you go on to become the amazing adult we know you can be.

Then one day, my dear, I believe you’ll understand. Because you’ll see for yourself that all we did stemmed from a heart of love for the precious daughter you are.

Love,

Mom

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Saturday Salutes ~ Valentine’s Treats and Crafts Plus Basketball Game Videos

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Denise lists 10 Ways to Create a Home of Warmth and Grace.

Chrissy has 5-Minute Easy Valentine’s Day Treats for Kids.

Aisha shares 15 Cute Valentine’s Day Crafts for Kids.

Marquis tells us 12 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage in 2019.

I loved following Christina’s project Old Entertainment Center Turned American Girl Dollhouse.

Last weekend I mentioned that our younger daughter played her last JV Girls basketball game. Here she is scoring; she’s number 10 in the white uniforms.

I also talked about it being Senior night for our older daughter. It was her last regular season home game. Here she is shooting two free throws. Later in the game, she hit a three-pointer (when I wasn’t videoing, of course) and she was so excited!!

Here she is after the game with the other three Seniors on the team. Yes, she’s the shortest one!

Last night we drove to Columbia, SC to watch her last regular season away basketball game. So hard to believe that this part of her life is coming to a close!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

You’ll Never Have One Without the Other

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There’s a constant theme in all of our lives.

We are blessed, we have much to be thankful for…and yet we all have trials or struggles.

I’ve heard it said that we’re all either in a trial, have just come through a trial, or will be facing one very soon

Trials come in different sizes and shapes. I’d think of a smaller trial as something like walking out in the morning and seeing that a car tire is flat. It’s very inconvenient to take the time to go get the tire fixed when you have a full day planned.

A larger trial would be someone losing their job or a sick family member going to the hospital.

Trials might be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. They can be tied to our marriage, children, friendships, work, or finances. Perhaps it’s just an unexpected disappointment.

Regardless, we all think of a trial as something that causes pain or suffering.

This quote from Spurgeon that I read recently was a huge encouragement to me.

“Thou shalt never find a bundle of affliction which has not bound up in the midst of it sufficient grace.”

I like the word picture of “a bundle of affliction” because that’s what a trial often feels like. We’re just surrounded by it. We can’t get away because the difficulty fills our thoughts all the time. We can’t sleep because we’re worrying and fretting about how it’s all going to work out.

Yet in the middle of that distress, there’s sufficient grace.

Praise God for His grace. That freely given, unmerited favor of God.

“But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ.”” ~Ephesians 4:7

And it’s not just a token grace, but a sufficient grace.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” ~2 Corinthians 12:9

I see a fellow Christian encounter a hard thing, and I wonder, “How can they get through that?” Yet I know from my own experience that they’ll be given the exact grace they need moment by moment.

These trials that we go through are necessary for our spiritual growth. What weak Christians we would be if we were never forced to turn to God, to exercise our faith, to recognize Him as the only one who can work in a certain situation.

“But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” ~Job 23:10

Trials refine us by making us see what’s really important. All the extemporaneous stuff goes out the window and our focus becomes laser sharp.

They build our faith. Every trial we go through gives us the confidence to face the next one.

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:” ~1 Peter 1:6,

Today, right in the midst of whatever bundle of affliction you might be unwrapping, may you find for yourself the sufficient grace of God.

My Lord never said that He would give
Another’s grace without another’s thorn.
What matter, since for every day of mine
Sufficient grace comes for me with the morn.

And though the future brings some heavier cross,
I need not crowd the present with my fears:
I know the grace that is enough today
Will be sufficient still through all the years.

~Author Unknown

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ Thankful Kids, Hard Times, and a Favorite New Home Decor Book

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Susan tells us How to Raise Thankful Kids in an Entitled Culture.

Nannette writes about The Dust I Can’t See.

Kaylene shares 4 Ways to Get Through Hard Times.

We don’t like to think about the awful things that could happen to our daughters, but in this day and age, it’s a conversation we need to have. I saved this iMom article 7 Threats to Your Daughter’s Physical Safety to discuss with my girls, especially now that our oldest drives and both of them often go places without me.

If you’re already thinking ahead to Valentine’s Day, you may want to revisit my list of 14 Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day with Your Kids.

While I’m in the middle of a couple of books now, not much happened on the reading front in January!

In non-fiction, I actually finished Cozy Minimalist Home by Myquillin Smith right at the end of December. This was such a practical home decor book – and don’t let the word “minimalist” scare you! Myquillin doesn’t say you have to get rid of everything you own. Rather, she emphasizes making your home work for the way your particular family lives, keeping things simple and clean, shopping your house, and learning when you have enough. It’s a simple formula for even this decor-challenged person!

In fiction, I read Death Wears a Mask by Ashley Weaver. It’s the second in the Amory Ames Mystery series. I think I liked the first one better, but this one also kept me guessing “who-done-it” until the end.

This girl played her last regular-season home Varsity Girls basketball game last night.

So I’m writing this post on Friday morning. Tonight our younger daughter, a high school sophomore, will play for the last time on the JV Girls basketball team (she’ll only be eligible for Varsity next year). Then our older daughter, who’s a senior, will play her last regular season home game on the Varsity Girls basketball team. All that to say, lots of feelings and emotions to process for this mom!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

3 Things We Can Learn from Abigail to Help Us Successfully Handle Conflict

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Do you consider yourself a conflict-avoider? Or are you someone who’s ready to address conflict head on?

I am squarely in the “avoid conflict at all cost” camp! However, even I know that sometimes we have to address conflict in our lives. If we have any relationships with other people, there’s going to be a disagreement at some point.

Even for those who don’t mind stepping into conflict, there’s usually a better way to handle it than just blindly going at it full force!

In 1 Samuel 25, we see a woman who wisely handles conflict. Even though her husband is the source of the conflict, she steps in and manages the situation well.

You likely know the story. Abigail’s husband, Nabal, has refused to give any supplies to David and his men despite their good treatment and protection of Nabal’s shepherds while they were in David’s area. David tells his men to arm themselves, and they set off to attack Nabal.

In the meantime, one of Nabal’s men goes to Abigail and tells her what’s going on. She immediately goes into action, gathers a large group of supplies, and sends servants ahead of her with the supplies to meet David. She follows.

Then comes the scene of her meeting face-to-face with David. Here’s where I find these three simple truths that can help us when we are involved in a conflict. (Let me say up front that these apply when dealing with typical conflict in an otherwise healthy relationship. If abuse or other harmful behavior is involved, this wouldn’t be the recommended solution.)

Enter the situation with an attitude of humility.

Verses 23 and 24 say, “And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid.”

Abigail didn’t march up to David and accuse him of being on the warpath to attack her husband. She didn’t begin with a list of David’s faults and vent about how offended she was by him. No, she approached him in a humble manner.

She also didn’t blame anyone else. Certainly this conflict was all of Nabal’s making, but Abigail was willing to take the blame for what had happened.

Since I naturally struggle with pride, I need the reminder of Proverbs 13:10. “Only by pride cometh contention…” It’s going to be very hard to resolve a conflict if neither person is willing to set aside their pride. Let’s be the ones willing to humble ourselves and take the first step toward reconciliation.

Think through the best way to approach the situation before you start.

Abigail speaks to David in verses 30-31.

“And it shall come to pass, when the Lord shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel; That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself: but when the Lord shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid.”

Here Abigail points out to David what this rash act against Nabal could do to his reputation when he becomes king. Rather than allowing herself an emotional outburst, she speaks to him calmly and reasonably. She makes a logical appeal to David.

Sometimes an argument erupts quickly, but often conflict builds up over time. There’s an issue we need to address, but we keep putting it off. When the time is right to bring it up (which we’ll look at next), start by praying about and deciding on the best way to approach it. You likely know the personality and tendencies of the other individual. Use that to your advantage by planning a strategy to help them see ways the conflict could be resolved.

Timing is important.

Abigail went to meet David immediately because he was already on the way to attack Nabal. This was a matter of urgency, so she had to address the conflict right away.

However, when it came to dealing with Nabal, she decided to wait.

“And Abigail came to Nabal; and, behold, he held a feast in his house, like the feast of a king; and Nabal’s heart was merry within him, for he was very drunken: wherefore she told him nothing, less or more, until the morning light.“ (verse 36)

If I need to work through an issue with my husband, the best time is NOT when he first walks in the door after work. I’ll get a much better response if I wait until he’s had a chance to eat supper and wind down a bit from his day. And I think he knows that trying to resolve something with me is not best done at 6:30am when I’m making breakfast and packing lunches!

Here’s where we need the Holy Spirit to help us exercise some self-control. It can be natural to jump into a conversation, thinking that we’ll feel better if we can just get this problem off our chest. But the response will likely be better if we consider the best time to address the issue.

I admire how Abigail handled a conflict that wasn’t even of her own making. I hope that all of us, conflict avoiders or not, can learn from her wisdom!

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ Advice for Tired Moms of Teens and Fun Snow Activities (With or Without the Snow)

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Last Saturday, I mentioned that this was Spirit Week at the girls’ school. Here’s my older daughter (on the left) with her friend dressed as Dora and Diego for “Dynamic Duo” day.

Rachel writes hey, tired mom of teens, this is for you. And from where I sit as a mom of teens, let me just say that six weeks into parenting an 18-year-old, 18 is my favorite year of all the teenage ones so far!!

Mary shares advice for When You Want This to Be Your Best Year Yet.

Ashley lists 5 Tips for Better Marriage Communication.

Shannon has Snow Activities for Families Living in Warm Climates (although I think these sound fun even if you have actual snow outside!)

I loved this list of 24 Unforgettable Birthday Traditions.

And then there’s this t-shirt that might be appropriate for me to wear some days!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

The Spiritual Truth I Realized While Riding with a New Driver

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Our 16-year-old daughter is learning to drive. She has her beginner’s permit, has taken the classroom part of Driver’s Ed, and will have her first in-car driving lesson with an instructor next month.

In the meantime, she drives me around in our car whenever she has a chance. And let me say up front that she’s going to be a fine driver.

But just like with any new skill, learning to drive takes practice.

One morning last week, she was driving to school. I was in the passenger’s seat, giving occasional instructions. And I will say that I truly make an effort to speak calmly as I offer advice from my side of the car.

We were riding in the right lane, with two lanes of cars to our left. I’d already mentioned to her the possibility that cars in front of us might be turning into a row of businesses we were passing. I wanted her to be ready to brake and slow down. Sure enough, I noticed someone turning several cars ahead of us. The SUV in front of us hit its brakes.

I just didn’t feel like we were slowing down at quite the rate we needed to. In my mind, we were approaching that SUV’s bumper very quickly. I said, “Brake,” but it didn’t seem to have much effect. I repeated “Brake” a little louder, and then said it a third time, even louder.

She did brake at that point, and then calmly assured me she’d had it under control the whole time. (She also asked me why I’d gotten louder each time, and what I expected the increase in volume to accomplish!)

While she’s doing well overall, she’s still learning. And if she wants to avoid an accident, she’ll listen to what I’m saying. (And hopefully I’m saying it in a normal tone!)

As I was thinking about that experience later in the day, I realized that there’s a spiritual application for us.

As we navigate our lives, God wants to teach us and guide us. He wants to help us avoid “accidents,” and learn to stay focused on where we need to go.

Yet we have to be willing to listen. We can try getting by on our own, but there’s a good chance we’ll take a wrong turn or get involved in something we should have avoided.

Things will go much more smoothly for us if we’re listening to that first quiet instruction He gives us. And while we may think we know what’s best, we have to learn to trust that He will lead us in the way He wants us to go.

“I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.” ~Psalm 32:8

If my daughter would have had the radio cranked up, she likely wouldn’t have even heard me tell her what to do. In the same way, we won’t be able to hear God if we’re tuned in to what the world is saying rather than listening for His guidance.

“And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.” ~Isaiah 30:21

We’re going to hear God speak to us through His Word and His Holy Spirit. We can choose to ignore His instruction, but it might not end well. We can also hurry ahead of Him, but it’s best if we wait on His leading.

“Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.” ~Psalm 25:4,5

The more our daughter drives, the more experienced she’ll become, and the better decisions she will make when she gets behind the wheel of the car. In the same way, the more we make choices that are pleasing to God, the more we learn to respond to situations properly and grow in our faith and in trusting God.

My goal with our daughter is to make her a good driver. God wants to make us successful Christ followers. Let’s listen to and follow His instructions in the same way that I want my daughter to do that for me when she’s in the driver’s seat.

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