Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

How to Give Your Teenage Daughter Her Independence

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Can I go to the mall with some friends on Saturday?

What time do I have to be home after the game?

Do I still have to text you when I get where I’m going?

How old do I have to be to…(go on a date/ride in a car with a friend who just got her license/take a three-hour road trip with friends/etc, etc, etc)?

My husband and I have been asked some version of these questions – and many others! – over the last five years. In two weeks, our daughters will be 20 and 18. We are definitely still in the process of giving our girls their independence!

Today I’m sharing eleven things we’re learning as we go through this process. I’ll likely need to update it in another few years! And since I’m a girl mom, that’s my perspective here. But I think many of these apply to teenage sons as well.

Check out these eleven tips we moms can use as we allow our teen daughters to make their own decisions and become independent adults.

1. Cover your daughter in prayer.

Let’s start with the absolute most important thing! Pray for your daughter. God has brought us to this point in our parenting. He is the one we can trust to walk with our children through whatever these teen and young adult years hold.

Our Heavenly Father, who loves our daughters even more than we do, is always with them, even when we are not. His Holy Spirit can work in their lives and guide them when we cannot. Let’s continually pray that they will be open to His leading. (Here are three prayers based on Scripture that we can pray as we’re learning to let go of our teenagers.)

2. Get wisdom.

Go to your Bible. Read passages about the wise and the foolish in Proverbs. Look for Scriptural principles that will help you make good decisions. Ask counsel from older moms you respect who have already walked through this season of life.

And while we pray for our daughters, let’s also pray for ourselves. Ask God to grant us wisdom to release them in a way that will honor Him and be good for our girls.

3. Give independence a little at a time.

It’s like learning to drive. You start out in a large, empty parking lot. Then it’s on to quiet, neighborhood streets, followed by slightly busier roads, a four-lane highway, and finally the interstate!

This applies to many areas from having cell phones to participating in certain activities to how often they can go out with friends. Don’t throw them in the deep end, so to speak. Slowly allow them to have more privileges…once you’ve dealt with number four.

4. Have some definite boundaries that don’t change.

These will vary based on your family and situation. But whatever you determine your boundaries are, communicate them clearly to your teenager. It could be a curfew, rules about driving, or places they’re not allowed to go alone.

Even though our children likely won’t understand, we can explain that we’ve set these boundaries for their own protection. Also share how you’re feeling about the letting go process and challenge them to build trust by following the guidelines you’ve set.

5. Base privileges on her level of responsibility.

In our married life, my husband and I have owned one dog. We had her until right before our now 17-year-old daughter was born. Since then, for various reasons, we’ve never had a pet.

However, when our college freshman daughter came home because of the pandemic back in March, she bought a fish. (That counts as a pet, right??) Now she’s preparing to come home between semesters and wants to bring the hamster she and her roommate currently have. Because she regularly took care of that fish (meaning I never smelled anything weird in her room, which is my litmus test), we don’t have a problem with that.

That’s a minor example, but you get the point. As our daughters prove themselves able to handle a little independence, we give them more.

6. Let her make some decisions on her own.

How late can she stay up at night? Can she sleep in on Saturday and skip that extra sports practice? At some point, she has to work out in her mind if she would rather get that extra sleep or deal with the consequence of not getting to start in the game because she missed practice. I’m good at trying to impose what I think she should do, but at a certain age, she needs to own her decisions.

You can feel pretty good about yourself as a parent when they make what you deem is the right decision. However, you’ll remain humble because…

7. Know that she’ll likely mess up a time or two.

You’ve given her a curfew and she’s late. You told her to text you when she was leaving her friend’s house, and she forgot. We’re not perfect and neither are they. I heard someone say recently, “As parents, we’re just sinners raising sinners.” It’s okay to give grace occasionally, but…

8. Allow natural consequences to happen.

If her poor decision has repercussions, don’t rescue her from them. I think the lesson is most effective if it’s a natural consequence, but that doesn’t always happen. If you’ve agreed that a certain restriction will be enforced for a particular action, follow through.

9. Maintain some oversight until she’s proven she can handle her independence.

Our children build trust by being responsible. One easy example is cell phones. While we haven’t managed them perfectly, we tried to guide our girls by maintaining the ability to check their texts or monitor their Instagram account, especially as they were starting out. As they handled those things well, we felt there was less of a need to oversee it. However, that would change if they were misusing their phones.

10. Have frequent conversations about how her decisions now can impact her future.

Teenagers tend to live in the moment, so it’s up to us as the adults to help them think long-term. Now she’s likely not going to be excited about these conversations, but bring them up anyway – especially when she’s a captive audience, like when you’re in the car together or eating out at a restaurant.

11. Be excited with her as she experiences new milestones.

The first time each of our daughters drove off in the car by herself, I was a nervous wreck! I prayed from the time they left the driveway until they got back home!! Yet they were each thrilled with the independence that came from driving, so I made sure to be excited with them.

Offer your love, support, and encouragement. After all, this is what we’ve been working toward all these years. What a blessing to see our daughters growing up, learning to be independent, and stepping into all that God has for their future!

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7 Helpful Tips for Navigating a Season of Change

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If there’s anything 2020 has handed us, it’s been opportunities to adjust to changes!

These adjustments have looked different for everyone over the past nine months. Our latest one involves our younger daughter. She’d been attending in-person classes at her high school for most of the first nine weeks of the school year. However, due to several students and teachers testing positive for COVID recently, she’s now in the midst of two weeks of Zoom classes before hopefully returning to school on Monday. We’d settled into the school year routine fairly well, and then…change.

Change takes many forms.  It can be the literal seasons, a season of life (I’m looking at you, empty nest years!), a new job, a move, adding a family member, or a lot of other scenarios.

Over the years, the seven tips listed below have been helpful as I navigated uncertain periods of life.

Check out these seven tips we can use to help keep us focused and growing during a season of change.

1.  Have a basic routine. 

A routine can be as simple as waking up and getting dressed at the same time each morning. Planning the first hour of the day by scheduling Bible time or exercise or a particular household chore can be helpful.  I remember one mom saying that the first activity of her day was emptying the dishwasher of clean dishes so it was ready to be filled with dirty ones as the day progressed.

I find that anchoring my morning with just two or three essential activities gives me a sense of control for the day. You can find guidance on building simple morning routines at Kat Lee’s site Hello Mornings. Once life gets back to a more predictable pattern, you can add other details back into your schedule. But in the meantime, set yourself up for success by establishing a basic routine.

2.  Put relationships first. 

Since I’m task-oriented, following a routine is fairly easy for me. And while that’s important because it gives a rhythm to my days, I can skip connecting with the people around me.  If we’re talking about family members, they’re likely experiencing change in some form right along with us. Are we taking the time to acknowledge their needs?

We may have to be purposeful about sitting down to a meal together or going out for coffee. Often, in a season of change, we can be distracted or feel like there’s not enough time to get everything done. That’s why we have to focus on our relationships and make maintaining them a priority.

3.  Keep to-do-lists short. 

Figure out what actually has to get done each day.  We can easily get overwhelmed in an unsettled situation. Having a manageable list of tasks to accomplish can keep us from getting discouraged. It can also give us focus when we don’t know what to do next.

The Lazy Genius has an interesting podcast episode called What Is Your List-Making Personality? (You can also read it as a PDF here.) Most of us feel a sense of accomplishment when we can check a piece of paper (or our phones) at the end of the day and see what we actually completed.

4.  Be flexible. 

Remember up there when I said routines are my friend? Flexibility is not. 🙂 Change is all about situations that are in flux, so be willing to adjust plans as needed. Again, 2020 has allowed us to practice this over and over again.

Be patient with yourselves and others when plans or situations change. Know that there’s a time and a season for everything…but we can’t always do all the things right now.

5.  Simplify. 

Make simple meals, wear clothes that don’t require ironing, do only essential cleaning.  Keep your schedule as free as possible so you can deal with unexpected situations that arise.

I often enjoy Emily P. Freeman’s podcast The Next Right Thing. She helps listeners tackle just the very next decision that needs to be made rather than looking ahead to what’s farther down the road.

6.  Pray. 

In seasons of change, this should actually top the list!  Ask for God’s wisdom and help with your current circumstances. When I’m overwhelmed, I find comfort in basing my prayers on the Psalms.

We’re all familiar with Philippians 4:6-7. When life’s uncertain, let’s really grab hold of God’s promise of peace as we bypass worry and take our requests to Him.

7.  Give yourself grace.

Many days don’t go as planned.  That’s okay! 

Stop. Let go of the frustration. Take a minute to count your blessings. Realize that eventually, life will return to some sort of normal. Until then, don’t expect everything to function just like before.

Seasons of change help us grow.  We often get a new perspective and are able to re-evaluate what’s most important in our lives. Change can be scary, but hopefully these tips can help us handle it a bit more calmly!

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How to Make Our Words and Thoughts Pleasing to God

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November arrived with some chilly temperatures for us this week! It’s nice to pull out some cozy clothes and start planning our Thanksgiving menu. I think I prepare more food every year as I try to include everyone’s favorites!

While I was working on this post Tuesday afternoon, life interrupted. I got some information that frustrated me. In the overall scheme of things, it’s NOT a big deal. But it potentially changed some plans I’d already made and worked our family’s schedules around.

So what did I do? Grumbled to myself – and a little bit to my daughter who was home – and let discontentment grow because of my thoughts. I wallowed in that frustration for a little while. In fact, I put away my laptop because I didn’t have the focus to write anymore!

Once I’d calmed down, I realized that what I’d needed in that moment was this post. I let my thoughts determine my outlook. The Bible verse I’ve been meditating on – Psalm 19:14 – to the rescue!

“Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.“

My thoughts in that moment were running my life, and not in a good way. There have certainly been other situations where it was my words that caused a problem for me.

So if we want this verse to be our prayer every day – and I do – then how can our words and our thoughts please God on a regular basis? What words and thoughts would He approve?

I think we can search the Bible and find several answers to those questions. Today we’ll look at three ways I believe our words can be pleasing to Him, followed by three that are related to our thoughts.

Let's look at three characteristics of our words and three characteristics of our thoughts that can make them pleasing to the Lord.

1. Our words are gentle.

“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.” ~Proverbs 15:1

When someone uses an angry or irritated tone with us, it’s easy to be quick with a sarcastic comeback or a sharp retort. Replying in kindness may mean we have to take a second to frame our response. It takes self-control not to respond in the same way they talked to us. But any interaction with others is going to have a better outcome if we’re not harsh or argumentative with our words.

“Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” ~Proverbs 16:24

2. Our words encourage others.

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” ~Ephesians 4:29

It’s often more natural to use our words to criticize and tear down. But words of grace, compassion, and kindness will build up the one we’re talking with. What does that person need – comfort, wise counsel, motivation, sympathy? Our words should nurture and inspire.

“Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do.” ~1 Thessalonians 5:11

3. Our words are thankful, not complaining.

“By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.” ~Hebrews 13:15

Isn’t it easy to complain??!! We don’t have to wonder how God feels about complaining. He tells us pretty plainly in Numbers 11:1

“And when the people complained, it displeased the Lord: and the Lord heard it; and his anger was kindled; and the fire of the Lord burnt among them, and consumed them that were in the uttermost parts of the camp.”

We make a choice every day whether or not we’ll live with a thankful spirit. Our words will reflect which choice we’ve made. Let’s choose gratitude.

“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” ~1 Thessalonians 5:18

Now let’s switch to ideas that will help us have thoughts that please God.

1. Our thoughts center on God’s Word.

“O how love I thy law! it is my meditation all the day.” ~Psalm 119:97

It’s wonderful if we can start our day with some time in the Bible. We can’t center our thoughts on it if we don’t know it! Scripture is where we find joy, peace, and His promises to us. Maybe you need sticky notes or 3×5 cards around your house, or an open Bible on a table just to remind you to focus on His Word.

“This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.” ~Joshua 1:8

2. Our thoughts are pure.

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” ~Philippians 4:8

This verse tells us exactly what to think about. It could be a whole blog post on its own! But I chose to focus on the word “pure.” An impure thought may come into our minds, but do we dwell on it or thrust it aside? Let’s keep our thoughts on pure, lovely, and virtuous things.

3. Our thoughts are governed by humility.

“Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who…made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant…and being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.” ~Philippians 2:5-8

There’s no room for pride or comparison in our thoughts. You’ve probably heard the C.S. Lewis quote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” Thinking of others and their needs will lead us in the right direction, especially as we follow Jesus’ example of submitting ourselves to the Father’s will.

As is evidenced by the story I started with here, I’ve not mastered these six things! But I believe if we seek to have our words and thoughts line up with God’s Word, we’ll be well on our way to living for Him.

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7 Ways God Is Here for You Today

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On Monday, I had quite the list of things to do. Some of them were “have-to-do’s” like a doctor’s appointment and picking up some groceries. Others were “get-to-do’s” like taking my younger daughter to lunch and FaceTiming with my older daughter who’s at college (which I did from the Target parking lot 🙂 I got home in the afternoon and felt like I needed a nap to recover!

It’s easy enough to get overwhelmed with just our normal to-do list. Add to that seasons of life where we’re struggling with a health issue or a difficult relationship or being the primary caregiver for a loved one, and we can struggle to keep going. Maybe you’re waiting on God’s direction in a certain area or feeling lonely or afraid. It could be that you’re defeated by a particular sin that keeps tempting you.

But when we know the Lord, there’s always hope for us. As I was reading in Psalms last week, I came to chapter 18, verse 2.

“The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.“

What a blessing that verse is!! Do you see all the things our God is for us?! Let’s look at each one of them.

Psalm 18:2 gives us a list of seven things our God is to us every day.

The Lord is my…

1. Rock.

Out God is firm and immovable. Sadly, people, as well-meaning as they may be, can let us down. Not God. If ever there’s been a year of instability and uncertainty, this one qualifies! Yet our God is steadfast. He never changes. [Malachi 3:6]

2. Fortress.

Our God offers us the ultimate safety and protection. Through Him, we are secure no matter what circtumstances threaten to overwhelm us. Attacks may come, but as we abide in Him, they can’t harm us. In the midst of chaos, He gives peace. [Isaiah 26:3]

3. Deliverer.

I don’t know what situation you’re facing today, but God can be your deliverer. He redeems our brokenness. He delivers from loneliness. He rescues us in our troubles. Our God frees us from the power of sin. [Psalm 34:17-19]

4. Strength.

When we can’t go on, He can give us His power. Hard times come to all of us. Yet when we are weak, He gives strength. [Isaiah 41:10]

5. Buckler.

I’d forgotten what a “buckler” was, so I had to look it up! It’s a small shield, a piece of defensive armor. Our God shields us and preserves us. He’s our living protector, our defense against attacks from our enemies, including the devil. [Psalm 138:7]

6. Horn of salvation.

A horn is a symbol of power and victory. God has the power to give us eternal salvation. Through Him, we can also have victory over sin today and over death in the future. [1 Corinthians 15:54-57]

7. High tower.

God is our refuge. Go to Him. That place of safety isn’t mine if I refuse to go there. And you know what? The perspective from a high tower is a lot different than what you’ll see just standing on the ground. We need His perspective on our problems. They’ll seem a lot more manageable! [Psalm 121]

Which of these do you need God to be for you today? Are you wavering in your faith? Let Him be your rock. Are you facing a situation that seems to much for you to handle? He’s your deliverer. All of these things that God is to us prove that we can trust Him with all that comes today and all that our future may hold.

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5 Things to Remember in a Season of Waiting

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Who likes to wait? No one I know.

It’s something we have to do nearly every day. Wait in line at the store, sit in traffic, wait for a package to arrive, wait to get the results of a test, wait for a table at a restaurant, or wait on hold on the phone (that may be the worst!)

When we have to wait it means staying right where we are. We can’t get on to the next thing. All action is stalled and it can seem like a big waste of time.

And sometimes in our lives we hit a season of waiting. We’re in an in-between period or we can’t move ahead for some reason. Maybe we’re anticipating or expecting something to happen, but we don’t know when – or maybe if – it will.

Do you remember specific seasons of waiting in your life? My most memorable waiting season was when we were trying to have children. It took nearly two years to get pregnant with our first daughter, Angel, who was stillborn, then another two years for our now 19-year-old daughter.

I’m reminded of several well-known Bible characters who endured a season of waiting. Abraham and Sarah waited many years for Isaac to be born, faithfully believing God’s promise even as they grew old. What about the two years Joseph spent in prison waiting and hoping that the butler would mention him to Pharaoh? Or David who was anointed king of Israel by the prophet Samuel years before he actually gained the throne?

God has much to teach us in our waiting seasons. As we learn those lessons, here are a few things we can remember.

None of us like to wait. Yet some of God's richest blessings are on the other side of a season of waiting.

1. We are strengthened as we wait on the Lord.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. ~Isaiah 40:31

The promised strength and the mounting up with wings and the running come after the waiting. We like to focus on that last part, but the waiting comes first. With God, time spent waiting is not wasted, but is preparing us for what’s ahead.

2. Learning to wait can be part of God’s good plan for us.

The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord. ~Lamentations 3:25-26

Don’t we seek Him more in the waiting seasons? When we feel like we’re in a good place in life and we know where we’re headed, we can tend to rely on ourselves for what we need. If God’s allowed us to enter a season of waiting, we can know it’s part of His plan and seek to learn the lessons He has for us there.

3. We wait for the Lord because we need His help and guidance.

Our soul waiteth for the Lord: he is our help and our shield. ~Psalm 33:20

Have you ever plunged ahead and done what you thought was right instead of waiting for that peace in your soul before you moved forward? That’s one way to learn about waiting since the results usually aren’t good! We can only accomplish His purposes as we rest in His timing and recognize that we need His help.

4. While we wait, we can find hope in His Word.

I wait for the LORD, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope. ~Psalm 130:5

This happened to me while I was putting this post together!! Reading Bible verses that talk about waiting on the Lord helped me to see the value in those seasons. We know that going to God’s Word will bring encouragement and wisdom. Let’s memorize and meditate on Scripture that points our hearts and minds to His promises.

5. Waiting on God will ultimately bring Him glory.

I will praise thee for ever, because thou hast done it: and I will wait on thy name; for it is good before thy saints. ~Psalm 52:9

How exciting it is when we can look back over our lives and see how waiting on God paid off. Often we can see how God moved at just the right time and in a way that can’t be explained except for Him. We see these things more clearly once we’ve come through a waiting season, but it can still be hard to remember them when the next waiting season comes along!

Here’s one final bit of encouragement, should you be in the midst of a waiting season today.

I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of an horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord. ~Psalm 40:1-3

The new song?? That comes after the waiting, after the horrible pit and the miry clay. Nobody wants to sign up for those, but God knows how it ends. We all want the new song, but it only comes after the waiting. So as we wait for our new song, may God give us the grace and peace we need to wait on Him!

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10 Things to Pray for When You’re Seeking God’s Guidance

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Are you a quick decision maker? As a rule, I’m not.

We recently bought new furniture for our living room, which was a whole decision-making process on its own. Now I’m updating some of the accessories, like lamps and curtains and pillows. So I’ll come home with, for example, a new lampshade. I’ll put it on the lamp and let it sit there for a few days while I decide if I like how it looks with everything else in the room. The same thing happens with the curtains. I have faith that at some point, it will all come together, but it may take a while!

Those decisions are relatively unimportant in the overall scheme of life. But we often have to make decisions with real, long-lasting consequences. They could involve changing jobs or careers, parenting decisions, moving to a different area of the country, or setting boundaries in a difficult relationship. And while those might all be “big” decisions, there are plenty of smaller decisions we make every day.

We need direction in so many areas. Because we want God to lead us, we go to Him in prayer. As we do that, here are ten things we can pray for as we seek His guidance in any decision.

Here are ten Bible verses we can pray as we seek God's guidance in our decision making.

1. A clear path.

Lead me, O Lord, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face. ~Psalm 5:8

Lord, show me how to live rightly before you. Make my way plain and my path clear. Help me to easily discern what I should do, and don’t let me lose my way. Remove hindrances that would distract me from the way I should go.

2. To know the next right step.

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand. ~Psalm 37:23-24

Lord, direct and establish my steps so that I don’t stumble. Guide me as I take each step, especially when I don’t know exactly where the road will lead. Arrange circumstances to help me make the right choice. When I go the wrong way, thank you that you stay right there with me, and bring me back on track. Thank you that my failures aren’t permanent. I pray that you would delight in my way and find pleasure in my obedience.

3. God’s purpose to be accomplished.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. ~Romans 8:28

Dear God, I am confident that everything that happens in my life works together for my good as I’m following you. You have a purpose and a plan for my life that I can’t always see and understand. Help me to simply trust you.

4. To recognize that God’s plan is good.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly. ~Psalm 84:11

God, here in your Word you promise that if I walk honestly before you then you won’t withhold from me anything that is good for me. Show me where I’m falling short. Then let me embrace all that you send as good for me. May I realize that what I don’t have isn’t your best for me right now.

5. Wisdom.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. ~James 1:5

Father, give me wisdom as I seek your guidance. I know my own wisdom is not sufficient. Thank you that you don’t scold me for lacking wisdom, but you offer yours to me in abundance. The gift of wisdom is a promise from you, Lord, and I believe that you will give it to me.

6. Be faithful to God’s Word.

Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day. ~Psalm 25:4-5

Lord, give me a heart that is willing to be led and taught by you. May decisions I make be based on the truth of your Word. You will never lead me away from that.

7. Holy Spirit leading.

Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come. ~John 16:13

As a Christian, I know that your Holy Spirit lives inside me. May I be sensitive to His leading as I open your Word and as I pray. Help me to be still and listen to how He may be leading me.

8. Discernment.

And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ. ~Philippians 1:9-10

Dear Lord, give me discernment. As I gather information, point me in the right direction. Help me make the best choice, not just settle for what’s right in front of me. Reveal to me weaknesses in my thinking that could lead me away from what you would have me to do.

9. God’s timing.

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord. ~Psalm 27:14

May I wait on you and not run ahead. Your timing is always best. Give me courage and strengthen me as I wait. Help me know when it’s time to take action.

10. God’s peace.

Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

God, I’m bringing this need for guidance to you in prayer. Thank you that I can trust you to guide me rightly. I leave this decision in your hands and claim the peace you’ve promised in this verse. Keep my heart from being anxious and my mind from conjuring up worst-case scenarios. I trust you to guide me. Thank you for your peace and that I can rest in what you’re going to do.

May God guide each one of us as we seek His leadership in making our decisions!

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7 Life Principles from Proverbs to Teach Our Children

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We’re one month into our youngest daughter’s senior year of high school, and the countdown is on. Not literally, because I’m not ready to actually dwell on that yet! But in the back of my mind, I know that we’re now looking at months – not years – before she steps out on her own.

As parents, we have a lot we want to teach our children in the eighteen or so years while they live in our homes. There are some practical skills that will come in real handy for them – like brushing their teeth, doing laundry, and driving a car. But there are also character traits we want them to develop as they mature.

Teaching our children truth from the Bible is much more valuable than just giving our opinion or sharing our life experiences, though those can be helpful. When our children are young, we can introduce principles very simply, ideally in the form of a story. Isaiah 28:9-10 talks about teaching “precept upon precept…line upon line…here a little, and there a little.” As they become teenagers, we can move into deeper conversations.

I recently went through Proverbs and found seven principles that our children can benefit from. There are many more in this particular book of the Bible, but these are a good place to start.

Here's wisdom from Proverbs to help our children develop character traits that will benefit them throughout their lives.

1. You need to guard your heart.

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” ~4:23

We have to be proactive in setting a guard. In other words, be on the lookout for things that would turn you away from following God. To me this especially means guarding your thought life. Protect it from sinful influences. This could help you explain to your child why your family doesn’t watch certain movies, read particular books, or listen to some styles of music. What we think about comes out in our words and actions.

I pray this verse daily for one of our daughters, that she will diligently guard her heart. Negative emotions like fear, doubt, or a lack of confidence can also cause infiltrate our hearts and cause us to make poor decisions.

2. Sin makes you a slave.

“His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.” ~5:22

We think freedom comes when we get to choose whatever we want to do. Let’s help our children understand that when we choose sin, it eventually makes you do whatever it wants you to.

Too often we think we can commit a sin once or twice, and then walk away from it, but that’s rarely the case. As Christians, we can get the victory, but it takes God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit.

3. Laziness makes you poor.

“How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.” ~6:9-11

Here are the basics. Work hard. Be responsible. Get rich quick schemes don’t work. Let me just add that as parents, one of the qualities we most value in a potential spouse for our children is someone who knows the value of hard work.

4. Don’t talk too much.

“In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” ~10:19

We’ve all had times when we said something we immediately wished we could take back. That goes back to the old adage of “think before you speak!” And no one likes being around a person who doesn’t have an off button! If you talk alot, something you say is going to get you into trouble. And an easy way to be wise is just to get control of your tongue. (Much easier said than done!)

5. Be generous.

“The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.” ~11:25

Give. Not just your money, but your time. No matter how little you think you have, it would appear abundant to someone else. Look for ways to bless others, and you’ll find that you’re blessed as well.

6. If you go looking for trouble, you’ll find it.

“He that diligently seeketh good procureth favour: but he that seeketh mischief, it shall come unto him.” ~11:27

Let your child know that their reputation proceeds them, even at a young age. Don’t let yourself be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Pay attention to the people you hang around with and the situations you put yourself in.

7. Listen to wise advice.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” ~12:15

Don’t be a know-it-all! Find wise people to advise you when you need to make a decision. Sometimes we want to be in control and forge ahead with our own plan, but listening to the prudent counsel of others can cause us to avoid some costly mistakes.

Teaching our children these seven principles – and incorporating them into our own lives! – can help all of us have good character and walk in wisdom.

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What’s the Key to Serving Others the Way Jesus Did?

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It sounds really good when we talk about it, this “serving others” idea.

“I’m going to make a difference with this ministry!” Or “How can I help my neighbor across the street?” Or “I’ll volunteer with that particular organization.” Often we can find plenty of opportunities to serve right within our own homes.

I’m sure there are a few people who serve to get noticed, but I think most of us really want to help other people. We serve from a heart that wants to please God. But when those “others” we serve don’t appreciate our help or take advantage of us or aren’t kind in return, we can get discouraged.

Four ways that we can serve others like Jesus did...and the one-word key to help us follow through.

We can learn a lot about serving others from Jesus. In John 13:12-15, we find Jesus washing the feet of His disciples.

“So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you.“

Jesus specifically tells His disciples that He has done this as an example for them. I think we should pay attention! What lessons can we learn from His act of service? Here’s four that I noticed.

1. Serve even when you’re going through a difficult time.

Verse one of chapter 13 tells us that Jesus knew his hour was come. In other words, He was about to face torture, death on the cross, and temporary separation from His Father. Yet His thoughts were on His beloved followers, and He served them.

When we serve others, we get our minds off of ourselves and our troubles. (Please note that I’m not saying this was the purpose behind Jesus serving His disciples, but it’s usually true for us). Rather than sitting around and focusing on our problems (or waiting on someone to serve us!), we can get out there and help someone else.

2. Serve knowing who you are as a child of God.

Verse three of the chapter tells us that Jesus knew “that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God.” His identity was that of the Son of God.

As we reach out to others, let’s do it as children of God, knowing that He is with us and will help us. We serve not in our own strength, but through His power.

3. Set aside whatever could hold you back from serving.

Before He began serving, Jesus laid aside His garments and girded Himself with a towel (John 13:4). The clothing He was wearing at first may have gotten in the way as He washed the disciples’ feet.

What things might hold us back from serving? Is our calendar too full? Do we focus on other priorities? Let’s examine any excuses we’re giving for why we can’t serve and look for opportunities we may be missing.

4. Serve those who will never serve you.

As far as we know, Jesus washed the feet of Judas Iscariot. (We’re not told until verse 30 of the chapter that Judas left the upper room.) What was that like for Jesus? How about for Judas Iscariot? Jesus knew about Judas’ impending betrayal, yet He served him just as He did the other disciples.

I believe it takes the grace of God to serve those who are unkind or ungrateful. I know I’m not equal to that task without the fruit of the Spirit and the love of God.

There’s a great reward if we choose to serve. Verse 17 of the chapter says, “If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.” When we first start serving, we may be unhappy or have a wrong attitude, but we’ll likely not finish that way!

As we look back over these four lessons, can you figure out the key to serving others like Jesus did?

It’s humility.

The very Son of God washed the dirty feet of his twelve disciples. Beyond that, Philippians 2:8 shares the humility Jesus exemplified by coming to dwell with man on earth.

“And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross.“

If we want to serve others in the same way that Jesus did, we have to humble ourselves. No act of service is beneath us. 1 Peter 1:5 says to be “clothed with humility.” We put it on, we cover ourselves with it.

That same verse says that God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble. How sad it is to think of God standing against us, especially when I know how much I need His grace.

And paradoxically it’s by humbling ourselves that we can access all that God has for us. Proverbs 22:4 says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honor, and life.“

Let’s ask ourselves, “Whose ‘feet can I wash’ today?” The way we serve likely won’t be the literal washing of someone’s feet, but surely there’s an act of service just waiting to be performed.

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5 Common Enemies of a Good Marriage

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Recently I sent a poll to my email subscribers about content they’d like to see here on the blog. (If you’d like to sign up for my twice-weekly e-mails, click here.) One question asked what topics people would be interested in reading more about. Marriage was one answer that came up.

Honestly, it scares me to write about marriage. I don’t do it often, because I’ve learned the hard way that it practically invites some type of disagreement with my husband within the next 24 hours!

But in order to accommodate the reader who submitted that answer, I’m taking the chance! I’ve been married to my husband for 29 years, but I still feel like I have so much room to grow in this area. I’m definitely no marriage expert, but I will share a few things I’ve learned.

We all want to have good marriages, but sometimes things get in the way. Today I’m listing five enemies of a good marriage and how to fight against them. Hopefully, if we’re aware of them, we can avoid letting these enemies sneak into our relationships.

We need to watch out for these five things that can cause difficulty in our marriage.

1. Selfishness.

Who doesn’t want their own way? It’s natural to be selfish and to think we’re always right. We may start married life trying to change our spouse to fit the mold we imagine for them. None of us want to see ourselves as selfish, but we need to be willing to evaluate our actions and attitudes.

Romans 12:10 tells us to “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.” Am I choosing to honor my spouse or is everything always about me? Selfishness elevates my wants and desires above anything else.

How to fight it:

Put a need of his ahead of your own. Make his coffee before you make your own. Take care of a task he needs to have done and put yours off till later. Maybe even ask if there’s anything you can do for him today.

When a conflict arises, put yourself in his shoes. Have you tried to see the situation from his side? What might be causing him to react so strongly? A little empathy goes a long way.

2. Impatience.

We are all a work in progress. Our spouses have areas in which they need to mature…and so do we. It takes time for us to grow. I’d like to think that I’m a better person than the woman my husband married at 22!

1 Corinthians 13:4 tells us that love “suffers long and is kind.” Be patient with your spouse. It was eye-opening to me when I read Linda Dillow’s book What’s It Like to Be Married to Me? What kind of question is that??? Of course, it’s great to be married to me (ha!) But it made me realize that being married to me is not a piece of cake. We want our spouse to be patient with us, so we should do the same for them.

How to fight it:

Pray for your spouse every day. We’re not asking God to change him into exactly what we think he should be, but for His Holy Spirit to grow our spouse in their spiritual walk.

Slow down. Don’t be in such a hurry to accomplish something that you run roughshod over your spouse and his opinion.

3. Neglect.

Neglect is a sneaky enemy because it happens when we just don’t pay attention. We’re caught up in good things – the kids, work, a busy schedule, ministry, keeping up with stuff around the house – and we don’t make connecting with our spouse a priority.

How to fight it:

Listen. Give him your undivided attention when he’s talking. Focus on what he’s saying, and respond positively.

Make time for each other on a regular basis. We didn’t do regularly scheduled date nights when our girls were young, though it’s a great idea if it works for you. But we did make time daily to catch up with what was going on in each other’s lives. That sometimes meant a phone call when he was on his way home from work, or just sitting on the couch to talk after the kids were in bed.

4. A critical spirit.

Isn’t it easy to focus on the negative?? “My husband drives me crazy when he ______.” If we’re looking for everything our spouse does wrong – or just not the way we would do it – we’re going to find it.

Ephesians 4:2 reminds us, “With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.” Sometimes our facial expressions or the tone we use when talking to our spouse can convey disrespect or disgust. Over time, those seemingly simple offenses can do damage to our marriage.

How to fight it:

Let one thing go every day. Don’t comment on the cabinet door he left open or the shirt he didn’t hang up or how he forgot to get milk at the grocery store. Just don’t. say. anything.

If you journal, write down one thing you appreciate about him every day. It could be as simple as “he wiped off his shoes before he walked in the house.” This exercise helps us to look for his positive actions and qualities.

5. Unforgiveness.

It can be a little thing that you allow to fester. He may not even know it’s an issue, but you clutch it to your heart and relive it in your mind. Let it go. Otherwise, you’re inviting bitterness into the relationship.

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” ~Colossians 3:13

How to fight it:

Say “thank you” to your husband at least once a day. This only takes a few seconds, but you do have to be paying attention. You have to notice what he’s doing that’s blessing you.

Let go of the past. Directly address whatever the issue is, and then move on. What’s done is done, so start fresh.

May we all be aware of these enemies and fight against them so that our marriages can thrive!

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4 Ways to Invest in What Really Matters for Your Future

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With many of us staying in more over the last few months, a lot of people are refreshing their homes. We fall into that category! Our current living room furniture is 15 years old, and we’ve been saving money to replace it. After shopping at several stores, I finally found what I wanted a couple of months ago. We placed an order, and it (hopefully!) will arrive in the next week or two.

I’m all about making our homes look nice. An interior decorator I’m definitely not, but I enjoy seeing how others design their spaces. We all like having pretty, comfortable rooms for our families.

While we understand the purpose behind decorating our houses, we wouldn’t do the same with a hotel room. We live and work in our homes daily, but a hotel room is just a temporary situation. The following excerpt from John Ortberg’s book When the Game is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box showed me how this relates to our Christian lives.

“Let’s say you spend a week at Motel 6.  How likely would it be for you to take all your money and spend it decorating your motel room? How probable is it that you would clean out your bank account to purchase van Goghs or paintings of Elvis on velvet or whatever it is that your taste runs to?

Not very. You wouldn’t even be tempted because the hotel room is not home. You’re only going to be there a little while.  It would be foolish to waste the treasure of your one and only life on a temporary residence…So Jesus says it is wise to store up treasure in what’s eternal:  God and people.

This is Motel 6.  Your ‘room’ – your home and furniture and clothes and possessions – will last the equivalent of a few seconds compared to the eternity that will be occupied by your soul. It’s not bad to stay in a place and enjoy it while you’re there.  But Jesus says don’t store up treasure in Motel 6.  It’s not home.  You’re only going to be here a little while.  If you’re going to stay up nights dreaming, dream about something better than how to upgrade your motel room.”

That likely reminds you of this Bible verse.

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” ~Matthew 6:19-21

If God and people are the things that last, how do we focus on that? It’s fairly basic, but here are four ideas.

We don't redecorate a hotel room during a brief stay. In the same way, don't focus all your time and energy on things that aren't eternal.

Learn more about God by spending time in His Word and prayer.

I’m certainly not perfect at this. It’s easiest when I just make it part of my routine, which means doing it first thing in the morning. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to myself, “I’ll do that after ___________ (my husband leaves for work/I check e-mail/that load of laundry gets finished).” And I rarely follow through.

Then there are some mornings when, for whatever reason, time is short and I can’t read and pray like I want to. I still try to at least have a plan going on YouVersion where I can read a quick devotional that gets my mind focused on Christ for the day.

Look for opportunities to touch someone’s life today.

On occasion, this may be on a grand scale, but it’s usually something simple. Send a “get well” or “sympathy” or “thinking of you” card. (I stock up on these at Dollar Tree.) Text a friend that you’re praying for them. Keep your eyes open to who might need your help in the grocery store or just hold the door for a mom pushing a stroller. Be aware of how you can share your faith or be an encouragement to those you come in contact with.

Always be finding ways to give.

Generosity changes us. In some seasons of life, you can give more; in others, maybe not as much. But we can manage whatever money we do have to honor God and bless others.

If money is tight, find other ways to give. Make a little more than you need for supper and share the extra with a neighbor. Pass along books you’ve finished reading to someone else who will enjoy them. Have your children make a gift for a family member. Offer someone a ride to a doctor’s appointment.

Praise God.

This right here is a big part of what we’re going to be doing in heaven, so we might as well practice it now! I like using Bible passages to praise God. Or put on some good praise music and sing along. I’ve found that my attitude about almost anything can change when I praise Him.

It’s nice to make our homes beautiful places where we and our families are comfortable. And it’s good to enjoy all the activities and opportunities we get to experience in the here and now. But let’s balance that with investing in things that will never wear out and that provide eternal blessings.

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