Nurturing moms in their walk with God
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On February 13, 2009, I wrote My Very First Post on Girls to Grow.
Our daughters were eight and six years old, in the middle of their second grade and K5 years of school. I’d recently started reading blogs, and since I’ve always enjoyed writing, I decided I’d give blogging a try.
1,286 posts later, I’m sifting through the memories and boxing up the words as I bring an end to Girls to Grow.
Our daughters are 24 and 22 years old now, married to wonderful young men, working and learning and making their mom and dad proud on a daily basis.
By God’s grace, those girls we wanted to grow have grown. We homeschooled and Christian-schooled, depending on the year. We sat through soccer games, basketball games, cheer competitions, piano recitals, choir and band concerts, fine arts festivals, plays, and graduations.
From Sunday morning services to Wednesday night youth group, we were blessed to be a part of a church family. We had a junior year of high school and a freshman year of college cut short because of COVID-19. We’ve sent them off to summer camps and enjoyed family vacations, smiled through tears at college drop-offs, engagements, and weddings.
In looking back, there’s heartfelt gratitude for the people who poured into our kids. The Sunday School teachers, the coaches, the pastors, the Christian school teachers, the parents of their friends – they’re part of who our girls are today.
Then there’s my husband. He’s been the rock in our family, the no-nonsense and no-drama guy the three of us girls need, the one with great wisdom and faith who led – and continues to lead – us so well.
If I’ve learned anything while writing here, it’s that God, His Word, and prayer are the hope and strength we need when it comes to parenting our children. There were rocky teen years, moments of self-doubt and “are we doing this right?” and “will she make it through this?”
It’s not great parenting that makes great kids. Yes, we try our best to follow Biblical principles and love and invest in our precious children. But ultimately, it’s a great God who is gracious in spite of our mistakes, who hears and answers prayers, and who loves those girls more than we do.
Our nest is now officially empty. We’re enjoying this season of life together as husband and wife, grateful that our daughters and son-in-laws live nearby and we can see them often.
And now, as I close the doors here, I’m opening another one. I still want to write, to hopefully encourage and walk alongside other women who want to flourish in faith and family.
So very soon I’ll begin blogging at TraceyBrewer.com. I hope you’ll join me there. (If you pop over there any time soon, it’s a hot mess, aka a work in progress 🙂
In the meantime, if you’d like to sign up for my emails, I’ll be sharing more details on how you can receive regular updates when I begin publishing posts on my new site.
And just to be clear, Girls to Grow will continue to live here on the Internet for a while; you can still read and share old posts. I just won’t be adding any new content after today.
Finally, I’m very thankful for all of those who’ve read and commented here over the years. I’ve gotten sweet encouragement from many of you, and I’m so grateful. Wherever you are in growing your girls, your boys, your family, may God richly bless you.
And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment;
That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ.
Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God. ~Philippians 1:9-11
I’m back in Psalms for my daily Bible reading. This time, I’m working through each one slowly, looking at commentaries, and making lots of notes!
Yesterday I was in Psalm 63 and realized again just how much there is to praise God for!
Here are 5 reasons to praise God from just this one Psalm.
David begins, “O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”
Just as water is essential for life, God is our ultimate source of sustenance and vitality. When we recognize Him as the very air we breathe and the strength in our bones, praise naturally flows from a place of deep dependence and gratitude.
Perhaps one of the most striking declarations in this Psalm is, “Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.”
Think about that for a moment. What could possibly be better than life itself? For David, it was God’s unwavering, faithful, and enduring love.
This profound truth shifts our perspective. If God’s love surpasses even the precious gift of life, then surely it is worthy of our highest praise. It’s a love that sustains, comforts, and redeems, making every moment an opportunity to exalt His name.
David proclaims, “My soul shall be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth shall praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the night watches.” This speaks to a deep, spiritual contentment that surpasses any physical pleasure.
When we dwell on God, remember His faithfulness, and meditate on His character, our souls are truly satisfied. This satisfaction isn’t fleeting; it’s a profound sense of peace and joy that comes from being in communion with the One who created us. Such deep satisfaction inevitably leads to joyful praise, even in the quiet hours of the night.
“Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.” Here, David acknowledges God’s active role as his helper. He sees God as a protective refuge, like a mother bird sheltering her young under her wings.
When we reflect on the countless times God has intervened on our behalf, provided guidance, and offered protection, our hearts overflow with gratitude. This recognition of His constant presence as our helper and refuge inspires us to praise Him for His unwavering support through every trial.
Finally, David declares, “My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.” This verse beautifully illustrates a personal and intimate relationship with God.
“Clinging” implies a desperate and persistent hold, acknowledging our complete reliance on Him. And the assurance that His “right hand upholds me” speaks of His power and faithfulness in sustaining us.
When we realize that it is God Himself who holds us up, who gives us strength and keeps us from falling, our response can only be one of profound adoration and praise for His steadfast care.
Psalm 63 reminds us that praise isn’t just for the good times. It’s born out of a deep longing for God, a recognition of His surpassing love, the satisfaction found in His presence, His faithful help, and His constant upholding power.
May these points from Psalm 63 inspire you to offer heartfelt praise to God, no matter where you find yourself today.
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There’s nothing like having children to make us realize how little we know about parenting!
You can probably relate. We thought we knew the type of parent we’d be. We may have mentally planned out exactly how we’d handle certain situations. However, once we actually had children and were parenting them in real time, things probably looked quite different!
As much as I’ve learned about our children through the years, I’ve learned just as much about myself. Each new age and stage has its own blessings as well as its challenges. And each one gives us and our children the chance to grow and mature as people.
Below are seven things I’ve learned (and continue to learn!) about myself on this parenting journey. There are certainly others I could list, but these are some of the most meaningful ones.
Before becoming a mom, I taught classrooms full of kindergarteners and first graders. I would have said my patience level was fairly high.
And then I had my own children. Living with them was totally different. My true self was revealed, and it wasn’t pretty. I was a lot more self-centered and short-tempered than I’d realized. Dealing with a strong-willed two-year-old or managing sibling squabbles didn’t always bring out the best in me.
The good news is that in 24 years of parenting, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to grow in this area!
I’m an introvert so I’m fine spending large chunks of time alone. However, throughout these mom years, I’ve found I definitely need time with other moms who are in a similar life stage. There’s nothing like bonding with others over shared joys or trials in parenting. We can celebrate and commiserate.
I remember meeting several mom friends for dinner as our children were finishing up high school. We had a great discussion about the transition between parenting children and young adults. I left so encouraged over finding common ground with others who related to what I was going through.
It’s not easy to be steady in our discipline or in setting boundaries. A hard day of parenting can make us want to just give up on it all.
But we need to remember that our children are always watching and learning from what we do. They tend to respond better when we are predictable in how we interact with them and in how we conduct our own lives.
I learned to do life with another adult for nine years before we had children. I’m not saying I did it perfectly (and I still don’t). But marriage was just the first step in stripping away my selfishness.
Once children came on the scene, it leveled up! There’s often some personal sacrifice involved when it comes to our kids, even basic things like getting up with them in the middle of the night or having very little time to ourselves. And while we wouldn’t have it any other way, these moments reveal more of who we really are.
I have to trust God because ultimately, I have no control over my children. From health to safety to relationships to choices they make, God is the one who’s in control.
The more time our children spend away from us – at school, summer camp, then college, and living independently – the more we realize the importance of praying for them. We can’t constantly be close to them in distance, but God is always with them.
I never knew how much I needed God’s wisdom daily until I had teenagers. Whether they’re asking for guidance or we’re establishing boundaries and meeting out consequences, wisdom is invaluable.
We even need wisdom in how to pray for them. They may be dealing with issues they’ve not shared with us, but God knows each one and can lay them on our hearts.
In case the first six lessons made it sound like parenting is only hard, this one makes it all worth it!
It’s amazing how much love and joy we get from parenting our children. It’s such a pleasure to have a front-row seat to watch them become the incredible young people God designed them to be.
What valuable lessons are you learning about yourself as you’re parenting your kids?
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You’ve likely noticed that doing what’s good for you isn’t always pleasant or easy.
Case in point. My family doctor wants me to maintain a healthy diet to bring my cholesterol numbers down. In my head, I want that, too. But that’s not how I always choose to eat.
Sometimes I choose the doughnut or the milkshake or the baguette slathered in butter. In that moment, what I want means more to me than what’s good for me. It’s not always easy to eat healthily. But let’s move beyond food choices and my battle with choosing apple slices over chocolate chip cookies.
You can also relate this to visiting the dentist. During the appointment, it hurts to have the hygienist scraping our teeth. But we know that doing that regularly is what keeps our mouths healthy.
Now let’s take something like gossip. It can feel good to tell a friend the lowdown we just heard about a situation. It makes us look “in the know” and feel important.
But if what we’re passing on isn’t edifying – either for the person we’re sharing about or for the person we’re talking to – then it doesn’t need to be said. Reminds me of the adage, “Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?” And while I know I shouldn’t gossip, it’s not always easy to control my tongue.
God gives us commands and principles in the Bible that we’re to follow. And according to this passage in Deuteronomy, His commands are for our good.
“And now, Israel, what doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy God, to walk in all his ways, and to love him, and to serve the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul, To keep the commandments of the Lord, and his statutes, which I command thee this day for thy good?“ ~Deuteronomy 10:12-13
God doesn’t give us commands or “rules” because He wants to keep us from having any fun in life. He gives them to us because He knows what’s good for us. He knows that as we live according to His Word, we will gain what truly satisfies our souls and gives us lasting joy.
For example, God commands us to tithe or give money to our local church. Does God need our money? No. But He knows that as we give we become generous. Generous people reflect Christ in a way that draws others to Him.
How about one of the original ten commandments, from Exodus 20 – don’t covet? God knows that if we get busy checking out what others have, we’ll become discontent and bitter. Do you know anyone like that, always comparing or complaining because someone else has better “stuff” than they do? Is that person fun to be around?
On the other hand, God commands us to be thankful. Why? Because then our attitude will be one of gratefulness for what we have. We’ll be content with God’s provision.
Every one of God’s commands is for our ultimate good, even those that we find hard to obey. Love and pray for your enemies, do all things without complaining, be anxious for nothing – yes, those, too.
And while we try to wrap our heads around this for ourselves, I think it’s also good to talk it through with our children.
Are they going to see that us saying “no” to something they want to do is for their good? Likely not in the moment. Nor are they going to necessarily be excited when we set certain restrictions on their movie-watching or what music they’re allowed to listen to.
But as they grow to know our hearts and sense our love for them, hopefully they’ll come to understand our rules. And what a responsibility we have to seek God’s wisdom as we make those decisions in our homes.
We’ll come across commands in the Bible that we think are difficult to follow. Remember that God’s given that command because it’s going to produce a good thing in our lives. In the end, He’s seeking to conform us to His image. And that’s definitely a good outcome!
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A couple of weeks ago, I went to our family doctor for an annual check-up which, of course, includes a stop by the lab for blood work. My biggest challenge is my cholesterol. It’s high but has been trending down for the last few years, so for now, I try to control it through diet and exercise.
Even though I’m blessed to feel healthy, it’s still a little nerve-wracking waiting for the results. Thankfully the lab processes them quickly and I usually have results within 24 hours. This time I had one elevated number, but thankfully everything looks good overall!
I was thinking about those results the next morning as I had my devotions. With a few vials of blood, the doctor can generally see what condition I’m in physically. So what if there were a test that showed how my spiritual health was?
Let’s say the scale ranged from zero to one hundred. Maybe we’d get a number for how faithful we’d been in prayer lately. What about an evaluation on our thought life or the words we’ve been using (ouch! always a struggle for me!) Has our trust in God to provide and guide us gone up or down since last year?
Just like bringing my cholesterol down, there would be some areas where we could see growth and improvement. Maybe we don’t lose our temper as quickly as used to. Or perhaps we didn’t say those critical words about someone else when they popped into our minds. In those cases, we can thank the Holy Spirit for his help!
I’m sure we’d be disappointed in some of our results. But this spiritual “test” would also show us where we need to get healthier.
I realized that morning that we do have a way to check our spiritual condition. In a sense, we can look at the Holy Spirit as our doctor. He knows our thoughts, feelings, and actions. And the tool he uses to show us our spiritual condition is the Bible.
The Holy Spirit can convict our hearts of sin as we read God’s Word. Meditating on Scripture allows Him to make it part of our lives. How often a verse that I memorized in the past – or just one that’s familiar to me – has come to mind when I need it!
But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you. ~John 14:26
Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to teach us of Jesus and remind us of how he wants us to live.
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. ~Hebrews 4:12
Read it. Listen to it. Memorize it. Meditate on it. God’s Word is the diagnostic tool the Holy Spirit uses to show us where we need to grow.
For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass:
For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteth what manner of man he was.
But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed. ~James 1:23-25
If I eat fast food every day and don’t move my body at all, my high cholesterol will only worsen. And if the Holy Spirit convicts us in an area where we’re sick spiritually, it won’t get better if we don’t make a change.
Jesus didn’t leave us here alone to figure it out. Our helper, the Holy Spirit is here to encourage and teach us.
Let’s praise the Lord for those areas in which we’re nice and healthy! And let’s ask the Holy Spirit to use God’s Word to show us where we need to make changes so we can be strong, growing Christians going forward!
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Welcome to the first blog post of 2025! I hope you had a sweet season celebrating Christmas and ringing in a new year.
In the last few days of 2024, the phrase “lay it down” kept coming to mind. It’s been a while since I’ve done something like choose a word for the year. But I felt like God was impressing that particular phrase on my heart, so I’ve adopted it as my theme for 2025.
I’m not sure what it’s going to mean, like what I might be asked to lay down in 2025. But this is the Bible passage that I thought of as I considered those three words.
Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30
Lay it down. That scares me a little because what I think of first is surrendering things I may hold dear. But I also know there are bad habits, maybe obligations or relationships, and definitely recurring sins that I need to lay down.
How about you? Could there be some things you might need to lay down in the coming months? I already have a list of five things it would be good for me to lay down. See if any of them resonate with you or come up with your own list of things to lay down in 2025.
Do we say “yes” to things just so that someone will like us? Are we seeking affirmation and acceptance from other people or do we allow God to meet those needs?
As we (meaning me 🙂 find our identity in who we are as children of God, we learn to live for His approval. We’re confident in who we are and don’t need to perform to gain other people’s favor.
However, we do want to be helpful and show empathy and kindness. But we do it as unto the Lord, following his command to love our neighbor, not with the motive for them to like us.
In this case, I mean expecting others to behave a certain way.
Here’s an example. We expect that our family will buy us a big, meaningful gift for Mother’s Day. We don’t mention it to anyone, kind of expecting them to read our minds. It’s not something that they do every year. We have no indication that they’ve even thought about the idea. But then we’re disappointed when Mother’s Day comes and goes without that happening.
I can have unrealistic expectations of other people and, at times, of myself. Laying those down will be a good goal for this year.
How often do we set out to accomplish a task, teach a class, or face a conflict without asking God for his help? This year, I want to be so much more mindful of asking God for his strength and assistance in whatever I’m doing.
I can get wrapped up in my head thinking about what that person said or how they treated me. I can run down that person who, in my opinion, doesn’t measure up to what I think they should be.
Let’s lay down any thoughts that are critical of other people. Let’s ask God (because we can’t do it in our own strength) to free us from that. And when those thoughts start – because they will – let’s pull out a Scripture or a praise song and change the narrative in our minds.
Many Bible verses encourage us to guard what we say. If we get going with those critical thoughts, it’s easy for them to turn into words that are critical of others.
Proverbs 13:10 says, “Only by pride cometh contention…” Arguments and disagreements have one single source. Our pride. Sometimes that’s a hard truth to hear!
Pride is a constant enemy of mine, but as much as possible, I’d like to lay it down in 2025.
It’s impossible to know all that God might ask us to lay down in 2025, but I pray that our hearts will be open and sensitive to his leading.
Each month I plan to update this post with what I’ve needed to lay down. Let me know if there’s anything you know you’d like to lay down this year!
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We’re getting ready to enter a new year and it’s a time when many people set goals or choose a word for their year. I’m the type of person who gets excited about planning ahead and making a list of goals for a fresh start!
As we all look forward, there’s likely some area where we want to experience change in our lives. We don’t want to be the same person next December as we are today.
As Christians, we definitely want to be growing spiritually each year. Becoming more like Christ is our ultimate goal.
So how might God change us this year? Here are ten things He might use to make us different as we walk with Him in 2025.
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As we read and study the Bible, the Holy Spirit uses it to convict us about sin. Or, He may encourage us to step up to the plate and do something for Him that we’re not currently doing.
When we look at setting different habits for the new year, let’s evaluate how much time we’re spending in God’s Word and how we can increase that. One area I’ll work on is listening to the Bible. I’d like to use an app on my phone or a podcast to hear God’s Word daily. That’s not to replace my morning time of reading the Bible, but adding to it.
I’m not so good at this one. I’ve done the method of writing a verse on a 3×5 card and putting it in a prominent place in the kitchen or placing a sticky note on the bathroom mirror. But after a couple of days, it’s like I don’t even see it anymore.
But I know meditation will help me. I’m thinking of choosing a Bible verse for a week and maybe using it as my iPhone screen saver or finding other ways to keep it front and center in my mind. Then I can change to a different verse for the next week, perhaps focusing on an area of temptation or a Scripture that I want to turn into a personal prayer.
We might think more of prayer as a way God might change others, but the act of praying can change us, too. God can increase our faith as we see prayers answered. Including praise and thanksgiving in our prayer time focuses our thoughts on the greatness and goodness of our God.
Being under the teaching of God’s Word, whether in a church service on Sunday or watching an online Bible study video during the week, can cause us to grow spiritually. The Holy Spirit can use a sound Bible teacher to show us truths and principles from God’s Word. Again, I like to listen to sermons from favorite preachers and Bible teachers on podcasts.
Every time I’ve had a major trial in my life, God has given me a song to encourage my heart and draw me to Him. Sometimes I’ve heard it “randomly” on the radio or in church. At other times, a family member or friend has shared it with me.
Tying this into meditation, I could choose a song of the week that I listen to daily and let its message encourage or challenge me for that period of time.
So this one scares me. Trials are difficult events that are out of our control.
Yet I know if I’m going to change, I will likely face some hard moments in 2025. How you and I respond to these trials will determine whether or not growth and change happen. Trials can be times of drawing closer to God as we increase our prayer life and learn to trust Him.
God can use our service for others to change us. I would guess we can all relate to a time when we went to be a blessing to someone else, and ended up getting a huge blessing ourselves! Serving changes us as we serve and bless others.
I feel like this could go one of two ways. We may develop a new relationship with someone who edifies and encourages us in our Christian life. It could be a friendship, a new mentor, or a good counselor.
On the flip side, God may place a difficult person in our lives who makes us see how unloving we really are. Learning to deal with him/her could bring about some very positive changes in ourselves, whether it affects that person or not.
This wouldn’t necessarily be a trial, but just something that comes along, perhaps that’s unexpected. Maybe it’s a job change or a new opportunity for ministry. In God’s providence, He may start moving us in a different direction than we had planned.
It’s so important to read good books. A couple of books that I think are worth reading every year are Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss and Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot. Remember God by Annie F. Downs is another good book that I re-read frequently.
Books can challenge us to grow spiritually and mentally. Maybe you could make a list of 12 books you’d like to read this year and challenge yourself to read one each month.
As we go into this new year, I hope we’ll keep our hearts open to areas in which God wants to change us. We can trust our loving heavenly Father to do what’s best in each of our lives as we go through this year.
Which of these 10 things can you see God using to change you in 2025?
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Do you remember what 2020 was like? Sometimes it seems like it was so long ago.
At the beginning of the year, none of us could have predicted how it would unfold. Who could have foreseen a worldwide pandemic that shut down schools and many businesses, confined us all to our homes for a long period of time, and emptied store shelves of toilet paper and cleaning products?
Throw in some major hurricanes, wildfires, protests, and a contentious election season, not to mention the personal ups and downs we all experienced. It was certainly a year we’ll talk about for a long time to come.
Yet we still had a Thanksgiving that year. Maybe the celebration of the season looked different for our families than in other years. Our expectations changed from the traditional to whatever we could manage. And could we give thanks in a year that caught us by surprise and delivered more than its share of disappointment and devastation? Yes. We could, and we did.
Four years later, some of us may be having a year that went sideways in a different way. It could have been a death in the family, an extended illness, a job loss, a move, or the end of a relationship. And Thanksgiving is here again.
So how do we give thanks in hard times? No matter what a year brings us, here are eight things we can be thankful for in this season of gratitude.
“Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;” ~Deuteronomy 7:9
Our God still meets our needs and even gives us many of our wants. He has not left us to figure out our way through the mess alone. He is ever present and always acts according to His character.
We learned a little about change in 2020, didn’t we? And subsequent years continue to bring changes to our lives. Yet what the Bible said on January 1 is still true in November.
“The grass withereth, the flower fadeth: but the word of our God shall stand forever.” ~Isaiah 40:8
We may not have chosen this particular method of instruction, but we learned lessons nonetheless!
Perhaps we learned to trust God more or made an effort to reach out to others in new ways. Maybe we developed a positive new habit or grew closer in our family relationships. Even though they’re hard, challenging times can help us mature.
There are certain days during a year that we need a healthy dose of hope! I’m always encouraged when I remind myself of God’s promises. And praying those promises can bless our soul, too!
“It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.” ~Lamentation 3:22-23
We’ve been through some uncertain days, but His mercy hasn’t failed. We don’t know what tomorrow looks like, but He does, and will provide whatever mercy is needed.
When we know Jesus as our Savior, Heaven is our eternal home. That, my friends, is something to be thankful for!
“In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.” ~John 14:2-3
Have you prayed more this year than you did before? We all have plenty of things to talk to God about! How wonderful to know that our God hears and answers prayer.
“And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.” ~ 1 John 5:14-15
At Thanksgiving, can we always look back over the past nine months and say they were good? No, not in the sense we think of “good.” There were some good parts, but there were also hard, sad, disappointing, fearful parts.
But because God is good, I can trust that what He’s allowed to happen is part of His overall plan. And because God is incapable of doing anything else, His plan has to be good.
“The Lord is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works.” ~Psalm 145:17
Yes, we can give thanks in hard times. As we turn our hearts toward gratitude this Thanksgiving, let’s realize that no matter how crazy our year has been, we have much for which we can be thankful!
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Do you have a child that’s your mini-me? Maybe you see a lot of yourself in a particular child’s personality or temperament.
I don’t know that either of my daughters is my mini-me, but one is more naturally like me than the other. And while that daughter and I may have butted heads more often as she was growing up, it was easier to understand her because of our similar characteristics.
However, parenting a child who’s totally different from us presents a separate challenge. Maybe you’re a strict rule follower and your child is a free spirit. Or you take lots of risks, but your child is more cautious. You might be an introvert, but your child can’t get enough social activity.
No matter how different you and your child are, I have some ideas we can use to help us parent that child well.
Every child is different so we don’t necessarily parent them in exactly the same way. Get to know your child and appreciate the beautiful way that God has made her. Accept that being different in personality from you isn’t a bad thing.
Don’t compare your child with her siblings, cousins, or friends. We don’t excuse bad behavior because of our child’s personality, but it helps to encourage and discipline her more effectively when we know how she’s wired.
One of our daughters has a stronger artistic and creative side than I do. Actually, I have no artistic or creative side if we’re being honest! 🙂 But I can learn and grow myself by doing activities in those areas with her.
A child who’s different than us can cause us to see things in a different light. We can appreciate and celebrate their talents and interests even if we don’t naturally share them.
Be an active listener. Don’t assume you know what she needs or wants based on your needs and wants. She might need time to process before sharing about her day while you may want to jump into a deep conversation right away.
It’s also okay, especially as she gets older, to talk about your differences. Be honest and transparent. Let her know when you don’t understand something so that she can explain it.
Here’s an example that worked for us. I like to keep a neat house. But one daughter would let her bedroom get very cluttered. There were piles of clothes, bags, random shoes, etc. on the floor or tossed on the furniture. It would make me a little crazy just to see it when I walked past her door.
We came to an agreement that I’d let it go during the week, and on Saturday mornings, she would straighten it up. I could live with that, knowing that there was a point where things would be straightened up and neat…at least for a day!
We can often let go of small things, but if a situation is causing repeated disagreements between the two of you, look for a suitable compromise.
We’ve likely all heard of the five love languages. Take the time to figure out how your child feels loved. Don’t assume that she feels love in the same way you do.
Maybe she enjoys getting a little surprise gift once in a while or just wants a few minutes to snuggle with you and watch TV at the end of the day. Or she may need to frequently hear how proud of her you are as you affirm her with your words in specific ways.
Learning about our children and how we can parent them well – whether they’re like us or not – is a lifelong process. I’m thankful that we can continue to grow in our relationships with our kids.
If you’re parenting a child who’s wired a lot differently than you are, let me know what other suggestions you have for us!
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