With our daughters now 19 and 17, I’m nearing the end of my active parenting years. While I’ll always be a mom to our girls, very soon I won’t be speaking directly into their lives on a daily basis. (With our 19-year-old at college out-of-state, our younger daughter gets all the benefit of my attention now, for which I’m sure she’s grateful…ha ha!)

As I look back over the past years, I see some areas where I think I’ve done okay. I’ve done none of it perfectly for sure. Yet I’m pleased that I passed along a love of reading books. Both girls make their beds most mornings. They can drive a car and balance a checkbook and clean a bathroom.

But what about the more important things? Have I challenged them enough to develop their character? Have I emphasized spiritual values and modeled disciplines that will affect their success in the future? I’m sure those things haven’t always gotten the time and attention that they deserved.

I’ve missed some opportunities. Teachable moments have drifted away without me claiming them. I was too busy doing the daily stuff of life – or just caught up in my own world – to focus on them.

So when I sit and worry about how I’ve messed up as a mom and feel badly about all the parenting opportunities I missed, I cling to this truth.

God’s grace will fill in the gaps.

I’ve made mistakes and failed as a mom many times over. But, to the best of our knowledge, both of our daughters have accepted Jesus as their Savior. Therefore, the same Holy Spirit that lives in and works on me does the same for them. They have God’s Word to lead and guide them well beyond anything I’ve tried to teach them.

And this verse gives me a lot of comfort.

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” ~Philippians 1:6

You see, these children aren’t mine anyway. God simply gave them to my husband and me to steward for Him. Certainly, I’m accountable to do my best with that responsibility. But our children are a work in progress. And they are God’s work.

While He has graciously allowed me to parent them, ultimately He is in control of accomplishing His purpose in their lives. Whatever lessons we failed to teach or principles we didn’t fully convey, God will continue to work in their lives. My prayer for my girls’ future can be that God will fulfill His Word and perform His work in and through them.

On the flip side, if I’m tempted to take credit when I see our daughters make a right choice, I must stop and remind myself that the successes, too, are only possible because of God’s grace. It’s not my fabulous mothering skills that finally paid off. No, rather it’s a reminder that God can work in spite of my failings.

So if you’re discouraged about any parenting failures today, take heart. Our God is gracious. He loves our children more than we do. And He can and will work in their hearts to make them exactly what they need to be.

Related posts:

• 3 Prayers to Pray As We Learn to Let Go of Our Teenagers
• 7 Lessons Parenting Teaches Us About Ourselves
• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom

It’s a good thing that letting go of our children is a gradual process. First, we walk them into kindergarten. Later, we drive them to their first sleepover, and eventually, they take off for a week at camp.

Our oldest daughter has been away at college for almost three months now. I confess that I’m still in the process of learning to let her go. Over the weekend, my husband and I were discussing a decision she will be facing at some point, and he said, “You do realize how little control you have over this situation, don’t you?”

Well yes, yes I do, but that doesn’t make it easy! However, I’m so thankful I have him to keep me grounded about these things. And I realized the truth of what he said – that I was fretting over things I couldn’t control. When that happens, I know it’s time to take it to God in prayer.

I’ve written before about praying God’s Word over our children and about journaling prayers for our children. As I thought about how I wanted to apply that to this process of letting go, I took three of my favorite – and very familiar – verses, and wrote out prayers from them.

1. Philippians 4:6-7

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

These were the first verses that came to mind because I KNEW I was worrying over a particular situation. Here’s my prayer (or at least the general idea of it. The one I actually wrote out has a few specific details that I’m not sharing here.)

Dear Lord, Help me not to worry about this decision our daughter is making. Thank you that I can bring it to you in prayer. I’m also thankful that she is learning to be independent. Please give her wisdom and discernment as she handles this situation. Most of all, may you be honored and glorified with the outcome. Give me your peace regarding this area of my daughter’s life, I pray.

2. Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

These verses have been such an encouragement to me through much of my life.

God, I trust you to work in my daughter’s life and to do what you know is best for her. I may not understand your ways, but I believe that you love and care for her even more than I do. May she seek your will and allow you to direct her steps. Help her to follow the commands in these verses and know the peace and joy that come from trusting you.

3. Romans 8:26-28

“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Sometimes I know exactly how I need to pray about something. But there are other situations I’ve faced in life in which I haven’t been totally clear on how I should pray. But the Holy Spirit knows the mind of God, and He can intercede on my behalf.

Heavenly Father, I’m not even sure how to pray about this situation in my daughter’s life. May your Holy Spirit guide me in how to pray and direct my prayer. You know far better than I what is best for her. I ask that your will would be done. Thank you for the assurance that you can work all things together for her good and for your own honor and praise.

We will always be parents and hopefully will continue to have influence in our children’s lives. But as they take steps toward independence, may we be faithful in turning our concerns over to God in prayer and trusting Him to do His work in them.

Related posts:

• 5 Prayers to Pray for Your Children Every Day
• 7 Steps to Becoming a Wise Woman: Trust God
• 10 Prayers to Pray for Your Daughter

November is here!! We’re heading into the final stretch of 2019.

With the Thanksgiving holiday ahead, many of us focus on cultivating grateful hearts this month. No matter what our circumstances are, we all have so much to be thankful for!

If you’re like me, gratitude is an important trait I want to make sure our children are developing. One way to focus on this is by helping them memorize related Scripture verses. This can open the door to family discussions about these verses, especially in a season where everyone seems to emphasize being thankful.

Below I’ve listed eight Bible verses that talk about thankfulness. You’ll notice that several of them are from the books of Psalms. Apparently David has a lot to teach us about being grateful! (If you want suggestions for helping your child memorize Scripture, check out these ten ideas.)

1. “I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving.” ~Psalm 69:30

What a great reminder that praising God often involves singing! Maybe part of encouraging grateful hearts this month could include singing songs as a family. This verse also points out that our purpose in giving thanks is always to glorify God.

2. “Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.” ~Psalm 95:2

Both this verse and the next one emphasize us being thankful when we enter into God’s presence. It can be uplifting to begin personal prayer time by thanking God for specific blessings in our lives.

3. “Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.” ~Psalm 100:4

Thanksgiving naturally leads to praising God. When we give thanks, it shouldn’t be a generic expression of gratitude, but specifically directed to God.

4. “O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.” ~Psalm 107:1

We can always thank God for His specific traits like goodness and mercy.

5. “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” ~Ephesians 5:20

We’re to be thankful for everything. We may not always feel like giving thanks, but we can make the choice to do it anyway.

6. “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” ~Colossians 3:17

Whatever we do should be done in His name, for His glory, and with a thankful heart.

7. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18

There’s no verse more convicting than this one. It is God’s will for us to give thanks in everything, from the normal days to the really difficult ones. That’s hard, but it can be done with the Holy Spirit’s help.

8. “By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.” ~Hebrews 13:15

I love the phrase “fruit of our lips.” How neat would it be if giving thanks just naturally flowed from our mouths!

However your day has started, there’s no time like right now to start being thankful. Not only could our children benefit from memorizing these verses, but we as adults could, too!

Related posts:

• 10 Simple Ways to Show Thanks
• Living Grateful: Making a Daily Choice to Give Thanks
• 5 Christmas Bible Verses to Teach Your Kids

If we compared what I thought I knew about myself and parenting before our children were born, and what I now realize I actually knew (or more accurately, didn’t know!) back then, there would be a world of difference!!

You can probably relate. We thought we knew the type of parent we’d be or laid out in our minds exactly how we’d handle a certain issue. However, once we actually had that child and were parenting them in real-time, things probably looked quite different!

As much as I’ve learned about our children through the years, I’ve learned just as much about myself. Each new age and stage has its own many blessings as well as its challenges. And each one gives us and our children the chance to grow and mature as people.

Below are seven things I’ve learned (and continue to learn!) about myself on this parenting journey. There are certainly many others I could list, but these are some of the most meaningful ones.

1. We might not have as much patience as we thought we did.

Prior to becoming a mom, I taught classrooms full of kindergarteners and first graders. I would have said my patience level was fairly high.

And then I had my own children. Living with them was totally different. My true self was revealed, and it wasn’t pretty. I was a lot more self-centered and short-tempered than I’d realized. Dealing with a strong-willed two-year-old or sibling squabbles didn’t always bring out the best in me.

The good news is that in 18 years of parenting, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to grow in this area!

2. We can greatly benefit from community.

I’m an introvert, which means I don’t mind spending large chunks of time alone. However, throughout these mom years, I’ve found I definitely need time with other moms who are in similar life stages. There’s nothing like bonding with others over shared joys or trials in parenting. We can celebrate and commiserate.

Over the summer, I was with several mom friends at dinner. We had a great discussion about this transition between parenting children and young adults. I left so encouraged over finding common ground with others who can relate to what I’m going through.

3. We have to work at being consistent.

It’s not easy to be steady in our discipline or in setting boundaries. A hard day of parenting can make us want to just let everything go.

But we need to remember that our children are always watching and learning from what we do. They tend to respond better when we are predictable in how we interact with them and in how we conduct our own lives.

4. If we thought marriage revealed most of our flaws…parenting exposes even more.

I learned to do life with another adult for nine years before we had children. I’m not saying I did it perfectly (and I still don’t). But it’s like that was just the first step in stripping away my selfishness.

Once children came on the scene, it leveled up! There’s often some personal sacrifice involved when it comes to our kids, even basic things like getting up with them in the middle of the night or having very little time to ourselves. And while we wouldn’t have it any other way, these moments reveal more of who we really are.

5. We’re not in control.

I have to trust God because ultimately, I have no control over my children. From health to safety to relationships to choices they make, God is the one who’s in control.

In just the five weeks our daughter’s been at college, she’s already dealt with an unexplained rash and torn ligaments in her ankle. She’s “adulted” through it very well, but all I can do (and the best thing to do!) from this distance is to pray for her.

6. We need wisdom from God.

I never knew how much I needed Godly wisdom on a daily basis until I had teenagers. Whether they’re asking for guidance or we’re establishing boundaries and meeting out consequences, wisdom is invaluable.

We even need wisdom in how to pray for them. They may be dealing with issues they’ve not shared with us, but God knows each one and can lay them on our hearts.

7. We can love our children more than we ever thought possible.

In case the first six made it sound like there’s only a hard side of parenting, this one makes it all worth it!

It’s amazing how much love and joy we get from parenting our children. There’s such pleasure in having a front-row seat to watch them become the incredible young people God designed them to be.

What have you learned about yourself as you’ve parented your kids?

Related posts:

• Parenting with a Spirit of Grace
• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom
• Parenting Is Not About Making Me Look Like a Good Mom

Since we’re sports fans, it’s a fun time of year at our house! We enjoy watching college and pro football on television. Our younger daughter currently cheers for the boys’ soccer team at her school, and our older daughter is playing intramural soccer at college.

It seems like part of sports these days is players demonstrating poor sportsmanship. However, it’s so refreshing to see men and women who conduct themselves with dignity and respect for others on the field or court. I think we all hope that those athletes are the ones our kids will look up to!

Even if your children aren’t involved in organized sports, they still have the chance to be good sports. Whether they’re playing Candy Land with their sister or tag with the neighborhood kids in the back yard, all of our children have opportunities to learn sportsmanship. 

We as parents can step in and teach our children how to play fair and how to act properly whether they win or lose. Most of us have at least a bit of a competitive streak – and it’s always fun to win!  But learning how to handle the disappointment of losing is part of helping our children mature.

Below I’ve listed eight lessons we can work through with our kids to help them learn to be good sports. It may take some time and patience, but hopefully, it will make the games they play more enjoyable for everyone!

1. Follow the rules of the game. 

Don’t take a shortcut or cheat in order to put yourself or your team ahead. It’s only a fair competition when all the players abide by the rules.

2. Play your best the entire game. 

Even if you or your team is losing by a large margin, don’t give up or quit participating in the game. Give it all you’ve got until the game is over. (Maybe Monopoly is the exception…)

3. Never make fun of others who don’t play well or who are just learning the game. 

Try to be patient and help your teammates or other players as much as you can. We’ve all been beginners at some point!

4. Take turns (aka don’t make the game all about you).

Allow others to go first. Don’t be so bossy that no one wants to play with you…that kind of defeats the purpose.

5. Respect the coach or instructor. 

Listen quietly when he/she is talking and then follow instructions. While we’re on this topic, I would include referees and umpires here as well. And yes, this applies to us parents! As fans, we can set the example in this area. (I admit to not always doing this well!)

6. Maintain self-control even when there’s a missed call or a bad play.

It’s the basketball player running down the court with his arms up because he thinks he was fouled and it wasn’t called…while the guy he should be guarding scores a basket.

Will unfair things happen during a game? Yep. And if there’s a right, official way to protest, that’s fine. Otherwise, just recognize that sometimes these things happen, and move on.

7. If you lose, congratulate the winner with a right attitude.

This one’s hard, and doubly so if your opponent isn’t exactly gracious about winning. But we can’t control how they act, only our response to them.

8. If you win, say “Thank you” when congratulated. 

If others on the opposing team played well, compliment them on their performance. And it’s okay to celebrate, but not in a way that rubs it in the face of your opponent.

I’m not as competitive as some people, but I’m amazed at how involved I get when my daughters are playing sports. I have to remember to keep my attitude right so that I don’t set a bad example for them.

In case you haven’t seen this before, I’m including John Crist’s video where he imitates every high school sports parent. I’ll not say if I recognize myself in any of his comments! (If you’re reading this in email, click here to see the video.)

I hope these eight ideas will help us give our children a good foundation for becoming good sports and enjoying whatever games they choose to participate in. I’d love to hear any thoughts you have on this topic!

Related posts:

• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom
• What This Forty-Something Mom Learned from a Football Movie
• 7 Life Lessons Our Child is Learning from Team Sports

With our oldest daughter far away at college, I don’t often get immediate feedback on how she’s doing. Is her day going smoothly or could she use a little cheering up? Did she ace that test or is she struggling to keep up in a certain class?

I certainly pray for her! In a sense, I’m trusting the prompting of the Holy Spirit to know when a card in the mail, a phone call, or a random little gift might be the support that she needs. I believe that God can direct the timing of those things to arrive just when she could use a special blessing!

We can all use a dash of encouragement from time to time – and that certainly includes our children. Here are thirteen simple ideas we can use to help make their day just a little brighter.

1. Tuck a note into their lunchbox or book bag. Write a sweet thought or a short joke to make them smile. Kristen has links to all kinds of lunch box jokes here. Even my teen girls enjoy receiving a good joke! (And I’m following my own advice; I put a note in the mail to my college girl yesterday.)

2. Give them a big hug for no particular reason at all. This one’s sometimes easier when they’re younger, but no matter their age, sneak one in when you can!

3. When you drop them off at school, tell them that you’ll be praying for them today. Or if they’re older and have a cell phone, text at some point during the day that you’re praying for them. (And then, of course, follow through!)

4. Put a small treat on their bed for them to find when they get home at the end of the day. It could be their favorite candy or just a fun little something you picked up at a dollar store.

5. Smile at them often. I thought this would just be a natural habit, but I find that it isn’t necessarily, at least for me. Sometimes I have to actually make a conscious effort to smile!

6. Make eye contact and give your child your full attention when she’s telling you something. Sometimes we really don’t want to stop what we’re doing to hear about who did what on the playground today, but our children feel valued when they’re listened to.

7, Praise them for a task well done. We shouldn’t go overboard and throw a party every time he puts his toys away, but we all like to be commended for a job well done. I think this is especially effective if they took initiative and did something they weren’t asked to do.

8. When they are within earshot, tell another adult something good that your child has done. Let them hear you speak positively about them.

9. If you see them struggling with a task, offer your help. Some children want to do things all by themselves – and that can be good! – but if you sense they’re getting frustrated, offer to lend a hand.

10. Watch for an area in their character where you see growth and spend a few minutes sharing how proud you are of their progress. At one point, a daughter of ours was a procrastinator in lots of areas. As I saw her focus on getting things done on time, I tried to make sure to notice her efforts and commend her for them.

11. Willingly do something they ask you to do – stop working and play a game, help them find a lost item, etc. You can’t always drop everything you’re doing, but when you can, make that choice.

12. Allow them to help you with a project you’re working on that they’re interested in – cooking, cleaning, scrapbooking, or other chores or hobbies. It may slow you down in the moment, but it can lead to some sweet memories.

13. Every so often, allow them a special privilege, such as staying up late, having two helpings of dessert, or taking a day off from chores. Just a little change in routine can make them feel special.

I want to be mindful of encouraging my daughters regularly. And what a blessing it is, as they get older, to find that sometimes they’re the ones to encourage me!

Related posts:

• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom
• 5 Prayers to Pray for Your Children Every Day
• Using Scripture to Correct and Encourage Our Children

As I go through the process of parenting two teenage girls, I’ve found something I often heard to be true.  Friends play a big part in their lives. 

While I believe that the most important influence continues to be us as parents, their friends can either help or hinder what we’re trying to teach our children during these years.

As with every area of their lives, the most important thing we can do is to pray over their friendships.  I pray almost daily that our girls will have wisdom and discernment in their relationships.  I desire for them to have strong, life-giving friendships with those who will be loyal, honest, and loving.  Most of all, I want them to be surrounded by peers who will encourage them to grow in their relationship with Christ.

Below are six quotes, wisdom from others, that I want to pass along to my daughters as they consider how to be and how to find good friends.

1.  “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”  ~Proverbs 18:24. 

With our oldest daughter heading off to a college where she doesn’t have close friends, she’ll be in a position to reach out in friendship to others.  And if/when loneliness starts to creep in, I want her to realize that Jesus will always be her closest friend.  In fact, He can meet needs in her that no friend, no matter how close, ever can.

2.  “My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me.”  ~Henry Ford  

A true friend makes us a better person. It’s good to ask, “Am I blessed and encouraged when I’m with this friend, or do I feel ‘less-than’ or discouraged after we’ve been together?”

Conversely, ask “Am I able to help my friend grow and shine through the way I treat her?”

3.  “Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity.”  ~Khalil Gibran  

View friendships through the lens of what you can give to others, not what you can get from them. Be the friend you would like to have.

4.  “Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.”  ~George Washington  

It takes time to build trust, so be careful who you share your deepest thoughts and feelings with. Be just as careful to keep the trust that is given to you by a friend.

I’ve heard it said that you will only have a few truly close friends throughout your lifetime. Treasure those people with whom you can build lasting relationships!

5. “Never do a wrong thing to make a friend or to keep one.” ~Robert E. Lee

A true friend will not ask you to do anything that he or she knows goes against your beliefs. Don’t let peer pressure cause you to act foolishly. Remember Proverbs 13:20. “He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.”

6.  “When you choose your friends, don’t be short-changed by choosing personality over character.”  ~W. Somerset Maugham

Value those who are true to themselves and who live in a way that is God-honoring. It’s easy to be attracted to those who are popular or funny, but make sure they are also good, kind people.

I think it goes without saying that these truths apply to our adult friendships as well! Good friends can be a blessing in the lives of our teenagers and in our lives, too.

Related posts:

• Finding the Friend in the Seat Beside Me
• 5 Prayers to Pray for Your Children Every Day
• 3 Pieces of Advice for My Children in the New School Year

When August 1st arrived, I knew it was real. The countdown to dropping our oldest daughter off at college was on and moving fast.

I’m processing lots of feelings and emotions over here…which I’m sure is delightful for everyone around me! In the midst of that, I’m gathering encouragement for when that day arrives.

These five thoughts are helping me so far. And while my situation deals with college separation, it could also apply to a child starting any new phase of life.

1. God’s not done with your child…and He’s not done with you.

We see our children the way they are today, 18 and 16-years-old, in my case. And while much about them might be wonderful, they still have a lot of maturing to do. When I think back to how I was at 18, I’m glad I’ve grown up some more since then!

I love the words of Paul in Philippians 1:6. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.“

Not only will God continue to perfect His work in our children, but He will do the same for us as parents. This change in our family situation will give me more opportunities to trust Him and grow my faith – especially since our daughter will be almost 600 miles away.

2. It’s okay to feel sad about the “lasts,” but make time to celebrate the “firsts.”

Process the feelings of sadness. They’re natural and okay. But also have fun buying for and decorating her dorm room (or book bag or school locker). Put together a care package with some of her favorite things and be ready to send it at the first sign of homesickness.

Endings usually lead to new beginnings. One of my favorite verses about the changing seasons of life is Isaiah 42:19. “Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.“

Even when change is hard, there’s always room for God to do a new thing. Let’s look ahead to the good things in store for us and for our child.

3. Remember that God never fails.

Change doesn’t mean that God leaves you or walks away. In fact, sometimes we recognize Him more in the difficult times.

“My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.” ~Psalm 73:26

I remember the season of new motherhood. I had no idea what to do with a baby. Yet through the sleepless nights, high fevers, terrible-two tantrums, middle school drama, and teenage disappointments, God has guided me as a mom to this daughter. He will continue to do so.

Not only will He not fail me, He won’t fail my daughter. I’m excited to think about the lessons she will learn about God’s faithfulness in the coming months.

4. This too shall pass.

My husband and I have said this about several stages in our children’s lives!

At first, I’ll cry when I drive past the Chick-fil-a where she’s worked for the last 2 1/2 years. I already dread walking back into the house after college drop off and seeing her empty bedroom. It won’t ever be the same again, but there will be a new normal.

“But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” ~1 Peter 5:10

I might not classify this situation as suffering, but I do know that God can use it to continue to grow us. We’ll learn lessons through this adjustment, and move on to what God has for us next.

5. Other moms are walking this same road.

There’s comfort in shared experiences. I have a number of friends who’ve either just come through this stage, are in the middle of it, or are beginning it just like me. We all experience it differently, as do our kids, based on personalities and expectations. However, it’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone in this.

“Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.” ~Proverbs 27:9

If any of you have already passed this milestone, I’d love to hear what advice was most helpful to you!

Related posts:

• 6 Pieces of Advice for a Daughter Who’s Beginning Her Life’s Voyage
• 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers
• A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: God Made You Special

When our daughters were young, I often had to prompt them to say “thank you” or coach them in other proper responses. I’m sure I asked the typical “What do you say?” when they’d get candy or a toy from someone until I was even tired of hearing myself!

Maybe you’ve done the same with your kids. So why do we do that? Yes, we want them to appear to be civilized human beings with good manners. But I think we want more than that. I think we want those feelings that we’re trying to force them to express to become a natural part of who they are.

In the beginning, when they say those certain phrases, it’s just an automated response that’s usually lacking the desired emotion. But we can begin training them early to actually think about how they’re interacting with other people.

There are typically plenty of opportunities to practice these sentences at home. Using them with parents and siblings provides a great training ground for learning to use them in public.

1. Thank you.

An attitude of gratitude goes a long way in life. Whether expressing appreciation for a gift or a thoughtful gesture, these are the words that many of us automatically teach our kids to say.

And by the way, this doesn’t end when they get to be teenagers. We encouraged (“made”) our oldest daughter to write thank-you notes for all of the graduation gifts she received. I know that not everyone does that anymore, but I think it’s a good way to be grateful and acknowledge the giver.

2. I’m sorry; I was wrong. Please forgive me.

Okay, that’s two sentences, but you get the point. These words can be difficult to say at any age, so the earlier our children can learn to acknowledge their wrong words or actions and ask for forgiveness, the better it is.

How much you get into having your child apologize certainly depends on their age. A two-year-old who just hit another kid because he picked up the toy she was playing with probably isn’t going to understand the dynamics of saying “I’m sorry.” But talking through a situation with a six-year-old who’s learning how to empathize with others can help them understand the need to ask for forgiveness.

3. I’m happy for you.

Much of our culture promotes self-centeredness and comparison. If we can help our children learn to be excited for someone else when that person succeeds, we can potentially give them a head start on fighting those negative feelings.

I’ve mentioned before how much I love Kay Wyma’s book I’m Happy for You (Sort Of…Not Really). It addresses this issue for moms. And it reminds me that the best way to help my children learn to say these sentences is to set the example by using them myself!!

Are there other phrases you emphasize with your children? Do you have tips on helping them remember to use these words at appropriate times? Please share!

Related posts:

• How to Have Peace in Your Home
• Parenting Is Not About Making Me Look Like a Good Mom
• I Can Be Happy for You

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Here’s a scenario that’s happened at our house on more than occasion.  Maybe you can relate…

One of our daughters had been looking forward to something for weeks.  We got news at the last minute that it wasn’t going to work out like she’d hoped.  Actually, my husband and I knew first, and I DREADED telling her.  I knew how disappointed she was going to be.  And what if she cried???  I’m not one to cry easily, and neither are my girls, so when there are tears involved, my heart just melts.

She took it like a champ, and in the end, it all worked out okay.  But that wasn’t the first time – and certainly wasn’t the last – that she’d receive disappointing news.  Maybe our daughter won’t get the job or the invitation or the scholarship or the guy.

That particular day, I was able to share with her a disappointment that I’d experienced…because haven’t we all had our share of those moments?  Whether it’s missing an event you’ve looked forward to or not receiving something you expected to get, we’ve all known what it’s like to feel disappointment.

No one likes to be disappointed.  But learning to accept and deal with it is part of life.  And since we know that our children will face disappointment, it’s helpful if we can give them strategies for handling it.

The following is a quote by Thomas Monson.

The principles of living greatly include the capacity to face trouble with courage, disappointment with cheerfulness, and trial with humility.

I don’t know that I’m at the point of facing disappointment with cheerfulness, but that’s a great goal to have!  Here are six tips I try to remember when walking our children through a disappointment since even our older kids get disappointed at times.

1.  Empathize.  Don’t just brush off their disappointment as no big deal.  Take time to acknowledge their feelings.  Show compassion for the situation, and let them know that you’ve suffered disappointments, too.

2.  Remind them that God knows all about it.  Gently remind them that God is in control, and has allowed this to happen.  We know that God loves us and only wants what’s best for us, so we can trust that it is in His good plans for us.

Do this on an age-appropriate level; it will likely be a shorter conversation with younger kids.  Since my daughters are teenagers, we can really get into a discussion on this – and I did with a daughter who recently faced disappointment.  Let your child know that we can talk to God about this disappointment, and hopefully see it as a way God is growing our trust in Him.

3.  Allow some time to grieve the disappointment.  I’m not talking about whining and pouting or allowing it to drag on for hours.  But even as an adult, I need a few minutes to adjust my thinking and try to get back into a positive mindset when I’ve had a sudden change of plans or gotten disappointing news.  Taking a little while to reframe the situation and adjust our attitudes is helpful.

4.  Think of something new to anticipate.  Part of maturing is learning to bounce back from disappointments.  Once they’ve had a little time to grieve, help them think of something else to look forward to.

With younger children, maybe there’s a distraction, or something fun you can do instead.  Take the focus off of the current situation and begin to look forward to another outing, activity, etc.  Or a good strategy for any situation is to come up with a list of things to be grateful for.

5.  Set a good example.  When you suffer a disappointment, deal with it as you would want your children to do.  Seeing how you handle these situations can help your children as well.

6.  Don’t try to shield your child from ever feeling disappointed.  Disappointment is a fact of life.  We’ll all experience it on multiple occasions.  Helping your child learn to deal with it well will help them as they go through life.  I’d rather them learn now how to handle it rather than have to do it by themselves when they’ve left our home.

Going through disappointments helps our children realize that there are things in life that can be changed and there are those that can’t.  And here’s where my dad’s wise, age-old advice comes in handy.

Attitude is everything.

Adjusting our attitude as we manage our disappointments gives us the capacity to live life greatly!

Do you have other suggestions for handling disappointment?

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