Well, it happened. We moved our junior and freshman college students into their dorms on Saturday and said goodbye on Sunday afternoon. I guess that officially makes us empty nesters! I think I’m still in denial because I certainly don’t feel like an empty nester, but I’m sure it will hit me at some point soon.

Back at home, I’ve been cleaning their rooms and organizing what they left behind. I’m trying to maintain that balance of checking in with them to find out how things are going and letting them get the semester started without me hovering 🙂

Between our two girls, I’ve been parenting a teenage daughter for almost eight years. It seems like there’s still plenty I haven’t figured out. Yet there are lessons I’ve learned – many of them the hard way – that you might find helpful as you parent your own teen girl. Here I give you my list of eleven important things our teenage daughters need from us.

1. A listening ear

If she’s in a mood to share about her day – whether in excitement or frustration – listen. Sometimes you can tell that she wants your full attention. Other times she may seem more comfortable talking while she’s sitting at the kitchen counter and you’re chopping vegetables. Either way, take advantage of every opportunity to get a peek into her world.

2. A calm response

You may be able to traverse the seven years of female teenage-dom with no emotional outbursts from your daughter. If so, congratulations. If not, be the adult and stay calm. One or both of you may need to step away from the situation until you can talk it through objectively.

3. Assurance of your love

There may be days you don’t like her that much but she needs to know that you will always love her. Tell her as well as show her. (Here are seven ways you can show love to your teenage daughter.)

4. Approval

Tell her you’re proud of how hard she worked on that research paper or the way she resolved a misunderstanding with a friend. It’s easy to feel like her friends’ approval matters more than yours in these teen years, but she still needs to know that you notice and support her.

5. Confidentiality

She needs to be able to tell you things and know that you will keep her confidence. Don’t share with others stories or situations that you know would embarrass her. (The obvious exception would be if her struggle is one that requires help beyond what you can provide.)

6. Firm boundaries

This one is hard because teenagers love to push up against boundaries. I don’t think I did this well in every area, but there were some lines that didn’t get crossed. She likely won’t admit it, but your daughter finds security in boundaries.

7. Approachability

She should feel like she can come and talk to you about anything. As she gets older, be willing to discuss new freedoms as she approaches you with a reasonable request in a mature manner. Cultivate adult discussions that help you understand each other’s viewpoint.

8. Authenticity

Teens are well on their way to becoming adults and they can see through insincerity. Your daughter lives with you 24/7. She knows that you blow it sometimes, so be honest about your struggles.

9. Prayers

I’ve written a lot about this! Here’s 10 Prayers to Pray for Your Daughter as well as 3 Prayers to Pray As We Learn to Let Go of Our Teenagers. Our girls need us to pray for them – and make sure you tell her that you’re praying for her!

10. Perspective for the future

Teens live for now. They don’t often think about the long-term consequences of the decisions they make today. So have conversations with them about how they want their lives to look in six months, a year, two years. Encourage them to set themselves up for success later by making good choices in the present.

11. Freedom to become who God wants her to be

Sometimes we have our own agenda for our children. And while it’s fine to want good things for them, our most important goal should be for them to follow God’s plan for their lives. Let’s not put expectations on our daughters to choose a certain career or live just down the street from us. Let one of your prayers be that she would become all that God has for her to be, whatever that looks like.

Parenting a teenage daughter can be fun and challenging and may look different today than it did yesterday! Let’s encourage our girls by providing what they need as they grow through their teen years. And let me know what else you would add to this list!

Related posts:

• How to Give Your Teenage Daughter Her Independence
• Top 10 Things I Love About Having Teenage Daughters
• A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: I Think One Day You’ll Understand

We’re past the middle of August now, and I’m guessing many of you with school-aged children are in the process of starting a new school year. I actually ended up at our daughters’ former school on Monday, which was the students’ first day of classes. I was dropping off my daughter’s cheer uniform from last year. Walking into the school office again without having a child on the campus felt a little strange!

We’re now in the single digits…just nine days until we take our youngest daughter to college. We still haven’t gotten everything on our list, but we’re getting close! Her last day of work is Monday, so we’ll have a few days to pack it all up before we head to Florida.

As a mom, you hope you’ve done a good job preparing your child for this next season in life. It’s a big step, living independently, for the most part, hundreds of miles away from home. As we count down these final days before college life begins, I have a list of nine things I want her to remember.

1. Take care of your body.

I dispensed this down into four words. Eat. Drink. Move. Sleep.

Eat at least some healthy foods and stay hydrated. Walking to classes on a daily basis should keep you moving, but occasionally make time for some real exercise. And, as much as possible, prioritize a good night’s sleep.

2. Spend time with God every day.

So many activities and obligations can crowd out the most important thing. Make time in Bible reading and prayer a priority in your day from the very beginning.

3. Reach out to other people.

Be the first to introduce yourself. Talk to the girl who sits next to you in History of Civ. Use your ride in the elevator or your time standing in line to buy books to strike up a conversation.

4. Find a rhythm for your week.

Figure out when you have your dorm room to yourself. Use that time to take a nap or study for that big test. And speaking of studying, figure out when and where you study best. No afternoon classes on Thursday? Designate that time to work on in-depth projects.

5. Get involved.

Join a club. Try out for an intramural sport. Start a study group with kids from your English class.

6. Try new things.

New foods, your roommate’s favorite hobby, an activity you didn’t have time for in high school – if it’s safe and interesting to you, give it a try. This is a great time in life to find out what types of things you enjoy.

7. Ask for help.

You’re not going to know everything. Find an upperclassman who’s willing to help you. Schedule a meeting with a professor. Talk to your resident assistant. Be brave enough and wise enough to reach out when you need help.

8. Develop a large circle of friends.

In the beginning, you don’t know which friendships will go the distance. Tuesdays can be for lunch with friends from Speech class. Thursdays are for afternoon coffee with your suitemates. It’s not likely that you’ll ever be around this many people in your same stage of life again. Enjoy developing these relationships.

9. Call home.

Okay, maybe this one’s a little selfish, but always remember you have a great support system in your dad and me. We’re praying for this to be a great semester of growing into the person God would have for you to be!

What other advice would you give a college freshman? Anything for a college freshman’s mom??

Related posts:

• 6 Pieces of Advice for a Daughter Who’s Beginning Her Life’s Voyage
• 7 Life Principles from Proverbs to Teach Our Children
• 8 Pieces of Advice for My High School Freshman

If I was wondering what month it is, the weather would definitely let me know that it’s July here in coastal South Carolina! No matter how early in the morning I go out for my daily walks, it’s just constantly HOT. But we’ve had some nice sunshine lately, so I’m thankful for that.

If you read here regularly, you know that our younger daughter is leaving for college next month. The empty nest is upon us, and I’m having lots of feelings about it! She’s now in the midst of taking placement tests and registering for classes. She’s also virtually meeting other freshman girls who could potentially be her roommates.

For months now I’ve been praying that God would give her good roommates. I saw Him provide this in a wonderful way for our older daughter. She didn’t really know anyone to request to room with her first year. But God put her in a dorm room with three sweet girls that were a perfect fit. There was no drama between the four of them all year and it was truly a blessing!

There are lots of things I want to pray for my daughter as she leaves for college. Today I’m pulling ten ideas from Paul’s prayers that we find in the Bible. I think he’s a pretty good example to follow!

I pray that my daughter…

…would know God’s will.

“For this cause we…do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;” ~Colossians 1:9

She will make so many decisions in these next four years – what major to study, which friends to spend time with, classes to take, groups to join, boys to date. May her heart and mind be open to God’s leading.

…would be fruitful in God’s work.

“That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;” ~Colossians 1:10

May the next four years be productive ones for her! Whether she’s studying for a test or ministering to others, I pray that she will do all for the glory of God.

…will increase in her knowledge of God.

“That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God;” ~Colossians 1:10

I’m thankful she’ll be in a Christian college. She’ll be exposed to God’s Word in church and chapel services as well as in the classroom. But most of all, I pray that she’ll develop a personal walk with God that will continue for the rest of her life.

…will get her strength from God.

“Strengthened with all might, according to his glorious power, unto all patience and longsuffering with joyfulness;” ~Colossians 1:11

My daughter will face a lot of new challenges over the next four years. There will be times when she feels overwhelmed and exhausted. May she learn to rely on God and His power to accomplish what needs to be done.

…won’t lose hope.

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” ~Romans 15:13

I don’t know what her future holds. But I know that in God, there is always hope. No matter how desperate the situation looks, may she have the faith to believe that.

…will know the peace of God at all times.

“Now the Lord of peace himself give you peace always by all means. The Lord be with you all.” ~2 Thessalonians 3:16

There will be days when her peace is threatened by a difficult relationship, heavy workload, or any number of distractions. But as she looks to God for help, He can provide peace in her soul.

…will approve things that are excellent.

“And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ.” ~Philippians 1:9-10

She’s going to have lots of chances to make decisions for herself starting next month. I pray that she’ll choose wisely the places she goes, the people she hangs out with, and the way she uses her time.

…will avoid sin.

“Now I pray to God that ye do no evil; not that we should appear approved, but that ye should do that which is honest…” ~2 Corinthians 13:7

May God protect her from evil. And may she choose the “way of escape” when temptation comes calling. [1 Corinthians 10:13]

…would know God’s love.

“For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ…That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man…that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.” ~Ephesians 3:14-19

There may be a day that she wakes up lonely and feeling unloved. I pray that she will take those emotions to God and that His love will flow over her and give her the courage to go on.

…will trust God as He performs His work in her.

“I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy…Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” ~Philippians 1:3-6

She doesn’t know today all that God will do in her life over the next four years. Yet He has a plan, and He will be faithful to work it out as she trusts Him.

How grateful and blessed we are to face a new season of life being confident that God hears our prayers and loves our young adult children even more than we do!

Related posts:

• 10 Prayers to Pray for Your Daughter
• 3 Prayers to Pray As We Learn to Let Go of Our Teenagers
• Journaling Prayers for Our Children

While our weather has already felt like summer at times, I realize that the actual season isn’t quite here yet. Although the unofficial start of summer, Memorial Day, has passed, we’re not actually done with school until Friday. Then we can enter full-on summer mode!

Summer looks different when your kids are working and driving themselves wherever they want to go. I’m not required to be as hands-on with them as in previous years, but we’re definitely on a different schedule and I have to be a lot more flexible with my time.

How well I remember the days with littles and trying to get something “profitable” done around the house, yet wanting to spend time with our children, too.

None of us can do it all, but I know that as moms we want to make sure we’re fitting in some special family time during these summer months. This list of ten things might help us focus on creating those moments – and they can apply whether we have toddlers or teens!

1. Make a memory.

It doesn’t have to be every day – or even every week – but try to think of ways to make a memory with your kids. This could be small, like a trip to a new-to-you ice cream shop or a different playground. Blow bubbles in the park or stock up on glowsticks at a dollar store and play hide-and-seek in the dark.

2. Establish a tradition.

This could actually tie into number one if you wanted it to! Make homemade ice cream every weekend or have build your-own-pizza night on Fridays. Take an after-dinner walk or bike ride in the neighborhood on Tuesdays or organize family game nights on Saturday.

3. Let go of something.

Perhaps Wednesday is laundry day, but your kids are asking for you to play with them. It’s okay to step outside of the routine once in awhile. Give yourself a break. Let go of the regularly scheduled programming and try something different. Maybe lighten up the bedtime routine for the summer or decide to make only simple suppers on weeknights.

4. Be outside.

South Carolina summers are HOT and HUMID. I’m not naturally an outdoorsy girl anyway and pretty much avoid staying outside during the daytime. But I know my mood is better when I can spend time outside.

Early mornings or late evenings aren’t so bad for a walk or bike ride with the family. If you like to garden, get out and plant flowers or vegetables with your kids.

5. Do something for someone else.

Make a card or art project to send to a grandparent. Bake cookies for a Sunday School teacher. See if a neighbor needs help with their yard or housework.

6. Eat seasonal and local foods.

We eat lots of watermelon at our house in June and July! And I’ve already mentioned ice cream at least twice in this post, but it’s a summer favorite here.

7. Play in water.

We’ve had many kiddie pools over the years! Let your children run through the sprinkler, paint the house (or playset or shed or driveway) with water, or wash the car or their bikes. If you’re near the lake or the beach, that makes it easy!

8. Give extra hugs and kisses.

if your kids are normally in school all day, you now have them at home a LOT more than usual. My teenagers may not appreciate me giving random hugs and kisses, but I can still maneuver around for a side hug or back rub.

9. Work together.

This is probably not going to sound fun to the kids, but tackling a project together can be profitable in more ways than one. Clean out the garage, build something, or organize the playroom. You can offer a reward at the end, or just let the satisfaction of a job well done be enough.

10. Pass along truth.

Choose a verse or brief Scripture passage to memorize and study this summer. Read a new Bible storybook with younger kids or find a new devotional for older kids. We enjoyed books like Wisdom and the Millers (and other books in this series) and Those Kids in Proverbsville. They were full of stories (similar to parables) and taught character-building lessons.

While some summer days drag by, the first day of school will be here before we know it. Let’s plan a few things today that will help us, when we look back, to count this as a successful summer.

{Originally published June 2019. Updated June 2021.}

Related posts:

• 5 Ways to Make the Most of This Summer
• A Different Kind of Summer; or, When Kiddie Pools and Sand Boxes Don’t Cut It Anymore
• 3 Good Things to Have in Your Home This Summer

Dear nervous-to-send-her-child-to-school-for-the-first-time mom,

I love how much you love your daughter. How you made sure that everything was just right for her first day of school. The bookbag and matching lunch box are adorable, as are the hairbow and cute socks.

I’ll go ahead and give you a heads up that the first day of school is going to take on a lot of different looks over the years. The outfit she chooses for that special day may or may not be your favorite. And that sweet way she poses for a first-day-of-school picture on the front porch? Enjoy that while you can.

And while you think this first day of saying goodbye is hard – and it is – just wait until she’s the one getting into the driver’s seat and backing out of the driveway on that first day. You’ll pray the whole time she’s driving, until you get that text letting you know she made it there safely. Just like she made it through that first day of school, she’ll make it through this. She’s going to be just fine.

Enjoy all of the firsts this year! Exclaim over all the papers she brings home at the end of the day…because you know what you won’t see in high school? Papers sent home from school. Not unless you’re willing to brave the depths of her bookbag for yourself.

Every morning pack those snacks and lunches with care and sweet notes. Know that lunch will take many forms as the years progress, but never give up on writing those notes.

Drink in the after-school chatter in the car. Learn the names of her friends and classmates. And keep on being interested in those friends and classmates because come middle school and high school, they become a huge part of her world – and yours, if you’re lucky.

In the long run, you’ll never regret a minute you spend at the ball field or the gym watching her play a sport or in the auditorium listening to her perform. Be there and support her whether she’s on the bench the whole game or is a silent tree in the school play. These will turn into some of the best memories you’ll relive together.

I can’t say you’ll ever fully embrace field trips. But just hold on and be grateful when you can follow the bus in your own car. Bouncing along on a bus full of second graders where the volume level matches that of a roaring jet engine reminds you that you’re not so young anymore. And know that once she’s out of elementary school, you’re basically excluded from field trips and class parties. Celebrate quietly.

And another thing to celebrate? That point when you sense that you’re no longer required to stay up half the night finishing a science project. Hopefully, that hits around middle school, too, and that one you’re actually allowed to celebrate loudly.

And one more thing…those cute cupcakes you once lovingly decorated for the fundraiser bake sales? By senior year, you’ll be grabbing a plastic carton of whatever-holiday-is-next iced sugar cookies at the grocery store the night before and calling it good.

There will be teachers throughout the years who are true heroes. They will love your girl and educate her well and teach her important life lessons along with academic ones. And there are teachers who will help your child learn that some personalities aren’t our favorites, but we can still make the best of the situation and respect their authority while we’re in their classroom.

While school and homework and extracurricular activities will take up lots of time, keep your family a priority. Eat meals together. Play games. Take walks. Read books. Give your girl a sense of belonging. Right now, you’re pretty much the only option. But at that point in life when you’re not, you still want her to choose (at least some of the time) to be with you.

Make time for God. Keep going to church. It’s good to have family devotions. But also make conversation about spiritual things a natural part of your day. Pray with her consistently. Keep reading those Bible storybooks at bedtime for as many years as you can get away with it.

Pray for her. Every day. You aren’t there in that locker room with her when she’s tempted to do wrong, but God is. Teach her that character is more important than good grades…but do your best in your classes, too.

And finally, don’t be stingy with your heart. Give, and give, then give some more. Some days – those middle school and high school days when she’s trying to figure out who she is and she’s not sure that she likes herself or you – give even more. And when the drama flies through those high school years, be the adult. Start practicing now discerning when something needs to be said and when you should just keep quiet. And when it needs to be said? Timing is everything.

Before you know it she’ll be rolling out of bed – either early so she can see her friends before school or just in time to beat the tardy bell, depending on her personality – and it will be her very. last. day. of. school. Ever. And you’ll wonder where the time has gone.

And yet you’ll know. You’ll see that the ponytailed, bright-eyed smiling five-year-old girl has become a confident eighteen-year-old young woman. And when that last morning comes, you’ll paste on a smile for her though inside it’s hitting you that things will never be the same. And you want to be able to say you’ve loved her well through it all. You’ll be feeling proud and sad and that emotion that can only be labeled as bittersweet.

So take on the challenge, much-younger version of me. Some days will be really hard. But the good ones will far outweigh the bad. Cheer your sweet girl on and, when she needs it, cheer her up. Tell her you love her every day. Be grateful for all the memories you’re making together. And when these school years are all over, know that even better days are ahead.

At least that’s what I’m told. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

Love,

Mom-who’s-now-nervous-about-sending-her-baby-to-college

Related posts:

• A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: Hold Onto Your Heart
• A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: God Made You Special
• A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: I Think One Day You’ll Understand

Welcome, friends! Here we are on the last Wednesday in February. It seems like the first two months of 2021 have flown by. I’ve mentioned that our younger daughter is a high school senior. I feel like the next three months until she graduates are going to go by even faster.

With her, all the “lasts” are the actual “lasts.” With our older daughter, I knew I’d get to do most of the things again with our younger daughter. I think it’s going to take some getting used to, my husband and I not planning our calendar around school or extracurricular activities. But I’m also excited about what this next season of life will look like!

As we finish up this month talking about our homes and families, I thought we could look into some of the lessons we want to teach our children before they leave our homes. I’m at one end of that spectrum, but you may be at the other! Perhaps you still have young children at home, and, Lord willing, a number of years to shepherd them before they leave.

I’ll go ahead and let you know that the first two lessons on the list are directly from my dad. He and my mom taught us four children many valuable lessons, but these are two of the ones I remember the most.

1. Life’s not fair.

I recently got to share this lesson with a six-year-old in the children’s ministry I work at in our church on Wednesday nights. She complained that it wasn’t fair that she hadn’t yet gotten a turn to be the line leader. She loudly proclaimed to me and some of the other kids that “it’s not fair!” I don’t think my little talk about how life’s not fair impressed her very much, but maybe more stuck with her than I think! 🙂

Solomon has an interesting take on this in Ecclesiastes 9:11. “I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.“

We’re not to go around with a defeatist attitude or channeling our inner pessimist. We work hard and we do our best. But our children need to know that life’s not always fair. You’re going to get a bad call in a game. The part you want in the school play goes to someone else when you feel you were just as good. (That’s one from my own life experience.) The job promotion you believe you deserved goes to your co-worker.

Regardless of the situation, there will be times when life doesn’t seem fair…because it isn’t. And if we can help our children understand that fact ahead of time, they can hopefully be more prepared to deal with it.

2. Attitude is everything.

The earlier we learn this lesson, the happier we will be. We control very little in our lives, but our attitude we control 100%.

Every day we get to decide. Will we be grateful or discontent? Are we going to give that task we hate our best effort or just skim by? Do we sulk or pout when our feelings get hurt?

We also need to help our children see that the attitude we choose doesn’t just affect us. It affects others around us. Their day can be better or worse depending on the attitude we display.

It reminds me of Colossians 3:23. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” The work that we do and the attitude with which we do it should be a testimony to others that we’re seeking to serve the Lord.

3. It’s not all about me.

Goodness don’t we all know someone who’s self-centered? Children can naturally focus on having their needs and wants met. What a blessing if we can help them learn early on that they will have more joy and contentment if they put others first.

This covers a lot of ground – learning to share, taking turns, getting along with siblings. Just being part of a family and responsible for certain chores helps our kids learn that other people are important and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;” ~Romans 12:10

4. Work is good for you.

This can be a hard one because honestly, it’s often easier as a parent to just do the work yourself rather than battle with getting your child to do it – or making them do it over when it’s not done right the first time.

One of our girls was fairly self-motivated. She understood that if she’d jump in and get her work done, she could move on. The other one was more motivated to work if I worked alongside her. Regardless, we want them to know the feeling of completing a job and doing it well.

The fight against entitlement is real. We don’t want children who feel entitled to things just because they breathe air or live in our house. They don’t need everything handed to them. A good work ethic will take them a long way in life.

“In all labor there is profit, but the talk of the lips tendeth only to poverty.” ~Proverbs 14:23

5. Honesty is the only policy.

Not just when it’s convenient, but always tell the truth.

Do all children lie? Maybe not, but both of ours did at some point. Sometimes when they’re really young it’s almost funny because it’s so obvious. But there have been other times when I believe the Lord has revealed to us in some different ways that they weren’t telling the truth. And that’s a blessing! We want them to get caught when they’re dishonest so that we can deal with the issue.

Honesty’s always been a big deal in our home because without it, there’s no foundation for trust. If our girls do something wrong – and they will – we want them to come to us and confess it. There may still be consequences, but if we find out they lied about it – or we discover it through other sources – the consequences will likely be worse.

“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but they that deal truly are His delight.” ~Proverbs 12:22

These five lessons can be good reminders for all of us. I know we haven’t done a perfect job teaching these to our girls. But I do hope the time we spent instilling truths in their lives will benefit them as they leave our home and step out on their own.

Related posts:

• 17 Things I want My 17-Year-Old Daughter to Know
• 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13
• 6 Tips for Helping Our Children Handle Disappointment

Can I go to the mall with some friends on Saturday?

What time do I have to be home after the game?

Do I still have to text you when I get where I’m going?

How old do I have to be to…(go on a date/ride in a car with a friend who just got her license/take a three-hour road trip with friends/etc, etc, etc)?

My husband and I have been asked some version of these questions – and many others! – over the last five years. In two weeks, our daughters will be 20 and 18. We are definitely still in the process of giving our girls their independence!

Today I’m sharing eleven things we’re learning as we go through this process. I’ll likely need to update it in another few years! And since I’m a girl mom, that’s my perspective here. But I think many of these apply to teenage sons as well.

1. Cover your daughter in prayer.

Let’s start with the absolute most important thing! Pray for your daughter. God has brought us to this point in our parenting. He is the one we can trust to walk with our children through whatever these teen and young adult years hold.

Our Heavenly Father, who loves our daughters even more than we do, is always with them, even when we are not. His Holy Spirit can work in their lives and guide them when we cannot. Let’s continually pray that they will be open to His leading. (Here are three prayers based on Scripture that we can pray as we’re learning to let go of our teenagers.)

2. Get wisdom.

Go to your Bible. Read passages about the wise and the foolish in Proverbs. Look for Scriptural principles that will help you make good decisions. Ask counsel from older moms you respect who have already walked through this season of life.

And while we pray for our daughters, let’s also pray for ourselves. Ask God to grant us wisdom to release them in a way that will honor Him and be good for our girls.

3. Give independence a little at a time.

It’s like learning to drive. You start out in a large, empty parking lot. Then it’s on to quiet, neighborhood streets, followed by slightly busier roads, a four-lane highway, and finally the interstate!

This applies to many areas from having cell phones to participating in certain activities to how often they can go out with friends. Don’t throw them in the deep end, so to speak. Slowly allow them to have more privileges…once you’ve dealt with number four.

4. Have some definite boundaries that don’t change.

These will vary based on your family and situation. But whatever you determine your boundaries are, communicate them clearly to your teenager. It could be a curfew, rules about driving, or places they’re not allowed to go alone.

Even though our children likely won’t understand, we can explain that we’ve set these boundaries for their own protection. Also share how you’re feeling about the letting go process and challenge them to build trust by following the guidelines you’ve set.

5. Base privileges on her level of responsibility.

In our married life, my husband and I have owned one dog. We had her until right before our now 17-year-old daughter was born. Since then, for various reasons, we’ve never had a pet.

However, when our college freshman daughter came home because of the pandemic back in March, she bought a fish. (That counts as a pet, right??) Now she’s preparing to come home between semesters and wants to bring the hamster she and her roommate currently have. Because she regularly took care of that fish (meaning I never smelled anything weird in her room, which is my litmus test), we don’t have a problem with that.

That’s a minor example, but you get the point. As our daughters prove themselves able to handle a little independence, we give them more.

6. Let her make some decisions on her own.

How late can she stay up at night? Can she sleep in on Saturday and skip that extra sports practice? At some point, she has to work out in her mind if she would rather get that extra sleep or deal with the consequence of not getting to start in the game because she missed practice. I’m good at trying to impose what I think she should do, but at a certain age, she needs to own her decisions.

You can feel pretty good about yourself as a parent when they make what you deem is the right decision. However, you’ll remain humble because…

7. Know that she’ll likely mess up a time or two.

You’ve given her a curfew and she’s late. You told her to text you when she was leaving her friend’s house, and she forgot. We’re not perfect and neither are they. I heard someone say recently, “As parents, we’re just sinners raising sinners.” It’s okay to give grace occasionally, but…

8. Allow natural consequences to happen.

If her poor decision has repercussions, don’t rescue her from them. I think the lesson is most effective if it’s a natural consequence, but that doesn’t always happen. If you’ve agreed that a certain restriction will be enforced for a particular action, follow through.

9. Maintain some oversight until she’s proven she can handle her independence.

Our children build trust by being responsible. One easy example is cell phones. While we haven’t managed them perfectly, we tried to guide our girls by maintaining the ability to check their texts or monitor their Instagram account, especially as they were starting out. As they handled those things well, we felt there was less of a need to oversee it. However, that would change if they were misusing their phones.

10. Have frequent conversations about how her decisions now can impact her future.

Teenagers tend to live in the moment, so it’s up to us as the adults to help them think long-term. Now she’s likely not going to be excited about these conversations, but bring them up anyway – especially when she’s a captive audience, like when you’re in the car together or eating out at a restaurant.

11. Be excited with her as she experiences new milestones.

The first time each of our daughters drove off in the car by herself, I was a nervous wreck! I prayed from the time they left the driveway until they got back home!! Yet they were each thrilled with the independence that came from driving, so I made sure to be excited with them.

Offer your love, support, and encouragement. After all, this is what we’ve been working toward all these years. What a blessing to see our daughters growing up, learning to be independent, and stepping into all that God has for their future!

Related posts:

• 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13
• 10 Tips for Communicating with Teenagers
• 10 Bible Verses to Pray When Your Teenager Needs Direction