Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

5 Common Enemies of a Good Marriage

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Recently I sent a poll to my email subscribers about content they’d like to see here on the blog. (If you’d like to sign up for my twice-weekly e-mails, click here.) One question asked what topics people would be interested in reading more about. Marriage was one answer that came up.

Honestly, it scares me to write about marriage. I don’t do it often, because I’ve learned the hard way that it practically invites some type of disagreement with my husband within the next 24 hours!

But in order to accommodate the reader who submitted that answer, I’m taking the chance! I’ve been married to my husband for 29 years, but I still feel like I have so much room to grow in this area. I’m definitely no marriage expert, but I will share a few things I’ve learned.

We all want to have good marriages, but sometimes things get in the way. Today I’m listing five enemies of a good marriage and how to fight against them. Hopefully, if we’re aware of them, we can avoid letting these enemies sneak into our relationships.

We need to watch out for these five things that can cause difficulty in our marriage.

1. Selfishness.

Who doesn’t want their own way? It’s natural to be selfish and to think we’re always right. We may start married life trying to change our spouse to fit the mold we imagine for them. None of us want to see ourselves as selfish, but we need to be willing to evaluate our actions and attitudes.

Romans 12:10 tells us to “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honor preferring one another.” Am I choosing to honor my spouse or is everything always about me? Selfishness elevates my wants and desires above anything else.

How to fight it:

Put a need of his ahead of your own. Make his coffee before you make your own. Take care of a task he needs to have done and put yours off till later. Maybe even ask if there’s anything you can do for him today.

When a conflict arises, put yourself in his shoes. Have you tried to see the situation from his side? What might be causing him to react so strongly? A little empathy goes a long way.

2. Impatience.

We are all a work in progress. Our spouses have areas in which they need to mature…and so do we. It takes time for us to grow. I’d like to think that I’m a better person than the woman my husband married at 22!

1 Corinthians 13:4 tells us that love “suffers long and is kind.” Be patient with your spouse. It was eye-opening to me when I read Linda Dillow’s book What’s It Like to Be Married to Me? What kind of question is that??? Of course, it’s great to be married to me (ha!) But it made me realize that being married to me is not a piece of cake. We want our spouse to be patient with us, so we should do the same for them.

How to fight it:

Pray for your spouse every day. We’re not asking God to change him into exactly what we think he should be, but for His Holy Spirit to grow our spouse in their spiritual walk.

Slow down. Don’t be in such a hurry to accomplish something that you run roughshod over your spouse and his opinion.

3. Neglect.

Neglect is a sneaky enemy because it happens when we just don’t pay attention. We’re caught up in good things – the kids, work, a busy schedule, ministry, keeping up with stuff around the house – and we don’t make connecting with our spouse a priority.

How to fight it:

Listen. Give him your undivided attention when he’s talking. Focus on what he’s saying, and respond positively.

Make time for each other on a regular basis. We didn’t do regularly scheduled date nights when our girls were young, though it’s a great idea if it works for you. But we did make time daily to catch up with what was going on in each other’s lives. That sometimes meant a phone call when he was on his way home from work, or just sitting on the couch to talk after the kids were in bed.

4. A critical spirit.

Isn’t it easy to focus on the negative?? “My husband drives me crazy when he ______.” If we’re looking for everything our spouse does wrong – or just not the way we would do it – we’re going to find it.

Ephesians 4:2 reminds us, “With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.” Sometimes our facial expressions or the tone we use when talking to our spouse can convey disrespect or disgust. Over time, those seemingly simple offenses can do damage to our marriage.

How to fight it:

Let one thing go every day. Don’t comment on the cabinet door he left open or the shirt he didn’t hang up or how he forgot to get milk at the grocery store. Just don’t. say. anything.

If you journal, write down one thing you appreciate about him every day. It could be as simple as “he wiped off his shoes before he walked in the house.” This exercise helps us to look for his positive actions and qualities.

5. Unforgiveness.

It can be a little thing that you allow to fester. He may not even know it’s an issue, but you clutch it to your heart and relive it in your mind. Let it go. Otherwise, you’re inviting bitterness into the relationship.

“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” ~Colossians 3:13

How to fight it:

Say “thank you” to your husband at least once a day. This only takes a few seconds, but you do have to be paying attention. You have to notice what he’s doing that’s blessing you.

Let go of the past. Directly address whatever the issue is, and then move on. What’s done is done, so start fresh.

May we all be aware of these enemies and fight against them so that our marriages can thrive!

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4 Ways to Invest in What Really Matters for Your Future

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With many of us staying in more over the last few months, a lot of people are refreshing their homes. We fall into that category! Our current living room furniture is 15 years old, and we’ve been saving money to replace it. After shopping at several stores, I finally found what I wanted a couple of months ago. We placed an order, and it (hopefully!) will arrive in the next week or two.

I’m all about making our homes look nice. An interior decorator I’m definitely not, but I enjoy seeing how others design their spaces. We all like having pretty, comfortable rooms for our families.

While we understand the purpose behind decorating our houses, we wouldn’t do the same with a hotel room. We live and work in our homes daily, but a hotel room is just a temporary situation. The following excerpt from John Ortberg’s book When the Game is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box showed me how this relates to our Christian lives.

“Let’s say you spend a week at Motel 6.  How likely would it be for you to take all your money and spend it decorating your motel room? How probable is it that you would clean out your bank account to purchase van Goghs or paintings of Elvis on velvet or whatever it is that your taste runs to?

Not very. You wouldn’t even be tempted because the hotel room is not home. You’re only going to be there a little while.  It would be foolish to waste the treasure of your one and only life on a temporary residence…So Jesus says it is wise to store up treasure in what’s eternal:  God and people.

This is Motel 6.  Your ‘room’ – your home and furniture and clothes and possessions – will last the equivalent of a few seconds compared to the eternity that will be occupied by your soul. It’s not bad to stay in a place and enjoy it while you’re there.  But Jesus says don’t store up treasure in Motel 6.  It’s not home.  You’re only going to be here a little while.  If you’re going to stay up nights dreaming, dream about something better than how to upgrade your motel room.”

That likely reminds you of this Bible verse.

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” ~Matthew 6:19-21

If God and people are the things that last, how do we focus on that? It’s fairly basic, but here are four ideas.

We don't redecorate a hotel room during a brief stay. In the same way, don't focus all your time and energy on things that aren't eternal.

Learn more about God by spending time in His Word and prayer.

I’m certainly not perfect at this. It’s easiest when I just make it part of my routine, which means doing it first thing in the morning. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to myself, “I’ll do that after ___________ (my husband leaves for work/I check e-mail/that load of laundry gets finished).” And I rarely follow through.

Then there are some mornings when, for whatever reason, time is short and I can’t read and pray like I want to. I still try to at least have a plan going on YouVersion where I can read a quick devotional that gets my mind focused on Christ for the day.

Look for opportunities to touch someone’s life today.

On occasion, this may be on a grand scale, but it’s usually something simple. Send a “get well” or “sympathy” or “thinking of you” card. (I stock up on these at Dollar Tree.) Text a friend that you’re praying for them. Keep your eyes open to who might need your help in the grocery store or just hold the door for a mom pushing a stroller. Be aware of how you can share your faith or be an encouragement to those you come in contact with.

Always be finding ways to give.

Generosity changes us. In some seasons of life, you can give more; in others, maybe not as much. But we can manage whatever money we do have to honor God and bless others.

If money is tight, find other ways to give. Make a little more than you need for supper and share the extra with a neighbor. Pass along books you’ve finished reading to someone else who will enjoy them. Have your children make a gift for a family member. Offer someone a ride to a doctor’s appointment.

Praise God.

This right here is a big part of what we’re going to be doing in heaven, so we might as well practice it now! I like using Bible passages to praise God. Or put on some good praise music and sing along. I’ve found that my attitude about almost anything can change when I praise Him.

It’s nice to make our homes beautiful places where we and our families are comfortable. And it’s good to enjoy all the activities and opportunities we get to experience in the here and now. But let’s balance that with investing in things that will never wear out and that provide eternal blessings.

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5 Truths to Consider if We Want to Follow Christ

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Normal is now weird.

At least that’s how it feels this week. Our older daughter is back at college, the younger one is back in high school. I’m washing school uniforms, packing lunches, and standing on the sidelines while my daughter cheers at a soccer game. I’m alone in the house for several hours, and, except for the part where I’m also washing masks, it’s just like a regular ol’ September. It’s going to take me a few more days to adjust to normal again, though!

I’m sure this has happened to many of us – you come across a Bible verse that you’ve read many times before, but it suddenly hits you in a new way. That’s the case for me when I recently read this Scripture.

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.” ~Matthew 16:24

What’s involved with following Jesus? Here’s what I take from this verse.

Let's delve into Matthew 16:24 and discover what it means to follow Christ.

1. It’s a choice.

Jesus says, “If any man…” He’s not going to make us follow Him. God has given us a free will. You and I get to decide whether or not we want to pursue Jesus.

2. The choice is open to anyone.

He says “If any…will come after me…” We don’t have to meet particular criteria ahead of time or possess a certain talent level or go through an initiation process. Anyone who wants to can decide to follow Jesus.

3. We have to be willing to set aside some of our own wants and desires.

Do you know what I don’t like to talk about? Denying myself. I like to do what makes me feel good. Recently I asked myself the question, “What if every day I consciously told my flesh “no” one time?” Maybe that would mean passing on another cookie since I’m not even really hungry. Or not repeating that bit of gossip that I want to pass on. Or taking ten minutes to pray instead of turning on the television first.

Denying myself will mean setting aside my will and choosing God’s way. That can seem obvious in some areas, but maybe not in others. What about denying my self-dependence and leaning on Him instead? Denial equals surrender.

4. We willingly take up our burdens.

Burdens, trials, afflictions, troubles, suffering – whatever you want to call it, we’ve all got ’em. I’ve got mine, you’ve got yours. Note that the verse says “his cross.” We’re not to compare our cross with someone else’s cross. Rather we’re to accept what God’s laid out for us.

Through bearing the crosses that God has given us, we make progress toward holiness. The daily, even hourly troubles are the small things that mold us and prepare us for the big ones.

5. We follow Christ.

Live like Him. Imitate his example. Go after Him. These are all action verbs. Following Christ is accomplished as we actively pursue Him. Part of that involves getting into His Word. It will be hard to live like Christ if we don’t know much about Him.

If we’re going to follow Christ, that means He’s in front and we’re behind Him. We allow Him to lead the way instead of going off on our own.

Today let’s make the choice to deny ourselves, willingly pick up our burdens for his sake, and whole-heartedly follow Christ.

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What Does It Really Mean to Rejoice in the Lord?

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You’ve probably had the experience of teaching your children how to do something. Maybe it was using the toaster oven, riding a bike, or starting a load of laundry. No matter what the subject is, we usually begin by breaking the process down into basic parts.

Let’s take, for example, teaching them how to drive a car. Both of our girls have been driving for a while now, but teaching them took time and lots of practice (and patience!!) You start by pointing out which is the brake pedal and which one’s the gas pedal. Talk about basic, but important – one makes you go and the other makes you stop. Then you check out the dashboard, explain how to turn on the headlights, and so on. Hopefully, one day it all comes together and they become great drivers!

This month I’ve been reading through what are often called “the prison epistles” – Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians. Those books are loaded with a lot of basic Bible principles. And many of the themes are the same.

One of those basic themes is the instruction to rejoice in the Lord. Philippians 3:1 and 4:4 are two of the places where Paul writes about this. So today, let’s look at some basics behind what it means to rejoice in the Lord.

Here are five things we can do to help us follow the Bible's command to rejoice in the Lord.

Look past our circumstances.

We all know that Paul wrote the book of Philippians from prison (and a first-century prison at that!) Yes, his admonition to “rejoice in the Lord” along with his statement of personal contentment (also found in Philippians 4) were written from jail. I daresay he’s an authority on looking past his circumstances. His joy wasn’t based on his current situation.

I like this quote from Mark Ballenger. “We can rejoice in the Lord always because God always changes our hearts, not our circumstances.” Rejoicing in the Lord can seem easier when times are good. But when we’re struggling, we can still rejoice because we know God is with us and has a purpose in our trials.

Consciously choose to obey the command to rejoice.

“Rejoice in the Lord” is a fairly straight forward command. Our part is to obey it. Left up to our own devices, rejoicing probably won’t be our default. That means we have to make the choice to rejoice.

It’s easier to obey and rejoice when we’re walking in faith. If we’re trusting God’s goodness and providence, we can rejoice because we know He is faithful to take care of us.

Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any sin that’s blocking your rejoicing.

It’s hard to rejoice if we know we have sin in our lives. And sometimes we need the Holy Spirit to show us sin that we’re not aware of.

Even as I write this post, I’m struggling with what I would call righteous indignation (ha) over an unfair (in my opinion) situation. I think there’s a reason I’ve been reading about the fruit of the Spirit over and over in these epistles…I especially need that “long-suffering” and “self-control” today!

Focus on Jesus.

 “…let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;” ~Hebrews 12:1-2

As we look past our circumstances, the best place to focus is on Jesus. The more we get to know Him, the more our hearts will naturally gravitate to joy.

Take pleasure in God.

What a neat idea that we would delight in God! Isn’t that what heaven will be, us enjoying God forever? Right now we can do that by being grateful, by noticing all His blessings, by being satisfied in Him. Maybe taking pleasure in Him looks like singing or serving or meditating on Scripture.

Choosing to rejoice in the Lord changes our perspective. There’s certainly more we could dive into, but let me know what else you think helps us to rejoice in the Lord!

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5 Prayers to Pray When Your Child is Hurting

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One of the most helpless feelings in the world is seeing your child hurting and not being able to do anything about it. That’s true whether they’re dealing with physical pain or suffering emotionally.

I remember taking our daughters to the doctor for their vaccination shots when they were babies. My heart almost broke as they cried, even though I knew it was what we believed was best for their long-term health!

While we certainly pray for our children’s physical needs, we’ll also have times of praying for their emotional needs. Most of us will deal with a child who’s upset over a broken friendship or feels left out in a social situation. They’ll also likely face disappointment and failure. And from experience, I can say that it doesn’t get any easier as they get older. In fact, the stakes and the feelings just get bigger!

So here are five prayers we can pray for our children when they go through difficult times emotionally. And honestly, we could pray these for ourselves in similar situations!

Here are five prayers based on God's Word that we can pray for our children when they're in a difficult place.

1. Give her beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, and exchange her heaviness for praise.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives…to comfort all that mourn…to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…” ~Isaiah 61:-13

When disappointment comes and it seems that her dreams have been crushed, God still has a plan. In the moment, just sit with her. Hold her, listen to her, grieve with her. Then pray for God to work it all for His glory and her good.

Dear God, take the ashes of this situation and turn it into something beautiful. While all she can do right now is grieve over what is lost, in time, please let her joy return. Her heart is heavy, but you are greater than her disappointment. As only You can, put a spirit of praise within her.

2. Remind her that you are always with her and will never fail her.

“And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.” ~Deuteronomy 31:8

Sometimes our child may feel alone, that she’s by herself in a hard place. Dad and mom can’t always be there, but God is always available. He has promised that He will never leave or forsake His own. When she’s bewildered and discouraged, she needs this truth prayed over her.

God, she knows this truth in her head, that You’ll never leave her. Now embed it in her heart. Help her to rely on the truth of your Word and your faithfulness. Overcome the fear that wants to entrap her and give her courage to take the next step.

3. Restore her hope.

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” ~Romans 15:13

None of us can make it for long without hope. When our child has lost their hope, they can feel directionless and make poor decisions. But this verse says that our God is the God of hope. He can renew her mind through His Holy Spirit and even cause her to abound in hope.

Heavenly Father, you are the God of hope. Circumstances have caused my daughter to lose her hope, so I’m asking you to restore it. May she allow your Holy Spirit to infuse her with an abundance of hope. Help her to focus on your love and power so that she might continue on with hope for the future.

4. Lead her to find her refuge in You.

“The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.” ~Psalm 9:9

Sometimes she’s not going to know where to turn. She’s going to feel burdened and helpless. That’s the time when she most needs the Lord.

Lord, let her turn to you in her trouble. There are many things in this world that say they can comfort her, but none gives true comfort but you. Help her to see her need of you clearly in this difficulty. May she know you can be her true hiding place when she’s overwhelmed. You are faithful to your Word and you will be her shelter and secure retreat.

5. Give her an eternal perspective.

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” ~2 Corinthians 4:17-18

When times are hard, it’s easy for all of us to focus on what’s right in front of us. Yet putting it in perspective is so helpful. Our adversity can seem all-consuming at first, so it may take a minute to get there! But realizing that the situation will likely look different in hindsight – and certainly in light of eternity – can bring us back to where we need to be.

Dear Lord, in the midst of her struggle, lead her to a right perspective. What she’s facing is so formidable right now. Help her to be able to see past the present moment to what things can look like on the other side of this. Beyond that, give her an eternal perspective. Let her realize that what she’s going through – though hard – is temporary and that one day this will all be behind her. A home in heaven awaits. Give her a mindset that focuses on what will be important then, not just today.

How thankful I am that we have a God to whom we can take all of our burdens, a Heavenly Father who loves and cares for our children!

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10 Things That Are Easy About Being a Mother

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There’s a lot about being a mom that’s hard.

Don’t get me wrong. I know it’s a blessing to bring a child into the world. Children bring hope and joy and laughter and show you just how much love you can have for another human being.

But there are parts of being a mom that are hard…

…like giving up sleep. It starts when you bring them home from the hospital as a newborn, and continues through teething, potty training and nightmares. And then it morphs into staying up late as you wait for your teenager to come home at night.

It’s hard to discipline...to decide what offense merits what punishment. You have to set boundaries and then enforce them. And who wants to get up and correct their child for the umpteenth time when you’ve just settled down on the couch?

It’s hard to be patient. You endure one. more. sibling argument. And maybe some days you think you just can’t bear to hear “mom” yelled from the backseat or across the house ever again.

It’s hard to know what to allow when. From sleepovers (what age? only relatives? how much supervision? no sleepovers ever?) to when can I wear makeup/get my ears pierced/go on a date? Your child will often think they’re ready before you do, which can lead to a bit of a debate.

It’s hard to be consistent and stand firm in your decisions…especially if it seems your child is the only one who “has to” or “can’t” do something.

It’s hard to bear the responsibility of parenting, to be concerned about how your child’s doing in their relationships and academics and moral decisions.

Just writing all this out makes me feel tired! It sounds a little overwhelming. But then I’m reminded of the sweet parts – the easy parts – of motherhood.

So what’s easy about mothering?

Check out this list of ten things that are easy about being a mom.

1. Wanting the best for our children. I think every parent instinctively wants their child to have an easy road. We want to spare them from heartbreak and pain. We know that dealing with difficulties is part of maturing, but we do what we can to give our children good things.

2. Being amazed that your child is a unique individual with a distinct personality. Okay, sometimes this throws us for a loop – especially if they’re way different than we are – but it’s a wonderful thing to watch them develop into their own person.

3. Standing up for them. Protecting and defending our children is a natural part of motherhood. It’s also easy to take this too far in some cases…but our mama bear nature and instincts help to keep our children safe.

4. Sharing about our mom-life with fellow moms. Moms always seem to bond over parenting, especially when they’re in similar life stages. Nobody understands us like someone who’s walking through the same things.

5. Being proud of our children. This is especially true when we know how hard they’ve worked to achieve something. Seeing their diligence and perseverance pay off is so rewarding.

6. Connecting over shared interests. Whether it’s a sport they play or one you watch together, it’s fun to have conversations that you’re both invested in. It could also be about a book you both read and loved, shopping at a certain store, or baking a cake together.

7. Praying over them. I find prayer comes most naturally when they’re facing a hard situation at school or struggling in a relationship or driving off in the car alone for the first time. In situations that I can’t control (I guess that would be all of them??!), praying for them comes easily.

8. Listening to them share their hopes and dreams. I want to soak it all in when they give me a glimpse into their heart. Their secrets and confidences mean they trust me with what matters most to them.

9. Laughing with them over something we both think is funny. I love sending my girls memes or jokes or puns – pretty much anything that I think will make them laugh.

10. Loving them. There can be times we don’t like them very much, but our love for our children is never in doubt.

So yes, being a mom can be hard…but the easy parts make it so worthwhile!

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Turning the Corner from Pandemic Pessimism to God-Centered Optimism

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I feel like I’ve turned a corner.

I’m feeling very optimistic about August. I’m not sure why. It potentially holds a lot of change for us, with college and school starting back up. Maybe that’s part of it, though. Life’s looked the same for quite awhile now, so some change might be good!

While getting my hair cut on Friday, I told my stylist that I’m not usually a pessimist, but 2020 has done its best to turn me into one! We had a new roof put on our house last week, so I’m convinced that every tropical storm approaching the Atlantic Ocean is going to morph into at least a category 3 hurricane that will rip a swath of new shingles right off! #atleastIsaiasmostlymissedus

Our coronavirus numbers are looking only slightly better here, but I’m still feeling hopeful. I’ve decided it’s time to count some blessings and settle in to see what happens as fall progresses. Making any kind of plans for the future still seems like an iffy proposition. But maybe now that we’re entering into the sixth month of uncertainty, I’m learning to deal with it a little bit more.

And we can all find blessings – even small ones – that are pandemic related. For example, last week our older daughter flew Delta Airlines from here to Atlanta, then on to Memphis. She texted us about how nice it was to have the middle seat left empty in the three-seat airplane row.

Also, you now have to schedule one of a limited number of time slots each day to go to our neighborhood pool. That means fewer people are there when we go, and everything stays a lot cleaner!

If we just base our current outlook on circumstances, though, we know it could change in a moment. So I’m bolstering my positivity with some Bible verses that remind me that God has it all under control and I can rest in His plan.

“The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way. Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down: for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand.” ~Psalm 37:23-24

God orders the steps of our lives. He arranges circumstances and events. As we rest in His care, we can find peace and yes, even joy. Sometimes we’ll face disappointments and failures, yet God is still there to support us through the hard times.

Almost nothing that’s happened in 2020 so far is what I would have chosen. But I can trust that behind the scenes, God is directing it all – and all for my good, and for the good of those I love.

“Blessed be the Lord, because he hath heard the voice of my supplications. The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.” ~Psalm 28:6-7

God hears my prayers. I’m weak, but He offers me His unending strength and protection. When I trust Him, He will help me, and I won’t be able to respond in any other way than to rejoice and praise Him.

How simple it is to just ask God for His help, yet how often I fail to do it. If we want to live on the praise side of things, we need to call on Him and trust Him to answer.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.” ~Psalm 46:1-3

That passage about covers it all! God’s present with us in our trouble. He’s the reason we can choose not to be afraid in spite of the craziness that’s going on around us.

“My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah.” ~Psalm 62:5-8

I like the word expectation. What if we lived anticipating and looking forward to seeing how God’s going to work as we wait on Him? That would put a positive spin on our days!

And did you notice that it says to trust in Him at all times? Could 2020 be an exception, though? I don’t think so.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” ~John 16:33

Jesus wants us to find our peace in Him. At times I tend to look for peace by trying to control circumstances or arrange things so that it will all work out okay and everyone will be happy. The only thing that’s likely to do is cause me stress!

Jesus says straight out that we’re going to have tribulation here. Then He follows that with, “But be of good cheer.” In other words, don’t let it get you down. He is the great overcomer, both through His death that provided salvation and through the final victory He’ll one day win here on earth.

***I wrote the first part of this post on Friday afternoon, wrapped up in my initial positivity about August. By the next day, I realized that Tropical Storm Isaias was probably going to interfere with our older daughter’s return flight last night from her visit to Memphis that I mentioned above. My positivity wanted to fly right out the window!

By mid-afternoon, we assumed her 8:30pm flight from Atlanta to Charleston would be canceled, so my husband went ahead and rebooked her flights for today. But combing through these verses – especially the first one – helped me stay fairly calm about the situation!***

May this month see us trusting God to order our steps, seeking His strength, and finding peace as we wait expectantly on Him!

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How to Keep On Going When Your Faith is Weak

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Last week we spent several days in the Tennessee mountains with my extended family. We stayed in some lovely facilities and had a wonderful time together.

It was definitely nice to get away and be out of our normal routine for a bit. Because lately, I’m finding myself with more questions than answers most days. It seems like we’ve been living in upheaval and uncertainty for such a long time, though I realize it’s actually only been about five months.

Some mornings it’s harder than others to get my mind moving in the right direction, to fully step into faith and not focus on all the “when’s, why’s, and what if’s.”

I’ll just say it out loud. Some days my faith is weak.

Faith is confidently believing what God has said. That sounds pretty easy on the surface.

I like what Matthew Henry says in his commentary on Hebrews 11:1. “It [faith] is a firm persuasion and expectation that God will perform all he has promised to us in Christ.“

On the good days, I know that, and I’m quoting Bible verses and looking up and moving ahead. But other days I’m questioning a bit, and my faith slips. And in case you have days like that, too, here’s some encouragement for all of us.

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.” ~2 Corinthians 5:7

There’s the goal. Walk by faith. But is that our reality? Are we living by what we know God has said or are we living by what we see around us?

I see fear and unrest, people and plans that can’t be counted on. Worry seems like a pretty good option. But we can’t make our circumstances the focus. Each day we have to ask God for faith to get through that day. And we have to lean hard into the promises we find in Scripture.

“Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;” ~Hebrews 12:2

We would have not faith without Jesus. Our faith originates with Him. He’s also the completer of it in our lives, the one who perfects or matures our faith. I can’t grow it myself. I have to allow Him to cultivate it in me.

Christ is the ultimate example of faith for us to follow. Certainly He faced times of uncertainty in His earthy life – even to the cross – yet His faith was constant.

“So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” ~Romans 10:17

We can expect weak faith if we’re not in our Bibles regularly. The news isn’t going to grow our faith. If we’re looking to Facebook or Netflix to strengthen it, we will continue to be weak. The only place to build up our faith is in God’s Word.

“Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.” ~James 1:3

Maybe we could have skipped this verse. That whole “trying of your faith” thing doesn’t sound like something we want to sign up for!

Is your faith being tried? Mine is. Do I have faith that God is working all things together for our good? Or is this all just a mess that we have to muddle through?

Faith leads us to believe that He has a purpose in everything, even COVID-19. It’s not my plan. It’s His. Part of what comes with each trial, if we’ll allow it, will be increased patience

I like this particular dictionary definition of patience – “the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.” I could use some of that!

“For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.” ~1 John 5:4

Our faith will lead us to be victorious. Are the times we’re living in unprecedented? In some ways, yes. But God is still on His throne. We know the end of the story. And faith in God will bring us through these days and even prepare us for whatever lies ahead.

“Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?” ~Luke 18:8

Let the answer to this question be yes!! With God’s help, may our faith be stronger today than it was yesterday. Let’s not give in, but press on in faith, especially as we see how faithful our God is to us.

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8 Tips on Making Decisions About Your Child’s Future

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I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. What I write about here is often what I’m dealing with in the moment.

There’s a lot of uncertainty about how the coming school year will begin, especially here in South Carolina. We’re having some of our highest numbers of coronavirus cases since all this started, especially in Charleston County, which is where my younger daughter’s school is located. Across the country, many parents are having to make decisions about whether their child will attend school in person, only virtually, or some mix of the two.

Uncertainty is not where I thrive!! In the midst of all the upheaval, it’s the familiar Bible verses that are bringing me comfort. Yesterday it was this one.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

The God who knows the end from the beginning has peaceful thoughts toward us, not evil ones. “An expected end” is also translated as “a future and a hope.” God has plans and hope for our and our children’s future. (And couldn’t we all use some hope about now??!!) He has a purpose for us as parents and for our children as we walk through unsettling times.

I already know that my high school daughter’s senior year is not going to look like we expected. Even if they have in-person school, I don’t see her cheer squad traveling to games or the fine arts program competing in events. And what if things get worse and, after starting in-person, they switch back to only online learning?

You may be facing different decisions for your child right now, maybe totally unrelated to schooling. But as I try to come to grips with my own current situation, I developed eight tips to help me get started on making a decision. This post is geared toward making schooling decisions, but the tips can certainly be applied to choosing extracurricular activities or determining how old your child needs to be to have certain privileges!

1. Pray for wisdom.

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” ~James 1:5

Claiming this promise on a daily basis! God has the true wisdom we need to make decisions. No, we won’t find a Bible verse that says, “Choose this schooling option for your child” or “Sign your child up for this activity.” But we can find principles in His Word and ask for Holy Spirit guidance as we pray.

2. Lay out all of the options.

Admittedly, if you’re in a situation like ours, you’re not sure exactly what the options are at this point. But write out the ones you do know. If you choose to homeschool on your own, what programs are available to you? Do you know yet what options the school your child normally attends are offering? You may need to consider any financial implications related to each option as well.

3. Decide what the long-term goal is.

Because our daughter’s planning on attending college in a year, one of our goals is for her to complete a couple of dual enrollment classes. Those will earn her high school and college credit. Maybe your children are younger, and you want them to have a solid math foundation or they need to catch up in a certain subject. Determine what the desired outcome is and look at which choice is most likely to get you there.

4. Don’t let fear decide for you.

Fear can affect our decisions, and usually not in a positive way. There are certainly risk factors to consider. This could be a child going a long way off to college or having your child try a new curriculum or, in today’s reality, catching the coronavirus.

So use common sense. Take your particular situation into consideration. Drill down into what you’re afraid of and then make the call from a place of confidence. Which leads to…

5. Gather helpful information.

Don’t be obsessive about it (a tendency of mine!), but research your options. Be informed. Figure out what the results might look like if you choose one way over another.

6. Get wise counsel from others.

Talk to those who have already made the choice you’re considering or who have direct knowledge of the situation. Don’t listen to every talking head, news pundit, or distant relative who is convinced that if you don’t do it their way, you must be crazy.

7. Base your decision on what’s best for your individual child and your family as a whole.

You know your child better than anyone else does. Some children work well independently. Others need teacher direction or more social interaction. There may not be a perfect fit, but choose what best meets your child’s needs. At the same time, consider how that choice will affect your whole family.

8. Pray for peace.

We’ll start and end this discussion with prayer. Here’s another one of those familiar verses that’s always applicable.

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

God can give you peace that you’re making the right decision. Take it to Him in prayer, then make your call. And rest in knowing that there are very few decisions that can’t be changed when they no longer work for you!

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6 Steps for How to Pray When We’re Anxious or Afraid

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Prayer.

It’s a spiritual discipline that doesn’t come easily for me. It takes work and time and a still mind and quiet heart. Maybe that’s why I keep coming back to study it quite often – though, if I’m not careful, I spend more time studying it than actually doing it!

As I’m going through the Bible and studying various prayers, I found Jacob’s prayer in Genesis 32 very interesting. He’s headed back home after being away for 20 years. It’s unavoidable that he’ll come in contact with his brother Esau. They didn’t part on the best of terms, shall we say.

He sends a message ahead, hoping to “find grace” in Esau’s sight. His messenger returns and basically says, “Esau’s on his way to meet you and he’s got 400 men with him.”

Jacob was, to quote the Bible, greatly afraid and distressed. [Verse 7] Have you ever been there? I’m sure we all have. Then Jacob goes to God in prayer, the absolute best thing he could do in these conditions.

Let’s look at that prayer and see what we can learn from it to use when we’re afraid, distressed, or just seeking God’s direction.

1. Remind God of His promises.

“And Jacob said, O God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the Lord which saidst unto me, Return unto thy country, and to thy kindred, and I will deal well with thee:” ~Verse 9

It’s not like God forgets His promises, but it’s powerful to pray God’s words back to Him. Here Jacob mentions how God was present in the lives of his forefathers. Then he basically says, “I’m doing what you told me to do.” And he points out that God said He would deal well with Jacob as he obeyed.

What a comfort it is to pray the promises of God! One of my favorite promises during these years of parenting teens continues to be James 1:5. If I lack wisdom as a mom (which happens on a daily basis!) and ask God for it, He will give it to me abundantly and without reproach.

What promises of God can you remind Him of today? Isaiah 40:29 says that when we’re worn out, He’ll give us strength. Psalm 23:4 says He’ll be with us when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. 2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us that His grace is sufficient. There are many more promises found in Scripture that we can use as we pray.

2. Acknowledge our unworthiness.

“I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies, and of all the truth, which thou hast shewed unto thy servant;” ~Verse 10a

Jacob recognizes that he’s not worthy of how God has worked in his life. We can read in previous chapters how he tricked his father Isaac in order to take the birthright that belonged to his older brother Esau. Perhaps we’d agree with Jacob that he wasn’t deserving of God’s mercy.

And yet neither are we. As we come to God in prayer, let’s also come humbly, admitting our own sins and failures.

3. Recognize God’s blessings.

“…for with my staff I passed over this Jordan; and now I am become two bands.” ~Verse 10b

Remember how Jacob left home with, we assume, only what he could carry, considering that he used a pile of rocks as a pillow on his first night out. Yet now he returns to his homeland with a large family, servants, and numerous flocks and herds of animals.

Whether we see our blessings as great or small, everyone of them comes from God. It’s important to be aware of that each and every day.

4. Ask for what we want.

“Deliver me, I pray thee, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau:” ~ Verse 11a

Jacob’s prayer here is pretty basic. Save my life!

Maybe sometimes it feels hard to just come out and ask God for what we want. But that’s a major part of prayer. Right now my husband and our older daughter are shopping for a car for her, and I’m asking God to lead them to just the right one. We can pray for our requests specifically and directly.

5. Admit our fears.

 “…for I fear him, lest he will come and smite me, and the mother with the children.” ~Verse 11b

Jacob tells God what he’s feeling. Yes, God already knows, but Jacob tells Him anyway.

Tell God about your emotions regarding your situation. Are you angry, frightened, annoyed, hurt? Share those feelings with God as you pray.

6. Rest in the promises of God.

“And thou saidst, I will surely do thee good, and make thy seed as the sand of the sea, which cannot be numbered for multitude.” ~Verse 12

I think Jacob is saying, “God, if Esau kills me and my family, what you said about my seed increasing and prospering isn’t going to happen!” Here he is, once again quoting back to God what He’d told Jacob previously.

What we have to lean on in our prayer life is God’s faithfulness. Because we know He’s true to His Word and because He’s delivered on His promises in the past, we’re confident in trusting Him.

Whatever our needs are today, let’s make time to pray!

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