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Nurturing moms in their walk with God

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5 Lessons I’ve Learned in 20 Years of Parenting

April 20, 2022 by Tracey 3 Comments

Good morning! We’re in the middle of a beautiful spring week here. I hope you had a wonderful weekend celebrating Easter and our Lord’s resurrection!

Our two college daughters were home for four days and it was great to have them around. We enjoyed some good family time including games, movies, and lots of good food!

After four days with our house full, I went to complete silence on Monday evening. I’d dropped our girls off at the airport to fly back to college and my husband left to go out of town. I’ve been a bit sentimental and reflective since then. It’s only three weeks until our daughters are home for the summer, but all these comings and goings take a toll on a mama’s heart.

All that led to the observations I’m sharing below about parenting. I’m sure there are more profound lessons I’ve learned over the past twenty years, but these are five that I’m reflecting on in this season.

Five things I've learned about parenting children over the last twenty years.

1. You don’t get any do-overs in parenting.

This is one of those things I’ve always known in the back of my head, but I didn’t often focus on it during my early parenting years.

Parenting is such a solemn responsibility. We’re given our specific children to steward for the Lord. The opportunities we have to shepherd their hearts and train them in Bible principles are priceless.

Yes, we know that there are no perfect parents. We’re going to make mistakes. But do we daily ask God to give us wisdom and guidance as we parent our children?

2. God’s grace is over it all.

I had to follow the lesson above with this one. God’s grace is greater than any of my mistakes. He can work in their lives to develop those things I failed to teach them. His grace can help them become strong in areas where I’ve been weak.

And as the years go by, if our girls grow to love and serve God and live for Him all their days, it’s not because I was such a great mom. It’s all because of God’s grace.

3. Just when you get used to one life season, things change.

I feel like I’ve gotten used to our older daughter leaving for college and then returning home for Christmas and summer breaks. But now we have one more summer and one more Christmas break until she’s married. And I’m thrilled and excited for her…but still, it will be different.

There are lots of transitions like that with our children. They start school. They develop independence in certain areas. They start going to events without you. They get a job, start driving…the list goes on.

Those are big transitions, but there are small ones, too. And just when you feel like you have a handle on parenting in a certain stage, something changes.

4. Young adult children are delightful.

One of my favorite things in life right now is when all four of us eat a meal together around our dining room table and then sit there and talk for a while when we’re done eating. I love the conversations and the laughter and the sharing of our lives.

Is it all rainbows and sunshine parenting young adults? No. We’re still learning to navigate this. But it’s neat to see that we share some common interests. And their energy can be contagious – except that my bedtime still has to come a lot earlier than theirs!

5. In every stage, your relationship with God is most important.

We can easily get so wrapped up in our husband or in our children or really anything including jobs or hobbies. But at some point, every last one of those things is going to change in some way.

The one constant in our lives is God. He will always be there, never changing. He is our source of strength, our comfort, our joy, and our peace. May we make spending time in His Word and in prayer a priority through every stage of parenting.

Are there any parenting lessons you’ve learned lately? If so, please let us know in the comments!

Related posts:

  • 5 Helpful Steps to Parenting Your Teenager Well
  • 7 Life Principles from Proverbs to Teach Our Children
  • 5 Things Parenting Is Teaching Me About My Relationship with God

Filed Under: Parent

7 Things to Do When Your Teenager Is Hurting

April 1, 2022 by Tracey 7 Comments

Happy April 1st!!

Do y’all participate in April Fools’ Day? I’m not a fan of practical jokes, so I pretty much ignore it 🙂 I’m also terrible at trying to convince someone of something that’s not actually true, so there’s no need for me to even try. In the past, I’ve seen people share cute ideas for making April Fools’ Day a fun day for their kids. If that’s you, I hope you enjoy the day!

As our daughters get older, I’m learning that there are parts of being a mom that stay the same no matter their age. For example, any time your child is hurting, you hurt with and for them. Whether it’s a relationship issue, a major disappointment, academic struggles, or loneliness, we want to help them in any way we can.

But it’s not like those childhood years when you could soothe most of what ailed them with a hug and a double scoop ice cream cone. Not only are the issues bigger, but our teens are away from us a lot more, involved in school and work, and maybe even off to college.

So what can we do when that teenager we love is going through a hard time? Here are seven ideas.

Check out this list of seven helpful things you as a parent can do when you know that your teenager is going through a tough time..

1. Pray for her.

It sounds so simple, but it’s the single most effective thing we can do. Pray for her spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing. Ask God to open her heart and mind so she’ll allow Him to show her what she needs to do.

Sometimes I’ve needed to put Romans 8:26 into practice. I ask the Holy Spirit to intercede for me because in certain situations, I don’t even know exactly how I should pray. But God knows my heart and understands all that’s going on.

2. Ask God for wisdom.

God has the wisdom we need and will freely give it. [James 1:5] Often we’re presented with a parenting situation we haven’t had to deal with before. We need wisdom to know how we should respond. We need guidance to know what to say to our child and what advice to give if she’s willing to accept it.

3. Keep a proper perspective.

As the parent, you’ve lived long enough to know that most difficult situations are temporary. And from our vantage point, we can look back and see how God has taken hard times in our own lives and used them for our good.

So don’t lose hope. Encourage yourself and your teenager that this will likely pass before long.

4. Remember that God is especially near to them when they’re hurting.

This verse came to mind.

“The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.” ~Psalm 34:18-19

God is close to those who have a broken heart, to those who are hurting. We may not be able to be there in person to offer our teens comfort, but God is always close by.

5. Trust God to use this trial in their lives for their long-term good.

At this point, we control very little in our children’s lives. But God sees the whole picture. He will use this hard time to grow and mature them if they will let Him.

And if, like me, you’re tempted to worry and fret over how things will work out, refer to Philippians 4:8. Take it to God in prayer and ask Him to give you His peace.

6. Listen more than you talk.

Your teen may not want to talk about her struggle. But if she does open up, listen. Don’t interrupt her or jump in with advice. Be grateful that she’s willing to share her heart with you.

7. Remind her that you love her.

Can anyone ever hear that too much? And don’t just tell her, but show her. Write her a note, bring her a favorite treat, give her a gift card to a favorite store, or, if she’s away from home, send her a small gift that lets her know you’re thinking about her.

This is advice I need myself quite often, especially the parts about asking God for wisdom and trusting Him to use our daughters’ struggles to make them better. How thankful we can be for a God who loves us moms and our teens so much!!

Related posts:

  • 5 Helpful Steps to Parenting Your Teenager Well
  • 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers
  • 17 Things I Want My 17-Year-Old Daughter to Know

Filed Under: Parent

What to Do When Your Teenager Disappoints You

March 16, 2022 by Tracey 6 Comments

Hello, my friends!! Welcome back to the blog!

March is a full month for us. My mom was here visiting last week, and I leave tomorrow to fly down to Florida to see our daughters at college. They’re currently finishing up midterm exams, so I expect there to be lots of eating, shopping, and sleeping 🙂

Yesterday one of those “4 years ago today” videos popped up, and it was from a fine arts competition our girls were in on March 15, 2018. Our younger daughter was a high school freshman and the older one a junior, and it was a walk down memory lane to watch those old performances.

We were right in the middle of the “parenting teenagers” years at that point. There were some wonderfully sweet moments and some rather difficult ones. As is true in any parenting stage, there were a few times when our children disappointed us. When they do that as teenagers, though, the stakes can seem higher. The mistakes they make in those years can have long-lasting consequences.

As we walk through those times when our teenagers frustrate us or fail to meet our expectations, here are seven things we can do to navigate the situation graciously.

7 things you can do when dealing with a teenager who's disappointed you in some way

1. Affirm your love for them.

When something your teenager’s done or a choice they’ve made disappoints you, let them know that you still love them. Your love is not based on anything except the fact that he or she is your child. Yes, their actions may disappoint you, but your love for them doesn’t change.

2. Wait before addressing the issue.

Make sure you have all the facts before you begin dealing with the situation. And even once you have all the information, take time for a few deep breaths or to get your emotions under control if needed. I like to take a minute and think through what I want to communicate in our discussion.

3. Have reasonable consequences.

Natural consequences are the best teacher, so let those play out if applicable. Otherwise, try to tie any consequences to their actions. For example, “You went somewhere you weren’t supposed to, so now you have to hang out at home for two weeks.” You can also have your teenager weigh in on what they think the consequences should be. They may be harder on themselves than you think they will be.

4. Refuse to focus on what others (friends, family members) are going to say about the situation.

Whatever happened is only between you, your child, and any other person that was directly involved. Otherwise, unless you seek a trusted person’s wise counsel, no one else has the right to speak into the situation.

5. Talk to God about your disappointment.

Your mama’s heart hurts. The path your child went down is not one you wanted for them. Go to God for comfort and refuge. And pray for your teenager, that they will learn from this and that God will use it to mature them.

6. Leave it in the past and refuse to bring it up again.

Once consequences, if necessary, have been given, it’s over. Don’t rehash it the next time they do something wrong. What’s done is done, so move on.

7. Don’t blame yourself for your child’s poor decision.

They made their choice and they’ll have to live with it. Should you do an honest evaluation to see if you might handle something differently in the future? Sure. But what they decided to do is not your fault, so lose the guilt.

It’s probably safe to say that every teenager disappoints their parents some time, whether in a small way or a more notable one. But we’d all admit that we’re not perfect parents either! If our teens can learn from their mistakes today, they can be better prepared for the future. Let’s ask God to give us wisdom to handle these situations and seek to maintain a loving relationship with our children throughout the teenage years.

Related posts:

  • 5 Helpful Steps to Parenting Your Teenager Well
  • 10 Simple But Powerful Pieces of Life Advice for Teenagers
  • 7 Important Things to Remember as We Pray for Our Teenagers

Filed Under: Parent

10 Terrific Ideas for What to Put in Your Child’s Easter Basket

March 4, 2022 by Tracey 4 Comments

Welcome to Girls to Grow on this almost-spring Friday in March!  I hope your week’s been a good one.

Today is a bit of a throwback post to when our daughters were younger.  Putting together Easter baskets for them each year is a long-standing family tradition.  At 21 and 19, our girls still get Easter baskets, but they look a little different now – except that they each still get a chocolate Easter bunny!

When they were younger, I definitely tried to limit the amount of candy we gave them.  That meant coming up with other fun items to fill up the Easter baskets.  Below I’m sharing ten categories of items that I pulled from over the years.  I’ve included links to some items, but you will likely find most of them in your dollar store or other superstores.

I hope these ideas give you some inspiration as you choose things to fill your child’s Easter basket!

This post may contain Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases at no extra charge to you. Thank you for supporting Girls to Grow through your purchases!

Here are ten categories of mostly non-candy items that you can use to fill up your child's Easter basket.
  1. Books.  Everyone in our family is a reader, so you know I wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to add to our bookshelves!  If I remember to shop ahead, I can find inexpensive used books at a used book store or from our library’s sale shelves.  I especially enjoy adding to some of our favorite series, like The Happy Hollisters or The Puppy Place or The Cul-de-Sac Kids.
  2. Summer toys.  I have used sand buckets as Easter baskets and added shovels, rakes and sand toys – or you can buy a set of beach toys. Sidewalk chalk, bubbles, jump ropes or water guns along with sunglasses, pool floats, or other pool toys are fun additions.
  3. Pajamas, nightgowns or a bathing suit.  These are clothing items that I would purchase anyway, so sometimes I make them part of our girls’ Easter baskets.  I love Carter’s nightgowns and pajamas – they have cute designs and are good quality.
  4. Accessories.  Hair bows, barrettes, jewelry, fancy socks or small purses can be used as part of their Easter outfit for church.
  5. An Easter dress for their doll.  So I kind of miss the days when our girls and their 18-inch dolls wore matching dressses! That didn’t happen every season, but it was so cute when it did. But even if they didn’t match, it was fun for their doll to have a new Easter dress, too.
  6. Art supplies.  Coloring books, crayons, markers, pens, paints, sticker pads or modeling clay all provide entertainment for our girls.  One year I gave them journals, which is something they’d still enjoy receiving today.
  7. Seed packets.  Spring is a perfect time to gift them packets of flower seeds along with with a cute planter for growing their own flowers.
  8. Chocolate bunny rabbit.  This was my one candy concession, although I may add a pack of gum or mints, too.
  9. Bath items.  Shower gels, bath poufs and bath bombs are “girly” items that will be used often.
  10. Kitchen utensils.  It was fun for our daughters, especially as they got older, to have their own tools if they helped me in the kitchen. Measuring spoons, whisks, cookie scoops, and cookie cutters (these Easter ones are really cute!) can all be used when they cook with me while also beginning a collection for their own home one day.

As I mentioned, our daughters’ Easter baskets look somewhat different these days. They’ll still include that chocolate bunny and a book, maybe a Starbucks gift card, some bath and body products, perhaps earrings. And our daughter who’s getting married next year may still get a couple of kitchen utensils to round out her collection!

I hope you have lots of fun building your child’s Easter basket in 2022!

Filed Under: Live, Parent

7 Important Things to Remember as We Pray for Our Teenagers

February 16, 2022 by Tracey 4 Comments

Hello and thanks for stopping by Girls to Grow today! It’s been a good week here so far and I hope you can say the same. We had a quiet Valentine’s Day dinner at home on Monday night. Yesterday I worked on various blog projects and I hope to get a little more done with those today.

I’ve mentioned numerous times here how I like to use Scripture-based prayers, especially when I’m praying for my family members. I’ve given specific examples in posts like 5 Prayers to Pray When Your Child Is Hurting and 10 Important Prayers to Pray for My College-Bound Daughter.

Praying for our children is always the number one thing we can do for them. But I think the teen years highlight just how true that is. Our teenagers are gaining independence. They’re changing, they’re making big decisions, and maybe even figuring out their faith for themselves for the first time. Here are seven key things to keep in mind as we pray for them.

Here's a list of seven helpful things to remember as we pray for the teenagers in our lives.

1. Your will may not be God’s will.

Have you asked God if the prayers you’re praying for your teenager are in line with His will? Sometimes we fill our prayers with our own plans and ideas for what should happen in our teen’s life. So let’s examine our requests and determine if they’re just our own desires or what God would truly have for them.

Here’s where praying Scripture-based prayers is a huge blessing. We know that if we’re praying God’s Word back to Him, we’re praying in His will. Let’s use Proverbs 3:5 as an example. If you pray, “Lord, please help my daughter to trust in you with all her heart and not lean on her own understanding,” you can be confident you’re praying the same thing that God would want for her.

2. God sees the big picture.

One of our daughters went through a trial recently. She certainly wouldn’t have signed up for it – nor would her dad and I have signed her up for it! However, I believe the lessons she’s been learning will prove invaluable as she matures in her faith.

All that you and I can see is the here and now. But our God knows the end from the beginning. He is doing a work in our teen’s life to prepare her for the future.

3. God is at always work.

We pray and we pray and we pray…but it seems that God’s not moving. Nothing is happening. Or at least that’s how we feel when there aren’t immediate and visible results.

But God is working. He’s aware of what’s going on with our teenagers. He has people or circumstances or situations lined up behind the scenes. God can orchestrate anything that He wants to happen in her life. In those times we don’t see God at work we get to grow our own faith by trusting Him.

4. Recognize that you – not your teenager – may be the one who needs to change.

I’m obviously not talking about going against BIble principles or your own convictions here. But maybe you’ve closed your mind against a particular idea in your teenager’s life when it’s something that’s just a preference. Be humble enough to ask God to reveal to you any area where you might need to change your mind.

5. It’s not one and done.

It might be nice to see an answer to prayer in our teen’s life and think, “Great, they’ve conquered that issue.” Rarely does it work that way. Our teenagers are still growing in their faith. They will sometimes struggle with the same things over and over again. And we do, too. When that particular struggle comes up again, give them grace and keep praying.

6. Our heart’s desire should be for God to receive glory.

It’s not about our reputation or our teenager’s reputation. It’s about God getting the glory. Yes, our prayers for our teenagers focus on them and their needs. But ultimately we want God to be glorified through answered prayer and the work that He accomplishes in their lives.

7. God answers prayer.

Keep praying. Don’t give up. As we studied in Psalm 145 recently, God is close by those who call on Him. Take the burdens of your heart to Him and have faith that He will answer in His time and in His way.

What a gift God has given us in being able to talk to Him about our teenagers! Always remember that He loves them even more than we do. As much as we want the best for their lives, He wants the same – and He knows what truly is best. Let’s cover our teens in prayer and then praise Him as we see Him answer those prayers!

Related posts:

  • 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers
  • 14 Prayers for My 14-Year-Old Daughter
  • 3 Prayers to Pray as We Learn to Let Go of Our Teenagers

Filed Under: Parent

5 Helpful Steps to Parenting Your Teenager Well

January 19, 2022 by Tracey 6 Comments

Happy Wednesday! I hope you’re having a good week. We’ve got chilly morning temps, but nice bright sunshine today!

January’s not typically my favorite month. I feel like it drags by some years, but not in 2022. I think it’s because our girls are still home from college on break. By the time they head down to Florida this weekend, there’ll only be a week left in the month. Time does fly, as they say!

I’m taking a break from our Bible study in Psalm 145 today for a quick post about parenting teenagers. I have less than a year left now as the mom of a teenager! Looking back, I can say it’s been the most challenging period of parenting so far, but also the most rewarding. Like other stages of parenting, I had some preconceived notions that didn’t prove to be true. And that’s not only on the bad side but also the good!

As I see other parents currently raising teenagers, I have much empathy. Once you’ve walked that road, especially with more than one child and her unique personality, you understand the struggles (and the joys :)) that come with the territory.

Here are five basic steps that I hope are helpful for all of us as we seek to parent teenagers well.

Check out these five things we can do to parent our teenagers well.

1. It starts with prayer.

Parenting children of any age can be challenging. But as we seek to train these almost-adults, we see more than ever our need for God’s wisdom and direction. So we claim the promise in James 1:5 and ask God to give us the wisdom we need.

God has given us the responsibility of training our children, but only He can change their hearts. We can pray that God will keep their hearts tender, open to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

2. Be aware.

I’m reminded here of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31. In verse 27, it says, “She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” I read this as she knows what’s going on with her family members. She’s involved in their lives and making sure their needs – physical, emotional, spiritual – are being met.

Now your teens may or may not be super communicative about what’s happening with them! Offer to take them out to eat with their friends or invite their friends over to your house. At church or school activities, watch how they’re interacting with other kids and adults. Notice if they seem to be struggling or hurting in some way.

3. Act on what you observe.

If you see an area where your teen needs help, be willing to address it with them. And here’s where I would throw in that timing is everything. In the car on the way to school in the morning is probably not the best time to have a heavy conversation. You know your teen and can figure out a time when they’re more open to talking and listening. And don’t go into the conversation like a bulldozer! Be gentle but direct.

4. Make sure your motive for what you say and do is love for your teenager.

Whether directing or correcting your teen, make sure it doesn’t become about you or your reputation or what other people think. It should be about your teenager and their heart.

One of the many great things about my dad was that I never doubted that he was acting out of love for me. I knew that he only wanted what he truly believed was in my best interest. Even if I didn’t agree with him, I never doubted his motive.

5. Find a way to have fun with them.

It’s easier to have those hard conversations with our teens when we’re in the habit of taking time to just enjoy being with them. Figure out what they like to do and do it together. Shoot jump shots in the driveway, shop at their favorite store, go fishing, watch a movie, try rock climbing or some activity neither of you has done before. You’ll make some great memories and build trust in your relationship.

If you’ve guided your children through the teen years I’d love to hear any advice you have for other parents. I’m certainly excited about this next stage of parenting young adults – I’m sure I have a lot to learn!

Related posts:

  • 10 Tips for Communicating with Teenagers
  • 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers
  • 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13

Filed Under: Parent

5 Important Rules for Living with Your Teenage Daughter

October 27, 2021 by Tracey 5 Comments

Happy Wednesday! I’m loving the weather we’re having here lately. I was writing this post yesterday sitting on our back patio in the shade. There was a light breeze and the temperature was just about perfect!

Last weekend I was in Florida with our two daughters who are in college. I hadn’t seen them since we dropped them off at the end of August, and it was so good to spend time with them. On Saturday we went to a corn maze with a couple of their friends, so that put me in the fall spirit, too!

Our oldest daughter will soon be 21. (Okay, how is that even possible??) Over the weekend, I was reflecting on how grateful I am for the wonderful young lady she’s become.

I learned a lot about being a mom during her teen years. I for sure didn’t get it all right! However, I did learn a few things in the process. Maybe you’ll find these rules helpful if you’re parenting a teenage daughter.

Parenting teen girls can be a learning time for both mothers and daughters!  Here are five rules to help us navigate this unique season.

1. Make trust a foundational part of your relationship with her.

Parenting during the teenage years is so much harder when we have to wonder if our daughter’s lying to us. We want to believe that she’s actually where she says she’s going to be or that the story she told us about what happened at school is actually true.

Hopefully, we’ve established trust with her during the early years. But don’t be afraid to talk about this often. Grant more privileges and freedoms as she continues to prove that she’s trustworthy. Be willing to implement and stick to consequences if trust is broken.

Trust goes both ways. Make sure she can trust you to do what you say you’re going to do. Don’t share things she tells you in confidence with other people.

2. Never let her doubt your love for her.

Tell her often that you love her, even when she doesn’t give much of a response. Show her by giving little gifts or by doing something kind like taking over a chore for her when she’s having a hard week.

It’s even more important to communicate love when she messes up or disappoints you. Reassure her that she doesn’t earn your love by her behavior. Our daughters need to know that we love them no matter what.

3. Pray for her.

It sounds so simple, in a way, but I was driven to pray during our daughters’ teenage years like I’d never been before. It’s such a pivotal time in their lives. And we’re not always there with them like we were in the early years. They’re beginning to make their own decisions, their own friends, and forming their own values.

When it seems like we can’t reach them, God can. He is always with them. His Spirit can convict them in a way that we can’t when they’re making poor choices.

4. Always be willing to listen.

Whatever she’s trying to communicate, listen. Don’t put down her ideas. Listening doesn’t mean we’ll agree with everything she says, but we want to be a safe place for her to talk things out.

Now the trick might be getting her to talk! Sometimes you just have to be in the vicinity. Drive her places when you can. Hang out in the kitchen when she’s getting an after-school snack. And know that lots of teenagers have the most to say very late at night!

5. Remember that you’re parenting for the future.

A friend and I were talking recently about how we’re parenting for 25. Our teenagers may not like the boundaries we’re setting. It may seem like any advice we’re offering goes in one ear and out the other. But our goal is for them to become a Godly, responsible adult. And that can mean dealing with some discomfort in the moment so that we can see that desired result in the future.

Do you have any other rules for living with teenage girls? I could come up with a few others – like don’t ride the drama roller coaster with them! – but I’d love to hear any that you’d like to share in the comments below.

Related posts:

  • 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers
  • 7 Ways to Show Love to Your Teenage Daughter
  • 10 Prayers to Pray for Your Daughter

Filed Under: Parent

12 Best Parenting Books for Moms

September 30, 2021 by Tracey 11 Comments

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a small commission from qualifying purchases at no extra charge to you. Thank you for supporting Girls to Grow through your purchases!

I tend to collect parenting books.

Rearing Godly children is something I’m passionate about, so it’s hard for me to pass up a book that might present a principle in a unique way or encourage me in my role as a mother.

Here I’m sharing twelve of my favorite parenting books from the many that I’ve read over the years.

[My own little disclaimer: There are few books outside of the Bible that I would agree with 100%. And while I definitely recommend the books on this list, that doesn’t mean that I endorse every single word that the author’s written.]

Check out this list of 12 books that can help moms learn and grow as they parent their children

1. On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, MD

I’ve heard lots of different opinions on the scheduling and sleep training ideas presented in this book. All I can speak to is my own experience. I followed many of the authors’ suggestions with both of our girls and they were sleeping through the night at an early age. Having a simple schedule to follow gave me a lot of confidence as a new mom.

2.  Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child by Burton L. White

I enjoyed the basic parenting principles in this classic book. It’s broken down into chapters that cover the first three years of a child’s life and talks about how children develop at each stage.

3.  Making Home Work in a Broken Society by Paul Chappell

It’s hard to raise Godly children in a culture that leans away from God. This book reminds us that by following Biblical principles in our homes we can still have families that love and serve Jesus.

4.  John Rosemond’s Six Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children

John Rosemond is one of my favorite parenting authors. His advice is so practical and his writing style is down-to-earth.

5.  Different Children, Different Needs by Dr. Charles F. Boyd with Robert A. Rohm, PHD

This book helps you evaluate your own personality style as well as that of your child. Then it gives you pointers on how to effectively parent based on those individual personalities.

6.  On Becoming Childwise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam, M.D.

This book generally covers ages three through seven of your child’s life. That’s one of my favorite segments of parenting! Included are 15 principles to help you parent well through this season.

7.  Making Children Mind without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman

First of all, what a great book title! Dr. Leman uses humor to help us see the lighter side of parenting, yet includes reasonable solutions to many of our parenting dilemmas.

8.  Passionate Parenting by Cary Schmidt

If you’re parenting teenagers, this book is for you. It’s full of helpful advice and also showed me that many of the parenting struggles I faced during my girls’ teen years were shared by others!

9.  The Pursuit of Godly Seed by Danny Kenaston

Here’s an in-depth parenting book that covers all the basics in regards to having a solid Christian home. It’s not a light read, but worth investing your time in.

10.  The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian

Nothing has inspired me to pray like having children! This book is a great reminder of the impact we can have on our children as we cover every area of their life in prayer.

11.  Middle School:  The Inside Story by Cynthia Tobias and Sue Acuna

If you have a middle schooler, I’d encourage you to read this book. The authors are experts in dealing with children in this age group and offer plenty of practical advice and encouragement.

12.  Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

Just like the other books in the Boundaries series, this one helps you set reasonable limits where needed so that your child can develop personal responsibility.

A book that almost made the list: Making the “Terrible” Two’s Terrific by John Rosemond. Another very practical book on dealing with some of the issues that make parenting this age group a little scary 🙂

As I reviewed these titles, I noticed that I’m drawn to books that help parents teach their children personal responsibility. How about you? Have you read any of these books? What other parenting books would you recommend? Let me know in the comments below!

Originally posted September 2010. Updated September 2021.

Filed Under: Parent, Read

11 Important Things Your Teenage Daughter Needs from You

September 1, 2021 by Tracey 4 Comments

Well, it happened. We moved our junior and freshman college students into their dorms on Saturday and said goodbye on Sunday afternoon. I guess that officially makes us empty nesters! I think I’m still in denial because I certainly don’t feel like an empty nester, but I’m sure it will hit me at some point soon.

Back at home, I’ve been cleaning their rooms and organizing what they left behind. I’m trying to maintain that balance of checking in with them to find out how things are going and letting them get the semester started without me hovering 🙂

Between our two girls, I’ve been parenting a teenage daughter for almost eight years. It seems like there’s still plenty I haven’t figured out. Yet there are lessons I’ve learned – many of them the hard way – that you might find helpful as you parent your own teen girl. Here I give you my list of eleven important things our teenage daughters need from us.

A list of eleven important things our teenage daughters need from their moms and dads

1. A listening ear

If she’s in a mood to share about her day – whether in excitement or frustration – listen. Sometimes you can tell that she wants your full attention. Other times she may seem more comfortable talking while she’s sitting at the kitchen counter and you’re chopping vegetables. Either way, take advantage of every opportunity to get a peek into her world.

2. A calm response

You may be able to traverse the seven years of female teenage-dom with no emotional outbursts from your daughter. If so, congratulations. If not, be the adult and stay calm. One or both of you may need to step away from the situation until you can talk it through objectively.

3. Assurance of your love

There may be days you don’t like her that much but she needs to know that you will always love her. Tell her as well as show her. (Here are seven ways you can show love to your teenage daughter.)

4. Approval

Tell her you’re proud of how hard she worked on that research paper or the way she resolved a misunderstanding with a friend. It’s easy to feel like her friends’ approval matters more than yours in these teen years, but she still needs to know that you notice and support her.

5. Confidentiality

She needs to be able to tell you things and know that you will keep her confidence. Don’t share with others stories or situations that you know would embarrass her. (The obvious exception would be if her struggle is one that requires help beyond what you can provide.)

6. Firm boundaries

This one is hard because teenagers love to push up against boundaries. I don’t think I did this well in every area, but there were some lines that didn’t get crossed. She likely won’t admit it, but your daughter finds security in boundaries.

7. Approachability

She should feel like she can come and talk to you about anything. As she gets older, be willing to discuss new freedoms as she approaches you with a reasonable request in a mature manner. Cultivate adult discussions that help you understand each other’s viewpoint.

8. Authenticity

Teens are well on their way to becoming adults and they can see through insincerity. Your daughter lives with you 24/7. She knows that you blow it sometimes, so be honest about your struggles.

9. Prayers

I’ve written a lot about this! Here’s 10 Prayers to Pray for Your Daughter as well as 3 Prayers to Pray As We Learn to Let Go of Our Teenagers. Our girls need us to pray for them – and make sure you tell her that you’re praying for her!

10. Perspective for the future

Teens live for now. They don’t often think about the long-term consequences of the decisions they make today. So have conversations with them about how they want their lives to look in six months, a year, two years. Encourage them to set themselves up for success later by making good choices in the present.

11. Freedom to become who God wants her to be

Sometimes we have our own agenda for our children. And while it’s fine to want good things for them, our most important goal should be for them to follow God’s plan for their lives. Let’s not put expectations on our daughters to choose a certain career or live just down the street from us. Let one of your prayers be that she would become all that God has for her to be, whatever that looks like.

Parenting a teenage daughter can be fun and challenging and may look different today than it did yesterday! Let’s encourage our girls by providing what they need as they grow through their teen years. And let me know what else you would add to this list!

Related posts:

  • How to Give Your Teenage Daughter Her Independence
  • Top 10 Things I Love About Having Teenage Daughters
  • A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: I Think One Day You’ll Understand

Filed Under: Parent

9 Short, Simple Pieces of Advice for My College Freshman

August 18, 2021 by Tracey 4 Comments

We’re past the middle of August now, and I’m guessing many of you with school-aged children are in the process of starting a new school year. I actually ended up at our daughters’ former school on Monday, which was the students’ first day of classes. I was dropping off my daughter’s cheer uniform from last year. Walking into the school office again without having a child on the campus felt a little strange!

We’re now in the single digits…just nine days until we take our youngest daughter to college. We still haven’t gotten everything on our list, but we’re getting close! Her last day of work is Monday, so we’ll have a few days to pack it all up before we head to Florida.

As a mom, you hope you’ve done a good job preparing your child for this next season in life. It’s a big step, living independently, for the most part, hundreds of miles away from home. As we count down these final days before college life begins, I have a list of nine things I want her to remember.

Tips to get her college career off to a good start

1. Take care of your body.

I dispensed this down into four words. Eat. Drink. Move. Sleep.

Eat at least some healthy foods and stay hydrated. Walking to classes on a daily basis should keep you moving, but occasionally make time for some real exercise. And, as much as possible, prioritize a good night’s sleep.

2. Spend time with God every day.

So many activities and obligations can crowd out the most important thing. Make time in Bible reading and prayer a priority in your day from the very beginning.

3. Reach out to other people.

Be the first to introduce yourself. Talk to the girl who sits next to you in History of Civ. Use your ride in the elevator or your time standing in line to buy books to strike up a conversation.

4. Find a rhythm for your week.

Figure out when you have your dorm room to yourself. Use that time to take a nap or study for that big test. And speaking of studying, figure out when and where you study best. No afternoon classes on Thursday? Designate that time to work on in-depth projects.

5. Get involved.

Join a club. Try out for an intramural sport. Start a study group with kids from your English class.

6. Try new things.

New foods, your roommate’s favorite hobby, an activity you didn’t have time for in high school – if it’s safe and interesting to you, give it a try. This is a great time in life to find out what types of things you enjoy.

7. Ask for help.

You’re not going to know everything. Find an upperclassman who’s willing to help you. Schedule a meeting with a professor. Talk to your resident assistant. Be brave enough and wise enough to reach out when you need help.

8. Develop a large circle of friends.

In the beginning, you don’t know which friendships will go the distance. Tuesdays can be for lunch with friends from Speech class. Thursdays are for afternoon coffee with your suitemates. It’s not likely that you’ll ever be around this many people in your same stage of life again. Enjoy developing these relationships.

9. Call home.

Okay, maybe this one’s a little selfish, but always remember you have a great support system in your dad and me. We’re praying for this to be a great semester of growing into the person God would have for you to be!

What other advice would you give a college freshman? Anything for a college freshman’s mom??

Related posts:

  • 6 Pieces of Advice for a Daughter Who’s Beginning Her Life’s Voyage
  • 7 Life Principles from Proverbs to Teach Our Children
  • 8 Pieces of Advice for My High School Freshman

Filed Under: Parent

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Welcome! I'm Tracey, wife and mom to two young adult daughters. I seek to help Christian moms raise children who know, love, and serve God by sharing Biblical wisdom, helpful tips, and practical advice. Read More…

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