Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

9 Short, Simple Pieces of Advice for College Freshmen

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We’re past the middle of August now, and I’m guessing many of you with school-aged children are in the process of starting a new school year. I actually ended up at our daughters’ former school on Monday, which was the students’ first day of classes. I was dropping off my daughter’s cheer uniform from last year. Walking into the school office again without having a child on campus felt a little strange!

We’re now in the single digits…just nine days until we take our youngest daughter to college. We still haven’t gotten everything on our list, but we’re getting close! Her last day of work is Monday, so we’ll have a few days to pack it all up before we head to Florida.

As a mom, you hope you’ve done a good job preparing your child for this next season in life. It’s a big step, living independently, for the most part, hundreds of miles away from home. As we count down these final days before college life begins, I have a list of nine things I want her to remember.

Tips to get her college career off to a good start

1. Take care of your body.

I dispensed this down into four words. Eat. Drink. Move. Sleep.

Eat at least some healthy foods and stay hydrated. Walking to classes daily should keep you moving, but occasionally make time for some real exercise. And, as much as possible, prioritize a good night’s sleep.

2. Spend time with God every day.

So many activities and obligations can crowd out the most important thing. Make time for Bible reading and prayer a priority in your day from the very beginning.

3. Reach out to other people.

Be the first to introduce yourself. Talk to the girl who sits next to you in History of Civ. Use your ride in the elevator or your time standing in line to buy books to strike up a conversation.

4. Find a rhythm for your week.

Figure out when you have your dorm room to yourself. Use that time to take a nap or study for that big test. And speaking of studying, figure out when and where you study best. No afternoon classes on Thursday? Designate that time to work on in-depth projects.

5. Get involved.

Join a club. Try out for an intramural sport. Start a study group with kids from your English class.

6. Try new things.

New foods, your roommate’s favorite hobby, an activity you didn’t have time for in high school – if it’s safe and interesting to you, give it a try. This is a great time in life to find out what types of things you enjoy.

7. Ask for help.

You’re not going to know everything. Find an upperclassman who’s willing to help you. Schedule a meeting with a professor. Talk to your resident assistant. Be brave enough and wise enough to reach out when you need help.

8. Develop a large circle of friends.

In the beginning, you don’t know which friendships will go the distance. Tuesdays can be for lunch with friends from Speech class. Thursdays are for afternoon coffee with your suitemates. It’s not likely that you’ll ever be around this many people in your same stage of life again. Enjoy developing these relationships.

9. Call home.

Okay, maybe this one’s a little selfish, but always remember you have a great support system in your dad and me. We’re praying for this to be a great semester of growing into the person God would have for you to be!

What other advice would you give a college freshman? Anything for a college freshman’s mom??

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7 Important Prayers for Our Homes and Families

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This month on the blog we’ve been talking about our homes. Previous posts focused on how to keep traps out of our homes and discovering what makes our homes happy.

Today I want to talk about how we can pray for our homes and families, especially in our current culture. These seven ideas are based on Scripture. You could pray one of these prayers for your family each day of the week. Or you could choose one day to pray through all seven, making your home your prayer focus for that day.

I hope these remind all of us of the importance of praying for our homes and families. How thankful we can be for a God who hears and answers our prayers!

Here's a list of 7 Bible-based prayers that we can pray over our homes and families this year. You can use one for each day of the week!

Here’s a list of seven prayers to pray for our homes and families.

1. Pray that our homes will be built on a solid foundation of faith.

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” ~Matthew 7:24-25

Hard times will come to our families. Your storm will look different than mine and different than your neighbors. And when those rains and floods come, we want our homes to still be standing when it’s all over. That can only happen as we build our house on the rock of God’s Word and live by it.

Prayer: Dear God, help us to build our home on You and Your Word. Give us ears and hearts to hear what the Bible says to us and the strength to live out its commands. May we base our decisions on Bible principles, seeking your guidance through prayer. When trials come, may our family be a testimony to our faith in you.

2. Pray for the courage to make Godly choices in your home regardless of what culture says or the choices others around you make.

“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” ~Joshua 24:15

It seems like every day it becomes clearer that following God or following the world system and its philosophies are in direct opposition. While we’re to be good citizens in the world, we’re not to buy into beliefs that go against what God teaches us in His Word. In his day, Joshua made it clear where he and his family stood.

Prayer: God, give us the courage to make a stand as a family to do right. May we do it as a way to honor you, in a spirit of love and mercy for those who don’t know you, so we can be a light shining brightly in a world that is dark with sin.

3. Pray for our homes to be marked by love and unity.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This one gets kind of personal! Sometimes it’s easier to love people outside our homes because we don’t know them and their faults nearly as well as we do the people who live inside our homes.

We know the characteristics of love from the passage above. It’s patient, kind, not jealous, selfless, not easily provoked, believes the best about the other person, longsuffering. Just reading through the list reminds me how often I fall short of loving my family well.

Yet our homes can be characterized by love, even though we’ll have children – and adults – who disagree. We can speak our love and we can show it through our actions.

Prayer: Lord, let love characterize our home. When children argue, when parents disagree, convict our hearts. Don’t let us get caught up in having to be right or only be concerned about getting our own way. May we cultivate a love within our family that flows over into the lives of others as a testimony to the love you have for each one of us.

4. Pray that God will protect your home from evil.

“But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.” ~2 Thessalonians 3:3

We talked about some of the harmful things that can enter our homes in a post earlier this month. Blatant sin, like pornography, brings evil directly into our homes. But we also want to pray that God will keep our family from the subtle influences that may seem harmless at first but can lead to real problems.

Prayer: God, please protect our home from evil. Don’t let Satan gain a foothold in any of our lives. Help us to guard against temptation, especially in areas where we know we’re weak. We know that greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. [1 John 4:4] May your Holy Spirit keep our hearts tender and sensitive to those things that would lead us into sin.

5. Pray for wisdom to build your home and guide your family.

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” ~Proverbs 14:1

I definitely want to be the wise woman, not the foolish one! We can build up our homes by loving and encouraging those in our family, and by following Biblical principles.

According to James 1:5, wisdom is ours for the asking. I often face situations that I don’t know how to deal with. But God has the wisdom I need and He willingly makes it available to me.

Prayer: God, I need your wisdom to build my home in a way that’s pleasing to you. Help me remember to pray for that wisdom before I give correction or advice to my children. Your Word provides direction, so bring appropriate verses to my mind when I’m not sure what to do. Thank you that you’re always willing to give wisdom when I ask for it.

6. Pray that God will bless and protect each one in your family, that He will be gracious to them and give them peace.

“The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: the Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.” ~Numbers 6:24-26

This is my favorite passage to pray over my husband and our girls. In fact, I have a print of these verses hanging on a wall in our living area.

Prayer: Lord, bless my daughter/son/spouse today. Protect her mind, her heart and her body. May your face shine on her. Please show her your grace as she goes through her day. Watch over her and give her your peace in her spirit.

7. Praise God for how He provides for and blesses our homes as we trust in Him.

“Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;” ~1 Timothy 6:17

What a blessing our families can be! It’s a privilege to grow together spiritually, to become friends with our adult children, to see our children learn lessons and mature, and to experience how we as parents become better people because we’ve learned from our children.

Prayer: Dear God, thank you for the gift of a home and a family. One day we’ll know the full experience of a family when we’re all in Heaven with you. Thank you that we can have a tiny taste of that here as we learn and grow with ones we love so much.

May we use the gift of prayer to intercede with our Heavenly Father on behalf of our homes and families so that together, we can bring glory to God.

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20 Lessons I’ve Learned in 20 Years of Parenting

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Our older daughter turned 20 last week. Yikes, y’all! On one hand, I ask, “Where has the time gone?” On the other, I feel so very blessed to have walked with our children as they’ve grown to be the almost adults that they are today.

As I reflected on these 20 years of parenting, I came up with 20 lessons I’ve learned. There’s some hard-won wisdom that comes with all this parenting experience! I hope you’ll find some help and encouragement through these 20 lessons that I’ve learned in 20 years of parenting.

Twenty lessons I've learned in twenty years of parenting

1. Parenting teaches us just as much about ourselves as it does about our children.

It’s shown me my lack of patience and my love of myself. Parenting has also revealed how much I like to be in control…and the fact that I really control very little when it comes to my children.

2. I’ll always love my children, but there are days I may not like them.

In the middle of a day filled with a child’s defiance or her attitude that constantly needs adjusting, I may feel like I deserve a serious break from my kids! Those days, while not easy, are to be expected. But I will always love my daughters and want what is best for them.

3. Having mom friends in the same stage of parenting is invaluable.

I’ve felt like a certain stage of parenting is making me crazy, like surely no one else has the same struggles with their child that I do with mine. But then I sit and talk with another mom and am reassured that I’m not the only one dealing with those issues. It’s comforting and encouraging to realize that other moms are in the same boat!

4. There’s no feeling like watching your child perform or compete in something they enjoy.

I have loved watching our girls at basketball games, cheer competitions, and fine arts performances. It’s one of the things I’ll really miss when our younger daughter graduates from high school in June.

5. I can’t parent well without God’s wisdom.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. God’s promise in James 1:5 to give wisdom liberally to those who ask for it has been a lifesaver in my years of parenting teens. There are many times when I haven’t known what to do or how to respond to a situation. Yet God keeps His promise and gives wisdom.

6. I’m so blessed to have a husband who parents with me.

He is so wise and sees situations from more of a long-term perspective than I do. It’s helpful to have someone who knows and loves our children as much as I do to speak into their lives. It also gives me a great admiration for single mothers who have to handle parenting duties alone.

7. Children are sinners who sin…just like their mother.

I can tend to expect perfection which no one can live up to. I never wanted to be the parent who told the teacher, “My child would never lie/cheat/steal/say a bad word.” Because we’re all tempted, and sometimes we give in. This doesn’t mean that we make excuses for our children, but we recognize that they will sin and then deal with it when it happens.

8. Those siblings who fight like cats and dogs can eventually become great friends.

We had plenty of bickering in our house over the years. And do our girls get along perfectly now? Not every minute. But they FaceTime and text when they’re apart. They choose to go Black Friday shopping together. And whenever our college daughter comes home, they’ll stay up for hours catching up on each other’s lives – having actually invited their sister into their bedroom!

9. I am not my child’s Holy Spirit.

I can’t make my child ask Jesus to be her Savior. Neither can I force her to grow in her walk with God. I can teach her about God’s Word and expose her to what I believe, but ultimately, the choices she makes about her faith have to be her own.

10. Every child is different.

This is an obvious one, but so important. Each child responds differently to correction. One needs more boundaries or words of encouragement or physical touch. An interesting part of parenting is getting to know each child as an individual.

11. Prayer is an invaluable resource.

I can take everything to God in prayer – my child’s health, friendships (or lack thereof), habits, struggles, attitudes, decisions, and anything and everything else. God is in control. He can give me peace and help my child.

12. Biting your tongue is a valuable parenting skill.

This applies to interacting with your 15-year-old who knows it all. Rather than launch into a lecture when they’re spouting off about something, it’s often helpful to use phrases like, “You could be right.”

But it also applies to younger children. When correcting our girls, I’ve been guilty of going on and on instead of just getting to the point. That’s especially valuable when dealing with one of our daughters who definitely appreciates a direct approach!

13. Traditions are a fun part of family culture.

I actually wish I’d created more traditions when our children were young, but I treasure the ones we have! For example, we go out to eat and then walk on the beach the Saturday evening before Mother’s Day. An early Christmas Eve dinner at home is followed by a drive to downtown Charleston and dessert at Kaminsky’s Dessert Cafe.

Some traditions have to change over the years, but I’m already looking forward to adding some new ones as our girls move into the next stage of life.

14. Reading aloud to my children was a great use of my time.

I know that not everyone loves to read, but it’s a pastime I’ve so enjoyed sharing with our daughters. When they were little, we’d read books before nap time and at bedtime…and at other random times during the day. Introducing them to books that were my childhood favorites (and getting to re-read them myself) was a great pleasure during their younger years. And sometimes reading books together opens the door to discussing valuable life lessons.

15. Being a stay-at-home mom is a luxury…and also hard.

Not everyone has the option to stay home with their children during the workday. I’m so grateful for a husband who’s supported me in that – and has also been willing to listen to me unload about all that happened at the end of the day! Because 24/7 with two little ones – or two older ones! – can be a challenge. But I wouldn’t trade the years I’ve had with our girls for anything.

16. Start teaching them to handle issues for themselves at an early age.

In other words, don’t step in every time there’s an argument with a friend. Try to get them to work it out on their own. Explain to them how to address a teacher if they have a question about their grade or need to talk about something that happened in class. There certainly may be times you need to get involved, but try to make that the exception, not the norm.

17. Not every parenting hill is worth dying on.

I found this to be true whether it was my toddler or my teen. Put simply, choose your battles.

18. When they hurt, I hurt.

It can be a broken friendship, not making the team, or some other disappointment that brings on tears or hurt feelings. Because it affects them so deeply, I hurt with and for them. And I’m finding this doesn’t change, no matter how old they get.

19. Other people who pour into my kids are one of life’s greatest blessings.

Teachers, coaches, babysitters, piano teachers, or youth pastors – the list of people who can influence our kids for good is long. We have been blessed to have many of these in our daughters’ lives over the years.

20. Children are a gift from God and bring much joy to our lives.

There have been some really hard days of parenting. But what a gift that God gives us precious lives to steward for Him…and in the process gives us relationships that bless us over and over again all throughout our lives.

Now that I’m moving into the empty nest stage, I’m sure I have at least 20 more parenting lessons to learn!

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7 Life Principles from Proverbs to Teach Our Children

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We’re one month into our youngest daughter’s senior year of high school, and the countdown is on. Not literally, because I’m not ready to actually dwell on that yet! But in the back of my mind, I know that we’re now looking at months – not years – before she steps out on her own.

As parents, we have a lot we want to teach our children in the eighteen or so years while they live in our homes. There are some practical skills that will come in real handy for them – like brushing their teeth, doing laundry, and driving a car. But there are also character traits we want them to develop as they mature.

Teaching our children truth from the Bible is much more valuable than just giving our opinion or sharing our life experiences, though those can be helpful. When our children are young, we can introduce principles very simply, ideally in the form of a story. Isaiah 28:9-10 talks about teaching “precept upon precept…line upon line…here a little, and there a little.” As they become teenagers, we can move into deeper conversations.

I recently went through Proverbs and found seven principles that our children can benefit from. There are many more in this particular book of the Bible, but these are a good place to start.

Here's wisdom from Proverbs to help our children develop character traits that will benefit them throughout their lives.

1. You need to guard your heart.

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” ~4:23

We have to be proactive in setting a guard. In other words, be on the lookout for things that would turn you away from following God. To me this especially means guarding your thought life. Protect it from sinful influences. This could help you explain to your child why your family doesn’t watch certain movies, read particular books, or listen to some styles of music. What we think about comes out in our words and actions.

I pray this verse daily for one of our daughters, that she will diligently guard her heart. Negative emotions like fear, doubt, or a lack of confidence can also cause infiltrate our hearts and cause us to make poor decisions.

2. Sin makes you a slave.

“His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.” ~5:22

We think freedom comes when we get to choose whatever we want to do. Let’s help our children understand that when we choose sin, it eventually makes you do whatever it wants you to.

Too often we think we can commit a sin once or twice, and then walk away from it, but that’s rarely the case. As Christians, we can get the victory, but it takes God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit.

3. Laziness makes you poor.

“How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.” ~6:9-11

Here are the basics. Work hard. Be responsible. Get rich quick schemes don’t work. Let me just add that as parents, one of the qualities we most value in a potential spouse for our children is someone who knows the value of hard work.

4. Don’t talk too much.

“In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” ~10:19

We’ve all had times when we said something we immediately wished we could take back. That goes back to the old adage of “think before you speak!” And no one likes being around a person who doesn’t have an off button! If you talk alot, something you say is going to get you into trouble. And an easy way to be wise is just to get control of your tongue. (Much easier said than done!)

5. Be generous.

“The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.” ~11:25

Give. Not just your money, but your time. No matter how little you think you have, it would appear abundant to someone else. Look for ways to bless others, and you’ll find that you’re blessed as well.

6. If you go looking for trouble, you’ll find it.

“He that diligently seeketh good procureth favour: but he that seeketh mischief, it shall come unto him.” ~11:27

Let your child know that their reputation proceeds them, even at a young age. Don’t let yourself be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Pay attention to the people you hang around with and the situations you put yourself in.

7. Listen to wise advice.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” ~12:15

Don’t be a know-it-all! Find wise people to advise you when you need to make a decision. Sometimes we want to be in control and forge ahead with our own plan, but listening to the prudent counsel of others can cause us to avoid some costly mistakes.

Teaching our children these seven principles – and incorporating them into our own lives! – can help all of us have good character and walk in wisdom.

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8 Tips on Making Decisions About Your Child’s Future

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I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. What I write about here is often what I’m dealing with in the moment.

There’s a lot of uncertainty about how the coming school year will begin, especially here in South Carolina. We’re having some of our highest numbers of coronavirus cases since all this started, especially in Charleston County, which is where my younger daughter’s school is located. Across the country, many parents are having to make decisions about whether their child will attend school in person, only virtually, or some mix of the two.

Uncertainty is not where I thrive!! In the midst of all the upheaval, it’s the familiar Bible verses that are bringing me comfort. Yesterday it was this one.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

The God who knows the end from the beginning has peaceful thoughts toward us, not evil ones. “An expected end” is also translated as “a future and a hope.” God has plans and hope for our and our children’s future. (And couldn’t we all use some hope about now??!!) He has a purpose for us as parents and for our children as we walk through unsettling times.

I already know that my high school daughter’s senior year is not going to look like we expected. Even if they have in-person school, I don’t see her cheer squad traveling to games or the fine arts program competing in events. And what if things get worse and, after starting in-person, they switch back to only online learning?

You may be facing different decisions for your child right now, maybe totally unrelated to schooling. But as I try to come to grips with my own current situation, I developed eight tips to help me get started on making a decision. This post is geared toward making schooling decisions, but the tips can certainly be applied to choosing extracurricular activities or determining how old your child needs to be to have certain privileges!

1. Pray for wisdom.

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” ~James 1:5

Claiming this promise on a daily basis! God has the true wisdom we need to make decisions. No, we won’t find a Bible verse that says, “Choose this schooling option for your child” or “Sign your child up for this activity.” But we can find principles in His Word and ask for Holy Spirit guidance as we pray.

2. Lay out all of the options.

Admittedly, if you’re in a situation like ours, you’re not sure exactly what the options are at this point. But write out the ones you do know. If you choose to homeschool on your own, what programs are available to you? Do you know yet what options the school your child normally attends are offering? You may need to consider any financial implications related to each option as well.

3. Decide what the long-term goal is.

Because our daughter’s planning on attending college in a year, one of our goals is for her to complete a couple of dual enrollment classes. Those will earn her high school and college credit. Maybe your children are younger, and you want them to have a solid math foundation or they need to catch up in a certain subject. Determine what the desired outcome is and look at which choice is most likely to get you there.

4. Don’t let fear decide for you.

Fear can affect our decisions, and usually not in a positive way. There are certainly risk factors to consider. This could be a child going a long way off to college or having your child try a new curriculum or, in today’s reality, catching the coronavirus.

So use common sense. Take your particular situation into consideration. Drill down into what you’re afraid of and then make the call from a place of confidence. Which leads to…

5. Gather helpful information.

Don’t be obsessive about it (a tendency of mine!), but research your options. Be informed. Figure out what the results might look like if you choose one way over another.

6. Get wise counsel from others.

Talk to those who have already made the choice you’re considering or who have direct knowledge of the situation. Don’t listen to every talking head, news pundit, or distant relative who is convinced that if you don’t do it their way, you must be crazy.

7. Base your decision on what’s best for your individual child and your family as a whole.

You know your child better than anyone else does. Some children work well independently. Others need teacher direction or more social interaction. There may not be a perfect fit, but choose what best meets your child’s needs. At the same time, consider how that choice will affect your whole family.

8. Pray for peace.

We’ll start and end this discussion with prayer. Here’s another one of those familiar verses that’s always applicable.

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

God can give you peace that you’re making the right decision. Take it to Him in prayer, then make your call. And rest in knowing that there are very few decisions that can’t be changed when they no longer work for you!

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17 Things I Want My 17-Year-Old Daughter to Know

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It’s crazy to realize that my “baby” is 17!! That’s a lot of years that she’s lived in our house…and a lot of chances we as parents have had to try to share advice and wisdom.

I don’t know how much of it has stuck. We’re all still learning and growing together around here. But today I thought I’d give it another shot with this list of 17 things I want her to know.

Here's a list of 17 things I want my 17-year-old daughter to know as she moves into adulthood

1. You’ll never regret being kind.

At the end of the day, it’s usually not the number of times I was kind that I dwell on. No, it’s those moments when I lost my temper or snapped in anger or said something unkind that I wish I could do over.

2. Ground your life now in God’s Word and prayer.

Developing spiritual disciplines in this period of major life decisions is vital. Getting into the habit as a teenager will serve you well for a lifetime.

3. True beauty begins within.

You like makeup and hairstyle trends and that’s all fun and good. But always remember that real beauty shines through from a kind heart and thoughtful gestures and a love for others.

4. Stay true to yourself.

Don’t change who you are to impress a guy or to fit in with a particular group of girls. Find someone who shares that unusual hobby or enjoys the same genre of books. Be you.

5. Be thoughtful about what you post on social media.

People who know you in real life know your heart. Those who only read your online posts don’t.

6. Conversely, know that what someone posts on social media (or how you interpret it) may not be who they really are.

For better or worse, not everyone is a sum total of their tweets or Instastories.

7. Have truth-tellers in your life who will gently show you your mistakes.

This could be a best friend, a husband, a sibling, or a mentor. But have someone who loves you enough to help you grow into a better person, even when it hurts.

8. Be a lifelong learner.

Always be learning. Have a thirst to know more about God and His Word. Read non-fiction books. See the world from other perspectives than your own.

9. Don’t allow the news media or online influencers to dictate your beliefs.

Think for yourself. Base decisions on truth from Scripture. Don’t just fall for the latest political trends or blindly follow a currently popular teacher.

10. Give grace to others.

Parents, teachers, friends who are figuring out life alongside you – they’re all going to make mistakes, and they need the same grace you’ll want extended to yourself.

11. Make good memories.

Be present with your friends. Plan things to do together that don’t involve your phone. And even join in making memories with your family!

12. Look past a guy’s physical appearance to his character.

Yes, you want the physical attraction to be there, but it’s his character – loyalty, honesty, work ethic, sense of humor – that will make him someone you want to spend a lifetime with.

13. Listen to your body.

Are you sick? Do you need to drink more water? Have you not moved your body in three days? Have you been sleeping enough? Treat your body well ’cause it’s the only one you get.

14. Develop firm boundaries around your entertainment choices.

What types of books will you read and not read? How about the movies you’ll allow yourself to watch? Is there music you need to protect yourself from? Set Biblical guidelines today to guide you. Make decisions ahead of time to inform your choices in the moment.

15. Enjoy life’s simple pleasures.

Never get over a beautiful sunset, a walk on the beach, or the taste of a perfectly ripe strawberry. No matter how much money you make or how many amazing experiences you have, always treasure the simple pleasures.

16. Remember that very few decisions are permanent.

Marriage, yes. But in many other areas, don’t get locked into one thing and never try something new. Want to live in the city? Try it for a year. You can always move back to the suburbs. Really don’t like the career you’re in? Develop a plan to try something new.

17. Leave it all on the field.

So that’s a sports metaphor, but basically I’m saying give it all you’ve got. Do your best in the classroom and on the court and at work. Love well. Put relationships first.

At seventeen, you have some wonderful, exciting, and challenging years ahead of you. You’ve got this!! So proud, thankful, and blessed to be your mom.

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5 Things Parenting Is Teaching Me About My Relationship with God

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Heard the saying, “Confession is good for the soul”? So tell me, are you someone who, prior to having kids, said, “My child will never __________!”

I was. And yes, predictably, at least one or the other of my children did nearly all of the things I filled in that blank with!

Parenting has taught me a lot. It’s taught me a little about my children and a whole lot about myself. It’s also opened my eyes to some of the ways God deals with us as His children. Here are five things I’m learning about my relationship with God as I parent my own children.

1. Life is easier when you obey.

We have a strong-willed daughter who had an extended “terrible two’s” season of life. I remember thinking, “Why can’t you see that your life would go so much more smoothly if you’d simply obey?” It wasn’t like we were asking her to do extremely hard things. We had fairly simple requirements. But she liked to test the limits.

As Christians, it can take us a long time to learn that our life is better if we’ll simply obey God. Our way may seem to make more sense. Or we might not like what He’s telling us to do. But, as James 4:7 tells us, we’re to submit ourselves to God.

It’s also how we show God that we love Him. John 14:15 says, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” Isn’t it sweet as a parent when our child does something just to please us? In that same way, our obedience is a way to show our love for and gratitude to God.

2. Growth takes time.

We know this with our children, especially physically. It’s obvious that their bodies are growing as they get older. But it’s also true with our children emotionally. Maturity allows them to handle disappointments and hard situations with more self-control.

In the same way, spiritual growth takes time. If you’re like me, sometimes you may get discouraged and wonder if you really are growing spiritually. Earlier this year, I read the book Spiritual Growth by Arthur W. Pink. He gave detailed insights into ways we can know if we’ve grown spiritually. And while I know I still have many areas to improve, I was encouraged to see that there are some areas in which I’ve experienced growth.

But remember that growth takes time. Every trial we go through, every answered prayer, each temptation overcome, and our time spent in His Word leads to our spiritual growth.

3. Sometimes “no” is the best answer.

When our children ask for something, no is certainly not what they want to hear. Yet sometimes, because we have done more of life and know what’s best for them, the answer to their request is no.

Neither do we want to hear no when we go to God with a request. We’re asking Him for something because we want it. Yet God in His infinite wisdom denies some of our petitions. And that’s another part of our spiritual growth – learning to trust that He knows what is best for us, even when we don’t understand why.

4. Parenting involves sacrifice.

Whether it’s getting up at 2am to feed a newborn or staying up till midnight waiting for your teenager to get home, sacrificing sleep is often a part of parenting. That’s only one example. We choose to make other sacrifices, too. We want to give our children the best of everything, even if that means giving up something we want.

Sacrifices could be financial or they could involve our time. Playing a game, reading books, going for a bike ride, sitting through a piano recital – these are all ways we sacrifice our time so that we can do things with our children.

We have to look no farther than John 3:16 to understand how God sacrificed for us. He gave His only son that we might have our sins forgiven and live with Him eternally. His great love sacrificed what was most precious to Him so that we could be saved.

5. There’s incredible joy in watching our children grow and mature.

We have teenagers. That in and of itself seems to mean that occasionally they’re going to do or say something immature. But there are times when they respond to a situation or make a decision that shows wisdom and discernment. There’s not much else that brings such joy to a mama’s heart!

How pleased God must be when our first reaction to a difficult situation is to turn to Him in faith rather than resort to our own tactics. When another person provokes us, and we respond in love rather than anger, I think that God smiles at how we’ve let the fruit of the Spirit guide us.

I thank God for His grace, His mercy, and His patience as we learn to walk with Him! May we display those same qualities as we parent our own children.

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8 Important Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13

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I get it. As the mom of two teenagers, I know that most teens aren’t sitting around waiting for their mom or dad to drop nuggets of wisdom on them. If yours are, more power to you! But that wouldn’t describe mine.

However, life gives us many opportunities to dole out little bits of advice to our kids. It could be when a teachable situation presents itself in their own life or when they talk to you about choices a friend is making.

For optimum benefit, I wouldn’t suggest sitting down and working through this list all at once! But maybe take one or two of these truths and gently work them into your conversation over time – in the car, over pizza, or during a late-night talking session.

1. Be teachable.

“A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.” ~Verse 1

In a healthy relationship, parents really do want the best for their children. Often their instruction and correction come from a place of wanting their teen to avoid some of the mistakes they made. Teenagers can tend to think they know it all, but hopefully, we can help them see the value in listening to our guidance.

I thank God for other caring adults, like teachers, coaches, and youth leaders, that He’s placed in our daughters’ lives. Our teens can thrive when they’re willing to accept insights from others. If they fail to listen to people who love them, they could have a rough road ahead.

2. Think before you speak.

“He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.” ~Verse 3

This is old but valuable advice. Wouldn’t we all be better off if we followed it? How many problems could we avoid if we’d either think before we speak or just keep quiet? The answer for me is a whole bunch!

Don’t say everything that pops into your mind. Controlling your tongue will keep you out of many difficult situations as you progress in life.

3. Work hard at whatever you do.

“The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.” ~Verse 4

Whether it’s in the classroom, on the field, or in the band room, do your best and commit to the process. Habitual laziness will get you nothing and nowhere in life.

4. A little humility on your part will resolve almost any conflict.

“Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well-advised is wisdom.” ~Verse 10

You don’t have to win every argument or prove your point all the time. Be willing to humble yourself and work with others to find solutions to problems.

5. Avoid all get-rich-quick schemes.

“Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labor shall increase.” ~Verse 11

You know how the saying goes…If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Earn money the old fashioned way – with hard work – and you’re a lot more likely to hang on to it.

6. Don’t let disappointments defeat you.

“Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” ~Verse 12

Disappointments are a part of life. We all face them, and future success is built on how we deal with them. Hopefully, we as parents have helped our children learn how to handle their disappointments. There’s nothing wrong with mourning a loss, but don’t stay there for too long. Pick yourself up and move on.

Robert Kiyosaki says, “The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.“

7. Live your life according to the principles in God’s Word.

“Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.” ~Verse 13

How wonderful it would be if you developed the spiritual disciplines of Bible reading and prayer as a teenager. God blesses us when we know and obey what His Word tells us to do.

Disregarding God’s commands will only bring harm to our teenagers, whether immediately in or in their future. May we as parents set a good example for them by recognizing its authority in our own lives.

8. In every stage of life, find good friends.

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” ~Verse 20

We can all be easily influenced by our friends. One of my prayers for our girls is that they would have discernment in their relationships, whether it be with other girls or with guys. Our teenagers don’t have the life experience they might need to see through to a person’s character.

Yet good friends can be such a gift! We can encourage each other when we’re down, celebrate each other’s successes, and just make the journey through life so much more fulfilling.

As with most things I write about helping teenagers, I find that all of these are areas I can improve in as an “older” adult as well!

Check out my digital printable How to Pray the Bible for Yourself and Your Family.

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Grace for The Gaps in Our Parenting

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With our daughters now 19 and 17, I’m nearing the end of my active parenting years. While I’ll always be a mom to our girls, very soon I won’t be speaking directly into their lives on a daily basis. (With our 19-year-old at college out-of-state, our younger daughter gets all the benefit of my attention now, for which I’m sure she’s grateful…ha ha!)

As I look back over the past years, I see some areas where I think I’ve done okay. I’ve done none of it perfectly for sure. Yet I’m pleased that I passed along a love of reading books. Both girls make their beds most mornings. They can drive a car and balance a checkbook and clean a bathroom.

But what about the more important things? Have I challenged them enough to develop their character? Have I emphasized spiritual values and modeled disciplines that will affect their success in the future? I’m sure those things haven’t always gotten the time and attention that they deserved.

I’ve missed some opportunities. Teachable moments have drifted away without me claiming them. I was too busy doing the daily stuff of life – or just caught up in my own world – to focus on them.

So when I sit and worry about how I’ve messed up as a mom and feel badly about all the parenting opportunities I missed, I cling to this truth.

God’s grace will fill in the gaps.

I’ve made mistakes and failed as a mom many times over. But, to the best of our knowledge, both of our daughters have accepted Jesus as their Savior. Therefore, the same Holy Spirit that lives in and works on me does the same for them. They have God’s Word to lead and guide them well beyond anything I’ve tried to teach them.

And this verse gives me a lot of comfort.

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” ~Philippians 1:6

You see, these children aren’t mine anyway. God simply gave them to my husband and me to steward for Him. Certainly, I’m accountable to do my best with that responsibility. But our children are a work in progress. And they are God’s work.

While He has graciously allowed me to parent them, ultimately He is in control of accomplishing His purpose in their lives. Whatever lessons we failed to teach or principles we didn’t fully convey, God will continue to work in their lives. My prayer for my girls’ future can be that God will fulfill His Word and perform His work in and through them.

On the flip side, if I’m tempted to take credit when I see our daughters make a right choice, I must stop and remind myself that the successes, too, are only possible because of God’s grace. It’s not my fabulous mothering skills that finally paid off. No, rather it’s a reminder that God can work in spite of my failings.

So if you’re discouraged about any parenting failures today, take heart. Our God is gracious. He loves our children more than we do. And He can and will work in their hearts to make them exactly what they need to be.

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3 Prayers to Pray As We Learn to Let Go of Our Teenagers

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It’s a good thing that letting go of our children is a gradual process. First, we walk them into kindergarten. Later, we drive them to their first sleepover, and eventually, they take off for a week at camp.

Our oldest daughter has been away at college for almost three months now. I confess that I’m still in the process of learning to let her go. Over the weekend, my husband and I were discussing a decision she will be facing at some point, and he said, “You do realize how little control you have over this situation, don’t you?”

Well yes, yes I do, but that doesn’t make it easy! However, I’m so thankful I have him to keep me grounded about these things. And I realized the truth of what he said – that I was fretting over things I couldn’t control. When that happens, I know it’s time to take it to God in prayer.

I’ve written before about praying God’s Word over our children and about journaling prayers for our children. As I thought about how I wanted to apply that to this process of letting go, I took three of my favorite – and very familiar – verses, and wrote out prayers from them.

1. Philippians 4:6-7

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

These were the first verses that came to mind because I KNEW I was worrying over a particular situation. Here’s my prayer (or at least the general idea of it. The one I actually wrote out has a few specific details that I’m not sharing here.)

Dear Lord, Help me not to worry about this decision our daughter is making. Thank you that I can bring it to you in prayer. I’m also thankful that she is learning to be independent. Please give her wisdom and discernment as she handles this situation. Most of all, may you be honored and glorified with the outcome. Give me your peace regarding this area of my daughter’s life, I pray.

2. Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

These verses have been such an encouragement to me through much of my life.

God, I trust you to work in my daughter’s life and to do what you know is best for her. I may not understand your ways, but I believe that you love and care for her even more than I do. May she seek your will and allow you to direct her steps. Help her to follow the commands in these verses and know the peace and joy that come from trusting you.

3. Romans 8:26-28

“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Sometimes I know exactly how I need to pray about something. But there are other situations I’ve faced in life in which I haven’t been totally clear on how I should pray. But the Holy Spirit knows the mind of God, and He can intercede on my behalf.

Heavenly Father, I’m not even sure how to pray about this situation in my daughter’s life. May your Holy Spirit guide me in how to pray and direct my prayer. You know far better than I what is best for her. I ask that your will would be done. Thank you for the assurance that you can work all things together for her good and for your own honor and praise.

We will always be parents and hopefully will continue to have influence in our children’s lives. But as they take steps toward independence, may we be faithful in turning our concerns over to God in prayer and trusting Him to do His work in them.

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