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10 Tips for a Successful Summer with Kids

June 2, 2021 by Tracey 3 Comments

While our weather has already felt like summer at times, I realize that the actual season isn’t quite here yet. Although the unofficial start of summer, Memorial Day, has passed, we’re not actually done with school until Friday. Then we can enter full-on summer mode!

Summer looks different when your kids are working and driving themselves wherever they want to go. I’m not required to be as hands-on with them as in previous years, but we’re definitely on a different schedule and I have to be a lot more flexible with my time.

How well I remember the days with littles and trying to get something “profitable” done around the house, yet wanting to spend time with our children, too.

None of us can do it all, but I know that as moms we want to make sure we’re fitting in some special family time during these summer months. This list of ten things might help us focus on creating those moments – and they can apply whether we have toddlers or teens!

1. Make a memory.

It doesn’t have to be every day – or even every week – but try to think of ways to make a memory with your kids. This could be small, like a trip to a new-to-you ice cream shop or a different playground. Blow bubbles in the park or stock up on glowsticks at a dollar store and play hide-and-seek in the dark.

2. Establish a tradition.

This could actually tie into number one if you wanted it to! Make homemade ice cream every weekend or have build your-own-pizza night on Fridays. Take an after-dinner walk or bike ride in the neighborhood on Tuesdays or organize family game nights on Saturday.

3. Let go of something.

Perhaps Wednesday is laundry day, but your kids are asking for you to play with them. It’s okay to step outside of the routine once in awhile. Give yourself a break. Let go of the regularly scheduled programming and try something different. Maybe lighten up the bedtime routine for the summer or decide to make only simple suppers on weeknights.

4. Be outside.

South Carolina summers are HOT and HUMID. I’m not naturally an outdoorsy girl anyway and pretty much avoid staying outside during the daytime. But I know my mood is better when I can spend time outside.

Early mornings or late evenings aren’t so bad for a walk or bike ride with the family. If you like to garden, get out and plant flowers or vegetables with your kids.

5. Do something for someone else.

Make a card or art project to send to a grandparent. Bake cookies for a Sunday School teacher. See if a neighbor needs help with their yard or housework.

6. Eat seasonal and local foods.

We eat lots of watermelon at our house in June and July! And I’ve already mentioned ice cream at least twice in this post, but it’s a summer favorite here.

7. Play in water.

We’ve had many kiddie pools over the years! Let your children run through the sprinkler, paint the house (or playset or shed or driveway) with water, or wash the car or their bikes. If you’re near the lake or the beach, that makes it easy!

8. Give extra hugs and kisses.

if your kids are normally in school all day, you now have them at home a LOT more than usual. My teenagers may not appreciate me giving random hugs and kisses, but I can still maneuver around for a side hug or back rub.

9. Work together.

This is probably not going to sound fun to the kids, but tackling a project together can be profitable in more ways than one. Clean out the garage, build something, or organize the playroom. You can offer a reward at the end, or just let the satisfaction of a job well done be enough.

10. Pass along truth.

Choose a verse or brief Scripture passage to memorize and study this summer. Read a new Bible storybook with younger kids or find a new devotional for older kids. We enjoyed books like Wisdom and the Millers (and other books in this series) and Those Kids in Proverbsville. They were full of stories (similar to parables) and taught character-building lessons.

While some summer days drag by, the first day of school will be here before we know it. Let’s plan a few things today that will help us, when we look back, to count this as a successful summer.

{Originally published June 2019. Updated June 2021.}

Related posts:

  • 5 Ways to Make the Most of This Summer
  • A Different Kind of Summer; or, When Kiddie Pools and Sand Boxes Don’t Cut It Anymore
  • 3 Good Things to Have in Your Home This Summer

Filed Under: Parent

A Heartfelt Letter from My Senior-Mom Self to My Kindergarten-Mom Self

April 28, 2021 by Tracey 3 Comments

Dear nervous-to-send-her-child-to-school-for-the-first-time mom,

I love how much you love your daughter. How you made sure that everything was just right for her first day of school. The bookbag and matching lunch box are adorable, as are the hairbow and cute socks.

I’ll go ahead and give you a heads up that the first day of school is going to take on a lot of different looks over the years. The outfit she chooses for that special day may or may not be your favorite. And that sweet way she poses for a first-day-of-school picture on the front porch? Enjoy that while you can.

And while you think this first day of saying goodbye is hard – and it is – just wait until she’s the one getting into the driver’s seat and backing out of the driveway on that first day. You’ll pray the whole time she’s driving, until you get that text letting you know she made it there safely. Just like she made it through that first day of school, she’ll make it through this. She’s going to be just fine.

Dear K-5 Mom, it's really all going to be okay...but these school years will go by faster than you can ever believe.

Enjoy all of the firsts this year! Exclaim over all the papers she brings home at the end of the day…because you know what you won’t see in high school? Papers sent home from school. Not unless you’re willing to brave the depths of her bookbag for yourself.

Every morning pack those snacks and lunches with care and sweet notes. Know that lunch will take many forms as the years progress, but never give up on writing those notes.

Drink in the after-school chatter in the car. Learn the names of her friends and classmates. And keep on being interested in those friends and classmates because come middle school and high school, they become a huge part of her world – and yours, if you’re lucky.

In the long run, you’ll never regret a minute you spend at the ball field or the gym watching her play a sport or in the auditorium listening to her perform. Be there and support her whether she’s on the bench the whole game or is a silent tree in the school play. These will turn into some of the best memories you’ll relive together.

I can’t say you’ll ever fully embrace field trips. But just hold on and be grateful when you can follow the bus in your own car. Bouncing along on a bus full of second graders where the volume level matches that of a roaring jet engine reminds you that you’re not so young anymore. And know that once she’s out of elementary school, you’re basically excluded from field trips and class parties. Celebrate quietly.

And another thing to celebrate? That point when you sense that you’re no longer required to stay up half the night finishing a science project. Hopefully, that hits around middle school, too, and that one you’re actually allowed to celebrate loudly.

And one more thing…those cute cupcakes you once lovingly decorated for the fundraiser bake sales? By senior year, you’ll be grabbing a plastic carton of whatever-holiday-is-next iced sugar cookies at the grocery store the night before and calling it good.

There will be teachers throughout the years who are true heroes. They will love your girl and educate her well and teach her important life lessons along with academic ones. And there are teachers who will help your child learn that some personalities aren’t our favorites, but we can still make the best of the situation and respect their authority while we’re in their classroom.

While school and homework and extracurricular activities will take up lots of time, keep your family a priority. Eat meals together. Play games. Take walks. Read books. Give your girl a sense of belonging. Right now, you’re pretty much the only option. But at that point in life when you’re not, you still want her to choose (at least some of the time) to be with you.

Make time for God. Keep going to church. It’s good to have family devotions. But also make conversation about spiritual things a natural part of your day. Pray with her consistently. Keep reading those Bible storybooks at bedtime for as many years as you can get away with it.

Pray for her. Every day. You aren’t there in that locker room with her when she’s tempted to do wrong, but God is. Teach her that character is more important than good grades…but do your best in your classes, too.

And finally, don’t be stingy with your heart. Give, and give, then give some more. Some days – those middle school and high school days when she’s trying to figure out who she is and she’s not sure that she likes herself or you – give even more. And when the drama flies through those high school years, be the adult. Start practicing now discerning when something needs to be said and when you should just keep quiet. And when it needs to be said? Timing is everything.

Before you know it she’ll be rolling out of bed – either early so she can see her friends before school or just in time to beat the tardy bell, depending on her personality – and it will be her very. last. day. of. school. Ever. And you’ll wonder where the time has gone.

And yet you’ll know. You’ll see that the ponytailed, bright-eyed smiling five-year-old girl has become a confident eighteen-year-old young woman. And when that last morning comes, you’ll paste on a smile for her though inside it’s hitting you that things will never be the same. And you want to be able to say you’ve loved her well through it all. You’ll be feeling proud and sad and that emotion that can only be labeled as bittersweet.

So take on the challenge, much-younger version of me. Some days will be really hard. But the good ones will far outweigh the bad. Cheer your sweet girl on and, when she needs it, cheer her up. Tell her you love her every day. Be grateful for all the memories you’re making together. And when these school years are all over, know that even better days are ahead.

At least that’s what I’m told. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.

Love,

Mom-who’s-now-nervous-about-sending-her-baby-to-college

Related posts:

  • A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: Hold Onto Your Heart
  • A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: God Made You Special
  • A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: I Think One Day You’ll Understand

Filed Under: Parent

5 Important Lessons to Teach Our Children Before They Leave Home

February 24, 2021 by Tracey 3 Comments

Welcome, friends! Here we are on the last Wednesday in February. It seems like the first two months of 2021 have flown by. I’ve mentioned that our younger daughter is a high school senior. I feel like the next three months until she graduates are going to go by even faster.

With her, all the “lasts” are the actual “lasts.” With our older daughter, I knew I’d get to do most of the things again with our younger daughter. I think it’s going to take some getting used to, my husband and I not planning our calendar around school or extracurricular activities. But I’m also excited about what this next season of life will look like!

As we finish up this month talking about our homes and families, I thought we could look into some of the lessons we want to teach our children before they leave our homes. I’m at one end of that spectrum, but you may be at the other! Perhaps you still have young children at home, and, Lord willing, a number of years to shepherd them before they leave.

I’ll go ahead and let you know that the first two lessons on the list are directly from my dad. He and my mom taught us four children many valuable lessons, but these are two of the ones I remember the most.

Five lessons parents can teach their children at home that will help them be successful in life.

1. Life’s not fair.

I recently got to share this lesson with a six-year-old in the children’s ministry I work at in our church on Wednesday nights. She complained that it wasn’t fair that she hadn’t yet gotten a turn to be the line leader. She loudly proclaimed to me and some of the other kids that “it’s not fair!” I don’t think my little talk about how life’s not fair impressed her very much, but maybe more stuck with her than I think! 🙂

Solomon has an interesting take on this in Ecclesiastes 9:11. “I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favor to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.“

We’re not to go around with a defeatist attitude or channeling our inner pessimist. We work hard and we do our best. But our children need to know that life’s not always fair. You’re going to get a bad call in a game. The part you want in the school play goes to someone else when you feel you were just as good. (That’s one from my own life experience.) The job promotion you believe you deserved goes to your co-worker.

Regardless of the situation, there will be times when life doesn’t seem fair…because it isn’t. And if we can help our children understand that fact ahead of time, they can hopefully be more prepared to deal with it.

2. Attitude is everything.

The earlier we learn this lesson, the happier we will be. We control very little in our lives, but our attitude we control 100%.

Every day we get to decide. Will we be grateful or discontent? Are we going to give that task we hate our best effort or just skim by? Do we sulk or pout when our feelings get hurt?

We also need to help our children see that the attitude we choose doesn’t just affect us. It affects others around us. Their day can be better or worse depending on the attitude we display.

It reminds me of Colossians 3:23. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” The work that we do and the attitude with which we do it should be a testimony to others that we’re seeking to serve the Lord.

3. It’s not all about me.

Goodness don’t we all know someone who’s self-centered? Children can naturally focus on having their needs and wants met. What a blessing if we can help them learn early on that they will have more joy and contentment if they put others first.

This covers a lot of ground – learning to share, taking turns, getting along with siblings. Just being part of a family and responsible for certain chores helps our kids learn that other people are important and the world doesn’t revolve around them.

“Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;” ~Romans 12:10

4. Work is good for you.

This can be a hard one because honestly, it’s often easier as a parent to just do the work yourself rather than battle with getting your child to do it – or making them do it over when it’s not done right the first time.

One of our girls was fairly self-motivated. She understood that if she’d jump in and get her work done, she could move on. The other one was more motivated to work if I worked alongside her. Regardless, we want them to know the feeling of completing a job and doing it well.

The fight against entitlement is real. We don’t want children who feel entitled to things just because they breathe air or live in our house. They don’t need everything handed to them. A good work ethic will take them a long way in life.

“In all labor there is profit, but the talk of the lips tendeth only to poverty.” ~Proverbs 14:23

5. Honesty is the only policy.

Not just when it’s convenient, but always tell the truth.

Do all children lie? Maybe not, but both of ours did at some point. Sometimes when they’re really young it’s almost funny because it’s so obvious. But there have been other times when I believe the Lord has revealed to us in some different ways that they weren’t telling the truth. And that’s a blessing! We want them to get caught when they’re dishonest so that we can deal with the issue.

Honesty’s always been a big deal in our home because without it, there’s no foundation for trust. If our girls do something wrong – and they will – we want them to come to us and confess it. There may still be consequences, but if we find out they lied about it – or we discover it through other sources – the consequences will likely be worse.

“Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but they that deal truly are His delight.” ~Proverbs 12:22

These five lessons can be good reminders for all of us. I know we haven’t done a perfect job teaching these to our girls. But I do hope the time we spent instilling truths in their lives will benefit them as they leave our home and step out on their own.

Related posts:

  • 17 Things I want My 17-Year-Old Daughter to Know
  • 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13
  • 6 Tips for Helping Our Children Handle Disappointment

Filed Under: Parent

7 Prayers to Pray for Our Homes and Families in 2021

February 17, 2021 by Tracey 3 Comments

It appears that February 2021 will go down in the record books as a weird winter weather month! I’ve read about the frigid temperatures and snow in much of the country, even in places you don’t normally expect it. I hope you’re safe and warm wherever you are!

Our weather story has been rain, followed by rain, and then some more rain. We even had thunderstorms move through on Monday night – not a common occurrence here in February. As I write this on Tuesday, we’ve finally got sunshine – and there’s actually more of it in the forecast for tomorrow!

Moving on from the weather…This month on the blog we’ve been talking about our homes. Previous posts focused on how to keep traps out of our homes and discovering what makes our homes happy.

Today I want to talk about how we can pray for our homes and families, especially in our current culture. These seven ideas are based on Scripture. You could pray one of these prayers for your family each day of the week. Or you could choose one day to pray through all seven, making your home your prayer focus for that day.

I hope these remind all of us of the importance of praying for our homes and families. How thankful we can be for a God who hears and answers our prayers!

Here's a list of seven Bible-based prayers we can pray over our homes and families this year.

1. Pray that our homes will be built on a solid foundation of faith.

“Therefore whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock:And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock.” ~Matthew 7:24-25

Hard times will come to our families. Your storm will look different than mine and different than your neighbors. And when those rains and floods come, we want our homes to still be standing when it’s all over. That can only happen as we build our house on the rock of God’s Word and live by it.

Prayer: Dear God, help us to build our home on You and Your Word. Give us ears and hearts to hear what the Bible says to us and the strength to live out its commands. May we base our decisions on Bible principles, seeking your guidance through prayer. When trials come, may our family be a testimony to our faith in you.

2. Pray for the courage to make Godly choices in your home regardless of what culture says or the choices others around you make.

“And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” ~Joshua 24:15

It seems like every day it becomes clearer that following God or following the world system and its philosophies are in direct opposition. While we’re to be good citizens in the world, we’re not to buy into beliefs that go against what God teaches us in His Word. In his day, Joshua made it clear where he and his family stood.

Prayer: God, give us the courage to make a stand as a family to do right. May we do it as a way to honor you, in a spirit of love and mercy for those who don’t know you, so we can be a light shining brightly in a world that is dark with sin.

3. Pray for our homes to be marked by love and unity.

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7

This one gets kind of personal! Sometimes it’s easier to love people outside our homes because we don’t know them and their faults nearly as well as we do the people who live inside our homes.

We know the characteristics of love from the passage above. It’s patient, kind, not jealous, selfless, not easily provoked, believes the best about the other person, longsuffering. Just reading through the list reminds me how often I fall short of loving my family well.

Yet our homes can be characterized by love, even though we’ll have children – and adults – who disagree. We can speak our love and we can show it through our actions.

Prayer: Lord, let love characterize our home. When children argue, when parents disagree, convict our hearts. Don’t let us get caught up in having to be right or only be concerned about getting our own way. May we cultivate a love within our family that flows over into the lives of others as a testimony to the love you have for each one of us.

4. Pray that God will protect your home from evil.

“But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil.” ~2 Thessalonians 3:3

We talked about some of the harmful things that can enter our homes in a post earlier this month. Blatant sin, like pornography, brings evil directly into our homes. But we also want to pray that God will keep our family from the subtle influences that may seem harmless at first, but can lead to real problems.

Prayer: God, please protect our home from evil. Don’t let Satan gain a foothold in any of our lives. Help us to guard against temptation, especially in areas where we know we’re weak. We know that greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world. [1 John 4:4] May your Holy Spirit keep our hearts tender and sensitive to those things that would lead us into sin.

5. Pray for wisdom to build your home and guide your family.

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.” ~Proverbs 14:1

I definitely want to be the wise woman, not the foolish one! We can build up our homes by loving and encouraging those in our family, and by following Biblical principles.

According to James 1:5, wisdom is ours for the asking. I often face situations that I don’t know how to deal with. But God has the wisdom I need and He willingly makes it available to me.

Prayer: God, I need your wisdom to build my home in a way that’s pleasing to you. Help me remember to pray for that wisdom before I give correction or advice to my children. Your Word provides direction, so bring appropriate verses to my mind when I’m not sure what to do. Thank you that you’re always willing to give wisdom when I ask for it.

6. Pray that God will bless and protect each one in your family, that He will be gracious to them and give them peace.

“The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: the Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.” ~Numbers 6:24-26

This is my favorite passage to pray over my husband and our girls. In fact, I have a print of these verses hanging on a wall in our living area.

Prayer: Lord, bless my daughter/son/spouse today. Protect her mind, her heart and her body. May your face shine on her. Please show her your grace as she goes through her day. Watch over her and give her your peace in her spirit.

7. Praise God for how He provides for and blesses our homes as we trust in Him.

“Charge them that are rich in this world, that they be not highminded, nor trust in uncertain riches, but in the living God, who giveth us richly all things to enjoy;” ~1 Timothy 6:17

What a blessing our families can be! It’s a privilege to grow together spiritually, to become friends with our adult children, to see our children learn lessons and mature, to experience how we as parents become better people because we’ve learned from our children.

Prayer: Dear God, thank you for the gift of a home and a family. One day we’ll know the full experience of a family when we’re all in Heaven with you. Thank you that we can have a tiny taste of that here as we learn and grow with ones we love so much.

May we use the gift of prayer to intercede with our Heavenly Father on behalf of our homes and families so that together, we can bring glory to God.

Related posts:

  • How to Make a Monthly Prayer List for Your Family
  • 10 Ways to Build Strong Family Ties
  • 7 Life Principles from Proverbs to Teach Our Children

Filed Under: Parent, Worship

20 Things I’ve Learned in 20 Years of Parenting

December 7, 2020 by Tracey 2 Comments

Our older daughter turned 20 last week. Yikes, y’all! On one hand, I ask, “Where has the time gone?” On the other, I feel so very blessed to have walked with our children as they’ve grown to be the almost-adults they are today.

As I reflected over these 20 years of parenting, I came up with 20 lessons I’ve learned. There’s some hard-won wisdom that comes with all this parenting experience! And I know there’s even more I’ll be learning in this new stage of life as we parent young adults.

Twenty lessons I've learned in twenty years of parenting

1. Parenting teaches us just as much about ourselves as it does about our children.

It’s shown me my lack of patience and my love of myself. Parenting has also revealed how much I like to be in control…and the fact that I really control very little when it comes to my children.

2. I’ll always love my children, but there are days I may not like them.

In the middle of a day filled with a child’s defiance or her attitude that constantly needs adjusting, I may feel like I deserve a serious break from my kids! Those days, while not easy, are to be expected. But I will always love my daughters and want what is best for them.

3. Having mom friends in the same stage of parenting is invaluable.

I’ve felt like a certain stage of parenting is making me crazy, like surely no one else has the same struggles with their child that I do with mine. But then I sit and talk with another mom and am reassured that I’m not the only one dealing with those issues. It’s comforting and encouraging to realize that other moms are in the same boat!

4. There’s no feeling like watching your child perform or compete in something they enjoy.

I have loved watching our girls at basketball games, cheer competitions, and fine arts performances. It’s one of the things I’ll really miss when our younger daughter graduates from high school in June.

5. I can’t parent well without God’s wisdom.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. God’s promise in James 1:5 to give wisdom liberally to those who ask for it has been a lifesaver in my years of parenting teens. There are many times when I haven’t know what to do or how to respond in a situation. Yet God keeps His promise and gives wisdom.

6. I’m so blessed to have a husband who parents with me.

He is so wise and sees situations from more of a long-term perspective than I do. It’s helpful to have someone who knows and loves our children as much as I do to speak into their lives. It also give me a great admiration for single mothers who have to handle parenting duties alone.

7. Children are sinners who sin…just like their mother.

I can tend to expect perfection which no one can live up to. I never wanted to be the parent who told the teacher, “My child would never lie/cheat/steal/say a bad word.” Because we’re all tempted, and sometimes we give in. This doesn’t mean that we make excuses for our children, but we recognize that they will sin and then deal with it when it happens.

8. Those siblings who fight like cats and dogs can eventually become great friends.

We had plenty of bickering in our house over the years. And do our girls get along perfectly now? Not every minute. But they FaceTime and text when they’re apart. They choose to go Black Friday shopping together. And whenever our college daughter comes home, they’ll stay up for hours catching up on each other’s lives – having actually invited their sister into their bedroom!

9. I am not my child’s Holy Spirit.

I can’t make my child ask Jesus to be her Savior. Neither can I force her to grow in her walk with God. I can teach her about God’s Word and expose her to what I believe, but ultimately, the choices she makes about her faith have to be her own.

10. Every child is different.

This is an obvious one, but so important. Each child responds differently to correction. One needs more boundaries or words of encouragement or physical touch. An interesting part of parenting is getting to know each child as an individual.

11. Prayer is an invaluable resource.

I can take everything to God in prayer – my child’s health, friendships (or lack thereof), habits, struggles, attitudes, decisions, and anything and everything else. God is in control. He can give me peace and help my child.

12. Biting your tongue is a valuable parenting skill.

This applies to interacting with your 15-year-old who knows it all. Rather than launch into a lecture when they’re spouting off about something, it’s often helpful to use phrases like, “You could be right.”

But it also applies to younger children. When correcting our girls, I’ve been guilty of going on and on instead of just getting to the point. That’s especially valuable when dealing with one of our daughters who definitely appreciates a direct approach!

13. Traditions are a fun part of family culture.

I actually wish I’d created more traditions when our children were young, but I treasure the ones we have! For example, we go out to eat and then walk on the beach the Saturday evening before Mother’s Day. An early Christmas Eve dinner at home is followed by a drive to downtown Charleston and dessert at Kaminsky’s Dessert Cafe.

Some traditions have to change over the years, but I’m already looking forward to adding some new ones as our girls move into the next stage of life.

14. Reading aloud to my children was a great use of my time.

I know that not everyone loves to read, but it’s a pastime I so enjoyed sharing with our daughters. When they were little, we’d read books before nap time and at bedtime…and at other random times during the day. Introducing them to books that were my childhood favorites (and getting to re-read them myself) was a great pleasure during their younger years. And sometimes reading books together opens the door to discussing valuable life lessons.

15. Being a stay-at-home mom is a luxury…and also hard.

Not everyone has the option to stay home with their children during the workday. I’m so grateful for a husband who’s supported me in that – and has also been willing to listen to me unload about all that happened at the end of the day! Because 24/7 with two little ones – or two older ones! – can be a challenge. But I wouldn’t trade the years I’ve had with our girls for anything.

16. Start teaching them to handle issues for themselves at an early age.

In other words, don’t step in every time there’s an argument with a friend. Try to get them to work it out on their own. Explain to them how to address a teacher if they have a question about their grade or need to talk about something that happened in class. There certainly may be times you need to get involved, but try to make that the exception, not the norm.

17. Not every parenting hill is worth dying on.

I found this to be true whether it was my toddler or my teen. Put simply, choose your battles.

18. When they hurt, I hurt.

It can be a broken friendship, not making the team, or some other disappointment that brings on tears or hurt feelings. Because it effects them so deeply, I hurt with and for them. And I’m finding this doesn’t change, not matter how old they get.

19. Other people who pour into my kids are one of life’s greatest blessings.

Teachers, coaches, babysitters, piano teachers, or youth pastors – the list of people who can influence our kids for good is long. We have been blessed to have many of these in our daughters’ lives over the years.

20. Children are a gift from God and bring much joy to our lives.

There have been some really hard days of parenting. But what a gift that God gives us precious lives to steward for Him…and in the process gives us relationships that bless us over and over again all throughout our lives.

Related posts:

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Filed Under: Parent

How to Give Your Teenage Daughter Her Independence

November 18, 2020 by Tracey 4 Comments

Can I go to the mall with some friends on Saturday?

What time do I have to be home after the game?

Do I still have to text you when I get where I’m going?

How old do I have to be to…(go on a date/ride in a car with a friend who just got her license/take a three-hour road trip with friends/etc, etc, etc)?

My husband and I have been asked some version of these questions – and many others! – over the last five years. In two weeks, our daughters will be 20 and 18. We are definitely still in the process of giving our girls their independence!

Today I’m sharing eleven things we’re learning as we go through this process. I’ll likely need to update it in another few years! And since I’m a girl mom, that’s my perspective here. But I think many of these apply to teenage sons as well.

Check out these eleven tips we moms can use as we allow our teen daughters to make their own decisions and become independent adults.

1. Cover your daughter in prayer.

Let’s start with the absolute most important thing! Pray for your daughter. God has brought us to this point in our parenting. He is the one we can trust to walk with our children through whatever these teen and young adult years hold.

Our Heavenly Father, who loves our daughters even more than we do, is always with them, even when we are not. His Holy Spirit can work in their lives and guide them when we cannot. Let’s continually pray that they will be open to His leading. (Here are three prayers based on Scripture that we can pray as we’re learning to let go of our teenagers.)

2. Get wisdom.

Go to your Bible. Read passages about the wise and the foolish in Proverbs. Look for Scriptural principles that will help you make good decisions. Ask counsel from older moms you respect who have already walked through this season of life.

And while we pray for our daughters, let’s also pray for ourselves. Ask God to grant us wisdom to release them in a way that will honor Him and be good for our girls.

3. Give independence a little at a time.

It’s like learning to drive. You start out in a large, empty parking lot. Then it’s on to quiet, neighborhood streets, followed by slightly busier roads, a four-lane highway, and finally the interstate!

This applies to many areas from having cell phones to participating in certain activities to how often they can go out with friends. Don’t throw them in the deep end, so to speak. Slowly allow them to have more privileges…once you’ve dealt with number four.

4. Have some definite boundaries that don’t change.

These will vary based on your family and situation. But whatever you determine your boundaries are, communicate them clearly to your teenager. It could be a curfew, rules about driving, or places they’re not allowed to go alone.

Even though our children likely won’t understand, we can explain that we’ve set these boundaries for their own protection. Also share how you’re feeling about the letting go process and challenge them to build trust by following the guidelines you’ve set.

5. Base privileges on her level of responsibility.

In our married life, my husband and I have owned one dog. We had her until right before our now 17-year-old daughter was born. Since then, for various reasons, we’ve never had a pet.

However, when our college freshman daughter came home because of the pandemic back in March, she bought a fish. (That counts as a pet, right??) Now she’s preparing to come home between semesters and wants to bring the hamster she and her roommate currently have. Because she regularly took care of that fish (meaning I never smelled anything weird in her room, which is my litmus test), we don’t have a problem with that.

That’s a minor example, but you get the point. As our daughters prove themselves able to handle a little independence, we give them more.

6. Let her make some decisions on her own.

How late can she stay up at night? Can she sleep in on Saturday and skip that extra sports practice? At some point, she has to work out in her mind if she would rather get that extra sleep or deal with the consequence of not getting to start in the game because she missed practice. I’m good at trying to impose what I think she should do, but at a certain age, she needs to own her decisions.

You can feel pretty good about yourself as a parent when they make what you deem is the right decision. However, you’ll remain humble because…

7. Know that she’ll likely mess up a time or two.

You’ve given her a curfew and she’s late. You told her to text you when she was leaving her friend’s house, and she forgot. We’re not perfect and neither are they. I heard someone say recently, “As parents, we’re just sinners raising sinners.” It’s okay to give grace occasionally, but…

8. Allow natural consequences to happen.

If her poor decision has repercussions, don’t rescue her from them. I think the lesson is most effective if it’s a natural consequence, but that doesn’t always happen. If you’ve agreed that a certain restriction will be enforced for a particular action, follow through.

9. Maintain some oversight until she’s proven she can handle her independence.

Our children build trust by being responsible. One easy example is cell phones. While we haven’t managed them perfectly, we tried to guide our girls by maintaining the ability to check their texts or monitor their Instagram account, especially as they were starting out. As they handled those things well, we felt there was less of a need to oversee it. However, that would change if they were misusing their phones.

10. Have frequent conversations about how her decisions now can impact her future.

Teenagers tend to live in the moment, so it’s up to us as the adults to help them think long-term. Now she’s likely not going to be excited about these conversations, but bring them up anyway – especially when she’s a captive audience, like when you’re in the car together or eating out at a restaurant.

11. Be excited with her as she experiences new milestones.

The first time each of our daughters drove off in the car by herself, I was a nervous wreck! I prayed from the time they left the driveway until they got back home!! Yet they were each thrilled with the independence that came from driving, so I made sure to be excited with them.

Offer your love, support, and encouragement. After all, this is what we’ve been working toward all these years. What a blessing to see our daughters growing up, learning to be independent, and stepping into all that God has for their future!

Related posts:

  • 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13
  • 10 Tips for Communicating with Teenagers
  • 10 Bible Verses to Pray When Your Teenager Needs Direction

Filed Under: Parent

7 Life Principles from Proverbs to Teach Our Children

October 1, 2020 by Tracey 6 Comments

We’re one month into our youngest daughter’s senior year of high school, and the countdown is on. Not literally, because I’m not ready to actually dwell on that yet! But in the back of my mind, I know that we’re now looking at months – not years – before she steps out on her own.

As parents, we have a lot we want to teach our children in the eighteen or so years while they live in our homes. There are some practical skills that will come in real handy for them – like brushing their teeth, doing laundry, and driving a car. But there are also character traits we want them to develop as they mature.

Teaching our children truth from the Bible is much more valuable than just giving our opinion or sharing our life experiences, though those can be helpful. When our children are young, we can introduce principles very simply, ideally in the form of a story. Isaiah 28:9-10 talks about teaching “precept upon precept…line upon line…here a little, and there a little.” As they become teenagers, we can move into deeper conversations.

I recently went through Proverbs and found seven principles that our children can benefit from. There are many more in this particular book of the Bible, but these are a good place to start.

Here's wisdom from Proverbs to help our children develop character traits that will benefit them throughout their lives.

1. You need to guard your heart.

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” ~4:23

We have to be proactive in setting a guard. In other words, be on the lookout for things that would turn you away from following God. To me this especially means guarding your thought life. Protect it from sinful influences. This could help you explain to your child why your family doesn’t watch certain movies, read particular books, or listen to some styles of music. What we think about comes out in our words and actions.

I pray this verse daily for one of our daughters, that she will diligently guard her heart. Negative emotions like fear, doubt, or a lack of confidence can also cause infiltrate our hearts and cause us to make poor decisions.

2. Sin makes you a slave.

“His own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins.” ~5:22

We think freedom comes when we get to choose whatever we want to do. Let’s help our children understand that when we choose sin, it eventually makes you do whatever it wants you to.

Too often we think we can commit a sin once or twice, and then walk away from it, but that’s rarely the case. As Christians, we can get the victory, but it takes God’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit.

3. Laziness makes you poor.

“How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth, and thy want as an armed man.” ~6:9-11

Here are the basics. Work hard. Be responsible. Get rich quick schemes don’t work. Let me just add that as parents, one of the qualities we most value in a potential spouse for our children is someone who knows the value of hard work.

4. Don’t talk too much.

“In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” ~10:19

We’ve all had times when we said something we immediately wished we could take back. That goes back to the old adage of “think before you speak!” And no one likes being around a person who doesn’t have an off button! If you talk alot, something you say is going to get you into trouble. And an easy way to be wise is just to get control of your tongue. (Much easier said than done!)

5. Be generous.

“The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.” ~11:25

Give. Not just your money, but your time. No matter how little you think you have, it would appear abundant to someone else. Look for ways to bless others, and you’ll find that you’re blessed as well.

6. If you go looking for trouble, you’ll find it.

“He that diligently seeketh good procureth favour: but he that seeketh mischief, it shall come unto him.” ~11:27

Let your child know that their reputation proceeds them, even at a young age. Don’t let yourself be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Pay attention to the people you hang around with and the situations you put yourself in.

7. Listen to wise advice.

“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.” ~12:15

Don’t be a know-it-all! Find wise people to advise you when you need to make a decision. Sometimes we want to be in control and forge ahead with our own plan, but listening to the prudent counsel of others can cause us to avoid some costly mistakes.

Teaching our children these seven principles – and incorporating them into our own lives! – can help all of us have good character and walk in wisdom.

Related posts:

  • How to Develop a God-honoring Thought Life
  • 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13
  • 7 Lessons Parenting Teaches Us About Ourselves

Filed Under: Parent

5 Prayers to Pray When Your Child is Hurting

August 18, 2020 by Tracey 6 Comments

One of the most helpless feelings in the world is seeing your child hurting and not being able to do anything about it. That’s true whether they’re dealing with physical pain or suffering emotionally.

I remember taking our daughters to the doctor for their vaccination shots when they were babies. My heart almost broke as they cried, even though I knew it was what we believed was best for their long-term health!

While we certainly pray for our children’s physical needs, we’ll also have times of praying for their emotional needs. Most of us will deal with a child who’s upset over a broken friendship or feels left out in a social situation. They’ll also likely face disappointment and failure. And from experience, I can say that it doesn’t get any easier as they get older. In fact, the stakes and the feelings just get bigger!

So here are five prayers we can pray for our children when they go through difficult times emotionally. And honestly, we could pray these for ourselves in similar situations!

Here are five prayers based on God's Word that we can pray for our children when they're in a difficult place.

1. Give her beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, and exchange her heaviness for praise.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives…to comfort all that mourn…to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness…” ~Isaiah 61:-13

When disappointment comes and it seems that her dreams have been crushed, God still has a plan. In the moment, just sit with her. Hold her, listen to her, grieve with her. Then pray for God to work it all for His glory and her good.

Dear God, take the ashes of this situation and turn it into something beautiful. While all she can do right now is grieve over what is lost, in time, please let her joy return. Her heart is heavy, but you are greater than her disappointment. As only You can, put a spirit of praise within her.

2. Remind her that you are always with her and will never fail her.

“And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.” ~Deuteronomy 31:8

Sometimes our child may feel alone, that she’s by herself in a hard place. Dad and mom can’t always be there, but God is always available. He has promised that He will never leave or forsake His own. When she’s bewildered and discouraged, she needs this truth prayed over her.

God, she knows this truth in her head, that You’ll never leave her. Now embed it in her heart. Help her to rely on the truth of your Word and your faithfulness. Overcome the fear that wants to entrap her and give her courage to take the next step.

3. Restore her hope.

“Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.” ~Romans 15:13

None of us can make it for long without hope. When our child has lost their hope, they can feel directionless and make poor decisions. But this verse says that our God is the God of hope. He can renew her mind through His Holy Spirit and even cause her to abound in hope.

Heavenly Father, you are the God of hope. Circumstances have caused my daughter to lose her hope, so I’m asking you to restore it. May she allow your Holy Spirit to infuse her with an abundance of hope. Help her to focus on your love and power so that she might continue on with hope for the future.

4. Lead her to find her refuge in You.

“The Lord also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble.” ~Psalm 9:9

Sometimes she’s not going to know where to turn. She’s going to feel burdened and helpless. That’s the time when she most needs the Lord.

Lord, let her turn to you in her trouble. There are many things in this world that say they can comfort her, but none gives true comfort but you. Help her to see her need of you clearly in this difficulty. May she know you can be her true hiding place when she’s overwhelmed. You are faithful to your Word and you will be her shelter and secure retreat.

5. Give her an eternal perspective.

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” ~2 Corinthians 4:17-18

When times are hard, it’s easy for all of us to focus on what’s right in front of us. Yet putting it in perspective is so helpful. Our adversity can seem all-consuming at first, so it may take a minute to get there! But realizing that the situation will likely look different in hindsight – and certainly in light of eternity – can bring us back to where we need to be.

Dear Lord, in the midst of her struggle, lead her to a right perspective. What she’s facing is so formidable right now. Help her to be able to see past the present moment to what things can look like on the other side of this. Beyond that, give her an eternal perspective. Let her realize that what she’s going through – though hard – is temporary and that one day this will all be behind her. A home in heaven awaits. Give her a mindset that focuses on what will be important then, not just today.

How thankful I am that we have a God to whom we can take all of our burdens, a Heavenly Father who loves and cares for our children!

Related posts:

  • 10 Prayers to Pray for Your Daughter
  • 5 Prayers to Pray for Your Children Every Day
  • 13 Simple Ways to Encourage Our Children

Filed Under: Parent, Worship

10 Things That Are Easy About Being a Mother

August 11, 2020 by Tracey 3 Comments

There’s a lot about being a mom that’s hard.

Don’t get me wrong. I know it’s a blessing to bring a child into the world. Children bring hope and joy and laughter and show you just how much love you can have for another human being.

But there are parts of being a mom that are hard…

…like giving up sleep. It starts when you bring them home from the hospital as a newborn, and continues through teething, potty training and nightmares. And then it morphs into staying up late as you wait for your teenager to come home at night.

It’s hard to discipline...to decide what offense merits what punishment. You have to set boundaries and then enforce them. And who wants to get up and correct their child for the umpteenth time when you’ve just settled down on the couch?

It’s hard to be patient. You endure one. more. sibling argument. And maybe some days you think you just can’t bear to hear “mom” yelled from the backseat or across the house ever again.

It’s hard to know what to allow when. From sleepovers (what age? only relatives? how much supervision? no sleepovers ever?) to when can I wear makeup/get my ears pierced/go on a date? Your child will often think they’re ready before you do, which can lead to a bit of a debate.

It’s hard to be consistent and stand firm in your decisions…especially if it seems your child is the only one who “has to” or “can’t” do something.

It’s hard to bear the responsibility of parenting, to be concerned about how your child’s doing in their relationships and academics and moral decisions.

Just writing all this out makes me feel tired! It sounds a little overwhelming. But then I’m reminded of the sweet parts – the easy parts – of motherhood.

So what’s easy about mothering?

Check out this list of ten things that are easy about being a mom.

1. Wanting the best for our children. I think every parent instinctively wants their child to have an easy road. We want to spare them from heartbreak and pain. We know that dealing with difficulties is part of maturing, but we do what we can to give our children good things.

2. Being amazed that your child is a unique individual with a distinct personality. Okay, sometimes this throws us for a loop – especially if they’re way different than we are – but it’s a wonderful thing to watch them develop into their own person.

3. Standing up for them. Protecting and defending our children is a natural part of motherhood. It’s also easy to take this too far in some cases…but our mama bear nature and instincts help to keep our children safe.

4. Sharing about our mom-life with fellow moms. Moms always seem to bond over parenting, especially when they’re in similar life stages. Nobody understands us like someone who’s walking through the same things.

5. Being proud of our children. This is especially true when we know how hard they’ve worked to achieve something. Seeing their diligence and perseverance pay off is so rewarding.

6. Connecting over shared interests. Whether it’s a sport they play or one you watch together, it’s fun to have conversations that you’re both invested in. It could also be about a book you both read and loved, shopping at a certain store, or baking a cake together.

7. Praying over them. I find prayer comes most naturally when they’re facing a hard situation at school or struggling in a relationship or driving off in the car alone for the first time. In situations that I can’t control (I guess that would be all of them??!), praying for them comes easily.

8. Listening to them share their hopes and dreams. I want to soak it all in when they give me a glimpse into their heart. Their secrets and confidences mean they trust me with what matters most to them.

9. Laughing with them over something we both think is funny. I love sending my girls memes or jokes or puns – pretty much anything that I think will make them laugh.

10. Loving them. There can be times we don’t like them very much, but our love for our children is never in doubt.

So yes, being a mom can be hard…but the easy parts make it so worthwhile!

Related posts:

  • Grace for the Gaps in Our Parenting
  • 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom
  • 10 Ways to Manage All Those Hopes and Dreams We Have for Our Children

Filed Under: Parent

8 Tips on Making Decisions About Your Child’s Future

July 14, 2020 by Tracey 7 Comments

I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. What I write about here is often what I’m dealing with in the moment.

There’s a lot of uncertainty about how the coming school year will begin, especially here in South Carolina. We’re having some of our highest numbers of coronavirus cases since all this started, especially in Charleston County, which is where my younger daughter’s school is located. Across the country, many parents are having to make decisions about whether their child will attend school in person, only virtually, or some mix of the two.

Uncertainty is not where I thrive!! In the midst of all the upheaval, it’s the familiar Bible verses that are bringing me comfort. Yesterday it was this one.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11

The God who knows the end from the beginning has peaceful thoughts toward us, not evil ones. “An expected end” is also translated as “a future and a hope.” God has plans and hope for our and our children’s future. (And couldn’t we all use some hope about now??!!) He has a purpose for us as parents and for our children as we walk through unsettling times.

I already know that my high school daughter’s senior year is not going to look like we expected. Even if they have in-person school, I don’t see her cheer squad traveling to games or the fine arts program competing in events. And what if things get worse and, after starting in-person, they switch back to only online learning?

You may be facing different decisions for your child right now, maybe totally unrelated to schooling. But as I try to come to grips with my own current situation, I developed eight tips to help me get started on making a decision. This post is geared toward making schooling decisions, but the tips can certainly be applied to choosing extracurricular activities or determining how old your child needs to be to have certain privileges!

1. Pray for wisdom.

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” ~James 1:5

Claiming this promise on a daily basis! God has the true wisdom we need to make decisions. No, we won’t find a Bible verse that says, “Choose this schooling option for your child” or “Sign your child up for this activity.” But we can find principles in His Word and ask for Holy Spirit guidance as we pray.

2. Lay out all of the options.

Admittedly, if you’re in a situation like ours, you’re not sure exactly what the options are at this point. But write out the ones you do know. If you choose to homeschool on your own, what programs are available to you? Do you know yet what options the school your child normally attends are offering? You may need to consider any financial implications related to each option as well.

3. Decide what the long-term goal is.

Because our daughter’s planning on attending college in a year, one of our goals is for her to complete a couple of dual enrollment classes. Those will earn her high school and college credit. Maybe your children are younger, and you want them to have a solid math foundation or they need to catch up in a certain subject. Determine what the desired outcome is and look at which choice is most likely to get you there.

4. Don’t let fear decide for you.

Fear can affect our decisions, and usually not in a positive way. There are certainly risk factors to consider. This could be a child going a long way off to college or having your child try a new curriculum or, in today’s reality, catching the coronavirus.

So use common sense. Take your particular situation into consideration. Drill down into what you’re afraid of and then make the call from a place of confidence. Which leads to…

5. Gather helpful information.

Don’t be obsessive about it (a tendency of mine!), but research your options. Be informed. Figure out what the results might look like if you choose one way over another.

6. Get wise counsel from others.

Talk to those who have already made the choice you’re considering or who have direct knowledge of the situation. Don’t listen to every talking head, news pundit, or distant relative who is convinced that if you don’t do it their way, you must be crazy.

7. Base your decision on what’s best for your individual child and your family as a whole.

You know your child better than anyone else does. Some children work well independently. Others need teacher direction or more social interaction. There may not be a perfect fit, but choose what best meets your child’s needs. At the same time, consider how that choice will affect your whole family.

8. Pray for peace.

We’ll start and end this discussion with prayer. Here’s another one of those familiar verses that’s always applicable.

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

God can give you peace that you’re making the right decision. Take it to Him in prayer, then make your call. And rest in knowing that there are very few decisions that can’t be changed when they no longer work for you!

Related posts:

  • 10 Ways to Manage All the Hopes and Dreams We Have for Our Children
  • 7 Lessons Parenting Teaches Us About Ourselves
  • 10 Bible Verses to Pray When Your Teenager Needs Direction

Filed Under: Parent

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Welcome! I'm Tracey, wife and mom to two teenage girls. I seek to help Christian moms raise children who know, love, and serve God by sharing Biblical wisdom, helpful tips, and practical advice. Read More…

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