parenting teens Archives

5 Important Bible Verses to Rely on as We Parent Teenagers

January 24, 2024 by Tracey Leave a Comment

I used to think I knew a lot about being a mom. When our daughters were young, most decisions were clear-cut. It’s fairly straightforward to discipline my child when she’s directly disobeying me, lying, or being mean to her sister.

Yet the older they got, the more that changed. I saw parenting as less and less formulaic. Our approach depended more on the personality of the child, as well as their maturity level, and their history of making (or not making) wise decisions.

It became less and less about parenting through authority, and a lot more about exercising influence. Each year that passed had us releasing a little more control to them to make their own decisions.

More than ever, I realized how much I needed guidance from God’s Word. The five Bible verses below are a foundation we can return to again and again when we’re unsure of what to do. They apply no matter what stage of parenting we’re in. However, they certainly became even more treasured as our girls have gotten older.

As we parent our teenagers, we need truths from the Bible to guide us. These 5 verses give comfort and direction in each stage of parenting.

1. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. ~James 1:5

I need this verse every. single. day. Knowing that God’s wisdom is available can give us so much hope as we parent our children.

This verse is a promise. I simply have to recognize that I lack wisdom (not a problem!) Then I ask in faith, believing that God will give me wisdom, and He will. My husband and I both experienced times when we were dealing with one of our daughters, and God gave us insight in that moment that we hadn’t had before!

2. “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” ~Hebrews 4:16

When it comes to parenting situations, I don’t always feel like I’m coming boldly…it’s more like crawling up to God’s throne begging for help! But that’s the place we need to be if we want to find the grace we need to get us through the hard days.

This also reminds me of the daily grace God provides to us, even when we sin yet again. In that same way, I’ve needed to extend grace to my daughters when they messed up. I don’t live perfectly, so why would I expect them to do so?

While our children’s actions will produce consequences, it’s not wise to hold those over their heads or continually bring them up. We deal with it and we move on.

3. “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” ~Romans 8:38-39

Paul was persuaded that nothing could separate him from God’s love. The same is true of us and our children. No matter how they act on a particular day (that’s driving us crazy!) or the poor decision they made that we’re having to deal with, God still loves them.

And when, as parents, we lose our temper or miss an opportunity to invest in our children, God’s love for us is still there. It’s constant and comforting.

4. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

There may be a day when we experience disappointed hopes and dreams. Our children’s lives may not be playing out in the way we’d hoped. Our relationship with them may look different from what we’d mapped out in our minds when our children were little.

But God thinks about our children. He has thoughts about them and plans for their future. Each part of their story can be used for His glory…as can ours.

5. Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. ~Philippians 4:6-7

I think you may sense a theme here! We started with prayer and we’re ending with prayer.

We’ve never truly been in control of our children’s lives, but the older they get, the more we feel that lack of control. They make decisions and live with the consequences.

If I try to manage every detail of my child’s future, I’ll be more of a mess than I already am! So what’s the solution to that worry about what I can’t control?

Take it to God in prayer. As we release our children, their present and their future, into God’s hands, He will give us peace.

How thankful I am for God’s Word that gives us hope and comfort for every parenting situation we face!

8 Important Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13

March 11, 2020 by Tracey 6 Comments

I get it. As the mom of two teenagers, I know that most teens aren’t sitting around waiting for their mom or dad to drop nuggets of wisdom on them. If yours are, more power to you! But that wouldn’t describe mine.

However, life gives us many opportunities to dole out little bits of advice to our kids. It could be when a teachable situation presents itself in their own life or when they talk to you about choices a friend is making.

For optimum benefit, I wouldn’t suggest sitting down and working through this list all at once! But maybe take one or two of these truths and gently work them into your conversation over time – in the car, over pizza, or during a late-night talking session.

1. Be teachable.

“A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.” ~Verse 1

In a healthy relationship, parents really do want the best for their children. Often their instruction and correction come from a place of wanting their teen to avoid some of the mistakes they made. Teenagers can tend to think they know it all, but hopefully, we can help them see the value in listening to our guidance.

I thank God for other caring adults, like teachers, coaches, and youth leaders, that He’s placed in our daughters’ lives. Our teens can thrive when they’re willing to accept insights from others. If they fail to listen to people who love them, they could have a rough road ahead.

2. Think before you speak.

“He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.” ~Verse 3

This is old but valuable advice. Wouldn’t we all be better off if we followed it? How many problems could we avoid if we’d either think before we speak or just keep quiet? The answer for me is a whole bunch!

Don’t say everything that pops into your mind. Controlling your tongue will keep you out of many difficult situations as you progress in life.

3. Work hard at whatever you do.

“The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.” ~Verse 4

Whether it’s in the classroom, on the field, or in the band room, do your best and commit to the process. Habitual laziness will get you nothing and nowhere in life.

4. A little humility on your part will resolve almost any conflict.

“Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well-advised is wisdom.” ~Verse 10

You don’t have to win every argument or prove your point all the time. Be willing to humble yourself and work with others to find solutions to problems.

5. Avoid all get-rich-quick schemes.

“Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labor shall increase.” ~Verse 11

You know how the saying goes…If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Earn money the old fashioned way – with hard work – and you’re a lot more likely to hang on to it.

6. Don’t let disappointments defeat you.

“Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” ~Verse 12

Disappointments are a part of life. We all face them, and future success is built on how we deal with them. Hopefully, we as parents have helped our children learn how to handle their disappointments. There’s nothing wrong with mourning a loss, but don’t stay there for too long. Pick yourself up and move on.

Robert Kiyosaki says, “The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.“

7. Live your life according to the principles in God’s Word.

“Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.” ~Verse 13

How wonderful it would be if you developed the spiritual disciplines of Bible reading and prayer as a teenager. God blesses us when we know and obey what His Word tells us to do.

Disregarding God’s commands will only bring harm to our teenagers, whether immediately in or in their future. May we as parents set a good example for them by recognizing its authority in our own lives.

8. In every stage of life, find good friends.

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” ~Verse 20

We can all be easily influenced by our friends. One of my prayers for our girls is that they would have discernment in their relationships, whether it be with other girls or with guys. Our teenagers don’t have the life experience they might need to see through to a person’s character.

Yet good friends can be such a gift! We can encourage each other when we’re down, celebrate each other’s successes, and just make the journey through life so much more fulfilling.

As with most things I write about helping teenagers, I find that all of these are areas I can improve in as an “older” adult as well!

Check out my digital printable How to Pray the Bible for Yourself and Your Family.

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A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: I Think One Day You’ll Understand

February 6, 2019 by Tracey 17 Comments

Dear Daughter,

The doctors and nurses don’t tell you when you leave the hospital with a tiny newborn baby all that lies ahead of you as a mom. And that’s probably a good thing…

All these years later, we’ve landed in the middle of your teenage years. We’re learning to walk a tightrope between our parental input and your independence.

It’s not easy for any of us. The wisdom that we’ve gained from years of living and your desire to make your own choices clash at times.

And even when you dutifully (and sometimes sweetly) follow our directives, I know you don’t necessarily understand.

You don’t understand…

~ why I remind you to “be careful” nearly every time you get behind the wheel of the car.

~why I want you to text and let me know when you’re leaving the school to drive home after a late-night ball game.

~why I said “no” to that sleepover, and the only excuse I had to give you was that it just didn’t feel right.

~why I probably drive you crazy with how often I ask if you’re okay.

~why I want to know where you’re going and who with…all the time.

~why I won’t let you watch that movie or listen to that song.

~why your cell phone has to be in a basket in the kitchen by 10pm.

~why we’ve taught you to budget and work a job instead of just handing you money.

~why I buy you books titled Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For and send you blog posts about not settling for bad relationships and ask you to read them.

~why I pray for you so often (though I know I should be on my knees even more).

When, if God wills it, you have a newborn of your own, you’ll begin to understand. When that cuddly baby becomes a toddler, then a kindergartener, you’ll get it even more.

And when that 16-year-old, license in hand, heads out the door to drive all by herself for the first time, then, my sweet daughter, you will understand.

As hard as it is to believe today, I see you doing many of the same things that right now you think you’ll never do as a mom.

Because your heart will be like mine…overflowing with love for a nearly grown child whom you want desperately to protect from the hurts of life and the scars of sin. A child for whom you want only the best.

And in the process of learning to let go, you, as I do, will find yourself leaning ever more on the God who ultimately has control and who loves that child more than you ever could.

So thank you, in these days when you don’t understand, for being patient with your dad and I. We’re all together in this new stage of the growing-up journey.

You’ll make mistakes, and so will we. But if we keep our relationships with God and with each other front and center, we’ll make this transition successfully. We’ll see you go on to become the amazing adult we know you can be.

Then one day, my dear, I believe you’ll understand. Because you’ll see for yourself that all we did stemmed from a heart of love for the precious daughter you are.

Love,

Mom

Check out this printable prayer guide 10 Weeks of Praying for Your Teenage Daughter.

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10 Simple But Powerful Pieces of Life Advice for Teenagers (that work for their parents, too)

May 23, 2018 by Tracey 13 Comments

My teenagers aren’t always (if ever!) sitting around waiting to soak up any parental wisdom that comes out of my mouth. They’re more likely to be too involved in what’s going on in their own lives to let me “bless” them with my advice.

But on the off-chance that they want me to share a bit of knowledge with them, I decided to be ready. I rounded up some quotes that are short, sweet, and to the point, yet pack a powerful punch. It’s ten pieces of life advice to help them navigate the coming years with a healthy perspective on what’s truly important.

1. “Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” ~Corrie Ten Boom

Here’s a great place to plug in one of my favorite Scriptures, Proverbs 3:5, 6. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

The more we know about God – His goodness, love, and mercy – the easier it is to trust Him with our future. That future could be as close as tomorrow, and as far away as eternity.

2. “Wherever you are, be all there.” ~Jim Elliot

Don’t spend your time wishing you were somewhere else or with a different person. In other words, live in the moment. Instead of longing for the past or wishing for the future, embrace the exact circumstances God has placed you in today.

3. “Expect nothing and appreciate everything.” ~Unknown

This ties together contentment and gratitude, two of the most valuable traits a person can have. When we place too many expectations on a person or a particular circumstance, we’re often disappointed. And living with a grateful heart will keep us focused on how blessed we are.

4. “Wisdom makes decisions today that will still be good tomorrow.” ~Lysa TerKeurst

This is the quote that led me to write this post. Teenagers especially can make decisions that feel good in the moment. But if they will take the time to think about where the consequences of that decision might lead, they can determine if it’s a wise decision or not.

I find myself needing this advice, though I’m supposedly older and wiser! From the words I say to the things I do – if I’ll look back tomorrow and wish I hadn’t said or done it, I shouldn’t do it in the first place.

5. “Fill your life with adventures, not things. Have stories to tell, not stuff to show.” ~Unknown

We’ve found that experiencing events together as a family is usually much better than giving physical gifts. We’ll always have great memories of outings and travels that we’ve had during these years of our children living at home. I hope we’re passing on to them a love for sharing adventures with those closest to them.

6. “Everyone you will ever meet knows something you don’t.” ~Bill Nye

My dad exemplifies this one. He is just as interested in talking to and getting to know his car mechanic as he is the VIP of a Fortune 500 company. Strive to learn something from each person that you meet.

7. “Go the extra mile. It’s never crowded.” ~Wayne Dyer

Don’t try to get by with doing as little as possible to finish the job. Give your all in everything you do, and you’ll stand out. Follow the advice of Ecclesiastes 9:10. “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might…”

8. “Be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody.” ~Robby Novak

Humility and thoughtfulness are qualities that seem rarer than ever these days. Smile at people. Thank anyone who does the smallest thing for you. Just notice other people, and go out of your way to make them feel special.

9. “Don’t get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.” ~Dolly Parton

Prioritize people and relationships over work. Let the to-do list go at some point in the day, and just enjoy being with your people.

10. ”Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure.” ~Bob Bitchin

Or, as my dad often told us, attitude is everything. You can make the best of a situation, or you can bring yourself and everyone around you down. The choice is up to you. (I need this advice plastered on my wall!)

Hopefully, I can continue to work these ideas into future conversations with my teenagers. If you have any bits of life advice you’ve found helpful, share them with us in the comments!

Check out my digital printable 10 Weeks of Praying for Your Teenage Daughter.

10 “Don’ts” for Moms of Teenage Girls

August 29, 2017 by Tracey 32 Comments

The way I see it, I’m about halfway done with parenting teenage daughters.

There are many, many positive moments in parenting teenage girls. We can share shoes and jewelry and hair styling tools (clothes, not so much). They can be very helpful around the house. Each one is developing into her own individual person with a sense of humor and the ability to carry on meaningful conversations. I love watching them participate in sports and fine arts, and seeing how they continue to develop new interests.

But over the past several years, I’ve figured out some ways I shouldn’t go about this parenting teenagers deal. How do I know about these mistakes? I’ve made them all. I’m experiencing this times two on a daily basis. More than anything, this is a list for me to refer back to over the second half of this parenting teens season!

1. Don’t ask too many questions all at once.

I’ve found that I can usually get away with asking two or three questions before I begin to sound like an interrogator. However, I might be able to circle back and throw out a question related to the same topic later on and get a decent response.

Also, non-specific questions such as “How was your day at school?” get no real conversation flowing here. It usually works better if I ask about a specific thing that I know was happening that day, such as “Did you get that class project finished on time?”

Now this does depend on the personality of your child. Some like to give blow-by-blow details of the day, and are happy to answer any questions you might have. Others just keep most of their thoughts to themselves. I’ve got one on each side of the spectrum.

2. Don’t continue to treat her like a little girl.

Okay, so she’ll still act like a little girl at times, but she is growing up. She needs to accept responsibility and, along with that, be granted some new freedoms as she proves herself trustworthy. She can have a later bedtime, handle getting herself up in the morning with an alarm clock, etc.

3. Don’t minimize her feelings.

Yes, whatever is causing her world to fall apart may seem unimportant to you, but it’s a big deal to her. She may not want to hear, “I know just how you feel” because likely, you don’t. You may have experienced something similar, but it’s probably not exactly what she’s feeling.

I’m trying to learn to just listen, to not offer advice unless I’m asked for it. It’s rare that a daughter wants me to fix something. She usually only wants to talk it through.

4. Don’t respond in the heat of the moment.

If your daughter is worked up about something – and especially if she’s upset with you – it almost never does any good to deal with the situation until she’s calmed down. And usually, I need time to calm down, too. Much more will be accomplished if we both retreat to our private spaces and reconnect a little bit later.

5. Don’t feel like you have to answer a request immediately.

It’s okay to say, “Let me think about that” when a child asks to do something or go somewhere, and you’re unsure about what to say. You may need a little while to pray about it, talk to your spouse, or find out more about the situation.

6. Don’t get drawn into the drama.

Be the adult. Yes, you are one (and she’s not – yet), so prove that when a drama-filled situation arises. My initial reaction is to jump right into the middle of it along with her, but that doesn’t help anyone. SO much easier said than done. (And my husband is much better at this than I am!!)

7. Don’t be afraid to stand your ground when you’ve said “no.”

If our teenagers suddenly took our “no’s” sweetly and submissively, would we even know how to react? Sometimes they’re going to grumble and complain. Or they may keep trying to suggest a work around that we’ll accept. I’m of the opinion that we should say “yes” as often as we can, but when we give a well-thought-out “no,” we should stand by it.

8. Don’t forget to say “I love you” and “I’m proud of you” as often as you can.

Make it a priority. That is all.

9. Don’t think she doesn’t need you anymore.

My 16-year-old just packed for an overnight trip. I didn’t have to get down a bag, think about what type of clothes she needed, or do a final check to make sure she had her toothbrush. She can wash her own clothes and drive a car. She works a job and she’s understanding chemistry without me (praises be!!)

But I know she still needs a mom. A lot of times that just means being around in case she wants to talk, going to the store to pick up that notebook she needs for school, or surprising her with a frappuccino at the end of a hard school day.

10. Don’t neglect to pray for her.

Prayer is our most powerful weapon against the temptations our daughters will face. It’s also what my heart needs as I struggle to be the mom I should be when our relationship seems less than ideal. Only the Holy Spirit can grow her heart into loving Jesus more. And He’s the only one who can manifest His fruit in me to be an example I’d want her to follow.

If you would add another “don’t” to this list, please share it in the comments below. And be sure to check out my digital printable 10 Weeks of Praying for Your Teenage Daughter!

A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: God Made You Special

January 12, 2017 by Tracey 17 Comments

Dear Daughter,

To quote a famous novel, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” (You know I’m a Dickens fan, though I’ve never made it all the way through A Tale of Two Cities. 😉

I think that captures what it’s like to be a teenage girl sometimes.

On a good day, life is, like, ultimately good, like, happiness unbounded, like, dancing around the house and hugging your sister. Yes, that marks the best of times indeed.

Then there are the worst of times. The tears for no reason…though those are better than the tears flowing because of a friend’s betrayal, or a classroom humiliation, or rejection from some group to which you so desperately wanted to belong. The worst of times brings self-doubt, and a critical eye turned inward, and sometimes, a broken spirit.

On those days in particular, I want you to remember that God made you special.

I know you think I’m just saying that because I’m your mom…and I am. But I’m also saying it because it’s true.

In these teen years, while you’re growing and changing and learning who you really are, it’s easy to want to be someone else. You see what makes a certain girl popular, why that girl has so many friends, how she seems to know just what to say or do to attract boys. Perhaps it’s that other girl’s confidence when she gets up in speech class or another friend’s ability to excel in every sport that you want for yourself. And maybe you feel less than, inadequate, because you don’t have those same skills.

It’s so easy to say “be comfortable in your own skin.” Yet sometimes you can feel like your skin doesn’t fit, that it doesn’t look right to other people, that it’s not who you want to be.

But who you are is special. God created you. He tells us in Psalm 139 that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Yes, you know that phrase, “fearfully and wonderfully made.” But that’s certainly not always the first thought you have about yourself. Let’s dig into it for a minute and see what it means.

In the original Hebrew text of the Bible, the word fearfully means with great reverence, heart-felt interest, and with respect. The word wonderfully means unique, set apart, marvelous [Darling Magazine, May 2012]

You were created with great reverence and heart-felt interest, The very God of the universe is interested in you and in how your life plays out every day. You are unique and marvelous, a one-of-a-kind creation. Every personality trait, every quirk, the activities you enjoy, the pursuits you’re really good at ~ they’re all gifts from a Creator who makes no mistakes.

Introverted or extroverted, musical or artistic, a watcher or a doer, detail-oriented or a free spirit, you are the way you are for a reason. God has a plan for your life, a purpose for you to fulfill, a life to live that no one else can live in the same way. You’re not exactly like anyone else, and that’s just how it should be.

Remember these three important things.

You are made in the image of God. Cultivate that part of you that longs for a relationship with Him. Let His love, peace, and grace seep into your soul.

Be authentic. Like what you like, be who you are, don’t conform to fit someone else’s standard for you. Be gracious, kind, and thoughtful, but be you.

Give grace to all those girls around you. In spite of what it may look like from your vantage point, they have doubts and insecurities just like you do. You might never know how an encouraging word helps them through their own difficult day.

So, on those worst of days, my dearest daughter, take heart. God has a plan for you, a plan to bring you a future full of hope and promise. (Jeremiah 29:11) He will never leave you or fail you. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

And your dad and I? We’re your biggest fans, your loudest cheerleaders, your prayer warriors.

We love you, just the way you are.

Love,

Mom

Check out my printable prayer guide 10 Weeks of Praying for Your Teenage Daughter.

13 Things I Want My 13 Year-Old Daughter to Know

December 2, 2013 by Tracey 4 Comments

I am officially the mother of a teenager. I’m thrilled, excited, scared.

In honor of my oldest daughter’s thirteenth birthday yesterday, I’m recording 13 things I want her to remember in the coming years.

1. Your family members will always be your best friends.

2. Focus first on pleasing God, not people.

3. Be comfortable with who you are and others will be, too.

4. Make many sweet memories and few regrets.

5. No matter how lofty the highs or how deep the lows, God is there.

6. Be curious. Don’t limit your education to textbooks or the classroom.

7. Serve others, especially those much older and much younger than yourself.

8. Don’t give your heart away too soon. Wait for a man of character, one like your dad and your granddaddy.

9. Every once in a while do something fun and unexpected – surprise yourself!

10. Be loyal.

11. Any time, anywhere, if you call us, we will come.

12. Find something you can be passionate about and then live your dream.

13. You are loved as you are, my precious daughter, and my sister in Christ.

What an amazing gift are the lives of the children with which we are entrusted! May we ever seek God’s wisdom as we rear them to walk with Him.

Check out my digital printable 10 Weeks of Praying for Your Teenage Daughter.

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