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Over the last month, we marked a season of change and growth….there were graduations, promotions, the finishing of one stage and looking ahead to the next, a goodbye to some things familiar, with perhaps new and different experiences in our future.

My sister texted me recently about how she’d looked in on her three little ones at night, all asleep in their beds, and said she “wished they would never get a minute older,” how even with the diaper changes and runny noses and disobedience, every moment is precious.

Time moves by so quickly, whether or not we’re ready, sweeping us along in its current.  Three years from right now, my daughter will have graduated from high school.  Talk about a life change!!  We all know that marks a turning point, that it’s not ever the same after that – even with summers home from college, even when living in the same house again – the relationship changes, the process of the final letting go has begun.

That’s why I want to make the most of this summer, to recognize the value of the simple moments, to let just being together be enough.  Whatever stage of parenting we’re in, we’ll hit some rough spots, but we have to take those with the good, and trust that they will make us better parents and give us more wisdom for the next time (or at least for the younger sibling 🙂  We may make new mistakes, but may God grant us the insight not to make the same ones.

So in the midst of our impatience at another sibling argument or when walking in on a big mess to clean up or while dealing with a child dragging their feet to get in the car, let’s give an unexpected smile or hug or word of encouragement. While we can’t freeze this moment in time, can’t keep our precious children from growing any older, we can give them our love this day and frame sweet memories in our hearts.

In what is becoming an annual tradition, I’ve spent the last several weeks compiling a list of books for our girls to read this summer.

While our daughters normally read a lot of fiction – just as I did when I was their age! – we like to steer them toward quality, non-fiction books that will help them grow spiritually and mentally when they have extra reading time in the summer.

We’ve adopted an idea from Dave Ramsey to pay our kids to read these books and write a report on them.  Since we start this process when they’re 13, it will be the first summer for our younger daughter and the third for our older daughter.

Both girls are going to do the same devotional book, then have individual lists for their other reading.

(This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links and make a purchase, I’ll receive a small percentage from any sales.  This does not affect your price in any way.)


 
Devotional:  Just Us Girls:  A Bible Study on Being God’s Girl in Middle School by Hannah Duggan.  (Just to put this out there – the title of the first chapter includes a slang word that we wouldn’t allow our girls to say, but they’re old enough to handle reading it without going around repeating it!)  This book is written in a style that I think my girls will really relate to.  The author deals directly with so many of the things they’re facing at these ages.  The chapters on “The Love of Your Life” and “Beauty and the Best” are especially excellent! 

Due to the layout of the book, I”m going to have them read a chapter each Sunday afternoon.  At the end of each chapter is a five-day devotional section, so on Monday through Friday, they’ll read that day’s verse and answer the questions in a journal I’ll give them.  Each Friday, we’ll sit down and talk about what they’ve learned that week.

Here’s what on the reading list for my 13-year-old.

1.  Heaven for Kids by Randy Alcorn.
2.  So You’re About to Be a Teenager by Dennis Rainey.  (Full disclosure – I bought this book inexpensively and ended up tearing out a couple of chapters as I felt they dealt with certain subjects in more detail than I was ready to allow.)
3.  Kisses from Katie by Katie J. Davis
4.  A Young Woman’s Call to Prayer by Elizabeth George
5.  Do Hard Things by Alex Harris
6.  The Making of a Young Entrepreneur by Gabrielle Jordan
7.  Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss

And here’s what my 15-year-old will be reading.

1.  The Power of a Praying Teen by Stormie O’Martian
2.  It’s Not About Me:  Live Like You Mean It (Teen Edition) by Max Lucado
3.  Evidence Not Seen by Darlene Deibler Rose
4.  A Young Woman’s Walk with God by Elizabeth George
5.  The Dream Manager by Matthew Kelly
6.  I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
7.  Graceful by Emily Freeman

Bonus Book:  Eat That Frog by Brian Tracy.  If the girls want an extra book to read, this is an easy read with a valuable lesson.

I need to add more titles to my Pinterest board of Books for My Teen Girls to Read, so if you have any suggestions, please let me know!

I currently have two teenage daughters.  Let me give it to you straight – this is not a road for the timid to travel!!

I would love to write this post from a place of strength, to be able to say I’ve mastered this phase, got this parenting-teens thing down.  But the reality is that I fail at this stage of motherhood almost every single day.  I only write this from a place of sharing what I’m figuring out.  It’s a list of things that seem to work if I can only remember to be consistent in implementing them.

Here are seven ways I try to help my teenage daughters.

1.  Allow her to fail.  Let’s just start out with a hard one here.  We inherently want our child to succeed, but sometimes lifelong lessons are learned when she fails.  I’m not advocating sending her into a dangerous or morally questionable situation.  Rather it’s about allowing her to deal with the consequences of decisions she makes on a regular basis.  For example, one of our daughters recently wanted to spend some money on a certain activity.  We didn’t think that was a wise choice.  But instead of telling her she couldn’t do it, we allowed her to make the decision herself.  She followed through, and from a couple of remarks she’s made, I think she’s already learned an important financial lesson.  This will stick with her much more than if we had just given her a lecture and told her not to use her money in that way.

2.  Give her your full attention while she’s talking.  Teenagers are old enough to know if you’re really listening to them or not.  They will quit trying to communicate with you if you’re not willing to focus on them when they’re speaking.

3.  Laugh together.  Find the funny in things that happen and share them with your daughter.  Also, when there’s tension between you, pulling out your sense of humor can lighten the mood more quickly than almost anything else.

4.  Praise her for good character traits and positive actions.  While it’s okay to compliment her on how nice she looks or how cute her new hairstyle is, make sure to notice and comment on how responsible she is in taking care of her siblings, how she was diligent and got that class project done on time, how she willingly helped the neighbor take her groceries into the house.

5.  Teach her to do her own laundry.  This is about more than laundry, though.  Delegate certain household responsibilities to her, demonstrate how they’re done, then make it her job to complete them on a regular basis.

6.  Help her value relationships above material possessions.  Let her see that people and their souls are what will last forever, and how you treat others is important whether it’s friends, family members, classmates, or just a stranger.

7.  Pray for her.  She so needs your prayers for her health, friendships, school work, daily decisions, her walk with God.  Since my girls first began school, I have prayed almost daily for them to make good decisions and wise choices.

While there will still be some rough days ahead, what a wonderful relationship we can have with our teenage girls as we help them navigate this special season of their lives!

In what other ways can we help our teenage daughters?

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“Don’t read their school report card as though it’s a prophecy of their future lives.”  ~Rod Parsons

It’s hard to believe that we’ve just finished up the 3rd quarter for the girls’ school year.  Less than 45 days till I’m parenting a 10th grader and an 8th grader, which is exciting and scary all at the same time!

This also means that report cards will come home next week.  While we are blessed in that our children get good grades, I like to remind myself that there is so much more in life for our kids.

A report card isn’t going to show that my daughter shared the best part of her lunch with a classmate who left hers at home.  It’s not going to show that she helped the music teacher put away books after class, nor that she helped a younger student find her way to the piano studio.  (I don’t know that my daughters have done these things, but I’d like to think that they would!)

While we want our children to do their best in school, their future adult life will be about so much more than whether they made a B or a C in Science class.  The knowledge they gain is important, but just as important is their ability to be kind to others, to work diligently, to be honest.  If we graded our children on their character, how are they doing?

As our children begin to emerge as individuals, it’s neat to watch them pursue their interests.  We as parents begin to see answers to questions like, “What are his strengths?”  “What does she love to do in her free time?”  “How does he best learn new concepts?”

School life is so much more than academic pursuits.  There are daily opportunities to develop interpersonal skills, creativity, ingenuity, determination, and focus.  Not all of these qualities are reflected in a grade on a report card.  However, we can determine to embrace all that is best in our children, encourage them in their efforts, help them in their weaknesses, and let them know how much we love them just the way they are.

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It’s a unique sound, the squeaking of basketball shoes on a highly polished gym floor.  The loud buzzer that ends the quarter or introduces a sub, the shrill squeal of the referee’s whistle, the silence that hushes the stands as a player steps to the free throw line….all of these sounds mean the game’s underway.

It’s the bouncing of the ball down the court, the snappy passes and the soaring layups, the clapping hands after a score, the collective groan when the ball rolls off the rim, the cheerleader chants, and the appreciative roar of the crowd as a long distance ball swishes through the net and the referee raises his arms to signal the scorekeeper that a three-point basket was made.

Such scenes as these have marked many of our Tuesday and Friday nights over the past couple of months.  Now that it’s coming to a close, I think I’m starting to appreciate it like I should have all along.

When our daughter wasn’t in the game, we could cheer on her friends, teammates, classmates, in her game and in the ones that followed, and hold our breath while our youngest was lifted into the air for halftime cheerleading stunts.  A concession stand hot dog and a bottle of Gatorade counted as supper.

I love spring with its soon coming promise of outdoor pursuits, but there’s nothing like a gymnasium in the heart of winter to warm us with close games and unbelievable shots and bleacher conversations with friends.

These will be the memories of my children, these are my memories, the thrill of competition, the respect for talented players from other teams, the late nights, the bright lights, the celebrations, and the large black scoreboard that always kept reality before us.

Not many events move us like sports – especially when our children are involved.  We may yell like we’ve lost our minds, feel our pulse race and our excitement soar.  Not much is as adrenaline-filled as a close game in the final seconds of the fourth quarter.  If it’s against your main rival or in a playoff game, so much the better.  We all become coaches, convinced we know the perfect strategy, the play to run, the defense to prevent a score, the only way to bring a victory home.

And while I never played a minute in an actual basketball game myself, I think it must be in my blood – from watching my siblings to cheering at college games to years of supporting my husband as a coach, and now with a brief stint as a basketball mom.

So for now, the blue and white uniforms are being packed away….but it’s only eight months till they reappear, and the starting lineups are called, and that first whistle blows for the jump ball to start basketball season again.

As a young mom, I occasionally heard older parents discuss the difficulties of parenting teenagers.  Now that I have two teenagers, I will agree that these years have their own set of challenges.  However, I’ve also found that there are many delightful aspects of raising teenagers!

Here are ten of my favorite things about having teenage daughters.

1.  Having in-house fashion advisers.  My daughters are good about letting me know which outfits are winners and which ones need a little help.

2.  Getting to know their friends.  Both of my girls are blessed with some spirited, delightful friends and I enjoy interacting with them.

3.  Their enthusiasm for life.  They get excited about things like dressing up in school colors for spirit week.  They are still full of hope and adventure, novices at life with so much potential and possibility ahead of them.

4.  Traveling together.  Our girls pack their own suitcases, plan their own entertainment for the trip, and manage their backseat experience themselves.

5.  Seeing them build relationships with other adults.  There are certain teachers that my girls really enjoy and I appreciate the time these adults invest in our daughters.  Not long ago, I was in a restaurant with my girls and some friends when one of their teachers walked in.  They were so excited to go over and talk to him in an outside-of-the-classroom environment!

6.  Watching them develop individual interests.  Our younger daughter started cheerleading at school this year  That’s not something I would have pictured one of my daughters doing, but she has thoroughly enjoyed it!  It’s fun to see them increase in their abilities and try new things.

7.  Listening to them begin to think through their faith.  A couple of times recently, we’ve had some interesting talks after supper about issues our children have discussed in their classes.  It’s a privilege and a great responsibility to begin to guide them in their own spiritual walk.

8.  Supporting them in their chosen activities.  Whether it’s cheering them on in basketball, cheerleading, or at a fine arts competition, it’s a lot of fun to be there encouraging our daughters.

9.  Their help around the house.  When I need their help, they can step up to the plate and vacuum, clean a bathroom, or finish putting together a meal for me.

10.  Watching movies together.  They’re old enough now to enjoy many of the movies my husband and I do, so it’s fun to watch and discuss these movies together.

These are some great years of parenting!  I’m trying to treasure each of these moments as I know they’ll pass too quickly.

What’s something you love about the stage your child is in?

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There are some days when I’m sure I wouldn’t qualify for most popular mom on the planet.

I think it’s Keven Leman who says that if your kids are always happy, you’re not doing a good job as a parent.  While we don’t set out to make our children unhappy, if we have any rules or set any standards, there will be times that our children disagree with us. 

We had a situation recently where I just wanted to say yes to what my daughter wanted because it would have been so much easier – at least in the short term.  It’s hard to make your child be different, to not allow them to do what “everyone else” is doing.  Especially in these early teen years, they’re very sensitive to not fitting in with their peers.

It’s hard to be that parent who says no – or maybe the one who says yes when no one else is doing it.  But I have to remember that these moments are building within our girls the ability to take a stand, to choose what’s right (or at least obey what their parents believe is right!)  I think we’d all agree that this can be challenging, even as adults. 

My goal as a parent is not to be popular all the time, but to build character into our daughters’ lives.  I don’t have to look for these opportunities; they appear quite regularly.  When I need to say “no,” I want to make sure the situation warrants it and then stand behind that decision.  I can make it as palatable as possible for my girls by being loving and gracious as I deliver my unpopular answer.  While they won’t likely understand today, I hope that they see my heart and know that I truly only want what’s best for them.  And isn’t that the way our relationship with God works sometimes?

On days like that Saturday a couple of weeks ago, I remind myself that parenting with purpose is difficult.  I’m not here to please my children, but to rear them in the way that they should go.  God in His goodness often brings another mom across my path or leads me to a blog post that reminds me that I’m not alone, not the only one who’s trying to do it right – not by a long shot.  (Example:  Kristen’s post {Dear Parents} This Is Your Warning Label.)

So to all the moms who share these same struggles, taking a stand against some of our cultural norms, I encourage you to love your children enough to occasionally be a loser in the mom popularity contest!

Last week, our 14-year-old daughter attended a fine arts festival at a college several hours away from home.

She’s been to week-long summer camp before, so this wasn’t a totally new experience for us, but it was strange for her to be gone for so long in the middle of the school year.

And while she was excited about going and I was happy for her to go, I have this thing – a worry, I guess you could call it – about all that might happen to her while she’s away.  She could get sick (and she did text me one morning to say that she had a cough), she could forget to pack something she really needed and have no way to get it, she could get hurt or not know how to get to where she needed to be.

While she was gone, I happened to listen to a podcast by Chuck Swindoll in which he described the process of letting go of our children.  He said that each year of their lives, we release our children a little bit more.  It’s like flying a kite; you
gradually let go of the string, a little at a time, until it’s up as high as it can go.

So it is with our children.  It starts out small…leaving him in the church nursery as a baby or with grandma for a couple of hours while we go out on a date with our husband.  Then it’s letting them spend the day with a friend or a cousin, then sending them off to school or some other supervised place where mom’s not around.  Each small step, each time we let out a bit more of the kite string, our child gains a little more freedom and independence and we gain a little more confidence in their ability to take on the world.

It’s part of growing up. I wouldn’t want my daughter to be fearful of ever leaving me, scared to try things on her own. I don’t want her to never want to leave, but I always want her to look forward to coming home (even if it’s for the food….when I asked her, via text, on Thursday if she was ready to come home, she replied, “Maybe…but I’m definitely ready for real food” – aka home cooking!)

Letting go is hard – it’s giving up the control I want to have over her safety and her health and her well-being.  It certainly grows my faith as a mom as I have to let go of another fistful of that kite string and realize that even when I’m away from her, God’s not.  He’s right there watching over her, taking care of her.  He loves her more than I do and will use these times to grow both of us.  So the best thing I can do is to pray for her and entrust her to His care.

Yet how sweet the reunions are, hearing the stories from her trip and seeing, through my mother eyes, the lessons she’s learning and the ways she’s growing as a person.  I don’t think these partings will get any easier as the years go by, but I’m learning in a new way every time she leaves how I can trust God to be all that we both need – and more.

Today I’m going to show my daughters love by decorating their bedrooms with paper hearts.  I get to work on this project while my girls are at school, and I have scrapbook paper, construction paper, and plain white copy paper to work with.  Thankfully, since I’m creatively challenged, I remember how to make simple hearts from celebrating Valentines Day in my elementary school days!

I’ll be cutting that folded piece of paper and free handing half-heart shapes down the center of the fold.  I’m going to vary how large or small the hearts are as I cut them out so I’ll have different sizes to work with. 

Then I’ll hang my hearts in the bedroom doorways, tape a few to the window blinds, sprinkle a few on the bed, and decorate the corners of their mirrors.  I think I’ll write “love notes” to my daughters on a few of the hearts.

I’ll be sure to share a picture later today on Instagram and tomorrow on the blog!

If you’ve missed earlier posts in this series, you can go to my 31 Days host page and catch up on all the ways we’re showing love to our daughters in October!