I love weddings! I’m in the stage of life where our friends’ children are getting married so bridal showers and weddings are happening more frequently.
And of course, our older daughter got married last year! Her wedding day is one of my most treasured memories.
We had a year between the engagement and wedding to plan and prepare for her special day. Part of it was done long distance because she was in college out-of-state for about eight months of that time.
Pulling it all together went fairly smoothly because both my daughter and I are planners. However, there were plenty of nights – especially as the date got closer – when I’d lie in bed unable to sleep. My mind would be whirling with all kinds of wedding-related thoughts!
So the first important thing to know, before we even start our list, is to take all of your wedding-related thoughts, concerns, and cares to God in prayer! Ask for his wisdom and guidance as you go through the process. And of course, pray for His blessing on your daughter and her fiance!
And now let’s look at 10 important things to know before your daughter gets married.
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1. There’s a strong chance that you’ll disagree with your daughter about something related to the wedding.
Several of my friends are in this same season of life with one or more daughters getting married. I have yet to talk to one where the mom and daughter agreed on every single detail of the wedding.
This doesn’t have to mean that there will be a big argument! But it will likely involve sitting down and talking through the options and coming up with a compromise.
2. It’s your daughter’s and her fiance’s wedding…but if you’re paying, you get to have a voice in some of the decisions.
The best approach is to come together as you start wedding planning and get a general idea of everyone’s expectations. That way there aren’t big surprises later on in the process.
3. Make memories with your daughter during the months of wedding planning.
Add a coffee stop to the wedding errands you’re doing together and just sit and talk. Have breakfast after that early morning visit to the florist.
If she’s still living at home, you’re both facing a big transition as she moves out soon. Enjoy the times you have together just coming and going throughout the day.
4. Recognize what you’re good at and find help for the rest.
As I mentioned, my daughter and I are planners, so I didn’t need help with the timeline or scheduling or reserving the items or locations we needed. Decorating was my downfall! I’m not naturally creative and ideas for making a church or reception space look nice are beyond my talents.
We were able to pay someone to take care of that, but you don’t necessarily have to. We all likely have friends or family members who enjoy that type of activity and are willing to help.
5. Choose the two or three things that really matter to you and your daughter and spend the biggest part of the budget on those.
So having a budget for the wedding isn’t an item on this list, but I’m sure it should be! Allocate the money available into categories, and put the largest chunks toward those things that are most important to your daughter and her fiance.
It could be the photographer, the videographer, the musicians, the dress, the wedding cake, etc. Get the best you can afford in those few areas and be okay with spending less on the others.
6. Lists are your friend.
We bought my daughter The Knot Ultimate Wedding Planner and Organizer and she used that regularly. I made lists of things to buy and things to do. I broke up those lists into months until the week leading up to the wedding. Then I had a list for every day that week!
Another helpful list was of meals needed for the wedding week. Even though we were in wedding mode, people still needed to eat. The list helped me know what to shop for and serve.
7. Do as much ahead of time as possible.
This probably goes without saying, but the more you can do ahead of time the better. We were able to have table centerpieces and other decorations put together beforehand. Some things have to wait until you can access the wedding space. But if it’s all already organized, set up goes more quickly and smoothly.
Thankfully we were able to get most everything done the day before the wedding and were able to enjoy the actual day and not feel stressed.
8. If guests are staying at your house, put a house cleaner in the budget for before and/or after the wedding.
A friend recommended this to me, and it was wonderful! I chose to have someone come the day before some of the wedding party started arriving so I was able to focus on other things.
I cleaned the house myself after everyone left post-wedding because I knew I’d need the distraction and to keep myself occupied.
9. Plan a vacation or a bit of downtime for shortly after the wedding.
My husband and I were able to take a trip together a couple of weeks after the wedding. I was so thankful because it gave me something to look forward to after the wedding was over.
Maybe you can’t do a trip, but try taking a day off – or even set aside a Saturday where you can do something fun and relaxing in your local area. Weddings take a lot out of you, so it’s nice to set aside time for rejuvenation!
10. Your relationship with your daughter after the wedding can be something new and beautiful.
I’ve loved every time my daughter’s called to ask about a recipe or where to find an ingredient in the grocery store! This could be different if your daughter’s already lived alone, but either way, you get to create a new relationship now that she’s a married woman.
Continue to invest time in her and in her new husband. There are plenty of new memories ahead for all of you!
If you’ve gone through this process with your daughter, what would you add to this list of things to know before your daughter gets married?
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