Over breakfast earlier this week, a friend and I were talking about how the seasons of our lives are changing.
Our children are mostly grown. While we’re still involved in their lives, our days of active parenting are over.
But this post – and my conversation with my friend – isn’t about our children. It’s actually about our relationships with our husbands.
My husband and I were married almost ten years before our older daughter was born. We had twenty years with one or both girls in our home full-time. But, depending on the Lord’s plans, we could have at least that many
As a wife, I’ve heard lots of advice about scheduling regular date nights and making sure you put your marriage relationship ahead of your kids. That’s good counsel, but it wasn’t always doable. Yet the reality of our children leaving home can come up on us quickly! We want to be prepared as we move into the empty nest season with our spouse.
What I’m trying to say is that here’s what I would tell the thirty-year-old version of myself.
Let your children add to your life together, don’t let them take it over.
There are certainly times, especially during those newborn days, when your child needs so much of your focus. But those intense seasons shouldn’t stretch on for months and years.
I know I haven’t always done my best with this. I’m sure that on occasion I’ve given more attention to the kids than to my husband.
So if you’re in the thick of parenting little kids I get it. I’ve been there, too. And while older moms like me say that it will end one day, you may be wondering if it really will!
Staying connected with your husband just feels like one more thing you have to do and you don’t know how to fit that into your day.
But as often as you can, do something, no matter how small, to stay connected. Here are seven tips to stay connected to your husband as you prepare for the empty nest.
1. Pray for him.
If you know he’s dealing with a difficult customer or has an important meeting, take a minute to pray for him. Set an alarm on your phone so you won’t forget. Then follow up with him in the evening to see how it went.
It’s also good to have an ongoing list of things you pray over in your husband’s life. Pray for his spiritual growth, his work, his physical health, etc.
2. Say one encouraging thing to him.
Thank him for taking out the trash or getting up with the baby in the middle of the night. Make a point of noticing what he does. Build him up with your words.
3. Write him a short love note or text him a thank you.
Yes, it’s a hard job being home alone with little kids every day or driving umpteen thousand miles to take them to soccer practice or being a mom who works outside the home. But it’s not like he’s on a relaxing vacation every day at his job!
Make a quick connection with him during the day and let him know you love and appreciate him. Tuck a note into his work bag or lunch box. Send a quick text in the middle of the day to let him know you’re thinking about him.
4. Find one thing to talk about that doesn’t involve the kids.
If you’re like us, many of our conversations revolve around our kids. And that’s natural. But make an effort to talk about other things that interest the two of you. It could be a sports story or a news headline or something related to his field of work.
5. Ask his advice about something. And listen to what he has to say.
My husband has so much wisdom. He often sees things through a different lens than I do. Whether it’s resolving a problem with one of our children or talking me down after a rant, it’s helpful to hear his opinion on things.
6. Respect his opinion when he gives it.
Sometimes if this is related to our kids, we may subconsciously think, “I’m the mom and I know best.” Wrong. Don’t write off his opinion. Seriously consider what he has to say.
7. Talk and dream about your future together.
This might be my favorite tip! No matter what stage you’re in, begin planning for your future. Want to attend a cooking class together? Go on a couples retreat? Take a special vacation with just the two of you? Begin anticipating what that new phase of life will look like.
We’ve never been the type to have regularly scheduled date nights. We fit them in as we could when our girls were little. And we’ve had a lifetime of fun watching them grow up, cheering them on at their basketball games, and taking them on trips.
But then one day your kids can stay home by themselves without a babysitter, and a whole new world opens up to you! Admittedly that’s about the time their ballgames, piano recitals, and band concerts take over all your evenings, but at least there’s the possibility of easy date nights!
Regardless, let’s make an effort to stay connected to our spouse. We can begin to look forward to the years ahead when it’s just the two of us together again.
How do you stay connected with your spouse? Let me know in the comments!
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