Welcome to the blog today! A couple of weeks ago, I heard someone say that it’s been a “wintry winter.” I would have to agree, based on my own weather experience here as well as the amount due on our natural gas bill!
Call it a Hallmark holiday if you want, but we all know Valentine’s Day is coming up on Monday. My husband and I don’t typically do cards or gifts for each other, but we’ll go out for a nice meal a night or two before. (We’ve found restaurants way too crowded on actual Valentine’s Day.) Then on February 14th, we’ll either make a nice meal at home or my husband will pick up a to-go order for us from a favorite restaurant.
Since there’s a lot of talk about love and relationships this month, I wanted to share posts this week and next related to marriage. We’ve been married for 30 years, but I still have a lot of room for growth when it comes to being a wise wife. Learning how to treat our husbands well is a journey and we grow in wisdom and understanding along the way.
I’m on the empty nest side of things, but you may be a newlywed, in the throes of parenting young kids or enjoying your grandchildren. Regardless, I think these five things can be a reminder to all of us of how we can be wise wives who treat their husbands well.
1. She is worthy of his trust.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. ~Proverbs 31:11
A wise wife doesn’t buy things at the store then hide the bags under the bed so he won’t see them. She’s honest and upfront about where she goes and what she does. She follows through on what she says she will do.
I like this quote from Peter Lerangis. “Trust is a fragile thing. Easy to break, easy to lose and one of the hardest things to ever get back.” Let’s earn our husband’s trust by being women of character and then treasure that trust so we won’t do anything to lose it.
2. She chooses not to argue with him.
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. ~Proverbs 25:23
It’s not that a wise wife couldn’t argue with her husband. There are certainly times when she might be right and could win the argument. But is that really a “win?”
Instead, she chooses not to argue. Are there times to speak up and explain your side of things? Of course! But not every issue has to be fought through or argued about.
3. She yields to his decisions when they disagree…with a sweet attitude.
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. ~Ephesians 5:22
You didn’t think we’d get through this post without the “s” word, did you? We know that being wise means obeying God’s Word. Therefore, as wives, when we disagree with our husbands and there’s no acceptable compromise, we need to accept his decision.
Admittedly, this is much easier if we sense that our husband is truly seeking to follow God. But ultimately that’s not our call. He will answer to God for his decision. And if we submit but then don’t speak to him for three days, we might call that following the letter of the law but not the spirit of it. This isn’t easy! It may take some extra time in prayer sincerely asking the Holy Spirit to help us in this area.
4. She prays for him.
For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; ~Colossians 1:9
Pray specifically. As much as you can, know what’s going on in your husband’s work life and in his relationships. If you want some ideas on praying for him, you can read 5 Ways to Pray for Your Husband.
5. She speaks words of life and encouragement to him.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. ~Ephesians 4:29
I wish all the words I speak to my husband were classified as “ministering grace to him.” Unfortunately, that’s not always true. It’s easy to nag him or to let words of accusation or bitterness fly. A wise wife seeks God’s help to control her tongue and uses spoken and written words to bless her husband.
Finally, I’ll give a bonus suggestion that I don’t have a Bible verse for, but has been helpful to me.
She doesn’t burden her husband with unspoken expectations.
There’s a quote from Barry Schwartz that says, “The secret to happiness is low expectations.” Now I think there are a lot deeper things that we could label as the secret to happiness, but there’s some truth in his statement. If you want Valentine’s Day – or any other day! – to look a certain way, tell your husband. Don’t expect him to read your mind and then be disappointed when he doesn’t.
Please share in the comments if you have other ideas of ways we can be wise wives. I trust that God will help each one of us honor Him as we treat our husbands well!
- 6 Tips for Giving My Husband the Respect That He Needs
- 5 Common Enemies of a Good Marriage
- How to Drive Your Husband Away
Yes! I’ve heard expectations called the “cage of expectations” because, when our husbands meet our expectations, they’re just doing what we expected. But when they don’t, they get punished.
Interesting – I haven’t heard that before, but it makes a great word picture!
Somewhat related to realistic expectations: I used to depend on JB to make me happy. As soon as I decided to be in charge of my own happiness (going for that walk I wanted to take or riding out for a treat, even if he didn’t want to come along, instead of me sullenly wishing he would want to do something together, while he just wanted to nap on the couch on the weekend) we were BOTH happier! I wasn’t waiting on him, and he was thankful that I wasn’t! I got the fun I wanted, and he got the peace he wanted. When we *do* do things together, it’s a joy; but my happiness is my job, not his. That was huge for me!
That is so true!! While we love our husbands and enjoy being with them, we can’t depend on them to make us happy.