Do you have a child that’s your mini-me? Maybe you see a lot of yourself in a particular child’s personality or temperament.
I don’t know that either of my daughters is my mini-me, but one is more naturally like me than the other. And while that daughter and I may have butted heads more often as she was growing up, it was easier to understand her because of our similar characteristics.
However, parenting a child who’s totally different from us presents a separate challenge. Maybe you’re a strict rule follower and your child is a free spirit. Or you take lots of risks, but your child is more cautious. You might be an introvert, but your child can’t get enough social activity.
No matter how different you and your child are, I have some ideas we can use to help us parent that child well.
Here are 5 important tips for how to parent a child who’s different than you.
1. Accept your child as she is and don’t try to change her.
Every child is different so we don’t necessarily parent them in exactly the same way. Get to know your child and appreciate the beautiful way that God has made her. Accept that being different in personality from you isn’t a bad thing.
Don’t compare your child with her siblings, cousins, or friends. We don’t excuse bad behavior because of our child’s personality, but it helps to encourage and discipline her more effectively when we know how she’s wired.
2. Embrace the differences between the two of you.
One of our daughters has a stronger artistic and creative side than I do. Actually, I have no artistic or creative side if we’re being honest! 🙂 But I can learn and grow myself by doing activities in those areas with her.
A child who’s different than us can cause us to see things in a different light. We can appreciate and celebrate their talents and interests even if we don’t naturally share them.
3. Communicate clearly.
Be an active listener. Don’t assume you know what she needs or wants based on your needs and wants. She might need time to process before sharing about her day while you may want to jump into a deep conversation right away.
It’s also okay, especially as she gets older, to talk about your differences. Be honest and transparent. Let her know when you don’t understand something so that she can explain it.
4. Find compromises on which you can both agree.
Here’s an example that worked for us. I like to keep a neat house. But one daughter would let her bedroom get very cluttered. There were piles of clothes, bags, random shoes, etc. on the floor or tossed on the furniture. It would make me a little crazy just to see it when I walked past her door.
We came to an agreement that I’d let it go during the week, and on Saturday mornings, she would straighten it up. I could live with that, knowing that there was a point where things would be straightened up and neat…at least for a day!
We can often let go of small things, but if a situation is causing repeated disagreements between the two of you, look for a suitable compromise.
5. Tell her you love her and show her in ways that she understands.
We’ve likely all heard of the five love languages. Take the time to figure out how your child feels loved. Don’t assume that she feels love in the same way you do.
Maybe she enjoys getting a little surprise gift once in a while or just wants a few minutes to snuggle with you and watch TV at the end of the day. Or she may need to frequently hear how proud of her you are as you affirm her with your words in specific ways.
Learning about our children and how we can parent them well – whether they’re like us or not – is a lifelong process. I’m thankful that we can continue to grow in our relationships with our kids.
If you’re parenting a child who’s wired a lot differently than you are, let me know what other suggestions you have for us!
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