Twelve years ago today I gave birth to a precious baby girl.
Early that morning, as the end of my labor neared, the monitor revealed the steady thump of her tiny heart. Mercifully, the nurse removed the wires that attached it to my stomach as I began to push. During that brief journey that ushered her into the world, our baby’s heart stilled. The little soul I have yet to meet winged its way out of that hospital room to meet her Creator.
We cradled her motionless body in our arms, marveling at the perfection of her body, kissing her cheek. Her tiny head was covered by a cap, put there to hide the deformity that marks a baby with anencephaly.
That day marked the end of an emotionally painful journey, one that began months earlier when an ultrasound revealed the neural tube defect and we received the dire diagnosis it entailed. In my womb, she was safe – she grew and moved about just as any baby would. Strangers joyfully asked about my due date and if we knew the gender of the baby. While friends experiencing their own pregnancies registered at superstores for high chairs and strollers, we selected a grave site.
Yet I know now that Angel Marie was a gift. The lessons learned from her brief existence could fill a book. Three of them are paramount, a now unshakable foundation in our lives.
God is good.
His grace is sufficient.
His peace passes all understanding.
So today there are tears, but mostly I rejoice. Do I wonder what she would be like if she were here, celebrating her twelfth birthday among us? Oh, yes! But I know our Angel is there in heaven, surely greeting family members as they arrive throughout the years. So it makes the thought of heaven, as real and welcoming as it already is, even a touch sweeter to know that one day, she’ll welcome me.
shared at Tuesdays Unwrapped
What a wonderful day that will be to meet Angel in Heaven. You and John are truly a blessing to me.
What a bittersweet joy to feel God's touch in so personal a way. Thank you for sharing Angel's beautiful story and letting us celebrate her birthday in Heaven with you.
Hugs
I have tears in my eyes as I read this. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can not imagine the pain. But what joy you must feel in your heart to know that you will be reunited with your baby girl, Marie one day.
I toohalost a baby 2 days after birth yet I have his identical twin to remind me. He also will be turning 12 this january. A bittersweet day of both joy of having my child and pain at the knowledge that there should be 2. I also lost my fist child when he was almost 7. I understand your pain and am sorry that you must have these lost feelings…..Julie
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You are so strong to share your story with all of us. Happy Birthday, Angel Marie.
What a day that will be. Happy Birthday Angel Marie.
So sorry for your loss. It will be a wonderful reception in heaven when you get to see her. Happy birthday, Angel Marie!
A beautiful testimony. God's gifts are not always easy, but they are always good.
I have a son in heaven too. His heart stopped beating a couple weeks into my second trimester. Heaven seems a little closer now. Part of my heart is there.
What a gift to unwrap…. hope for seeing our loved ones in the future, even those we did not get to love in person. And hope for our own future. There is a loving plan…. and there is hope. Thanks for sharing!
Those three lessons you listed…they mean so much more coming from a woman who has been through what you have been through. Angel's sweet life continues to touch many. Thank you for sharing her with us.
Oh, honey. I am so sorry. I have a dear, dear friend who lost her baby girl and I am so sorry for your loss. I am inspired by your faith and outlook.
so sorry for your loss. The telling was beautiful . And it made me thankful for my children. So many untold stories of grief …
Tears cloud my vision…thank you for sharing and for inspiring me with your journey.
I, too, am so grateful to you for sharing your loss and your hope. You have an inspiring faith. Blessings, Michelle
I have a son in heaven as well…I tell his story here…
http://dawnsgoodlife.blogspot.com/2009/09/i-havent-held-him-for-decade.html
I completely relate with and agree with the three main lessons you learned from Angel's brief life on earth. Aidan's life taught us so much and yet, it can be summed up in those three things.
Thanks for sharing your story. Happy Birthday to your girl.
I am on a similar journey, carrying our own daughter who likely will not live outside of my womb. I am 23 weeks right now, and we found out about her fatal diagnosis 4 weeks ago. God is so good in reminding me that I am not alone. Thank you for sharing this post and for having the courage to carry your Angel through your entire pregnancy. That is what we have also chosen to do, and as i am learning, its not an easy or a popular choice, but its our choice. And I am so thankful for each day I have with her growing inside of me. Thanks again for sharing.
Sheyenne,
I am adding you to my prayer list and am in admiration of the choice you have made. I trust that God's grace will see you through on this journey.
I actually ended up delivering at 33 weeks, after being told that I would probably have to be induced at 40 weeks due to our baby's brain not being developed enough to produce the hormones that initiate labor. I had gotten to the point where I was pretty uncomfortable physically and I definitely saw the early birth as God's grace in ending our little struggle earlier than anticipated. All along the way, from my ob/gyn to the wonderful labor and delivery nurse we had, God put people in our path that were a blessing in the midst of our trial.
May God bless and strengthen you and your husband as you continue on in this pregnancy.
Oh. What a story. Thankfully, a story of God's grace despite the most trying of circumstances. Thankfully, a story that will never end.
Thank you for sharing it.
Beautifully written – I am sorry for your heartache. What a sweet angel you will have to greet you upon your entry to heaven. Thank you for sharing something so dear.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I don't even know what to say, I'm speechless and truly, truly emotional. My sister endured a similar pain two years ago, March. Your outlook on this is so beautiful, even through the hurt and pain– I will be sure to share your blog with her.