When you were a child, did you ever plan out how your life would be?

I did.

I’d go to college, get married, teach school for a couple of years, then be a stay-at-home mom to three kids, two boys with a girl in the middle.

That’s exactly how it all unfolded….at first.

I married my husband the summer after college graduation and we both started teaching in a Christian school.  Four years into our marriage, we decided it was time to start a family.

[Isn’t that cute??!  We decided.  Yes, in our naiveté, we just assumed it would happen.  Only it didn’t.]

After a year of not getting pregnant, I went to see my doctor.  He asked that we wait a bit longer before doing any testing.   When we approached the two-year mark with no child on the way, he agreed to run a test, which showed that everything seemed normal.  He prescribed a medication that he thought might help things along.  I was supposed to start taking the medication the following month, but before I did, I found out that we were expecting a baby.

By this time, most of the couples our age already had babies.  We were thrilled to be on the road to joining them!  We were so excited – as was our family, especially since this would be the first grandchild on my side.  It was fun to finally start looking at baby things – thinking about how I’d decorate the nursery, which brand of stroller we should buy, what name we should choose.

All of this happened in the spring of 1997, so I let our school administrator know that I wouldn’t be coming back to teach in the fall.  Since the beginning of our marriage, we had planned and saved so that I would be able to stay at home with our children. 

While teaching, I had always gotten office work through a temporary employment agency during the summers.  I did the same this year, intending to keep the temporary job until the baby came.  I got a wonderful assignment working in the administrative offices of a hospital.

As the weeks progressed, I was healthy and felt relatively good.  All of my prenatal visits went well.  We had decided not to find out the gender of the baby, but were still very excited about my 18-week ultrasound appointment.  The doctor’s office said we could bring along a video (yes, this was in the old days!) to record the ultrasound and show it to our family later.

Our appointment was on a hot Friday afternoon in mid-August.  We walked in to the office, so excited about “seeing” our baby for the first time.

To be continued next Monday…

We all have a story.

If you’ve lived for very long, you’ve experienced laughter and tears, joy and sorrow, moments that sear your soul.

Every one’s story is different, each plot with its own twists and turns.  Always, God is at work, and often we have no clue in the present what He is unfolding for our future.

For the next several Mondays, beginning September 2, I’m going to share part of my story.  I want to record the memories for our daughters, to give them all there is to know about their older sister.

The theme of this story is God’s grace.  While sadness is interwoven through its pages, these posts won’t be written for tears.  They’ll be written to tell how God’s grace is evident in every trial  – how the people He places in our lives and the circumstances He surrounds us with can always work to His glory.

Other women have carried anencephalic babies.  We’ve all made difficult choices as we walked the road given to us.  What I’ll share are the choices my husband and I made, the experiences we encountered, and the lessons God taught us on our journey.

Wherever you are in your story, may you embrace it today and seek God’s power and strength to glorify Him in its pages.

Updated:  Here are the seven posts that I wrote in this series. 

Part 1:  My Plans

Part 2:  The Diagnosis

Part 3:  Sharing Our Grief

Part 4:  Life Goes On

Part 5:  It’s Time

Part 6:  Angel

Part 7:  The Conclusion

I received a blessing, a gift, on Saturday.

And it was so undeserved.

Inwardly, I was moaning and groaning, my attitude rotten, my thoughts ugly.

Yet in spite of that, God gave me something that day.  Not a physical, hold-in-my-hands gift, but a blessing that could only have come from Him.

Why?

Maybe I could have understood if I’d been sweet and lovable and, well, more spiritual.

But He saw what I truly was – what I am in my selfishness more often than I should be – and He gave anyway.

Isn’t that just like our amazing God?!

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“…it’s important to remember that while we don’t always get what we want, we always get what we choose.”  ~John Maxwell in The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth

We all have the power of choice.  We get to choose our actions, our responses, our attitudes, and in most cases, our direction and which dreams we will follow.

There are big choices in life.  You can choose to stay in debt or budget your money to get out of debt.  You can choose to change jobs or continue in your current employment.  From a move to another city to how to educate your children to which church to attend, you get to choose.

Maybe the choices you face today are not as life changing as those mentioned above, yet you still get to make many choices.

You can choose…

…a grateful or complaining spirit

…to “stop and smell the roses” or rush through the day

…love and respect for your husband or apathy and disrespect

…to give your children a smile or a weary sigh

…an act of generosity or a selfish heart

…to seize the moments of the day or let them waste away

…to live in the power of Christ or struggle through on your own

What will you choose today?

This wasn’t what I’d planned to write about today.

But my heart has been gripped by the tragic bus accident that happened in Indianapolis on Saturday.  Along with another adult, the youth pastor and his wife were killed. 

It’s difficult to read his Twitter account on that morning as he tweets of the youth group’s departure from camp and asks for prayers for safety.  Later, just over an hour before the accident occurred, he tweets their anticipated arrival time at the church.

Why has this story touched me so?

Maybe it’s because our church teens were returning from camp the same day.

Maybe it’s because, like this father and son, my dad is a pastor and my brother works with the church youth group.

Maybe it’s because I’ve put my girls on a bus before and just assumed that they will return to me safely.

Or maybe it’s because I, too, have lost a child.

Mine was just a stillborn infant.  While I only had nine months of memories – and these parents have many more – I can still feel the raw edges of that grief.  I can’t begin to comprehend all of the pain – from loss of loved ones to seeing an orphaned toddler and the motherless children of the other woman who left this world. 

Yet from my experience, there are a few things I know.

• I know that God is good.
• I know that God gives grace, a special grace, a grace that non-believers can’t understand.
• I know where my child – and these loved ones – are.

While I know people who know the families of those who were involved, I’ll likely never meet any of them personally here on earth. 

But in these dark days of sorrow, I want them to know that a piece of their grief is mine.

Did you have an older sister or brother that you looked up to as a child?  I was the oldest sibling in my family, so I didn’t have that experience.  However, I remember one of my friends had an older sister that I thought was very special.  She was pretty, popular, and had lots of poise.

These days, that’s almost how I feel when I think of the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31.  Thankfully, the criteria for who I want to emulate is just a bit different now!  When I study the verses describing all that she does, I want to be just like her.

I see how prepared she is, how well she takes care of her husband and children, and how efficiently she runs her household.  Most of all, I read how she fears God and realize that it’s the key to it all.

She challenges me – and that’s good.

Thanks to all of you who have encouraged me in this ebook writing process!  May we all grow to be more virtuous as we walk with Christ and access the power of His Holy Spirit.

Click the link below to access your free copy of this ebook.

Mining the Gems of Proverbs 31:  One-Word Virtues for the Christian Woman

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”  ~Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor

There are some situations we just can’t change. 

While the quote above comes from a man who was unable to change a major situation, we often get stuck in the minor ones.  For example, I can’t change the weather when it rains on the day I planned a picnic at the park, but I can adopt an attitude that will help me overcome the disappointment and think of a way to have the picnic indoors. 

Whether it involves circumstances or people, at times we have to accept the reality of our position.  Perhaps there’s a family situation I can’t change, but I can respond to those involved with a positive, Christ-honoring spirit. 

Isn’t it a challenge!  Sad to say, sometimes I like reveling in my self-pity or even nurturing my bad attitude about a grievance.  But God would have me grow into the image of Christ, which means leaving those things behind and embracing the work which He would do in me.

So today, when I’m faced with something I can’t change – like the traffic tie-up or the unexpected home repair – may I accept the challenge and see what I can change in me.

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“Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.”  Proverbs 21:23

I’ve been reading in Proverbs this month and have been amazed anew at how many verses in this book of wisdom deal with our words.

We can use our tongues in a right way or a wrong way.  After studying these verses, I thought of three characteristics of a good tongue.

• A wholesome tongue.  Proverbs 15:4 says, “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life…”  We should make sure our tongue speaks in a way that is morally clean.  Sometimes popular phrases or culturally-acceptable words tend to creep into our vocabulary almost without our noticing. Occasionally, they’re expressions that aren’t necessarily wholesome.  Proverbs 10:32 says, “The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable…”  That’s exactly what we want to speak – words that are acceptable in God’s sight.

• A controlled tongue.  This goes well with the verse at the beginning of the post.  How much trouble could we avoid if we simply exercised self-control in what we say?  (I’m preaching to the choir here! 🙂  Proverbs 13:3, “He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.”  One way to have a controlled tongue is to speak less in general.   Proverbs 10:19, “In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin:  but he that refraineth his lips is wise.” If we talk too much, we’re bound to slip and say something we shouldn’t – be it gossip, unwholesome words, secrets that others have asked us to keep, etc. In addition, if we want to be thought wise, we should speak less.  Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise; and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.”

• An encouraging tongue.  Proverbs 16:24, “Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.”  How often has someone said just the words you needed to hear to brighten your day!  Proverbs 12:25, “Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop:  but a good word maketh it glad.”  We can certainly strive to be one who gives that “good word” to another!  Proverbs 15:23b, “…a word spoken in due season, how good is it!”

This is certainly a challenge for me!  May I find myself putting these verses into practice that my tongue might be used in a good way!

“…And what doth the LORD require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?”  Micah 6:8b

I’ve been studying verses on humility over the past few days.  I find myself struggling with pride in so many ways and want to meditate on Bible verses that teach about being humble.

As I read the above verse, I thought about what it means to “walk humbly” with God.  Here are a few ideas that I wrote down.

• Recognize that all I have (material possessions, relationships, talents, health) comes from God
• Direct all glory, honor, and praise toward Him.
• Have a spirit of gratitude, not entitlement.
• See others as better than myself.
• Ask for the Holy Spirit’s help in spotting pride in my life and seek His grace and power to live in humility.

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us. ~ J.R.R. Tolkien

Time.

It’s our most precious commodity.

How we spend it shows our true priorities.  No matter what we say or what our best intentions may be, the activities to which we devote our time show what’s most important to us.

It can be wasted or redeemed, used purposefully or frittered away.

May we take the time that we have been given and use it wisely today.