Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

A Dream Come True

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I am married to an amazing man.

Several years ago, after reading the book The Dream Manager, my husband and I each made a list of 100 things we’d like to accomplish during our lives.  The lists include spiritual, financial, family, and personal goals.

Friday was our 21st wedding anniversary.  My husband totally surprised me by arranging for our daughters to spend the night with friends and then fulfilling one of my dreams.  There is a classic hotel downtown that I’ve admired for years – and staying there for a night was on my list of things I’d like to do.

View through the balcony door
Sitting Area
Our lovely king-sized bed

We had a wonderful time, eating at a nice restaurant, then strolling the streets and walking through the market before having dessert.  It was a dream come true. 

Yet an even bigger dream being realized is this relationship that I’m in.  Trust me – it’s not perfect.  We still have our moments, and I know that I am not always easy to live with.  I tend to think I’m always right and so often want things my own way.  Marriage takes work every single day.

I know that I have been blessed, but I can’t rest on the past twenty-one years we’ve shared.  I want to make our future years together all that they can be, to be a blessing to my husband and to honor God through our marriage.

Whether you’re a newlywed or have been married for awhile, we can all choose today to lift up our husbands in prayer, find ways to admire them and show them our love, and do our best to fulfill our calling as a wife.

Service

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Service.

I noticed it this weekend as he cleaned up the breakfast dishes, then washed the pots and pans after supper.

It was evident when he brought the tall ladder in from the garage to change the light bulb in our kitchen’s vaulted ceiling.

It filled the air around our home, like the white spray paint he used to freshen up the rocking chairs on the front porch.

It spoke to me more than his words ever could, his finishing these tasks without me even asking.

It convicted me, helped me realize anew that by meeting his needs without being asked, I show love.

It set an example for our children, demonstrated how they should act toward each other.

My husband lived Christ before us.

Suppose that, as a family, we could live this way every day, each doing what he or she could for the others, without expecting recognition or similar actions in return.  What a sweet spirit would reign in our home…and how pleasing we would be to Christ.

May that be our goal, as we surrender ourselves to Christ, and allow a spirit of service to flow through us, to our family first, and then to others we meet. 

Like at First Sight: A Love Story

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I was one of those girls who went to college to get a MRS. degree.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was interested in getting an education.  However, I didn’t really date in high school, so I was also looking forward to the prospects of college in that area.

“Like” began in the first semester of my freshman year. There was a cute boy from Georgia (with a definite Southern accent) in two of my classes. I liked him right away, knew that I would say yes if he asked me out, but that was it.  I began dating other boys and eventually found out that he had a girlfriend back home.

We became friends and ended up having several classes together in our second semester.  By the time spring arrived on campus, I hadn’t found anyone that held my interest.  However, I was beginning to think the friendship that had developed between this particular boy and I could turn into something else.  I could only do so much, and tried to be patient….

Finally, he asked me to go to church with him one night, but I already had plans to go with someone else.  Thankfully, he asked me to go with him the coming weekend instead, and I was able to say “yes.”

Would you believe that he was the last guy I ever dated?  Almost two and a half years later, he asked me to marry him, and seven months after that, I married the man whom I not only love, but still like and consider my best friend.

While Valentine’s Day seems to be about chocolate and roses and fancy dinners, love is so much more.  This September will mark twenty-five years since I first met the one who accepts me unconditionally, listens to me patiently, and challenges me to be the best I can be.  He has held my hand through the worst of times and rejoiced with me in the best. I am confident that the years ahead will hold more of both and that the love God has given us for each other will bring us safely through.

How about you?  Did your relationship begin with “like” or “love”?

I Finally Made the Squad

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When I was entering the seventh grade, my best friend and I tried out for the Junior Varsity cheerleading squad.  Neither one of us made it and I never tried out again.

However, now that I am a wife, I am a full-time cheerleader – for my husband.  I believe that one of my responsibilities is to encourage and assist him every day. 

You can join me on the squad!  Here are three ways we can help our husbands be winners in life.

  • Be your husband’s biggest cheerleader.  Don’t leave it to his co-workers to tell him when he’s doing a great job; you be the one to applaud him for his achievements and build him up when he’s facing tough decisions.
  • Support him in whatever he does.  Pray for him.  Learn what you can about his occupation so that you can intelligently converse with him about the work he’s doing.
  • Listen when he wants to talk.  Depending on your husband’s personality, he may or may not want to discuss work-related issues in detail, but if he does, give him your full attention.  Be a sounding board; ask questions if appropriate, share your thoughts if he asks, but otherwise, just listen.

I am seeking to be more diligent about praying for my husband throughout the day.  I am sure he has challenges that I know little of, so I pray for his physical safety, for strength to overcome temptation, and wisdom for each situation he encounters.

Rather than applauding an athletic team, I’m now striving to support the man that God has given me to serve.

Have you found ways to be a cheerleader for your husband?

I’ll Always Be His Little Girl

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I love my dad.

He was my first hero, the first man to ever treat me like a young lady.  He listened when I talked, and, when asked for it, gave wise advice.

On my wedding day, as my dad walked me down the aisle, we stopped near the front of the church and a male soloist sang this song.

She skipped across the room in her pretty new dress
Did a ballerina turn in her patent leather shoes
And to say the very least
I was impressed
She was my little girl

And we played our little game again
I said “Who’s the only man in your heart?”
And she smiled as we held each other’s hands
And she said, “Daddy don’t you know?
Daddy don’t you know?
You’re the only man in my heart”

A few years later in her life
I saw her walking home from school
She had her books in her arms
And a young man at her side
And I felt a jealous pain
And I felt just like a fool
But when the young man told her bye
I said, “Can I walk with you?”

And we played our little game again
I said “Who’s the only man in your heart?”
And she smiled as we held each other’s hands
And she said, “Daddy don’t you know?
Daddy don’t you know?
You’re the only man in my heart”

Now it’s hard to believe this day has come and gone
He put a ring on her hand
That held her Daddy’s heart
And I’ll always remember as they played her wedding song
The words my little girl said to me

“Daddy, can we play a little game?
Who’s the only little girl in your heart?”
And I cried as I softly called her name
And I said, “Honey don’t you know?
Honey don’t you know?
You’re the only little girl in my heart”

“You’ll always be that little girl in my heart”

You’re The Only Little Girl
© 1986 Steve & Annie Chapman / Shepherd’s Fold Music

These days, my dad’s heart holds other “little girls” as well – my younger sister and my two daughters. In my eyes, He is still the hero from my childhood days and I am blessed by how he continues to build precious memories with my girls.

Happy Birthday, Dad!  I love you.

If you’d like to hear Steve Chapman sing this song, check out the video below.  He begins the song about 1:45 into the clip.

A Time to Keep Silence

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When it comes to communicating with my husband, timing is often a key element.  As I find in Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 7b, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;”

My words are most effective when they are spoken with a proper attitude and at the right time.  His participation in the conversation or his response to my request is more likely to be favorable if I talk to him when he’s able to fully listen and comprehend what I’m saying.
I have learned that it’s best not to engage in deep conversation at the following times:  
  • When he walks in the door from work
  • When he is leaving in the morning  
  • When he calls from work during the day
  • When his mind is focused on an activity, be it work or hobby-related
  • While we are in a public setting
As we get to know our husbands better, we will more easily recognize opportune times to capture their attention.  Admittedly, waiting for the right moment to share my news, ask his advice, or voice my complaint is difficult! Yet if I want to be sure that my words are received properly, timing is important.  

It often takes great self-control (and Holy Spirit help!) to purposely delay what I want to say until a later time.  However, one benefit I have found in waiting is that, after further consideration, what I thought was important to say may be better left unsaid.

Waiting until the right time to speak is still a struggle for me.  However, as I pray and ask the Lord to guide and guard my speech, I hope to become a better helpmeet by improving my communication with my husband.

All Over Again

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After twenty years, there’s no hesitation when I say….

I’d do it all over again.

Happy 20th Anniversary, my love!

No Greater Joy

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This is the fifth in a series of open letters to some who have touched my life

Dear Mom,

Sitting here now with two children of my own, I need to ask:  “How did you do it all?” 

You were a pastor’s wife, mom to four children, church pianist and so much more, yet you did – and continue to do – it all with such grace.  I can’t remember a time when you weren’t there for me when I needed you, as a little girl or a college student or as a mom myself.

I never doubted your love or your desire to see all of us living for God.  The way you love our children is amazing; our daughters are blessed with a grandmother who gives of herself in time, in prayer and in thoughtful gifts for them.

You are my friend, one who listens and gives wise advice.  I know your prayers for all of us are constant and heartfelt.  

I have lived my life looking up to a Godly mother.  As you have so effectively taught me, I know there is “no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” (III John 4).

May we continue to bring you joy.

Love,

Your daughter

How to Drive Your Husband Away

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In nearly twenty years of marriage, I hope I’ve developed ways of interacting with my husband that are positive and helpful.  I know I still have much to learn and am thankful that my husband is patient and that the Lord continues to work in our marriage.

However, if you have no interest in developing a loving relationship with your spouse, I have found three effective ways to drive your husband away.

  1. Nag him.  Repeatedly ask him to fix the squeaky door or trim the bushes in the yard, increasing the frustration in your voice with each request.  Don’t ask just once; make sure you mention it every time he sits down to read the newspaper or stretches out on the couch for a nap.
  2. Belittle him.  If he completes a task in a way that doesn’t measure up to your expectations, point it out to your children.  When talking with a group of ladies at church, mention how he never helps around the house.  Let your husband know how well another man meets the needs of his family. 
  3. Betray his confidence.  Tell your mother, your best friend, the next-door neighbor the thoughts and ideas that your husband shared with you privately.  Once he realizes what you have done (and he will), it will be a very long time – if ever – before he opens up to you again.

As Christian wives who long for strong marriages, I hope that we can avoid these traps and build relationships that bring honor to our Lord.

A True Wise Man

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This is the fourth in a series of open letters to some who have touched my life.

Dear Dad,

If ever a little girl was made to feel like a princess, it was I.  No matter my age, you always treated me with love and respect.  Your boundaries were clear, your discipline as promised, but your heart for your children always shone through.

While there had to be seasons when your time and your money were in short supply, it never seemed that way to us.  You sacrificed in whatever ways necessary to make sure we had what we needed.

There’s never been a hint of hypocrisy; you practice what you preach.  Your wisdom continues to guide us all – the wisdom gained only by countless hours spent in the presence of the Heavenly Father. 

Thank you for your prayers, your guidance, the Godly example you live out before us.  I am unceasingly blessed to have you as my father and as the grandfather of our children.

With highest esteem and deepest love,

Your oldest daughter