Girls To Grow

Nurturing moms in their walk with God

A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: I Think One Day You’ll Understand

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Dear Daughter,

The doctors and nurses don’t tell you when you leave the hospital with a tiny newborn baby all that lies ahead of you as a mom. And that’s probably a good thing…

All these years later, we’ve landed in the middle of your teenage years. We’re learning to walk a tight rope between our parental input and your independence.

It’s not easy for any of us. The wisdom that we’ve gained from years of living and your desire to make your own choices clash at times.

And even when you dutifully (and sometimes sweetly) follow our directives, I know you don’t necessarily understand.

You don’t understand…

~ why I remind you to “be careful” nearly every time you get behind the wheel of the car.

~why I want you to text and let me know when you’re leaving the school to drive home after a late night ball game.

~why I said “no” to that sleepover, and the only excuse I had to give you was that it just didn’t feel right.

~why I probably drive you crazy with how often I ask if you’re okay.

~why I want to know where you’re going and who with…all the time.

~why I won’t let you watch that movie or listen to that song.

~why your cellphone has to be in a basket in the kitchen by 10pm.

~why we’ve taught you to budget and work a job instead of just handing you money.

~why I buy you books titled Liked: Whose Approval Are You Living For and send you blog posts about not settling for bad relationships and ask you to read them.

~why I pray for you so often (though I know I should be on my knees even more).

When, if God wills it, you have a newborn of your own, you’ll begin to understand. When that cuddly baby becomes a toddler, then a kindergartener, you’ll get it even more.

And when that 16-year-old, license in hand, heads out the door to drive all by herself for the first time, then, my sweet daughter, you will understand.

As hard as it is to believe today, I see you doing many of the same things that right now you think you’ll never do as a mom.

Because your heart will be like mine…overflowing with love for a nearly grown child whom you want desperately to protect from the hurts of life and the scars of sin. A child for whom you want only the best.

And in the process of learning to let go, you, as I do, will find yourself leaning ever more on the God who ultimately has control and who loves that child more than you ever could.

So thank you, in these days when you don’t understand, for being patient with your dad and I. We’re all together in this new stage of the growing-up journey.

You’ll make mistakes, and so will we. But if we keep our relationships with God and with each other front and center, we’ll make this transition successfully. We’ll see you go on to become the amazing adult we know you can be.

Then one day, my dear, I believe you’ll understand. Because you’ll see for yourself that all we did stemmed from a heart of love for the precious daughter you are.

Love,

Mom

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ Valentine’s Treats and Crafts Plus Basketball Game Videos

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Denise lists 10 Ways to Create a Home of Warmth and Grace.

Chrissy has 5-Minute Easy Valentine’s Day Treats for Kids.

Aisha shares 15 Cute Valentine’s Day Crafts for Kids.

Marquis tells us 12 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage in 2019.

I loved following Christina’s project Old Entertainment Center Turned American Girl Dollhouse.

Last weekend I mentioned that our younger daughter played her last JV Girls basketball game. Here she is scoring; she’s number 10 in the white uniforms.

I also talked about it being Senior night for our older daughter. It was her last regular season home game. Here she is shooting two free throws. Later in the game, she hit a three-pointer (when I wasn’t videoing, of course) and she was so excited!!

Here she is after the game with the other three Seniors on the team. Yes, she’s the shortest one!

Last night we drove to Columbia, SC to watch her last regular season away basketball game. So hard to believe that this part of her life is coming to a close!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

You’ll Never Have One Without the Other

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There’s a constant theme in all of our lives.

We are blessed, we have much to be thankful for…and yet we all have trials or struggles.

I’ve heard it said that we’re all either in a trial, have just come through a trial, or will be facing one very soon

Trials come in different sizes and shapes. I’d think of a smaller trial as something like walking out in the morning and seeing that a car tire is flat. It’s very inconvenient to take the time to go get the tire fixed when you have a full day planned.

A larger trial would be someone losing their job or a sick family member going to the hospital.

Trials might be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. They can be tied to our marriage, children, friendships, work, or finances. Perhaps it’s just an unexpected disappointment.

Regardless, we all think of a trial as something that causes pain or suffering.

This quote from Spurgeon that I read recently was a huge encouragement to me.

“Thou shalt never find a bundle of affliction which has not bound up in the midst of it sufficient grace.”

I like the word picture of “a bundle of affliction” because that’s what a trial often feels like. We’re just surrounded by it. We can’t get away because the difficulty fills our thoughts all the time. We can’t sleep because we’re worrying and fretting about how it’s all going to work out.

Yet in the middle of that distress, there’s sufficient grace.

Praise God for His grace. That freely given, unmerited favor of God.

“But unto every one of us is given grace according to the measure of the gift of Christ.”” ~Ephesians 4:7

And it’s not just a token grace, but a sufficient grace.

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” ~2 Corinthians 12:9

I see a fellow Christian encounter a hard thing, and I wonder, “How can they get through that?” Yet I know from my own experience that they’ll be given the exact grace they need moment by moment.

These trials that we go through are necessary for our spiritual growth. What weak Christians we would be if we were never forced to turn to God, to exercise our faith, to recognize Him as the only one who can work in a certain situation.

“But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” ~Job 23:10

Trials refine us by making us see what’s really important. All the extemporaneous stuff goes out the window and our focus becomes laser sharp.

They build our faith. Every trial we go through gives us the confidence to face the next one.

“Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:” ~1 Peter 1:6,

Today, right in the midst of whatever bundle of affliction you might be unwrapping, may you find for yourself the sufficient grace of God.

My Lord never said that He would give
Another’s grace without another’s thorn.
What matter, since for every day of mine
Sufficient grace comes for me with the morn.

And though the future brings some heavier cross,
I need not crowd the present with my fears:
I know the grace that is enough today
Will be sufficient still through all the years.

~Author Unknown

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ Thankful Kids, Hard Times, and a Favorite New Home Decor Book

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Susan tells us How to Raise Thankful Kids in an Entitled Culture.

Nannette writes about The Dust I Can’t See.

Kaylene shares 4 Ways to Get Through Hard Times.

We don’t like to think about the awful things that could happen to our daughters, but in this day and age, it’s a conversation we need to have. I saved this iMom article 7 Threats to Your Daughter’s Physical Safety to discuss with my girls, especially now that our oldest drives and both of them often go places without me.

If you’re already thinking ahead to Valentine’s Day, you may want to revisit my list of 14 Ways to Celebrate Valentine’s Day with Your Kids.

While I’m in the middle of a couple of books now, not much happened on the reading front in January!

In non-fiction, I actually finished Cozy Minimalist Home by Myquillin Smith right at the end of December. This was such a practical home decor book – and don’t let the word “minimalist” scare you! Myquillin doesn’t say you have to get rid of everything you own. Rather, she emphasizes making your home work for the way your particular family lives, keeping things simple and clean, shopping your house, and learning when you have enough. It’s a simple formula for even this decor-challenged person!

In fiction, I read Death Wears a Mask by Ashley Weaver. It’s the second in the Amory Ames Mystery series. I think I liked the first one better, but this one also kept me guessing “who-done-it” until the end.

This girl played her last regular-season home Varsity Girls basketball game last night.

So I’m writing this post on Friday morning. Tonight our younger daughter, a high school sophomore, will play for the last time on the JV Girls basketball team (she’ll only be eligible for Varsity next year). Then our older daughter, who’s a senior, will play her last regular season home game on the Varsity Girls basketball team. All that to say, lots of feelings and emotions to process for this mom!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

3 Things We Can Learn from Abigail to Help Us Successfully Handle Conflict

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Do you consider yourself a conflict-avoider? Or are you someone who’s ready to address conflict head on?

I am squarely in the “avoid conflict at all cost” camp! However, even I know that sometimes we have to address conflict in our lives. If we have any relationships with other people, there’s going to be a disagreement at some point.

Even for those who don’t mind stepping into conflict, there’s usually a better way to handle it than just blindly going at it full force!

In 1 Samuel 25, we see a woman who wisely handles conflict. Even though her husband is the source of the conflict, she steps in and manages the situation well.

You likely know the story. Abigail’s husband, Nabal, has refused to give any supplies to David and his men despite their good treatment and protection of Nabal’s shepherds while they were in David’s area. David tells his men to arm themselves, and they set off to attack Nabal.

In the meantime, one of Nabal’s men goes to Abigail and tells her what’s going on. She immediately goes into action, gathers a large group of supplies, and sends servants ahead of her with the supplies to meet David. She follows.

Then comes the scene of her meeting face-to-face with David. Here’s where I find these three simple truths that can help us when we are involved in a conflict. (Let me say up front that these apply when dealing with typical conflict in an otherwise healthy relationship. If abuse or other harmful behavior is involved, this wouldn’t be the recommended solution.)

Enter the situation with an attitude of humility.

Verses 23 and 24 say, “And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid.”

Abigail didn’t march up to David and accuse him of being on the warpath to attack her husband. She didn’t begin with a list of David’s faults and vent about how offended she was by him. No, she approached him in a humble manner.

She also didn’t blame anyone else. Certainly this conflict was all of Nabal’s making, but Abigail was willing to take the blame for what had happened.

Since I naturally struggle with pride, I need the reminder of Proverbs 13:10. “Only by pride cometh contention…” It’s going to be very hard to resolve a conflict if neither person is willing to set aside their pride. Let’s be the ones willing to humble ourselves and take the first step toward reconciliation.

Think through the best way to approach the situation before you start.

Abigail speaks to David in verses 30-31.

“And it shall come to pass, when the Lord shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel; That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself: but when the Lord shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid.”

Here Abigail points out to David what this rash act against Nabal could do to his reputation when he becomes king. Rather than allowing herself an emotional outburst, she speaks to him calmly and reasonably. She makes a logical appeal to David.

Sometimes an argument erupts quickly, but often conflict builds up over time. There’s an issue we need to address, but we keep putting it off. When the time is right to bring it up (which we’ll look at next), start by praying about and deciding on the best way to approach it. You likely know the personality and tendencies of the other individual. Use that to your advantage by planning a strategy to help them see ways the conflict could be resolved.

Timing is important.

Abigail went to meet David immediately because he was already on the way to attack Nabal. This was a matter of urgency, so she had to address the conflict right away.

However, when it came to dealing with Nabal, she decided to wait.

“And Abigail came to Nabal; and, behold, he held a feast in his house, like the feast of a king; and Nabal’s heart was merry within him, for he was very drunken: wherefore she told him nothing, less or more, until the morning light.“ (verse 36)

If I need to work through an issue with my husband, the best time is NOT when he first walks in the door after work. I’ll get a much better response if I wait until he’s had a chance to eat supper and wind down a bit from his day. And I think he knows that trying to resolve something with me is not best done at 6:30am when I’m making breakfast and packing lunches!

Here’s where we need the Holy Spirit to help us exercise some self-control. It can be natural to jump into a conversation, thinking that we’ll feel better if we can just get this problem off our chest. But the response will likely be better if we consider the best time to address the issue.

I admire how Abigail handled a conflict that wasn’t even of her own making. I hope that all of us, conflict avoiders or not, can learn from her wisdom!

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ Advice for Tired Moms of Teens and Fun Snow Activities (With or Without the Snow)

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Last Saturday, I mentioned that this was Spirit Week at the girls’ school. Here’s my older daughter (on the left) with her friend dressed as Dora and Diego for “Dynamic Duo” day.

Rachel writes hey, tired mom of teens, this is for you. And from where I sit as a mom of teens, let me just say that six weeks into parenting an 18-year-old, 18 is my favorite year of all the teenage ones so far!!

Mary shares advice for When You Want This to Be Your Best Year Yet.

Ashley lists 5 Tips for Better Marriage Communication.

Shannon has Snow Activities for Families Living in Warm Climates (although I think these sound fun even if you have actual snow outside!)

I loved this list of 24 Unforgettable Birthday Traditions.

And then there’s this t-shirt that might be appropriate for me to wear some days!

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

The Spiritual Truth I Realized While Riding with a New Driver

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Our 16-year-old daughter is learning to drive. She has her beginner’s permit, has taken the classroom part of Driver’s Ed, and will have her first in-car driving lesson with an instructor next month.

In the meantime, she drives me around in our car whenever she has a chance. And let me say up front that she’s going to be a fine driver.

But just like with any new skill, learning to drive takes practice.

One morning last week, she was driving to school. I was in the passenger’s seat, giving occasional instructions. And I will say that I truly make an effort to speak calmly as I offer advice from my side of the car.

We were riding in the right lane, with two lanes of cars to our left. I’d already mentioned to her the possibility that cars in front of us might be turning into a row of businesses we were passing. I wanted her to be ready to brake and slow down. Sure enough, I noticed someone turning several cars ahead of us. The SUV in front of us hit its brakes.

I just didn’t feel like we were slowing down at quite the rate we needed to. In my mind, we were approaching that SUV’s bumper very quickly. I said, “Brake,” but it didn’t seem to have much effect. I repeated “Brake” a little louder, and then said it a third time, even louder.

She did brake at that point, and then calmly assured me she’d had it under control the whole time. (She also asked me why I’d gotten louder each time, and what I expected the increase in volume to accomplish!)

While she’s doing well overall, she’s still learning. And if she wants to avoid an accident, she’ll listen to what I’m saying. (And hopefully I’m saying it in a normal tone!)

As I was thinking about that experience later in the day, I realized that there’s a spiritual application for us.

As we navigate our lives, God wants to teach us and guide us. He wants to help us avoid “accidents,” and learn to stay focused on where we need to go.

Yet we have to be willing to listen. We can try getting by on our own, but there’s a good chance we’ll take a wrong turn or get involved in something we should have avoided.

Things will go much more smoothly for us if we’re listening to that first quiet instruction He gives us. And while we may think we know what’s best, we have to learn to trust that He will lead us in the way He wants us to go.

“I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.” ~Psalm 32:8

If my daughter would have had the radio cranked up, she likely wouldn’t have even heard me tell her what to do. In the same way, we won’t be able to hear God if we’re tuned in to what the world is saying rather than listening for His guidance.

“And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left.” ~Isaiah 30:21

We’re going to hear God speak to us through His Word and His Holy Spirit. We can choose to ignore His instruction, but it might not end well. We can also hurry ahead of Him, but it’s best if we wait on His leading.

“Shew me thy ways, O Lord; teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me: for thou art the God of my salvation; on thee do I wait all the day.” ~Psalm 25:4,5

The more our daughter drives, the more experienced she’ll become, and the better decisions she will make when she gets behind the wheel of the car. In the same way, the more we make choices that are pleasing to God, the more we learn to respond to situations properly and grow in our faith and in trusting God.

My goal with our daughter is to make her a good driver. God wants to make us successful Christ followers. Let’s listen to and follow His instructions in the same way that I want my daughter to do that for me when she’s in the driver’s seat.

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ Family Night Ideas and Weekly Traditions

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Brenda says Ride with Your Hands Up.

Dave writes about The Best Day Evaa.

Jessica tells us How to Help Your Kids Focus on Faith During the School Year.

Raluca lists 40 Family Night Ideas to Try with Your Kids.

I’m such a fan of family traditions, which led me to share Jessica’s post 10 Awesome Weekly Traditions for Your Family.

Taking my younger daughter shopping today, then meeting up with one of her friends so they can prepare for Spirit Week at school next week. From past experience, I know that Spirit Week requires at least one trip to Goodwill for random clothing in weird colors that we wouldn’t normally purchase!

My younger daughter and some of her classmates dressed up as characters from the Wizard of Oz last year. She was Glinda the Good Witch.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!

10 Things God Might Use To Change Us This Year

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We’re just over a week into the new year. How are you doing so far? Working toward some goals or getting on track with your word for the year?

On a very superficial note, I’ll say that we’ve had several days of beautiful weather here (after lots of cloudy, rainy days), so I feel like 2019 is going well!

While I didn’t choose change as my word for the year, I definitely want to experience some change in my life this year, especially spiritually speaking. I don’t want to be the same person on December 31, 2019 as I am today.

For example, one way I need to change is in not being critical in my thoughts and words. We had some of that beautiful weather on Sunday afternoon, and my husband and I were out walking in the neighborhood. I caught myself starting to say something critical about someone, but thankfully I backed off and didn’t take the conversation any further. I’m not always that quick to control my tongue, but I’m thankful that I listened to the prompting of the Holy Spirit that time!

I’m guessing we all want to change in some way. It’s not just change for the sake of change, but rather so that we can become more like Christ. That’s our ultimate goal.

So how might God change us this year? Here are ten things He might use to make us different as we walk with Him in 2019.

1. His Word

As we read and study the Bible, the Holy Spirit uses it to convict us about sin. Or, He may encourage us to step up to the plate and do something for Him that we’re not currently doing.

2. Meditation.

I’m not so good at this one. I’ve done the method of write a verse on a 3×5 card and put it in a prominent place in the kitchen or put a sticky note on the bathroom mirror, but after a couple of days, it’s like I don’t even see it anymore.

But I know meditation will help me – for example, with my critical spirit, like I mentioned above. Something as simple as “Let your speech be always seasoned with grace…” [Colossians 4:6] could go a long way toward helping me fight that spiritual battle.

3. Prayer

We might think more of prayer as a way God might change others, but the act of praying can change us, too. God can increase our faith as we see prayers answered. Including praise and thanksgiving in our prayer time focuses our thoughts on the greatness and goodness of our God.

4. Preaching

Being under the teaching of God’s Word, whether in a church service on Sunday or watching an online Bible study video during the week, can cause us to grow spiritually. The Holy Spirit can use a sound Bible teacher to show us truths and principles from God’s Word.

5. Music

Every time I’ve had a major trial in my life, God has given me a song to encourage my heart and draw me to Him. Sometimes I’ve heard it randomly on the radio or in church. At other times, a family member or friend has shared it with me.

6. Trials

So this one scares me. Yet I know if I’m going to change, I will likely face some hard moments in 2019. How you and I respond to these trials will determine whether or not growth and change happen.

7. Service

God can use our service for others to change us. I would guess we can all relate to a time when we went to be a blessing to someone else, and ended up getting a huge blessing ourselves!

8. People

I feel like this could go one of two ways. We may develop a new friendship with someone who edifies and encourages us in our Christian life. Or, God may place a difficult person in our lives who makes us see how unloving we really are. Learning to deal with him/her could bring about some very positive changes in ourselves, whether it effects that person or not.

9. Circumstances

This wouldn’t necessarily be a trial, but just something that comes along, perhaps that’s unexpected. In God’s providence, He may start us moving in a different direction than we had planned.

10. Books

How important is it to read good books! A couple of books that I think are worth reading every year are Stepping Heavenward by Elizabeth Prentiss and Keep a Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot. I’m currently reading Abide in Christ by Andrew Murray. While it’s written in an Old English style, I’m pulling some great truths from it.

As we continue through January, I hope we’ll keep our hearts open to areas in which God wants to change us. We can trust our loving heavenly Father to do what’s best in each of lives as we go through this year.

Related posts:

Saturday Salutes ~ Happy Kids and Chocolate Banana Bread

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Welcome to the first Saturday Salutes post of the year! We started 2019 with my older daughter getting all four of her wisdom teeth taken out on Wednesday. Very thankful that the procedure went smoothly, and she’s recovering well.

Here are several helpful posts I read this week.

Michelle shares Sacred Stories on Mundane Tables.

Lauren lists 7 Ways to Keep Your Kids Happy and Beat the Winter Blues.

Sarah Joy is one of my favorite Instagrammers to follow, but she also has a blog where she recently shared My Best Farmhouse Style DIY Projects of 2018.

Lara gives us 16 Things Your Teenage Daughter Needs to Hear from You.

I think I need to buy some extra bananas so I can try this Chocolate Banana Bread recipe!

This graphic from Ginger Harrington has tips to help us in the battle against selfishness.

We’re gearing up for our girls to go back to school on Monday. It never feels quite like the new year until we’re back into our regular routine – not that I haven’t enjoyed the break! Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!