Parent Archives - Page 3 of 60

A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: God Made You Special

January 12, 2017 by Tracey 10 Comments

Dear Daughter,

To quote a famous novel, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” (You know I’m a Dickens fan, though I’ve never made it all the way through A Tale of Two Cities. 😉

I think that captures what it’s like to be a teenage girl sometimes.

On a good day, life is, like, ultimately good, like, happiness unbounded, like, dancing around the house and hugging your sister. Yes, that marks the best of times indeed.

Then there are the worst of times. The tears for no reason…though those are better than the tears flowing because of a friend’s betrayal, or a classroom humiliation, or rejection from some group to which you so desperately wanted to belong. The worst of times brings self doubt, and a critical eye turned inward, and sometimes, a broken spirit.

On those days in particular, I want you to remember that God made you special.

I know you think I’m just saying that because I’m your mom…and I am. But I’m also saying it because it’s true.

In these teen years, while you’re growing and changing and learning who you really are, it’s easy to want to be someone else. You see what makes a certain girl popular, why that girl has so many friends, how she seems to know just what to say or do to attract boys. Perhaps it’s that other girl’s confidence when she gets up in speech class or another friend’s ability to excel in every sport that you want for yourself. And maybe you feel less than, inadequate, because you don’t have those same skills.

It’s so easy to say “be comfortable in your own skin.” Yet sometimes you can feel like your skin doesn’t fit, that it doesn’t look right to other people, that it’s not who you want to be.

But who you are is special. God created you. He tells us in Psalm 139 that we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Yes, you know that phrase, “fearfully and wonderfully made.” But that’s certainly not always the first thought you have about yourself. Let’s dig into it for a minute and see what it means.

In the original Hebrew text of the Bible, the word fearfully means with great reverence, heart-felt interest, and with respect. The word wonderfully means unique, set apart, marvelous [Darling Magazine, May 2012]

You were created with great reverence and heart-felt interest, The very God of the universe is interested in you and in how your life plays out every day. You are unique and marvelous, a one-of-a-kind creation. Every personality trait, every quirk, the activities you enjoy, the pursuits you’re really good at ~ they’re all gifts from a Creator who makes no mistakes.

Introverted or extroverted, musical or artistic, a watcher or a doer, detail-oriented or a free spirit, you are the way you are for a reason. God has a plan for your life, a purpose for you to fulfill, a life to live that no one else can live in the same way. You’re not exactly like anyone else, and that’s just how it should be.

Remember these three important things.

You are made in the image of God. Cultivate that part of you that longs for a relationship with Him. Let His love, peace, and grace seep into your soul.

Be authentic. Like what you like, be who you are, don’t conform to fit someone else’s standard for you. Be gracious, kind, and thoughtful, but be you.

Give grace to all those girls around you. In spite of what it may look like from your vantage point, they have doubts and insecurities just like you do. You might never know how an encouraging word helps them through their own difficult day.

So, on those worst of days, my dearest daughter, take heart. God has a plan for you, a plan to bring you a future full of hope and promise. (Jeremiah 29:11) He will never leave you or fail you. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

And your dad and I? We’re your biggest fans, your loudest cheerleaders, your prayer warriors.

We love you, just the way you are.

Love,

Mom

10 Gifts from Jesus to Unwrap This Christmas: An Object Lesson for Our Children

December 15, 2016 by Tracey 3 Comments

Let’s face it – gifts are usually the reason our children get so excited about Christmas. How much fun is it to unwrap a package or pull the tissue paper out of a gift bag? There’s anticipation, suspense, and excitement, especially if the present is something they’ve been waiting to receive!

Today I’m sharing a fun way to channel some of that gift-opening enthusiasm into illustrating the true meaning of Christmas. It originated with my aunt; she discussed it with my mom, who shared the thought with me. I did a brief post on this a few years ago, but wanted to flesh out the concept a little more. It’s a perfect teaching opportunity for your own family during this season, or it could even be used as a Sunday School or children’s church lesson.

Most of our kids are familiar with John 3:16. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” God sending Jesus, His Son, at Christmas time, was the greatest gift that’s ever been given. It was the earthly beginning to the fulfillment of God’s plan for our salvation.

That Bible verse is a great starting point for this lesson. A simple explanation of the plan of salvation can be followed by a discussion of the blessings we receive when we accept Jesus as our Savior.

To bring this thought to life, take a box and fill it with some of the items listed below – physical things that represent those blessings. Then wrap the box and put it under the Christmas tree. Or, you could wrap each item individually, and have different children open each one. You can use all ten, or just pick and choose the ones you want, based on the ages of the children.

If you’re doing this at home, set aside a time on Christmas Eve or Christmas day to open these presents with your family. Discuss how each item depicts a gift we receive at salvation.

1. Eraser (our sins taken away). “I, even I, am He that blotteth out thy transgressions for mine own sake, and will not remember thy sins.” ~Isaiah 43:25 All of our sins are forgiven when we ask Jesus to be our Savior.

2. Picture of a Mansion (a home in heaven). “In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.” ~John 14:2 Jesus is preparing a place for us to live with Him in heaven! You could also read Revelation 21:10-27, which describes the new Jerusalem and all the beautiful things that will be there.

3. Life Insurance Papers (eternal life). “These things have I written unto you that believe on the name of the Son of God; that ye may know that ye have eternal life...” ~I John 5:13 We will get to live with God forever!

4. Pen and Notebook (our name written in the book of life). “…rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.” ~Luke 10:20 “And there shall in no wise enter into it [the new Jerusalem] any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination…but they which are written in the Lamb’s book of life.” ~Revelation 21:27 When we know Christ as Savior, our names are in the book of life.

5. Adoption Certificate (adopted into God’s family). “According as He hath chosen us in Him before the foundation of the world…Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will.” ~Ephesians 1:4-5 What a gift to be adopted into the family of God, joint heirs with Christ!

6. Receipt, stamped or written on “Paid in Full” (our sin debt paid). “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” ~Romans 6:23 Because of our sin, we deserved death, to be separated from God forever. But Jesus paid that debt when He died on the cross. He took all of our sins on Himself so that we wouldn’t have to suffer the punishment we earned.

7. White Paper Heart (a new heart for God). “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” ~Psalm 51:10 We have a clean heart because our sins are forgiven. God also makes us new creatures at salvation, with a heart that desires a relationship with Him.

8. Picture of a family (brothers and sisters in Christ). “Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God.” ~Ephesians 2:19 It truly is a blessing to have a church family and other fellow believers to encourage us in our walk with Christ.

9. White piece of cloth (a robe of righteousness). “And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints.” ~Revelation 19:8 We will one day stand before Christ “clean and white,” not because of our good works, but because Jesus shed His blood to cover our sins.

10. A Monogrammed Item (sealed by the Holy Spirit). “…in whom also, after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of His glory.” ~Ephesians 1:13-14 Once we are saved, we are sealed, or marked, as Christ’s forever. You could go another direction with this verse by using a box of money or a check and explaining that the Holy Spirit is a down payment or deposit (“earnest”) towards our inheritance in Christ, which we will receive in full when we get to Heaven.

I hope that this demonstration will remind all of us of the amazing gift we’ve been given in the person of Jesus, who came to earth to die for us, to rise from the grave, and to bring us into fellowship with God when we accept Him as our Savior.

Can you think of any other gifts we could add to the list?

Related posts:
5 Christmas Bible Verses to Teach Your Kids
Do We See Jesus?
3 Gifts I Want My Children to Receive This Christmas

5 Christmas Bible Verses to Teach Your Kids

December 1, 2016 by Tracey 3 Comments

I don’t remember why I memorized Luke 2:1-20 as a child. It may have been for a church Christmas play or a school program, but I committed that passage to memory many years ago. I can still recall most of it today – if you’re not grading me on it! 🙂 It’s also the Scripture we read together as a family each Christmas Eve before our kids go to bed.

If your children are very young, however, that’s a lot of verses to learn! I pulled together a list of five short verses that you can use to introduce them to the whole Christmas story.

1. “Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.” ~Isaiah 7:14b Talk to your children about God’s promise way back in the Old Testament that He would send His Son to save us from our sins.

2. “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us…” ~John 1:14a I like to use this verse to teach that Jesus was God, made in the likeness of man, who left Heaven’s glories to come down and live with the people that He had created.

3. “And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name Jesus: for he shall save his people from their sins.” ~Matthew 1:21 Introduce the characters in the Christmas story. God chose Mary to be the mother of the Messiah, and Joseph to be His earthly father. I marvel at the faith these two had!

4. “For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.” ~Luke 2:11 The heart of the Christmas story is here as angels announce to shepherds on a hillside that the Savior has been born. That good news has been shared countless times in the thousands of years since then!

5. “And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him…” ~Matthew 2:11a Here we have the addition of the wise men to the Christmas story. These men traveled a long distance just to worship the one whose star they had seen back in their homeland.

Have you ever memorized part of the Christmas story from Luke 2? As a mom, I especially love verse 19, which tells us that Mary pondered in her heart all that had happened around the birth of Jesus. I think it will be neat to hear her relate the story when we get to heaven!

How to Teach Our Kids to Be Content

November 17, 2016 by Tracey 4 Comments

This is the season of birthdays in my extended family. As I mentioned in my newsletter earlier this month, both of my daughters, my mom, my sister, a sister-in-law, two nephews, and one niece all celebrate birthdays in the span of about six weeks.

As I was texting one of my sister-in-laws earlier this week about buying gifts for our children, she said about one of her boys, “He is content with what he has, and doesn’t even know of anything for which to ask!”

Few qualities in life rival a spirit of contentment when it comes to determining personal happiness. Being satisfied with what you have and not constantly looking for “the next best thing” is a trait I want my own children to embrace.

Below I’ve listed seven ideas we can use with our children as we seek to teach them contentment. (I have to admit that I haven’t mastered this for myself, so this is definitely a goal we can work towards together.)

1. Emphasize gratefulness. When our girls were younger, it felt like I was constantly reminding them to say “thank you” at the appropriate times. (And just to encourage moms of littles, all that reinforcement does pay off, as our children now do it voluntarily.) Verbal thanks and written thanks – in the form of thank-you notes – help us remember to be grateful. Yet those outward expressions stem from a grateful heart, which is what we need to carefully cultivate.

2. Eliminate comparison. This is such struggle sometimes, even for me. I don’t know if we can entirely eliminate comparison, but I think we can learn tactics to keep it under control. I’ve written before about my struggles with comparison in Releasing Yourself from the Comparison Trap and in a review of one of my all-time favorite books I’m Happy for You (Sort Of…Not Really). Media in general – and especially social media – leads us quickly down the road of comparison, so I’m trying to train myself to truly be happy for what I see others enjoying without feeling a sense of lack if I don’t have those same things or experiences.

3. Appreciate what you already have. Point out, “Isn’t it nice that you’re able to have a warm coat to wear on this freezing cold day?” We’ve also tried to teach our children to take care of their possessions by putting things back where they belong when they’re finished using them, cleaning something when it gets dirty, etc.

4. Value relationships over possessions. Our relationship with God should be our first priority, followed by relationships with others. We can talk with our children about how we spend our time. Are we building friendships and encouraging people or is our focus on getting more for ourselves? My children need to see me living this out in front of them.

5. Show them how to be givers. We can teach our children to be generous not only with their money, but also by sharing their things with others and by giving of their time. Again, I need to be setting the example here.

6. Teach them that happiness doesn’t come from owning lots of stuff. While buying that new shirt and wearing it for the first time will bring temporary pleasure, it’s only a matter of time before it ends up on the closet floor or in a box headed off to Goodwill. It’s okay to own nice things, and God does give us all things to enjoy, but we won’t get lasting happiness from any possession.

7. Remind them that God provides all that we need. Everything we have comes from God, and is what He has designated for us in His perfect will. He gives us what we need when we need it. There are countless blessings all around us that we can thank Him for on a daily basis.

May we as parents grow in this area of contentment as we seek to instill its value in our children!

What Can You Celebrate in This Season of Parenting?

November 10, 2016 by Tracey 5 Comments

This week there have been scenes that made my heart melt, that trickled my emotions right down my cheek.

Standing in church on Sunday night, singing a hymn, glimpsing a dad bending over his young son, pointing out each word on the page of the hymn book as we sang.

The dentist telling me my “baby” (at 13) has no more baby teeth….realizing my tooth fairy days are officially over.

My brother texting a picture of his 5-year-old son in a quiet moment, when you wonder what he’s thinking and what wonderful plans God has for his future.

Seeing my 15-year-old, confidently dealing with the nurse and the doctor at her sports physical, realizing how quickly I’m working myself out of a job.

Sitting in the school parking lot, seeing a sweet 7th grade girl head to her dad for a hug when he arrives to pick her up.

Hopes and heartaches shared with mom friends as we sit at soccer games and basketball practices, wanting all that is best for our children, and knowing there’s so much of it they’ll have to figure out on their own.

Parenting moments shift from highs to lows almost as quickly as a teenage girl’s mood swings. Sometimes celebrating the little things is a big deal. So I challenge all of us to find something to celebrate today about the season we’re in. Here are ten ideas that come to mind.

Let’s celebrate…

1. A hug before school
2. Singing along to a song together in the car
3. A chore done side by side – setting the table, cleaning out the dishwasher, cooking supper
4. Reading a book aloud, snuggled together on the couch
5. Saying “I’m proud of you for….”
6. A joke – or anything funny – you can laugh about together
7. Praying together, before a meal, about a struggle, at bedtime
8. A meal shared as a family, in spite of spilled drinks and bad table manners
9. The sound of our child’s voice saying “Mom” or “Dad”
10. A child’s peaceful breathing as she sleeps in her bed after a long, hard day

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” ~Ecclesiastes 3:1

What can you celebrate about your season today?

Holiday Gift Guide for Teenage Girls

October 27, 2016 by Tracey 5 Comments

Buying gifts for teen girls can be difficult. I speak from experience here.

With two teenage daughters of my own, shopping is a whole new frontier. It’s rare that I buy them any clothes or shoes unless they’re with me and have tried them on. Each of our girls has their own style and are pretty confident in what they like and what they don’t.

Whether it’s birthday or Christmas gifts, few of them are a surprise any more. It’s most likely something they’ve picked out ahead of time that I’ve gone back and bought and wrapped. Yes, even though they might know what they’re getting, I still like for them to have presents to unwrap!

However, I’ve been keeping my eyes out for a few things I can purchase that might be a bit of a surprise. Both daughters have December birthdays and, with Christmas coming up soon, I should be able to take advantage of several of these ideas. Hope you’ll find a gift or two that you can use for a teen girl in your life.

(This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links and make a purchase, I’ll receive a small percentage from any sales. This does not affect your price in any way.)

1. Simply Southern Tees.

I cannot tell you how many of these t-shirts we have in our house! Both of my girls have short-sleeved and long-sleeved versions, and wear them often. They hold up well and run fairly true-to-size. (I like these home t-shirts, too!)

2. Curling Iron and Wand Set

Don’t tell my 15-year-old, but she may be unwrapping this for her birthday. She recently bought a curling wand, but I think she’d like the variety a set like this would give her when she styles her hair.

3. Colorful Cross Body Bag

This is actually on my 13-year-old’s Christmas list. It comes in several colors and looks like a great size to carry to ball games, youth group outings, and on shopping trips.

4. Clinique Skin Care Gift Set

If a teen girl you know is into skin care and/or makeup, this set would be a great way to introduce her to some quality products.

5. Cool pens

Most of these would disappear out of the door to our house and off to school! My girls take lots of notes, so this would be fun to use there, as well as to write in their journals at home.

6. Monogram Jewelry

Personalized gifts are always nice. Monogrammed totes or cosmetic bags are pretty but practical gifts as well.

7. Contigo AutoSpout Reusable Water Bottle

My older daughter takes this water bottle to school with her every day, and I think it’s helping her drink more water. It’s also available in multiple colors. I wouldn’t mind having one myself!

8. Infinity Scarf

My girls often wear scarfs to school, and I like that these particular ones come in cute patterns and are lightweight.

8. Bath and Body Works products.

We’ve been on the Bath and Body Works bandwagon for a long time now! Our girls go through some of these items fairly quickly, so it’s always good to restock their supply.

9. Inspirational books.

I’ve had my girls read several of Elizabeth George’s books for girls and young women. After my older daughter turns 16 in December, I’ll introduce her to some of Karen Kingsbury’s books (especially the Baxter family!) A good teen devotional is another great gift.

10. Nail polish sets.

We have enough nail polish in the girls’ hall closet to open a salon, but it seems there are always new colors to be had.

11. Patterned duffel bag.

Whether it’s for a sleepover or an away ballgame or to grandmama’s house, my girls are always needing a bag to cart all their stuff in This one comes in different patterns and looks like a good size. (I think I want one of these, too!)

12. Comfy patterned pajama pants.

These flannel pajama pants come in a variety of patterns and look really cozy!

I hope this gives you some ideas for what to buy for the teenage girl in your life!

Parenting My Child’s Heart

October 20, 2016 by Tracey 3 Comments

“We often aim our disciplinary efforts at the wrong target. We set our sights on stopping and changing a child’s wrong behavior, and we miss the real target of shaping and influencing their heart, which is the source of the wrong behavior.” ~Clay Clarkson in Heartfelt Discipline

Guilty as charged! I know there’ve been times I’ve disciplined my children for behavior that I felt made me look bad as a parent or for behavior that made me angry because I had to stop whatever I was doing and deal with them. My goal was not to reach their heart, but to stop the wrong behavior as quickly as possible.

So I wondered, how can I know if I’m parenting my child’s heart? I think if I ask myself the following questions, I might be able to tell.

Am I doing what is best for my child in the long run? I don’t want to just solve a misbehavior for the moment, but rather focus on the issue that will matter when she’s an adult. I want to be building her character, not just modifying her behavior so that she will look good on the outside and impress other people.

Am I taking the time needed to communicate the lesson that needs to be learned? This one is hard. Sometimes we have to correct on the fly, but if the child is old enough to remember the correction a few hours later, we can go back and talk through the situation. Discuss what happened and how it could be handled better in the future. TIME – that’s what we usually have to be willing to give to reach our child’s heart.

Am I showing her how the Bible addresses her behavior? The Bible is the basis for how we live as Christians. Can I take her to God’s Word and show her what’s wrong with what she did or said? This isn’t something you’ll necessarily do every time you correct your child, but I do think it’s often a good place to start. Whether it’s being mean to a sibling or disobeying a teacher, basing our response to the negative behavior on the Bible gives us a firm foundation. (This is definitely an area in which I could improve! Now that my girls are teenagers, I should find myself asking them, “What does the Bible say about what you did/said?”)

Am I willing to deal with my own sin? It’s difficult to correct my child’s behavior when I know I’m in sin myself. Now don’t wait to be perfect before you parent your child! But if it’s obvious that I’ve just dealt with my child in anger, I need to ask forgiveness for my own sin – and ask for her forgiveness – before I attempt to deal with her. Especially as they get older, our children will appreciate our humility and will be more likely to respond to us when they know we still struggle ourselves.

Am I building a relationship with my child outside of correcting her behavior? If all I ever do is discipline and punish, my child isn’t going to be interested in listening to me. Spending time with her doing activities she enjoys, talking to her about her day, and just generally showing her that I enjoy being with her will connect us at a deeper level. I want to build a close relationship during the good times so that she will be more inclined to hear my correction when an issue arises.

Just writing this post has convicted me about how much I still tend to focus solely on changing outward behavior, even with my teenagers! As we do life with our children today, let’s set our sights on shaping and influencing their heart as we seek to help them live for Christ.

How to Make the Most of the Morning Drive to School

October 13, 2016 by Tracey 4 Comments

Getting everyone out of the house on time each day can be a tricky proposition. Once we’re in the car, though, I have a captive audience and want to make the most of our time together.

I don’t drive my daughters to school every morning. My husband often has that duty, since their school is basically on his way to work. However, I have my share of days to drive, like when he’s out of town or has early morning appointments.

Everyone’s commute time to school is different. Depending on traffic, ours ranges from 25 minutes (fairly rare) to almost an hour, with the average being about 35 minutes.

At ages 15 and 13, my girls don’t do much talking on the way to school. Studying happens occasionally, but they tend to be pretty quiet in the car. And honestly, I’m not much of a talker at that time of day either.

However, with younger kids, those minutes in the car can be a great time to connect. I’ve listed a few ideas below that might be helpful in making good use of this time.

Listen to uplifting media. We currently have a monthly subscription to the Odyssey Adventure Club, so we download episodes to my phone to listen to in the car. Even though these may be geared to younger kids, we all enjoy listening to the stories from time to time. We occasionally listen to a podcast, and I also have a playlist of gospel music on my phone. (I remember my dad driving us to school while we listened to cassette tapes by motivational speaker Zig Ziglar!) When you have as much time in the car as we do, audio books are another good option. A couple of our local Christian radio stations have a Bible quiz each morning, and I know my husband and our girls often listen to that and try to answer those questions.

Sing along with some good music. This wouldn’t work well with my teenagers 🙂 but younger kids may enjoy starting their day by singing along to some Cedarmont Kids, Patch the Pirate, or other Christian music.

Talk about the day ahead. If your kids are wide awake and talkative, ask them questions about what may come up during the day. Chat about quizzes and tests, music lessons, sports practices, or what they’re looking forward to doing at recess or with their friends.

Finish breakfast. Just being real here- we’re not beyond eating apple slices, dry cereal, or a toaster pastry on the way to school

Read a verse for the day. Write out a Scripture verse on a card, either from your morning devotions or one you’ve chosen the night before. Even if your kids aren’t up for a discussion, just read it aloud – or have a child read it – and encourage them to think about it during the day. You could even use that same verse to jumpstart a family discussion at supper that night.

Pray for your kids and their school day. If you want to do this out loud, you can certainly do it with your eyes open while you’re driving! Otherwise, you can just pray silently, asking for God’s protection over your children and His guidance in their lives in the hours ahead.

I only have a few years left to make these morning drives to school. Except for the traffic 🙂 I’m sure I’ll miss this time to connect with my daughters as they start their day.

How else do you spend your morning time in the car with your kids?

7 Ways to Show Love to Your Teenage Daughter

October 3, 2016 by Tracey 6 Comments

When you first cuddle your newborn baby, you know the powerful feeling of a parent’s love. That curious toddler who climbs into your lap for a story and spontaneously hugs your neck so tightly or a school-aged child who sits close to you in church and still wants to hold your hand walking through the store make it easy to continue showing love through your words and actions.

But it sometimes takes a little more effort to show love to that child who’s now as tall as you are, who acts so independent, and stays up later at night than you do!

Yet through these teen years, I think our kids desperately need to know that our love is still there. When so much about themselves and their world is changing, mom’s and dad’s love can be a constant, positive force in their lives.

Since I have girls, it was easy for me to come up with this list of ways I try to show love to my teen daughters. I’m thinking that with slight variations, these would work for boys, too!

1. Listen to her. As in really listen. Make eye contact. Ask follow-up questions that are thoughtful, but not probing. Unless she asks for a solution to a problem, just empathize with her view of the situation and allow her to pour out her feelings.

2. Pray aloud for her. My dad still does this for me sometimes, just when we’re on the phone together. There is something powerful about hearing your name brought to God in prayer. I used to make our bedtime prayer ritual about general topics – health of family and friends, safety and blessing for our missionaries, etc. – but lately I’ve purposely made that prayer time about my daughters and what each of them are facing in the next several days.

3. Communicate her way. How does she like to communicate? Does she like to sit and talk over coffee drinks or does texting back and forth work for her? Maybe she really appreciates you writing her notes or trading a journal back and forth. I actually try to do some of each of these with my girls, but I would say one speaks a texting love language and the other one appreciates handwritten notes.

4. Celebrate her. Yes, this includes her accomplishments in school, sports, fine arts, or other activities. But sometimes just find a silly holiday so you have an excuse to celebrate! For example, Friday, October 7 is Frappe Day; Tuesday, October 18th is Chocolate Cupcake Day; and Friday, October 28th is Plush Animal Lover’s Day. There really is a day for everything!

5. Do something to make her life easier. Do a chore for your daughter. Make her bed, pack her lunch, clean up her room while she’s out of the house, or pick up a book or movie at the library for her to enjoy over the weekend. Think of what she would be relieved to have taken off her plate and do that for her.

6. Give her space. This one is hard for me. I want to charge in and know all about everything that’s going on in her life. Yet I’ve come to understand that sometimes she needs time to digest things herself before she talks about them. There are certainly times a parent needs to step in, but, if possible, allow her some time to process her own thoughts before you initiate the conversation.

7. Extend grace. Some days I just need to sit back and remember what it was like to be a teenager myself. Would I want to go back there? No thank you. Emotions are going to run high, disappointments are going to sting a bit more, self confidence is going to ebb and flow. And while there are some lines you don’t cross in our home (defiance, disrespect, etc.), there are still ample opportunities for me to give grace in some of the little things. My daughters are a work in progress, just like their parents.

Last year, I participated in the Write 31 Days challenge and posted 31 Days of Loving Our Daughters. You may find some of those ideas to be helpful as well.

In what other ways do you show love to your teenager?

How To Assign Your Children Chores

September 29, 2016 by Tracey 4 Comments

As much as your children may not want you to read this post, helping them learn to take responsibility for helping around the house is good for them and for you!

We started our children on chores when they were very young. Picking up their toys after they finished playing with them was their first task. As you would expect, we did most of the work while they tossed in a couple of toys and got all the praise. 🙂

I believe we started our girls with “paying” chores around age 4 or 5. We wanted them to learn early that work equals money. We also wanted opportunities to explain the money principles of giving, saving, and spending with money they had “earned” themselves.

Whether you’re just beginning this process or are thinking about changing things up around your home, here are some questions to guide us through assigning chores to our kids.

1. What chores are age appropriate? Safety first 🙂 so think of chores that a four-year-old (or whatever age your child is) can accomplish easily. Simple tasks like emptying small trash cans or sorting dirty clothes by color/type or putting plates and forks on the table before a meal work well for beginners. There’s a great list of Age-Appropriate Chores at Focus on the Family. Crystal Paine also has a free printable list of Age-Appropriate Chores for Children. Obviously the number of chores will be small while they’re young, and increase as they get older.

2. What do I want to accomplish by assigning chores to my children? In other words, what are your goals in this area? We chose to have our children do certain chores just because they’re part of our family and need to help out. These are typically daily tasks like making their bed, setting the table, and cleaning out the dishwasher. We chose to pay them for responsibilities that tend to be weekly and take a bit more time, like vacuuming their bedroom and cleaning their bathroom. Our goal, then, was two-fold. We want them to realize that it takes all of us working together to keep the house running smoothly. We also wanted them to see the value in working to earn money, which created teachable moments as they learned to handle that money.

As with most things, I love Dave Ramsey’s perspective on this subject!

3. Am I setting my child up for success with their chores? Explain what the chore is, then demonstrate it, then let them do it themselves. I did this with our children for the first several weeks of a new job. It took more of my time at that point, but the payoff is worth it! Think about how long you want their chores to take. Are you assigning them two chores that should take them ten minutes to accomplish? Is that something they can easily handle at their age level or could they take on more jobs? Then remember there are also times for grace – maybe they’re having a hard time one week, so pitch into help them finish, and still pay them. Also consider whether or not you want to change up the chores occasionally. Maybe one task can be passed down to a younger brother or sister after a period of time, or you can change every one’s chores around every few months.

4. How will I track his/her completion of their chores? Some people really like chore charts. I do like the idea of using these with young children when you can post pictures of the few chores they have and they can refer to that to stay on task. (Ruth has links to cute free printable chore charts.) We personally haven’t done that on a regular basis. When they were younger, our girls would just let me know when they were finished, and I’d do a quick perusal to make sure that everything passed inspection. You also should decide what is an acceptable level of “completion” and when a chore needs to be re-done. They probably won’t be excited about having to do a task over, but it’s part of the learning process. Yes, we’re building character, too, and teaching them to be proud of a job well done.

5. What are the rewards and/or consequences of my child doing/not doing their chores? We simply used monetary rewards for chores. For the most part, doing chores has not been an option. What we have done at times – especially with a child who tends to procrastinate – is to give her a deadline for having those chores done. For example, Saturday is our “chore day.” When our girls were younger, they had a deadline (maybe noon) for getting their chores done if they were going to get paid for them. If they weren’t finished by the deadline, they still had to do the chores, but they didn’t get paid for them. (Sometimes the money wasn’t enough motivation to get them to put down the book they were reading and get busy – but I still needed the bathroom cleaned or their bedroom vacuumed.) They’ve rarely been given the opportunity to just not do their chores and not get paid. I’ve heard of other parents who have the kids pay them if their chores aren’t done in a timely manner.

Many lessons can be taught through chores. Responsibility, diligence, stewardship, and orderliness are all life skills that their college roommate – and future spouse – will be grateful that they developed!

Let me know if you have other tips and tricks related to your children and getting chores done!