Parent Archives - Page 3 of 60

Holiday Gift Guide for Teenage Girls

October 27, 2016 by Tracey 5 Comments

Buying gifts for teen girls can be difficult. I speak from experience here.

With two teenage daughters of my own, shopping is a whole new frontier. It’s rare that I buy them any clothes or shoes unless they’re with me and have tried them on. Each of our girls has their own style and are pretty confident in what they like and what they don’t.

Whether it’s birthday or Christmas gifts, few of them are a surprise any more. It’s most likely something they’ve picked out ahead of time that I’ve gone back and bought and wrapped. Yes, even though they might know what they’re getting, I still like for them to have presents to unwrap!

However, I’ve been keeping my eyes out for a few things I can purchase that might be a bit of a surprise. Both daughters have December birthdays and, with Christmas coming up soon, I should be able to take advantage of several of these ideas. Hope you’ll find a gift or two that you can use for a teen girl in your life.

(This post contains affiliate links, which means that if you click on one of the product links and make a purchase, I’ll receive a small percentage from any sales. This does not affect your price in any way.)

1. Simply Southern Tees.

I cannot tell you how many of these t-shirts we have in our house! Both of my girls have short-sleeved and long-sleeved versions, and wear them often. They hold up well and run fairly true-to-size. (I like these home t-shirts, too!)

2. Curling Iron and Wand Set

Don’t tell my 15-year-old, but she may be unwrapping this for her birthday. She recently bought a curling wand, but I think she’d like the variety a set like this would give her when she styles her hair.

3. Colorful Cross Body Bag

This is actually on my 13-year-old’s Christmas list. It comes in several colors and looks like a great size to carry to ball games, youth group outings, and on shopping trips.

4. Clinique Skin Care Gift Set

If a teen girl you know is into skin care and/or makeup, this set would be a great way to introduce her to some quality products.

5. Cool pens

Most of these would disappear out of the door to our house and off to school! My girls take lots of notes, so this would be fun to use there, as well as to write in their journals at home.

6. Monogram Jewelry

Personalized gifts are always nice. Monogrammed totes or cosmetic bags are pretty but practical gifts as well.

7. Contigo AutoSpout Reusable Water Bottle

My older daughter takes this water bottle to school with her every day, and I think it’s helping her drink more water. It’s also available in multiple colors. I wouldn’t mind having one myself!

8. Infinity Scarf

My girls often wear scarfs to school, and I like that these particular ones come in cute patterns and are lightweight.

8. Bath and Body Works products.

We’ve been on the Bath and Body Works bandwagon for a long time now! Our girls go through some of these items fairly quickly, so it’s always good to restock their supply.

9. Inspirational books.

I’ve had my girls read several of Elizabeth George’s books for girls and young women. After my older daughter turns 16 in December, I’ll introduce her to some of Karen Kingsbury’s books (especially the Baxter family!) A good teen devotional is another great gift.

10. Nail polish sets.

We have enough nail polish in the girls’ hall closet to open a salon, but it seems there are always new colors to be had.

11. Patterned duffel bag.

Whether it’s for a sleepover or an away ballgame or to grandmama’s house, my girls are always needing a bag to cart all their stuff in This one comes in different patterns and looks like a good size. (I think I want one of these, too!)

12. Comfy patterned pajama pants.

These flannel pajama pants come in a variety of patterns and look really cozy!

I hope this gives you some ideas for what to buy for the teenage girl in your life!

Parenting My Child’s Heart

October 20, 2016 by Tracey 3 Comments

“We often aim our disciplinary efforts at the wrong target. We set our sights on stopping and changing a child’s wrong behavior, and we miss the real target of shaping and influencing their heart, which is the source of the wrong behavior.” ~Clay Clarkson in Heartfelt Discipline

Guilty as charged! I know there’ve been times I’ve disciplined my children for behavior that I felt made me look bad as a parent or for behavior that made me angry because I had to stop whatever I was doing and deal with them. My goal was not to reach their heart, but to stop the wrong behavior as quickly as possible.

So I wondered, how can I know if I’m parenting my child’s heart? I think if I ask myself the following questions, I might be able to tell.

Am I doing what is best for my child in the long run? I don’t want to just solve a misbehavior for the moment, but rather focus on the issue that will matter when she’s an adult. I want to be building her character, not just modifying her behavior so that she will look good on the outside and impress other people.

Am I taking the time needed to communicate the lesson that needs to be learned? This one is hard. Sometimes we have to correct on the fly, but if the child is old enough to remember the correction a few hours later, we can go back and talk through the situation. Discuss what happened and how it could be handled better in the future. TIME – that’s what we usually have to be willing to give to reach our child’s heart.

Am I showing her how the Bible addresses her behavior? The Bible is the basis for how we live as Christians. Can I take her to God’s Word and show her what’s wrong with what she did or said? This isn’t something you’ll necessarily do every time you correct your child, but I do think it’s often a good place to start. Whether it’s being mean to a sibling or disobeying a teacher, basing our response to the negative behavior on the Bible gives us a firm foundation. (This is definitely an area in which I could improve! Now that my girls are teenagers, I should find myself asking them, “What does the Bible say about what you did/said?”)

Am I willing to deal with my own sin? It’s difficult to correct my child’s behavior when I know I’m in sin myself. Now don’t wait to be perfect before you parent your child! But if it’s obvious that I’ve just dealt with my child in anger, I need to ask forgiveness for my own sin – and ask for her forgiveness – before I attempt to deal with her. Especially as they get older, our children will appreciate our humility and will be more likely to respond to us when they know we still struggle ourselves.

Am I building a relationship with my child outside of correcting her behavior? If all I ever do is discipline and punish, my child isn’t going to be interested in listening to me. Spending time with her doing activities she enjoys, talking to her about her day, and just generally showing her that I enjoy being with her will connect us at a deeper level. I want to build a close relationship during the good times so that she will be more inclined to hear my correction when an issue arises.

Just writing this post has convicted me about how much I still tend to focus solely on changing outward behavior, even with my teenagers! As we do life with our children today, let’s set our sights on shaping and influencing their heart as we seek to help them live for Christ.

How to Make the Most of the Morning Drive to School

October 13, 2016 by Tracey 4 Comments

Getting everyone out of the house on time each day can be a tricky proposition. Once we’re in the car, though, I have a captive audience and want to make the most of our time together.

I don’t drive my daughters to school every morning. My husband often has that duty, since their school is basically on his way to work. However, I have my share of days to drive, like when he’s out of town or has early morning appointments.

Everyone’s commute time to school is different. Depending on traffic, ours ranges from 25 minutes (fairly rare) to almost an hour, with the average being about 35 minutes.

At ages 15 and 13, my girls don’t do much talking on the way to school. Studying happens occasionally, but they tend to be pretty quiet in the car. And honestly, I’m not much of a talker at that time of day either.

However, with younger kids, those minutes in the car can be a great time to connect. I’ve listed a few ideas below that might be helpful in making good use of this time.

Listen to uplifting media. We currently have a monthly subscription to the Odyssey Adventure Club, so we download episodes to my phone to listen to in the car. Even though these may be geared to younger kids, we all enjoy listening to the stories from time to time. We occasionally listen to a podcast, and I also have a playlist of gospel music on my phone. (I remember my dad driving us to school while we listened to cassette tapes by motivational speaker Zig Ziglar!) When you have as much time in the car as we do, audio books are another good option. A couple of our local Christian radio stations have a Bible quiz each morning, and I know my husband and our girls often listen to that and try to answer those questions.

Sing along with some good music. This wouldn’t work well with my teenagers 🙂 but younger kids may enjoy starting their day by singing along to some Cedarmont Kids, Patch the Pirate, or other Christian music.

Talk about the day ahead. If your kids are wide awake and talkative, ask them questions about what may come up during the day. Chat about quizzes and tests, music lessons, sports practices, or what they’re looking forward to doing at recess or with their friends.

Finish breakfast. Just being real here- we’re not beyond eating apple slices, dry cereal, or a toaster pastry on the way to school

Read a verse for the day. Write out a Scripture verse on a card, either from your morning devotions or one you’ve chosen the night before. Even if your kids aren’t up for a discussion, just read it aloud – or have a child read it – and encourage them to think about it during the day. You could even use that same verse to jumpstart a family discussion at supper that night.

Pray for your kids and their school day. If you want to do this out loud, you can certainly do it with your eyes open while you’re driving! Otherwise, you can just pray silently, asking for God’s protection over your children and His guidance in their lives in the hours ahead.

I only have a few years left to make these morning drives to school. Except for the traffic 🙂 I’m sure I’ll miss this time to connect with my daughters as they start their day.

How else do you spend your morning time in the car with your kids?

7 Ways to Show Love to Your Teenage Daughter

October 3, 2016 by Tracey 6 Comments

When you first cuddle your newborn baby, you know the powerful feeling of a parent’s love. That curious toddler who climbs into your lap for a story and spontaneously hugs your neck so tightly or a school-aged child who sits close to you in church and still wants to hold your hand walking through the store make it easy to continue showing love through your words and actions.

But it sometimes takes a little more effort to show love to that child who’s now as tall as you are, who acts so independent, and stays up later at night than you do!

Yet through these teen years, I think our kids desperately need to know that our love is still there. When so much about themselves and their world is changing, mom’s and dad’s love can be a constant, positive force in their lives.

Since I have girls, it was easy for me to come up with this list of ways I try to show love to my teen daughters. I’m thinking that with slight variations, these would work for boys, too!

1. Listen to her. As in really listen. Make eye contact. Ask follow-up questions that are thoughtful, but not probing. Unless she asks for a solution to a problem, just empathize with her view of the situation and allow her to pour out her feelings.

2. Pray aloud for her. My dad still does this for me sometimes, just when we’re on the phone together. There is something powerful about hearing your name brought to God in prayer. I used to make our bedtime prayer ritual about general topics – health of family and friends, safety and blessing for our missionaries, etc. – but lately I’ve purposely made that prayer time about my daughters and what each of them are facing in the next several days.

3. Communicate her way. How does she like to communicate? Does she like to sit and talk over coffee drinks or does texting back and forth work for her? Maybe she really appreciates you writing her notes or trading a journal back and forth. I actually try to do some of each of these with my girls, but I would say one speaks a texting love language and the other one appreciates handwritten notes.

4. Celebrate her. Yes, this includes her accomplishments in school, sports, fine arts, or other activities. But sometimes just find a silly holiday so you have an excuse to celebrate! For example, Friday, October 7 is Frappe Day; Tuesday, October 18th is Chocolate Cupcake Day; and Friday, October 28th is Plush Animal Lover’s Day. There really is a day for everything!

5. Do something to make her life easier. Do a chore for your daughter. Make her bed, pack her lunch, clean up her room while she’s out of the house, or pick up a book or movie at the library for her to enjoy over the weekend. Think of what she would be relieved to have taken off her plate and do that for her.

6. Give her space. This one is hard for me. I want to charge in and know all about everything that’s going on in her life. Yet I’ve come to understand that sometimes she needs time to digest things herself before she talks about them. There are certainly times a parent needs to step in, but, if possible, allow her some time to process her own thoughts before you initiate the conversation.

7. Extend grace. Some days I just need to sit back and remember what it was like to be a teenager myself. Would I want to go back there? No thank you. Emotions are going to run high, disappointments are going to sting a bit more, self confidence is going to ebb and flow. And while there are some lines you don’t cross in our home (defiance, disrespect, etc.), there are still ample opportunities for me to give grace in some of the little things. My daughters are a work in progress, just like their parents.

Last year, I participated in the Write 31 Days challenge and posted 31 Days of Loving Our Daughters. You may find some of those ideas to be helpful as well.

In what other ways do you show love to your teenager?

How To Assign Your Children Chores

September 29, 2016 by Tracey 4 Comments

As much as your children may not want you to read this post, helping them learn to take responsibility for helping around the house is good for them and for you!

We started our children on chores when they were very young. Picking up their toys after they finished playing with them was their first task. As you would expect, we did most of the work while they tossed in a couple of toys and got all the praise. 🙂

I believe we started our girls with “paying” chores around age 4 or 5. We wanted them to learn early that work equals money. We also wanted opportunities to explain the money principles of giving, saving, and spending with money they had “earned” themselves.

Whether you’re just beginning this process or are thinking about changing things up around your home, here are some questions to guide us through assigning chores to our kids.

1. What chores are age appropriate? Safety first 🙂 so think of chores that a four-year-old (or whatever age your child is) can accomplish easily. Simple tasks like emptying small trash cans or sorting dirty clothes by color/type or putting plates and forks on the table before a meal work well for beginners. There’s a great list of Age-Appropriate Chores at Focus on the Family. Crystal Paine also has a free printable list of Age-Appropriate Chores for Children. Obviously the number of chores will be small while they’re young, and increase as they get older.

2. What do I want to accomplish by assigning chores to my children? In other words, what are your goals in this area? We chose to have our children do certain chores just because they’re part of our family and need to help out. These are typically daily tasks like making their bed, setting the table, and cleaning out the dishwasher. We chose to pay them for responsibilities that tend to be weekly and take a bit more time, like vacuuming their bedroom and cleaning their bathroom. Our goal, then, was two-fold. We want them to realize that it takes all of us working together to keep the house running smoothly. We also wanted them to see the value in working to earn money, which created teachable moments as they learned to handle that money.

As with most things, I love Dave Ramsey’s perspective on this subject!

3. Am I setting my child up for success with their chores? Explain what the chore is, then demonstrate it, then let them do it themselves. I did this with our children for the first several weeks of a new job. It took more of my time at that point, but the payoff is worth it! Think about how long you want their chores to take. Are you assigning them two chores that should take them ten minutes to accomplish? Is that something they can easily handle at their age level or could they take on more jobs? Then remember there are also times for grace – maybe they’re having a hard time one week, so pitch into help them finish, and still pay them. Also consider whether or not you want to change up the chores occasionally. Maybe one task can be passed down to a younger brother or sister after a period of time, or you can change every one’s chores around every few months.

4. How will I track his/her completion of their chores? Some people really like chore charts. I do like the idea of using these with young children when you can post pictures of the few chores they have and they can refer to that to stay on task. (Ruth has links to cute free printable chore charts.) We personally haven’t done that on a regular basis. When they were younger, our girls would just let me know when they were finished, and I’d do a quick perusal to make sure that everything passed inspection. You also should decide what is an acceptable level of “completion” and when a chore needs to be re-done. They probably won’t be excited about having to do a task over, but it’s part of the learning process. Yes, we’re building character, too, and teaching them to be proud of a job well done.

5. What are the rewards and/or consequences of my child doing/not doing their chores? We simply used monetary rewards for chores. For the most part, doing chores has not been an option. What we have done at times – especially with a child who tends to procrastinate – is to give her a deadline for having those chores done. For example, Saturday is our “chore day.” When our girls were younger, they had a deadline (maybe noon) for getting their chores done if they were going to get paid for them. If they weren’t finished by the deadline, they still had to do the chores, but they didn’t get paid for them. (Sometimes the money wasn’t enough motivation to get them to put down the book they were reading and get busy – but I still needed the bathroom cleaned or their bedroom vacuumed.) They’ve rarely been given the opportunity to just not do their chores and not get paid. I’ve heard of other parents who have the kids pay them if their chores aren’t done in a timely manner.

Many lessons can be taught through chores. Responsibility, diligence, stewardship, and orderliness are all life skills that their college roommate – and future spouse – will be grateful that they developed!

Let me know if you have other tips and tricks related to your children and getting chores done!

10 Bible Verses for Teens to Memorize

September 19, 2016 by Tracey 4 Comments

Teenagers.

I have two of them. I’ve found that they’re everything I’d expected, yet more and less at the same time. We’re all learning and growing together these days. I’ve recognized that they’re wanna-be adults with enough kid in them to still need plenty of attention, heaps of patience, and lots of love.

My teenagers are growing up in a time so far removed from my teenage years. Computers, cell phones, social media, the world wide web – yes, I know I’m old and sound like it! – but none of that was around in our home when I was growing up.

The challenges our young people face are real, yet God’s Word is timeless in how it applies to their lives – as much as it did when I graced the ’80’s with my Farrah Fawcett hair and jelly shoes and leg warmers (just hopefully not all on the same day! 🙂

As I thought about issues that I know my girls are dealing with on a regular basis, I came up with this list of Scripture verses that can encourage and challenge them. Hope you’ll find the list helpful, too!

Source

1. “I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.” ~Psalm 101:3 Surely the teen years hold countless opportunities for our children to be tempted to view things that are wicked. Sometimes it’s just natural curiosity that leads them down a wrong path, so we need to be wise in training our children about situations to avoid. We want them to learn to hate that which taints their mind with images that can never be totally erased.

2. “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.” ~Proverbs 16:32 Let’s agree that the teen years are full of all kinds of emotions! Learning to control those emotions is a big part of their maturing process. This verse encourages them to be slow to get angry and to value self control.

3. “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” ~Proverbs 18:24 Girls (who grow up to be women who may still struggle in this area) often have friend issues at some point during their teen years. I encourage my daughters to look for someone who is lonely that they can befriend. Getting their focus off of themselves and reaching out to others is vital. If they can first see themselves as loved and valued by God and understand that He is able to meet all their needs, they’ll more easily navigate this particular struggle.

4. “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” ~Joshua 1:9 Our children are going to need courage in these days – to say yes to right and no to wrong. Feelings of fear and even dismay can tempt them to be discouraged, but God has promised to be with them through every trial.

5. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” ~Philippians 4:8 This is a longer verse to memorize, but if our children can let these truths guide their thinking, they’ll be set up for success now and in the future.

6. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” ~Proverbs 3:5, 6 The older our teens get, the more life-impacting their decisions become. Whether it’s for guidance in class choices, extracurricular activities, what college to attend, or what major they’ll pursue, trusting God and acknowledging Him along the way will lead to His direction in these decisions.

7. “The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe.” ~Proverbs 29:25 It’s natural to focus on what other people think (no matter what our age and stage of life), but this verse warns our teen as well as us that worrying about what other people think of us can trap us into going against what we know is right.

8. “While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.” ~2 Corinthians 4:18 Young people often feel invincible, like nothing bad could ever happen to them. This verse reminds us all that living for eternity and valuing things that will last forever keeps us on the right track.

9. “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;” ~Colossians 3:23 In other words, work hard! Do your best. Even when studying is hard and sports practice requires a lot of effort, don’t slack off. Use the challenge as a way to honor the Lord.

10. “Casting all your care upon Him; for He careth for you.” ~I Peter 5:7 God loves and cares about you. Sometimes our teens can feel lost, overlooked, unimportant, or just plain overwhelmed with all that life is throwing at them. God cares and He will carry those burdens for them.

What other verses might be helpful for teens to memorize? Have any of these verses helped you through a hard time or transition?

Am I a “Good-Enough” Mom?

September 15, 2016 by Tracey 3 Comments

Remember my recent post on the lack of perfect parents? We all recognize, no matter how much we want to do everything right, that we make mistakes.

Yet none of us get up in the morning hoping we can add to the list of mistakes we’ve already made! We still strive to be the best mom we can be.

And if nothing else, we at least want to be “good enough.”

What exactly does “good enough” mean? As good a parent as your mom was? As good as the mom whose children arrive early at the church nursery, clean and neatly dressed, while you straggle in at the last minute with things falling out of the diaper bag and your kid wearing a wrinkled shirt?

Or does good enough mean that you hosted the most awesome birthday party ever or took the coolest vacation or have kids who always win an award for memorizing the most Bible verses?

God has given you the job of mothering your kids. He has entrusted to you those precious souls – whether they are aged 3 or 13 (and whether you have 3 or 13 of them!) – that He wants you to guide into loving Him.

As a mom, I have come to realize that I am never enough. Not good enough or consistent enough or wise enough or loving enough. But God, He is enough.

When I parent in His power and strength, I can be just what He wants me to be as a mom.

Since I have children, I can know that I’m called to be a mom! Therefore, I can claim I Thessalonians 5:24, “Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.” He has called me; HE will do it. Through me, as I yield to Him, He will fulfill my calling to love and train these children.

And He’s faithful to do it. Not like me – sometimes faithful to parent well, sometimes not. He is faithful, He’s called me, He will do it.

So when the struggle is real and you don’t know how to handle it and you just want five minutes of peace in the house…remember that God is faithful, and He can equip you to be more than a “good-enough” mom to those kids.

A Letter to My Teenage Daughter: Hold Onto Your Heart

September 12, 2016 by Tracey 6 Comments

Source

Dear Daughter,

You have been given a very precious gift.

In the beginning, it belonged exclusively to your dad and I. Your world was totally intertwined with ours; you needed nearly nothing we couldn’t provide. Your heart rested safely in our hands.

As the years passed, your world expanded. You now have sweet relationships with peers and other adults, people who have earned your friendship and your trust.

Yet your heart and the special love inside it – that love for another that will bring you one day, if it’s God’s will, to a marriage altar – remains your own.

This love we talk of, this forever love, is a unique treasure. Don’t give it away lightly.

It’s tempting to want to loan your heart out on a regular basis. It’s often the way of the teenage culture – a relationship with this one and then that one, a few dates followed by a cheap “I love you.”

And while I know it’s not easy to see other friends pairing up and coupling off, remember to take a long-term view, recognize what a gift it will be to save your whole heart for the one God has for you forever.

I know you’ll notice guys…actually, I’m sure you already do. By all means, be friends with them. Get to know them in group settings. Figure out what’s important to you in a future husband.

You’ll want to know more about those who cross your path who are kind and good and trustworthy. Study a young man’s character rather than just listen to his words.

And just like teenage girls, teenage boys still have a lot of growing up to do. So don’t look for perfection, but for a heart that sincerely seeks to do right. And while you’re looking, remember to be developing into that Godly young woman that a worthy man would desire.

In the midst of all this growing and changing, hold onto your heart. I don’t want you to look back one day and remember all those guys in whom you invested time and emotional energy, only to yield hurt feelings and lost friendships.

Keep your heart whole for him, the one who will be your life partner. Let it not be divided or left behind you in little pieces along the way. Save him all your love for a lifetime and, when the time comes, give it all wholeheartedly

But for now, keep it close. Learn what marks true love. Observe those older couples who still hold hands, still sit close in church, and find out what they know. Understand that love is not about you, it’s about unselfishly loving another person.

One day, in God’s will and in His time, that young man will come along who will see the treasure that you are and you’ll want to have a whole heart to give him, one that can love him fully and fiercely. So until that day, when love comes for a lifetime, hold onto your heart.

Love,

Mom

5 Common Mistakes Parents Make

September 5, 2016 by Tracey 4 Comments

No parent is perfect.

When we first cradle that newborn in our arms, we have high hopes and great expectations. We want to do everything just right, from swaddling to feeding, bonding to sleeping

Yet it’s not long until we make our first mistake. What we wanted to do so perfectly doesn’t quite work out as we had imagined it would.

How do I know this? Because that was – and is – me.

When it comes to the five mistakes listed below, I’ve made very single one of them. I’m judging no one here – perhaps you’ve only committed one on the list!

But this post isn’t about making us feel badly about ourselves. Rather, when we recognize that we’ve made a mistake, we can correct it. And the best news about making mistakes is that God’s grace is sufficient. Whether it’s for us and our guilt over the mistakes we’ve made, or for our children and how they can turn out so well in spite of us, God’s grace is key to this parenting journey.

So let’s take a minute to see what we might have done – or still be doing – wrong.

1. Taking the short-term view instead of the long-term view. This most often happens to me when I react (or overreact) out of embarrassment. I correct my child because I’m afraid of what other people are thinking. I’m not necessarily even correcting for my child’s benefit, but because I think that’s what’s expected from the other parents or people around me. I’ve fallen into this trap many times and can even see how it could happen in parenting my teenagers. When all I’m thinking about is getting myself and my child out of the current situation, I’m not disciplining them out of love nor am I concerned about reaching their heart and changing their behavior for the future. I’ve heard it said that our goal shouldn’t be to raise a great child, but rather to raise a great adult. I have to make sure I’m not valuing outward performance over building character.

2. Protecting our children from the consequences of their actions. None of us want our children to have to suffer at any level, but sometimes living with the consequences of their actions is the best way for them to learn a lesson. Do I really need to drive all the way back to school to pick up that book so that my child can finish her homework and not get a bad grade? There may be times when extenuating circumstances dictate that, but there are also times when facing a teacher with work undone may be just what she needs to help her remember that book – and other important things – in the future.

3. Not asking for their forgiveness when we’ve sinned against our children. When our girls were small, I sadly remember several times when I lost my temper and was angry with them – sometimes just for childish behavior. I wish I could say it never happens anymore, but sadly it still does. Just as we sin against our spouse and friends by doing and/or saying things we shouldn’t, the same thing will happen with our children. What a great way to show them how relationships should work when we go to them and apologize. If we want them to know how to ask for and how to grant forgiveness, we should model it for them.

4. Doing too much for our children. Our children need to know how to take care of themselves. I know my tendency as a mom is to do too much for my girls. Especially when they’re little, it’s SO much easier to do it yourself – and so much less messy! Even now that mine are older, I still find myself taking care of tasks that they are capable of doing. Yet the more we teach them to do, the more their self-confidence grows. Having them work to earn money for things they want rather than just handing it to them is another valuable life principle, as is owning their own mistakes and handling how those mistakes are resolved. All of this is part of the growing-up process and will help them mature into capable adults.

5. Selfishness. When I don’t step up to the parenting plate and let disobedience pass by because I’m too tired to deal with it, I’m putting myself ahead of what’s in the best interest of my child. I sense my daughter needs to talk, but I’d rather get my dishes washed, so I don’t engage her. Selfishness can even reveal itself if I try to live the life I wanted through my child, pushing her to do things I wish I could have done when it’s really not something she’s interested in. Often we’re willing to make many “big” sacrifices for our children, but I find that I have to be careful in living unselfishly in the day-to-day situations.

I wish I’d only made five mistakes as a mom, but I’m afraid that’s not the case! How thankful I am for the grace of God, the forgiveness we can receive from our children, and the love that makes us want to keep on doing our best as parents, even when it’s hard.

So let’s make it your turn. Is there another parenting mistake that you think is pretty common?

When the House Is Quiet

August 29, 2016 by Tracey 3 Comments

This past weekend, our older daughter was away at a volleyball tournament. (She doesn’t play, but is the manager for the JV and Varsity girls’ teams.) Things are a lot different around the house when one of the girls isn’t at home…

When the house is quiet, I can actually hear myself think and can write a complete sentence…but instead of working on a blog post, I sit and wonder what you’re doing.

When the house is quiet, I can straighten up your room and it stays that way all day…but then it looks way too neat and un-lived-in and I don’t know that I like it that way.

When the house is quiet, I can listen to whatever podcast or music I want to without earbuds…but I don’t get to hear you playing away on the piano.

When the house is quiet, I can sit down and eat my lunch in peace…but I can’t laugh with you over a story from your school day.

When the house is quiet, I can bake cookies and eat them warm out of the oven…but then I end up eating too many because you’re not here to share them with me.

When the house is quiet, I can take time to exercise…but I can’t get an unexpected hug from you when you pass through the kitchen.

When the house is quiet, I can actually lay down and take an afternoon nap…but I don’t rest for long, because I need to make sure I haven’t missed your text or call.

When the house is quiet, I can choose what to watch on television…but I can’t hear you laughing along with me at Barney Fife’s antics.

When the house is quiet, I can go to bed on time…but I can’t turn my phone off in case you need me in the middle of the night.

When the house is quiet, I have lots of time to think about how happy I’ll be to have you home again.

So mamas of littles, those brief moments of peace you have from time to time – savor them! Embrace them because they rest your soul for when all the noise and chaos descend on the house again.

But remember that those moments of peace get more and more frequent the older your kids get. And while both a noisy house and a quiet one are good and right in their season, I think it’s the noisy moments we’ll remember most.