Judging by the title of this post, you could be led to believe that it’s not always easy to communicate with our teenagers. If it were, we wouldn’t need tips on how to do it!

I’m not an expert in this area. I’m definitely still learning what works and what doesn’t, partly because every teenager’s personality and communication style are a little different. Some teens are much more likely to share their thoughts and feelings, while it takes real strategizing to get another one to open up.

After parenting two teen daughters for quite a while now, I’ve found a few things that could be helpful. Choose a few to try the next time there’s a breakdown in communication!

1. Be available.

The other morning, our 19-year-old toasted a bagel for her breakfast and sat down in our kitchen to eat. Even though I’d already cleaned up the kitchen from my breakfast, I found something else to do in there so I’d be close by in case she wanted to talk.

We obviously don’t put our lives on hold waiting for our teen to speak to us, but conversations won’t happen if we’re not around. If we’re available when they get home from school or their job or when we know they’ll be hanging out near the fridge looking for something to eat, they might just want to talk to us.

(Where I totally fail is in the late-night talks. I’ve heard that many teens open up at the very end of their day, but I just don’t have the stamina to make it much past 10pm!)

2. Don’t ask a lot of questions.

This is somewhat dependent on a child’s personality. We have one daughter who doesn’t seem quite as annoyed by our questions as the other one does.

But we don’t want to come across as an interrogator. That’s been me when they come home from an event. “Who was there?” “What did you eat?” “What else did you do?” I’ve found that if I wait until later, much of that information will actually flow out in normal conversation.

3. Don’t jump to conclusions.

This goes a little bit against number two above, because in certain situations you do need to ask questions to get to the bottom of something. But be careful to hear your teen out. Be direct if you want to know what’s going on, rather than dancing around the subject. I’ve been guilty of this twice recently. You’d think I’d know better by now!

4. Give them a heads up if you’re going to have a difficult conversation.

Both of our daughters seem to appreciate it if I start an awkward or confrontational conversation by letting them know, in a calm voice, that there’s an issue we need to address.

I also try to use the sandwich principle – start and end with something positive. “Thank you for cleaning up after breakfast this morning” or “I appreciate how you’re getting your homework done on time” before launching into the discussion.

5. Don’t raise your voice.

I realize this is naturally easier for some people than others. We’ve never been a family who yells, so I’m not tempted to do this very often. As a teacher, I learned that if I made my voice quieter, usually the students did the same.

Stay calm even if your teen raises her voice. Increasing the volume doesn’t increase the chance of a positive outcome.

6. It’s okay to tell your teen how what she said made you feel.

If your teen says something hurtful, let her know about it…when things have calmed down. Usually, when she’s not caught up in the moment, she’ll realize she was out of line. And of course, apologize if you’ve said something unkind.

7. Figure out what their interests are, and learn enough to talk about them.

Our college daughter developed some new interests during her first year of college – like broom hockey. Maybe your teen has a favorite book series, sports team, or is developing a new hobby. Study up on the subject enough that you can carry on an intelligent conversation with them.

8. Actually listen to what they’re saying so that you can keep the conversation going.

Teens can get frustrated when you ask follow up questions that they’ve already covered in the initial conversation. It shows that you weren’t really listening to what they were saying.

9. Allow them to process their thoughts out loud.

We’ve had some interesting conversations around our supper table over the years. Sometimes teens will come out with crazy thoughts or random ideas. As adults, we can tend to shoot them down because we know it won’t work. But let them talk it out before trying to guide them to a reasonable conclusion.

10. Don’t use trite phrases to make them feel better.

Show empathy. Sometimes the best thing is to just sit with them in their pain. Whatever they’re going through may not get better, at least not for a while.

When our daughter found out last month that she was coming home from college for the rest of the semester, I needed to remember this. I needed to say things like, “I know this is hard. It’s not what you wanted.” At least at first, she needed to feel understood, not rushed to feel that everything was okay.

While I didn’t give this tip a number, it’s the most important one of all! Ask God for wisdom to help you know how best to communicate with your teen. The passcode on my phone continues to be a reference to James 1:5, to remind me that His wisdom is available for the asking.

Related posts:

• 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13
• 10 Bible Verses to Pray When Your Teenager Needs Direction
• 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers

I get it. As the mom of two teenagers, I know that most teens aren’t sitting around waiting for their mom or dad to drop nuggets of wisdom on them. If yours are, more power to you! But that wouldn’t describe mine.

However, life gives us many opportunities to dole out little bits of advice to our kids. It could be when a teachable situation presents itself in their own life or when they talk to you about choices a friend is making.

For optimum benefit, I wouldn’t suggest sitting down and working through this list all at once! But maybe take one or two of these truths and gently work them into your conversation over time – in the car, over pizza, or during a late-night talking session.

1. Be teachable.

“A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.” ~Verse 1

In a healthy relationship, parents really do want the best for their children. Often their instruction and correction come from a place of wanting their teen to avoid some of the mistakes they made. Teenagers can tend to think they know it all, but hopefully, we can help them see the value in listening to our guidance.

I thank God for other caring adults, like teachers, coaches, and youth leaders, that He’s placed in our daughters’ lives. Our teens can thrive when they’re willing to accept insights from others. If they fail to listen to people who love them, they could have a rough road ahead.

2. Think before you speak.

“He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.” ~Verse 3

This is old but valuable advice. Wouldn’t we all be better off if we followed it? How many problems could we avoid if we’d either think before we speak or just keep quiet? The answer for me is a whole bunch!

Don’t say everything that pops into your mind. Controlling your tongue will keep you out of many difficult situations as you progress in life.

3. Work hard at whatever you do.

“The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.” ~Verse 4

Whether it’s in the classroom, on the field, or in the band room, do your best and commit to the process. Habitual laziness will get you nothing and nowhere in life.

4. A little humility on your part will resolve almost any conflict.

“Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well-advised is wisdom.” ~Verse 10

You don’t have to win every argument or prove your point all the time. Be willing to humble yourself and work with others to find solutions to problems.

5. Avoid all get-rich-quick schemes.

“Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labor shall increase.” ~Verse 11

You know how the saying goes…If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Earn money the old fashioned way – with hard work – and you’re a lot more likely to hang on to it.

6. Don’t let disappointments defeat you.

“Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” ~Verse 12

Disappointments are a part of life. We all face them, and future success is built on how we deal with them. Hopefully, we as parents have helped our children learn how to handle their disappointments. There’s nothing wrong with mourning a loss, but don’t stay there for too long. Pick yourself up and move on.

Robert Kiyosaki says, “The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.“

7. Live your life according to the principles in God’s Word.

“Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.” ~Verse 13

How wonderful it would be if you developed the spiritual disciplines of Bible reading and prayer as a teenager. God blesses us when we know and obey what His Word tells us to do.

Disregarding God’s commands will only bring harm to our teenagers, whether immediately in or in their future. May we as parents set a good example for them by recognizing its authority in our own lives.

8. In every stage of life, find good friends.

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” ~Verse 20

We can all be easily influenced by our friends. One of my prayers for our girls is that they would have discernment in their relationships, whether it be with other girls or with guys. Our teenagers don’t have the life experience they might need to see through to a person’s character.

Yet good friends can be such a gift! We can encourage each other when we’re down, celebrate each other’s successes, and just make the journey through life so much more fulfilling.

As with most things I write about helping teenagers, I find that all of these are areas I can improve in as an “older” adult as well!

Related posts:

• 6 Quotes About Friends for Our Teenagers
• 10 Bible Verses for Teens to Memorize
• 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers

Parenting is a marvelous thing. In the normal process of life, we start with a newborn baby who is totally dependent on us and end with a real, human adult who is fully capable of making decisions and providing for him/herself.

And by “marvelous,” I do mean wonderful and extraordinary, but I sure don’t mean easy. Full of joy, yes, but also pain. It’s a journey that drains us dry…with its happy and sad tears, abundant need for patience and wisdom, and lack of sleep (from babies to teens!)

I read this quote quite awhile ago, but I’ve been thinking about it more recently perhaps because our daughters are now on the precipice of living out their own hopes and dreams.

“Women who earnestly desire to be good mothers need to….commit everything to Him [God] first and foremost, including their hopes, dreams, and expectations, not only for themselves but also for their children.” ~From the book Mothering Heights by Keitha Smith and Susan Brereton

Well, that part right there about “commit everything to God” could be the beginning of my life struggles! It comes back to one of the overarching themes here on the blog, which is trusting God.

As new parents, we all want what we believe is best for our children. Yet life has a way of derailing or changing those plans. Maybe some of them are met and exceeded, while others fall by the wayside. Whatever season of parenting you’re in, here are ten ways we can deal with all those hopes and dreams we hold close to our hearts.

1. Trust God with your children’s future.

I love the following verse!

“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” ~Isaiah 40:11

What can give me more peace than thinking about God gathering our young ones in His arms and carrying them close to His heart?!!

We know all these truths in our heads, but we must believe them in our hearts. God loves our children more than we do. He knows better than we do what is good and best for them.

2. Pray for your children to be sensitive to God’s leading for their lives.

This is a prayer I’ve been praying for one of our daughters this month. You see, I don’t have the power to convict anyone of sin or to grow them in their spiritual walk or to show them the best plan for their life.

However, the Holy Spirit does. But if she’s not in tune with Him, she’s not likely to hear and obey.

3. Ask God to give you wisdom if/when they come to you for advice.

We need wisdom so we don’t push our own agenda on our children, but truly help them see how God might be leading and working in their lives. Pointing them to the truths of God’s Word can help them discern the best decision to make.

4. Let them live their own dreams, not yours.

We probably all know parents who are living their lives through their children.  All that they wanted to do or be, they pin on their children. Let’s allow our children to have and follow their own dreams.

5. Age-appropriately, allow them to decide what activities and passions they will pursue.

We do have to keep a balance if we have a child who wants to do all the things! But if they express an interest in a particular subject or activity, try to find a way to accommodate them. That could be anything from getting them books or watching a video about the subject to kicking a soccer ball with them in the backyard. One of my dad’s special gifts was showing an interest in anything one of his children was interested in.

6. Keep an eternal perspective.

More important than any sports accomplishment or music award or academic recognition is that our children learn to walk with God. I know that it’s not always easy when our schedules are busy, but making spiritual things a priority is vital.

7. Encourage them when things aren’t going the way they had planned.

Whether at 7 or 17 or 27, our children will experience unfulfilled hopes or expectations. Disappointments are a part of life, and we can be a huge help as our children learn to handle them. We can come alongside with empathy, and then encourage them in their next step.

8. Allow them to suffer consequences for poor decisions.

There are times we may need to step in and help…but not always. Sometimes great lessons are learned by natural consequences. They may have to re-do the homework or be late to practice or pay for the repairs, but those consequences can develop maturity.

9. Ask God to give you peace.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” ~Isaiah 26:3

We can’t focus on what we can do to solve a situation. Rather, we have to rest in who God is and what He can do with our children. It’s a constant battle of taking the worry and control back on our selves, then turning it back over to Him with every new situation and life change.

10. If (more likely when) your child disappoints you, take it to God and continue to show love to your child.

I think at some point we’ll likely all disagree with a choice that our child makes. It may be something big or something small, but I doubt that every expectation we had when we started this parenting gig will be fulfilled.

But what I’m learning is that God uses the parenting process to refine me as much as He does my children. And their failures can draw me to God in prayer for them as I continue to show His love to them.

The older our daughters get the more opportunities there are for God to lead them in a certain direction. My part, first and foremost, is to pray for them. Then, as I’m able, I can share any wisdom I may have gained, being careful to allow God to work in their hearts and not imposing my desires upon them. God has a wonderful plan for their lives, and it’s exciting to think about how He might use them for His glory!

Related posts:

• 10 Bible Verses to Pray When Your Teenager Needs Direction
• 7 Lessons Parenting Teaches Us About Ourselves
• 10 Simple But Powerful Pieces of Life Advice for Teenagers

With our daughters now 19 and 17, I’m nearing the end of my active parenting years. While I’ll always be a mom to our girls, very soon I won’t be speaking directly into their lives on a daily basis. (With our 19-year-old at college out-of-state, our younger daughter gets all the benefit of my attention now, for which I’m sure she’s grateful…ha ha!)

As I look back over the past years, I see some areas where I think I’ve done okay. I’ve done none of it perfectly for sure. Yet I’m pleased that I passed along a love of reading books. Both girls make their beds most mornings. They can drive a car and balance a checkbook and clean a bathroom.

But what about the more important things? Have I challenged them enough to develop their character? Have I emphasized spiritual values and modeled disciplines that will affect their success in the future? I’m sure those things haven’t always gotten the time and attention that they deserved.

I’ve missed some opportunities. Teachable moments have drifted away without me claiming them. I was too busy doing the daily stuff of life – or just caught up in my own world – to focus on them.

So when I sit and worry about how I’ve messed up as a mom and feel badly about all the parenting opportunities I missed, I cling to this truth.

God’s grace will fill in the gaps.

I’ve made mistakes and failed as a mom many times over. But, to the best of our knowledge, both of our daughters have accepted Jesus as their Savior. Therefore, the same Holy Spirit that lives in and works on me does the same for them. They have God’s Word to lead and guide them well beyond anything I’ve tried to teach them.

And this verse gives me a lot of comfort.

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” ~Philippians 1:6

You see, these children aren’t mine anyway. God simply gave them to my husband and me to steward for Him. Certainly, I’m accountable to do my best with that responsibility. But our children are a work in progress. And they are God’s work.

While He has graciously allowed me to parent them, ultimately He is in control of accomplishing His purpose in their lives. Whatever lessons we failed to teach or principles we didn’t fully convey, God will continue to work in their lives. My prayer for my girls’ future can be that God will fulfill His Word and perform His work in and through them.

On the flip side, if I’m tempted to take credit when I see our daughters make a right choice, I must stop and remind myself that the successes, too, are only possible because of God’s grace. It’s not my fabulous mothering skills that finally paid off. No, rather it’s a reminder that God can work in spite of my failings.

So if you’re discouraged about any parenting failures today, take heart. Our God is gracious. He loves our children more than we do. And He can and will work in their hearts to make them exactly what they need to be.

Related posts:

• 3 Prayers to Pray As We Learn to Let Go of Our Teenagers
• 7 Lessons Parenting Teaches Us About Ourselves
• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom

It’s a good thing that letting go of our children is a gradual process. First, we walk them into kindergarten. Later, we drive them to their first sleepover, and eventually, they take off for a week at camp.

Our oldest daughter has been away at college for almost three months now. I confess that I’m still in the process of learning to let her go. Over the weekend, my husband and I were discussing a decision she will be facing at some point, and he said, “You do realize how little control you have over this situation, don’t you?”

Well yes, yes I do, but that doesn’t make it easy! However, I’m so thankful I have him to keep me grounded about these things. And I realized the truth of what he said – that I was fretting over things I couldn’t control. When that happens, I know it’s time to take it to God in prayer.

I’ve written before about praying God’s Word over our children and about journaling prayers for our children. As I thought about how I wanted to apply that to this process of letting go, I took three of my favorite – and very familiar – verses, and wrote out prayers from them.

1. Philippians 4:6-7

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

These were the first verses that came to mind because I KNEW I was worrying over a particular situation. Here’s my prayer (or at least the general idea of it. The one I actually wrote out has a few specific details that I’m not sharing here.)

Dear Lord, Help me not to worry about this decision our daughter is making. Thank you that I can bring it to you in prayer. I’m also thankful that she is learning to be independent. Please give her wisdom and discernment as she handles this situation. Most of all, may you be honored and glorified with the outcome. Give me your peace regarding this area of my daughter’s life, I pray.

2. Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

These verses have been such an encouragement to me through much of my life.

God, I trust you to work in my daughter’s life and to do what you know is best for her. I may not understand your ways, but I believe that you love and care for her even more than I do. May she seek your will and allow you to direct her steps. Help her to follow the commands in these verses and know the peace and joy that come from trusting you.

3. Romans 8:26-28

“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Sometimes I know exactly how I need to pray about something. But there are other situations I’ve faced in life in which I haven’t been totally clear on how I should pray. But the Holy Spirit knows the mind of God, and He can intercede on my behalf.

Heavenly Father, I’m not even sure how to pray about this situation in my daughter’s life. May your Holy Spirit guide me in how to pray and direct my prayer. You know far better than I what is best for her. I ask that your will would be done. Thank you for the assurance that you can work all things together for her good and for your own honor and praise.

We will always be parents and hopefully will continue to have influence in our children’s lives. But as they take steps toward independence, may we be faithful in turning our concerns over to God in prayer and trusting Him to do His work in them.

Related posts:

• 5 Prayers to Pray for Your Children Every Day
• 7 Steps to Becoming a Wise Woman: Trust God
• 10 Prayers to Pray for Your Daughter

November is here!! We’re heading into the final stretch of 2019.

With the Thanksgiving holiday ahead, many of us focus on cultivating grateful hearts this month. No matter what our circumstances are, we all have so much to be thankful for!

If you’re like me, gratitude is an important trait I want to make sure our children are developing. One way to focus on this is by helping them memorize related Scripture verses. This can open the door to family discussions about these verses, especially in a season where everyone seems to emphasize being thankful.

Below I’ve listed eight Bible verses that talk about thankfulness. You’ll notice that several of them are from the books of Psalms. Apparently David has a lot to teach us about being grateful! (If you want suggestions for helping your child memorize Scripture, check out these ten ideas.)

1. “I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving.” ~Psalm 69:30

What a great reminder that praising God often involves singing! Maybe part of encouraging grateful hearts this month could include singing songs as a family. This verse also points out that our purpose in giving thanks is always to glorify God.

2. “Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto him with psalms.” ~Psalm 95:2

Both this verse and the next one emphasize us being thankful when we enter into God’s presence. It can be uplifting to begin personal prayer time by thanking God for specific blessings in our lives.

3. “Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name.” ~Psalm 100:4

Thanksgiving naturally leads to praising God. When we give thanks, it shouldn’t be a generic expression of gratitude, but specifically directed to God.

4. “O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.” ~Psalm 107:1

We can always thank God for His specific traits like goodness and mercy.

5. “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” ~Ephesians 5:20

We’re to be thankful for everything. We may not always feel like giving thanks, but we can make the choice to do it anyway.

6. “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.” ~Colossians 3:17

Whatever we do should be done in His name, for His glory, and with a thankful heart.

7. “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:18

There’s no verse more convicting than this one. It is God’s will for us to give thanks in everything, from the normal days to the really difficult ones. That’s hard, but it can be done with the Holy Spirit’s help.

8. “By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.” ~Hebrews 13:15

I love the phrase “fruit of our lips.” How neat would it be if giving thanks just naturally flowed from our mouths!

However your day has started, there’s no time like right now to start being thankful. Not only could our children benefit from memorizing these verses, but we as adults could, too!

Related posts:

• 10 Simple Ways to Show Thanks
• Living Grateful: Making a Daily Choice to Give Thanks
• 5 Christmas Bible Verses to Teach Your Kids

If we compared what I thought I knew about myself and parenting before our children were born, and what I now realize I actually knew (or more accurately, didn’t know!) back then, there would be a world of difference!!

You can probably relate. We thought we knew the type of parent we’d be or laid out in our minds exactly how we’d handle a certain issue. However, once we actually had that child and were parenting them in real-time, things probably looked quite different!

As much as I’ve learned about our children through the years, I’ve learned just as much about myself. Each new age and stage has its own many blessings as well as its challenges. And each one gives us and our children the chance to grow and mature as people.

Below are seven things I’ve learned (and continue to learn!) about myself on this parenting journey. There are certainly many others I could list, but these are some of the most meaningful ones.

1. We might not have as much patience as we thought we did.

Prior to becoming a mom, I taught classrooms full of kindergarteners and first graders. I would have said my patience level was fairly high.

And then I had my own children. Living with them was totally different. My true self was revealed, and it wasn’t pretty. I was a lot more self-centered and short-tempered than I’d realized. Dealing with a strong-willed two-year-old or sibling squabbles didn’t always bring out the best in me.

The good news is that in 18 years of parenting, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to grow in this area!

2. We can greatly benefit from community.

I’m an introvert, which means I don’t mind spending large chunks of time alone. However, throughout these mom years, I’ve found I definitely need time with other moms who are in similar life stages. There’s nothing like bonding with others over shared joys or trials in parenting. We can celebrate and commiserate.

Over the summer, I was with several mom friends at dinner. We had a great discussion about this transition between parenting children and young adults. I left so encouraged over finding common ground with others who can relate to what I’m going through.

3. We have to work at being consistent.

It’s not easy to be steady in our discipline or in setting boundaries. A hard day of parenting can make us want to just let everything go.

But we need to remember that our children are always watching and learning from what we do. They tend to respond better when we are predictable in how we interact with them and in how we conduct our own lives.

4. If we thought marriage revealed most of our flaws…parenting exposes even more.

I learned to do life with another adult for nine years before we had children. I’m not saying I did it perfectly (and I still don’t). But it’s like that was just the first step in stripping away my selfishness.

Once children came on the scene, it leveled up! There’s often some personal sacrifice involved when it comes to our kids, even basic things like getting up with them in the middle of the night or having very little time to ourselves. And while we wouldn’t have it any other way, these moments reveal more of who we really are.

5. We’re not in control.

I have to trust God because ultimately, I have no control over my children. From health to safety to relationships to choices they make, God is the one who’s in control.

In just the five weeks our daughter’s been at college, she’s already dealt with an unexplained rash and torn ligaments in her ankle. She’s “adulted” through it very well, but all I can do (and the best thing to do!) from this distance is to pray for her.

6. We need wisdom from God.

I never knew how much I needed Godly wisdom on a daily basis until I had teenagers. Whether they’re asking for guidance or we’re establishing boundaries and meeting out consequences, wisdom is invaluable.

We even need wisdom in how to pray for them. They may be dealing with issues they’ve not shared with us, but God knows each one and can lay them on our hearts.

7. We can love our children more than we ever thought possible.

In case the first six made it sound like there’s only a hard side of parenting, this one makes it all worth it!

It’s amazing how much love and joy we get from parenting our children. There’s such pleasure in having a front-row seat to watch them become the incredible young people God designed them to be.

What have you learned about yourself as you’ve parented your kids?

Related posts:

• Parenting with a Spirit of Grace
• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom
• Parenting Is Not About Making Me Look Like a Good Mom

Since we’re sports fans, it’s a fun time of year at our house! We enjoy watching college and pro football on television. Our younger daughter currently cheers for the boys’ soccer team at her school, and our older daughter is playing intramural soccer at college.

It seems like part of sports these days is players demonstrating poor sportsmanship. However, it’s so refreshing to see men and women who conduct themselves with dignity and respect for others on the field or court. I think we all hope that those athletes are the ones our kids will look up to!

Even if your children aren’t involved in organized sports, they still have the chance to be good sports. Whether they’re playing Candy Land with their sister or tag with the neighborhood kids in the back yard, all of our children have opportunities to learn sportsmanship. 

We as parents can step in and teach our children how to play fair and how to act properly whether they win or lose. Most of us have at least a bit of a competitive streak – and it’s always fun to win!  But learning how to handle the disappointment of losing is part of helping our children mature.

Below I’ve listed eight lessons we can work through with our kids to help them learn to be good sports. It may take some time and patience, but hopefully, it will make the games they play more enjoyable for everyone!

1. Follow the rules of the game. 

Don’t take a shortcut or cheat in order to put yourself or your team ahead. It’s only a fair competition when all the players abide by the rules.

2. Play your best the entire game. 

Even if you or your team is losing by a large margin, don’t give up or quit participating in the game. Give it all you’ve got until the game is over. (Maybe Monopoly is the exception…)

3. Never make fun of others who don’t play well or who are just learning the game. 

Try to be patient and help your teammates or other players as much as you can. We’ve all been beginners at some point!

4. Take turns (aka don’t make the game all about you).

Allow others to go first. Don’t be so bossy that no one wants to play with you…that kind of defeats the purpose.

5. Respect the coach or instructor. 

Listen quietly when he/she is talking and then follow instructions. While we’re on this topic, I would include referees and umpires here as well. And yes, this applies to us parents! As fans, we can set the example in this area. (I admit to not always doing this well!)

6. Maintain self-control even when there’s a missed call or a bad play.

It’s the basketball player running down the court with his arms up because he thinks he was fouled and it wasn’t called…while the guy he should be guarding scores a basket.

Will unfair things happen during a game? Yep. And if there’s a right, official way to protest, that’s fine. Otherwise, just recognize that sometimes these things happen, and move on.

7. If you lose, congratulate the winner with a right attitude.

This one’s hard, and doubly so if your opponent isn’t exactly gracious about winning. But we can’t control how they act, only our response to them.

8. If you win, say “Thank you” when congratulated. 

If others on the opposing team played well, compliment them on their performance. And it’s okay to celebrate, but not in a way that rubs it in the face of your opponent.

I’m not as competitive as some people, but I’m amazed at how involved I get when my daughters are playing sports. I have to remember to keep my attitude right so that I don’t set a bad example for them.

In case you haven’t seen this before, I’m including John Crist’s video where he imitates every high school sports parent. I’ll not say if I recognize myself in any of his comments! (If you’re reading this in email, click here to see the video.)

I hope these eight ideas will help us give our children a good foundation for becoming good sports and enjoying whatever games they choose to participate in. I’d love to hear any thoughts you have on this topic!

Related posts:

• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom
• What This Forty-Something Mom Learned from a Football Movie
• 7 Life Lessons Our Child is Learning from Team Sports

With our oldest daughter far away at college, I don’t often get immediate feedback on how she’s doing. Is her day going smoothly or could she use a little cheering up? Did she ace that test or is she struggling to keep up in a certain class?

I certainly pray for her! In a sense, I’m trusting the prompting of the Holy Spirit to know when a card in the mail, a phone call, or a random little gift might be the support that she needs. I believe that God can direct the timing of those things to arrive just when she could use a special blessing!

We can all use a dash of encouragement from time to time – and that certainly includes our children. Here are thirteen simple ideas we can use to help make their day just a little brighter.

1. Tuck a note into their lunchbox or book bag. Write a sweet thought or a short joke to make them smile. Kristen has links to all kinds of lunch box jokes here. Even my teen girls enjoy receiving a good joke! (And I’m following my own advice; I put a note in the mail to my college girl yesterday.)

2. Give them a big hug for no particular reason at all. This one’s sometimes easier when they’re younger, but no matter their age, sneak one in when you can!

3. When you drop them off at school, tell them that you’ll be praying for them today. Or if they’re older and have a cell phone, text at some point during the day that you’re praying for them. (And then, of course, follow through!)

4. Put a small treat on their bed for them to find when they get home at the end of the day. It could be their favorite candy or just a fun little something you picked up at a dollar store.

5. Smile at them often. I thought this would just be a natural habit, but I find that it isn’t necessarily, at least for me. Sometimes I have to actually make a conscious effort to smile!

6. Make eye contact and give your child your full attention when she’s telling you something. Sometimes we really don’t want to stop what we’re doing to hear about who did what on the playground today, but our children feel valued when they’re listened to.

7, Praise them for a task well done. We shouldn’t go overboard and throw a party every time he puts his toys away, but we all like to be commended for a job well done. I think this is especially effective if they took initiative and did something they weren’t asked to do.

8. When they are within earshot, tell another adult something good that your child has done. Let them hear you speak positively about them.

9. If you see them struggling with a task, offer your help. Some children want to do things all by themselves – and that can be good! – but if you sense they’re getting frustrated, offer to lend a hand.

10. Watch for an area in their character where you see growth and spend a few minutes sharing how proud you are of their progress. At one point, a daughter of ours was a procrastinator in lots of areas. As I saw her focus on getting things done on time, I tried to make sure to notice her efforts and commend her for them.

11. Willingly do something they ask you to do – stop working and play a game, help them find a lost item, etc. You can’t always drop everything you’re doing, but when you can, make that choice.

12. Allow them to help you with a project you’re working on that they’re interested in – cooking, cleaning, scrapbooking, or other chores or hobbies. It may slow you down in the moment, but it can lead to some sweet memories.

13. Every so often, allow them a special privilege, such as staying up late, having two helpings of dessert, or taking a day off from chores. Just a little change in routine can make them feel special.

I want to be mindful of encouraging my daughters regularly. And what a blessing it is, as they get older, to find that sometimes they’re the ones to encourage me!

Related posts:

• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom
• 5 Prayers to Pray for Your Children Every Day
• Using Scripture to Correct and Encourage Our Children