It’s crazy to realize that my “baby” is 17!! That’s a lot of years that she’s lived in our house…and a lot of chances we as parents have had to try to share advice and wisdom.

I don’t know how much of it has stuck. We’re all still learning and growing together around here. But today I thought I’d give it another shot with this list of 17 things I want her to know.

1. You’ll never regret being kind.

At the end of the day, it’s usually not the number of times I was kind that I dwell on. No, it’s those moments when I lost my temper or snapped in anger or said something unkind that I wish I could do over.

2. Ground your life now in God’s Word and prayer.

Developing spiritual disciplines in this period of major life decisions is vital. Getting into the habit as a teenager will serve you well for a lifetime.

3. True beauty begins within.

You like makeup and hairstyle trends and that’s all fun and good. But always remember that real beauty shines through from a kind heart and thoughtful gestures and a love for others.

4. Stay true to yourself.

Don’t change who you are to impress a guy or to fit in with a particular group of girls. Find someone who shares that unusual hobby or enjoys the same genre of books. Be you.

5. Be thoughtful about what you post on social media.

People who know you in real life know your heart. Those who only read your online posts don’t.

6. Conversely, know that what someone posts on social media (or how you interpret it) may not be who they really are.

For better or worse, not everyone is a sum total of their tweets or Instastories.

7. Have truth-tellers in your life who will gently show you your mistakes.

This could be a best friend, a husband, a sibling, or a mentor. But have someone who loves you enough to help you grow into a better person, even when it hurts.

8. Be a lifelong learner.

Always be learning. Have a thirst to know more about God and His Word. Read non-fiction books. See the world from other perspectives than your own.

9. Don’t allow the news media or online influencers to dictate your beliefs.

Think for yourself. Base decisions on truth from Scripture. Don’t just fall for the latest political trends or blindly follow a currently popular teacher.

10. Give grace to others.

Parents, teachers, friends who are figuring out life alongside you – they’re all going to make mistakes, and they need the same grace you’ll want extended to yourself.

11. Make good memories.

Be present with your friends. Plan things to do together that don’t involve your phone. And even join in making memories with your family!

12. Look past a guy’s physical appearance to his character.

Yes, you want the physical attraction to be there, but it’s his character – loyalty, honesty, work ethic, sense of humor – that will make him someone you want to spend a lifetime with.

13. Listen to your body.

Are you sick? Do you need to drink more water? Have you not moved your body in three days? Have you been sleeping enough? Treat your body well ’cause it’s the only one you get.

14. Develop firm boundaries around your entertainment choices.

What types of books will you read and not read? How about the movies you’ll allow yourself to watch? Is there music you need to protect yourself from? Set Biblical guidelines today to guide you. Make decisions ahead of time to inform your choices in the moment.

15. Enjoy life’s simple pleasures.

Never get over a beautiful sunset, a walk on the beach, or the taste of a perfectly ripe strawberry. No matter how much money you make or how many amazing experiences you have, always treasure the simple pleasures.

16. Remember that very few decisions are permanent.

Marriage, yes. But in many other areas, don’t get locked into one thing and never try something new. Want to live in the city? Try it for a year. You can always move back to the suburbs. Really don’t like the career you’re in? Develop a plan to try something new.

17. Leave it all on the field.

So that’s a sports metaphor, but basically I’m saying give it all you’ve got. Do your best in the classroom and on the court and at work. Love well. Put relationships first.

At seventeen, you have some wonderful, exciting, and challenging years ahead of you. You’ve got this!! So proud, thankful, and blessed to be your mom.

Related posts:

• Grace for the Gaps in Our Parenting
• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom
• 10 “Don’ts” for Moms of Teenage Girls

As parents, one of the great privileges we have is teaching God’s Word to our children. They soak up so much information in their early years! We can use this time to build a foundation in Scripture for them. I’ve found that the Bible verses I memorized as a child come to mind so much more easily than those I’ve learned in later years!

In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, we’re instructed to diligently teach God’s Word to our children. We’re to do it constantly and give it careful attention. Having a plan makes it more likely that this will happen.

We can be grateful for those teachable moments that present themselves with no preparation on our part. But for all those other times, here are seven tips you might find helpful. (Now that our children are almost grown, I can only say that I wish I’d done these even more!)

1. Play scripture songs.

Make a playlist on your phone, stream children’s songs through a speaker, or just put in a good ol’ cd! When our girls were younger, a couple that we had on repeat were Hide ‘Em in Your Heart Volumes 1 and 2 as well as Cedarmont Kids Bible Songs.

Turn the music on while everyone is getting ready in the morning or while you’re in the car together. Or play it softly in their bedroom as they’re falling asleep.

2. Practice Bible memory verses together.

If your child is learning verses for school or church, take a couple of minutes after a particular meal or at another designated time to have them say the verse to you. You could also write them on 3×5 cards to practice while you’re waiting for an appointment or something else to start. Or keep verse cards in the car and use travel time to practice.

3. Have a scheduled family devotional time.

We had periods of our girls’ lives when we were fairly consistent with this, and at other times, not so much. It worked best to have ours on weeknights right after supper while we were all still at the table.

Family devotions don’t have to be long and drawn out. They can range from reading and commenting on a Bible passage to reading a missionary biography or other book with character-building stories. The Miller Family series was our favorite when the girls were younger.

4. Read a brief Bible story or devotional book together at bedtime.

You can find children’s devotional books for almost every age group. We read through several different Bible storybooks by just reading a small portion to our daughters every night at bedtime. Whether for our children or us, what better way to close our day than by focusing on God’s Word.

5. Connect with your child over what they learned at church.

During the drive home from church on Sundays, we used to ask our girls what they’d learned about in Sunday School and children’s church. When one of our daughters was around 4 years old, she actually lied to us about what the lesson had been about! I saw the paper she’d completed in children’s church, and it was nothing close to what she said they’d learned. I checked with the teacher later, and sure enough, our daughter just made something up. It just struck me as strange that that was our daughter chose to lie about!

Hopefully your conversations with your children about what they learned at church will go more smoothly than that one did!

6. Use Bible verses as you deal with your children and their life situations.

When situations arise that your child needs help resolving, seek to use Bible verses to help them figure out what to do. Whether it’s a conflict with a friend or a need for peace or a bad habit for them to conquer, there’s a Bible verse that addresses it. This also encourages us to know the Bible ourselves so we can direct them to appropriate verses.

7. Let your children see you having your own personal time with the Lord.

You know the old saying, “More is caught than taught.” Allow your children to see you reading your Bible and hear you praying or memorizing Scripture for yourself.

Some of these opportunities have passed for me since our daughters are in their late teens. They’re not around nearly as much, and my bedtime is now way earlier than theirs! So from this side of things, let me say that you will never regret the time you spend helping your children learn more about God and His Word.

If you have additional tips to add to this list, I’d love to hear them!

Related posts:

• 10 Bible Verses for Little Ones
• 8 Verses from Proverbs to Teach Your Children
• 10 Bible Verses for Teens to Memorize

How’s parenting life going today?

Maybe it’s a great day. The kids are entertaining themselves and playing well together. They’ve been relatively obedient and no one’s crossing the boundaries you’ve set.

Or maybe your teenager has a bad attitude and doesn’t want to do anything with the family. Perhaps there’s been one argument after another with a child who wants to do the opposite of whatever you suggest.

We all have a mix of those types of days, though to be fair, it does seem like the difficult days outweigh the easier ones sometimes! And no matter the gender, age, or personality-type of child we have, we always need wisdom as we parent.

As I’ve mentioned here before, one of my favorite Bible passages is Proverbs 3:5-6. Today I wanted to take those verses and see how they might apply to our parenting.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

It didn’t take me long after becoming a mom to realize that trusting myself to parent well wasn’t going to go smoothly. However, that doesn’t mean I haven’t tried to do it in my own strength on many occasions!

If I’d only had one of my children, I’d have been patting myself on the back thinking what a great parent I was. She just has a milder temperament and is easy to get along with. She was one of those who, when she was young, could get teary-eyed if you just gave her a stern look.

But God also gave us a strong-willed child, perhaps to keep me humble. Parenting her has specifically shown me how much I need Him in order to parent well.

There are many ways we could talk about trusting God in parenting, but here are three.

• Trust Him with the past. We all know there’ve been times we blew it as parents. Ask God for forgiveness, apologize to your child, and move on. God’s grace is there for us and our children.
• Trust Him with the present. Ask for wisdom as we’re told to do in James 1:5. Every stage of life brings challenges, and what worked with your child before will likely change. Pray, get good counsel if needed, and then walk forward in your parenting having faith that God will guide you.
• Trust Him with the future. Parent a teenager and you will quickly realize that any control you thought you had was an illusion. You could pick up that screaming two-year-old and take him to his room. That doesn’t work so well when he’s twelve! But God is still able to work in his heart. Every situation our children will face in the coming years can be trusted to God’s care.

Don’t lean on your own understanding.

My “understanding” would include a variety of things. Like jumping to conclusions instead of waiting to hear the whole story. Thinking that my unruly three-year-old will never learn to obey. Worrying about a situation involving my child and giving in to fear about what will happen if I’m not around to step in.

Or it might be thinking that what I want for them (which would include a life of ease and no disappointments) will lead to them becoming the mature adult they should be. But we know our way – the easy way – isn’t really what’s best for them.

It’s probably natural to rely on our own experiences or even our particular desires for our children. But this passage tells us not to rest in how we perceive things. God alone sees the whole picture and knows how to work in the life of our child.

In all your ways acknowledge Him.

“God, I need your help.” That’s a daily prayer for us as we realize our inadequacies as parents. It seems like the longer I parent, the more I see those deficiencies!

Whatever decisions we need to make, regarding discipline or direction or just patience for daily parenting, let’s recognize God as our all-wise provider. We can set a wonderful example for our children as they see us putting Him first…even ahead of them. More than we want to make our children happy we should want to please our Lord.

He will direct your paths.

We’d all agree that we want God to lead us in our parenting journey! For us, one aspect of this has been the Holy Spirit revealing issues to us that need to be addressed in our children’s lives. Our discovering things “behind the scenes” have sometimes led our girls to believe that we find out everything. But it’s God’s grace that has allowed us to spot areas of weakness and then walk through them together.

I’ve found that He will also direct you in letting go. It’s a hard line to walk. At what age do we allow what freedoms? We’re dealing with this in a couple of areas now. I hope (!) I’m learning that as I trust Him fully and acknowledge His authority, He will lead and guide us.

I’m thankful that all of God’s Word is given to us to help us meet our daily challenges and to encourage us in every aspect of our lives!

Related posts:

• 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers
• Grace for the Gaps in Our Parenting
• 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13

Judging by the title of this post, you could be led to believe that it’s not always easy to communicate with our teenagers. If it were, we wouldn’t need tips on how to do it!

I’m not an expert in this area. I’m definitely still learning what works and what doesn’t, partly because every teenager’s personality and communication style are a little different. Some teens are much more likely to share their thoughts and feelings, while it takes real strategizing to get another one to open up.

After parenting two teen daughters for quite a while now, I’ve found a few things that could be helpful. Choose a few to try the next time there’s a breakdown in communication!

1. Be available.

The other morning, our 19-year-old toasted a bagel for her breakfast and sat down in our kitchen to eat. Even though I’d already cleaned up the kitchen from my breakfast, I found something else to do in there so I’d be close by in case she wanted to talk.

We obviously don’t put our lives on hold waiting for our teen to speak to us, but conversations won’t happen if we’re not around. If we’re available when they get home from school or their job or when we know they’ll be hanging out near the fridge looking for something to eat, they might just want to talk to us.

(Where I totally fail is in the late-night talks. I’ve heard that many teens open up at the very end of their day, but I just don’t have the stamina to make it much past 10pm!)

2. Don’t ask a lot of questions.

This is somewhat dependent on a child’s personality. We have one daughter who doesn’t seem quite as annoyed by our questions as the other one does.

But we don’t want to come across as an interrogator. That’s been me when they come home from an event. “Who was there?” “What did you eat?” “What else did you do?” I’ve found that if I wait until later, much of that information will actually flow out in normal conversation.

3. Don’t jump to conclusions.

This goes a little bit against number two above, because in certain situations you do need to ask questions to get to the bottom of something. But be careful to hear your teen out. Be direct if you want to know what’s going on, rather than dancing around the subject. I’ve been guilty of this twice recently. You’d think I’d know better by now!

4. Give them a heads up if you’re going to have a difficult conversation.

Both of our daughters seem to appreciate it if I start an awkward or confrontational conversation by letting them know, in a calm voice, that there’s an issue we need to address.

I also try to use the sandwich principle – start and end with something positive. “Thank you for cleaning up after breakfast this morning” or “I appreciate how you’re getting your homework done on time” before launching into the discussion.

5. Don’t raise your voice.

I realize this is naturally easier for some people than others. We’ve never been a family who yells, so I’m not tempted to do this very often. As a teacher, I learned that if I made my voice quieter, usually the students did the same.

Stay calm even if your teen raises her voice. Increasing the volume doesn’t increase the chance of a positive outcome.

6. It’s okay to tell your teen how what she said made you feel.

If your teen says something hurtful, let her know about it…when things have calmed down. Usually, when she’s not caught up in the moment, she’ll realize she was out of line. And of course, apologize if you’ve said something unkind.

7. Figure out what their interests are, and learn enough to talk about them.

Our college daughter developed some new interests during her first year of college – like broom hockey. Maybe your teen has a favorite book series, sports team, or is developing a new hobby. Study up on the subject enough that you can carry on an intelligent conversation with them.

8. Actually listen to what they’re saying so that you can keep the conversation going.

Teens can get frustrated when you ask follow up questions that they’ve already covered in the initial conversation. It shows that you weren’t really listening to what they were saying.

9. Allow them to process their thoughts out loud.

We’ve had some interesting conversations around our supper table over the years. Sometimes teens will come out with crazy thoughts or random ideas. As adults, we can tend to shoot them down because we know it won’t work. But let them talk it out before trying to guide them to a reasonable conclusion.

10. Don’t use trite phrases to make them feel better.

Show empathy. Sometimes the best thing is to just sit with them in their pain. Whatever they’re going through may not get better, at least not for a while.

When our daughter found out last month that she was coming home from college for the rest of the semester, I needed to remember this. I needed to say things like, “I know this is hard. It’s not what you wanted.” At least at first, she needed to feel understood, not rushed to feel that everything was okay.

While I didn’t give this tip a number, it’s the most important one of all! Ask God for wisdom to help you know how best to communicate with your teen. The passcode on my phone continues to be a reference to James 1:5, to remind me that His wisdom is available for the asking.

Related posts:

• 8 Truths to Teach Our Teenagers from Proverbs 13
• 10 Bible Verses to Pray When Your Teenager Needs Direction
• 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers

I get it. As the mom of two teenagers, I know that most teens aren’t sitting around waiting for their mom or dad to drop nuggets of wisdom on them. If yours are, more power to you! But that wouldn’t describe mine.

However, life gives us many opportunities to dole out little bits of advice to our kids. It could be when a teachable situation presents itself in their own life or when they talk to you about choices a friend is making.

For optimum benefit, I wouldn’t suggest sitting down and working through this list all at once! But maybe take one or two of these truths and gently work them into your conversation over time – in the car, over pizza, or during a late-night talking session.

1. Be teachable.

“A wise son heareth his father’s instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke.” ~Verse 1

In a healthy relationship, parents really do want the best for their children. Often their instruction and correction come from a place of wanting their teen to avoid some of the mistakes they made. Teenagers can tend to think they know it all, but hopefully, we can help them see the value in listening to our guidance.

I thank God for other caring adults, like teachers, coaches, and youth leaders, that He’s placed in our daughters’ lives. Our teens can thrive when they’re willing to accept insights from others. If they fail to listen to people who love them, they could have a rough road ahead.

2. Think before you speak.

“He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.” ~Verse 3

This is old but valuable advice. Wouldn’t we all be better off if we followed it? How many problems could we avoid if we’d either think before we speak or just keep quiet? The answer for me is a whole bunch!

Don’t say everything that pops into your mind. Controlling your tongue will keep you out of many difficult situations as you progress in life.

3. Work hard at whatever you do.

“The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.” ~Verse 4

Whether it’s in the classroom, on the field, or in the band room, do your best and commit to the process. Habitual laziness will get you nothing and nowhere in life.

4. A little humility on your part will resolve almost any conflict.

“Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well-advised is wisdom.” ~Verse 10

You don’t have to win every argument or prove your point all the time. Be willing to humble yourself and work with others to find solutions to problems.

5. Avoid all get-rich-quick schemes.

“Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labor shall increase.” ~Verse 11

You know how the saying goes…If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Earn money the old fashioned way – with hard work – and you’re a lot more likely to hang on to it.

6. Don’t let disappointments defeat you.

“Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life.” ~Verse 12

Disappointments are a part of life. We all face them, and future success is built on how we deal with them. Hopefully, we as parents have helped our children learn how to handle their disappointments. There’s nothing wrong with mourning a loss, but don’t stay there for too long. Pick yourself up and move on.

Robert Kiyosaki says, “The size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.“

7. Live your life according to the principles in God’s Word.

“Whoso despiseth the word shall be destroyed: but he that feareth the commandment shall be rewarded.” ~Verse 13

How wonderful it would be if you developed the spiritual disciplines of Bible reading and prayer as a teenager. God blesses us when we know and obey what His Word tells us to do.

Disregarding God’s commands will only bring harm to our teenagers, whether immediately in or in their future. May we as parents set a good example for them by recognizing its authority in our own lives.

8. In every stage of life, find good friends.

“He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.” ~Verse 20

We can all be easily influenced by our friends. One of my prayers for our girls is that they would have discernment in their relationships, whether it be with other girls or with guys. Our teenagers don’t have the life experience they might need to see through to a person’s character.

Yet good friends can be such a gift! We can encourage each other when we’re down, celebrate each other’s successes, and just make the journey through life so much more fulfilling.

As with most things I write about helping teenagers, I find that all of these are areas I can improve in as an “older” adult as well!

Related posts:

• 6 Quotes About Friends for Our Teenagers
• 10 Bible Verses for Teens to Memorize
• 4 Bible Verses to Hold on to as We Parent Teenagers

Parenting is a marvelous thing. In the normal process of life, we start with a newborn baby who is totally dependent on us and end with a real, human adult who is fully capable of making decisions and providing for him/herself.

And by “marvelous,” I do mean wonderful and extraordinary, but I sure don’t mean easy. Full of joy, yes, but also pain. It’s a journey that drains us dry…with its happy and sad tears, abundant need for patience and wisdom, and lack of sleep (from babies to teens!)

I read this quote quite awhile ago, but I’ve been thinking about it more recently perhaps because our daughters are now on the precipice of living out their own hopes and dreams.

“Women who earnestly desire to be good mothers need to….commit everything to Him [God] first and foremost, including their hopes, dreams, and expectations, not only for themselves but also for their children.” ~From the book Mothering Heights by Keitha Smith and Susan Brereton

Well, that part right there about “commit everything to God” could be the beginning of my life struggles! It comes back to one of the overarching themes here on the blog, which is trusting God.

As new parents, we all want what we believe is best for our children. Yet life has a way of derailing or changing those plans. Maybe some of them are met and exceeded, while others fall by the wayside. Whatever season of parenting you’re in, here are ten ways we can deal with all those hopes and dreams we hold close to our hearts.

1. Trust God with your children’s future.

I love the following verse!

“He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.” ~Isaiah 40:11

What can give me more peace than thinking about God gathering our young ones in His arms and carrying them close to His heart?!!

We know all these truths in our heads, but we must believe them in our hearts. God loves our children more than we do. He knows better than we do what is good and best for them.

2. Pray for your children to be sensitive to God’s leading for their lives.

This is a prayer I’ve been praying for one of our daughters this month. You see, I don’t have the power to convict anyone of sin or to grow them in their spiritual walk or to show them the best plan for their life.

However, the Holy Spirit does. But if she’s not in tune with Him, she’s not likely to hear and obey.

3. Ask God to give you wisdom if/when they come to you for advice.

We need wisdom so we don’t push our own agenda on our children, but truly help them see how God might be leading and working in their lives. Pointing them to the truths of God’s Word can help them discern the best decision to make.

4. Let them live their own dreams, not yours.

We probably all know parents who are living their lives through their children.  All that they wanted to do or be, they pin on their children. Let’s allow our children to have and follow their own dreams.

5. Age-appropriately, allow them to decide what activities and passions they will pursue.

We do have to keep a balance if we have a child who wants to do all the things! But if they express an interest in a particular subject or activity, try to find a way to accommodate them. That could be anything from getting them books or watching a video about the subject to kicking a soccer ball with them in the backyard. One of my dad’s special gifts was showing an interest in anything one of his children was interested in.

6. Keep an eternal perspective.

More important than any sports accomplishment or music award or academic recognition is that our children learn to walk with God. I know that it’s not always easy when our schedules are busy, but making spiritual things a priority is vital.

7. Encourage them when things aren’t going the way they had planned.

Whether at 7 or 17 or 27, our children will experience unfulfilled hopes or expectations. Disappointments are a part of life, and we can be a huge help as our children learn to handle them. We can come alongside with empathy, and then encourage them in their next step.

8. Allow them to suffer consequences for poor decisions.

There are times we may need to step in and help…but not always. Sometimes great lessons are learned by natural consequences. They may have to re-do the homework or be late to practice or pay for the repairs, but those consequences can develop maturity.

9. Ask God to give you peace.

“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” ~Isaiah 26:3

We can’t focus on what we can do to solve a situation. Rather, we have to rest in who God is and what He can do with our children. It’s a constant battle of taking the worry and control back on our selves, then turning it back over to Him with every new situation and life change.

10. If (more likely when) your child disappoints you, take it to God and continue to show love to your child.

I think at some point we’ll likely all disagree with a choice that our child makes. It may be something big or something small, but I doubt that every expectation we had when we started this parenting gig will be fulfilled.

But what I’m learning is that God uses the parenting process to refine me as much as He does my children. And their failures can draw me to God in prayer for them as I continue to show His love to them.

The older our daughters get the more opportunities there are for God to lead them in a certain direction. My part, first and foremost, is to pray for them. Then, as I’m able, I can share any wisdom I may have gained, being careful to allow God to work in their hearts and not imposing my desires upon them. God has a wonderful plan for their lives, and it’s exciting to think about how He might use them for His glory!

Related posts:

• 10 Bible Verses to Pray When Your Teenager Needs Direction
• 7 Lessons Parenting Teaches Us About Ourselves
• 10 Simple But Powerful Pieces of Life Advice for Teenagers

With our daughters now 19 and 17, I’m nearing the end of my active parenting years. While I’ll always be a mom to our girls, very soon I won’t be speaking directly into their lives on a daily basis. (With our 19-year-old at college out-of-state, our younger daughter gets all the benefit of my attention now, for which I’m sure she’s grateful…ha ha!)

As I look back over the past years, I see some areas where I think I’ve done okay. I’ve done none of it perfectly for sure. Yet I’m pleased that I passed along a love of reading books. Both girls make their beds most mornings. They can drive a car and balance a checkbook and clean a bathroom.

But what about the more important things? Have I challenged them enough to develop their character? Have I emphasized spiritual values and modeled disciplines that will affect their success in the future? I’m sure those things haven’t always gotten the time and attention that they deserved.

I’ve missed some opportunities. Teachable moments have drifted away without me claiming them. I was too busy doing the daily stuff of life – or just caught up in my own world – to focus on them.

So when I sit and worry about how I’ve messed up as a mom and feel badly about all the parenting opportunities I missed, I cling to this truth.

God’s grace will fill in the gaps.

I’ve made mistakes and failed as a mom many times over. But, to the best of our knowledge, both of our daughters have accepted Jesus as their Savior. Therefore, the same Holy Spirit that lives in and works on me does the same for them. They have God’s Word to lead and guide them well beyond anything I’ve tried to teach them.

And this verse gives me a lot of comfort.

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” ~Philippians 1:6

You see, these children aren’t mine anyway. God simply gave them to my husband and me to steward for Him. Certainly, I’m accountable to do my best with that responsibility. But our children are a work in progress. And they are God’s work.

While He has graciously allowed me to parent them, ultimately He is in control of accomplishing His purpose in their lives. Whatever lessons we failed to teach or principles we didn’t fully convey, God will continue to work in their lives. My prayer for my girls’ future can be that God will fulfill His Word and perform His work in and through them.

On the flip side, if I’m tempted to take credit when I see our daughters make a right choice, I must stop and remind myself that the successes, too, are only possible because of God’s grace. It’s not my fabulous mothering skills that finally paid off. No, rather it’s a reminder that God can work in spite of my failings.

So if you’re discouraged about any parenting failures today, take heart. Our God is gracious. He loves our children more than we do. And He can and will work in their hearts to make them exactly what they need to be.

Related posts:

• 3 Prayers to Pray As We Learn to Let Go of Our Teenagers
• 7 Lessons Parenting Teaches Us About Ourselves
• 12 Things I’m Glad I Did as a Mom

It’s a good thing that letting go of our children is a gradual process. First, we walk them into kindergarten. Later, we drive them to their first sleepover, and eventually, they take off for a week at camp.

Our oldest daughter has been away at college for almost three months now. I confess that I’m still in the process of learning to let her go. Over the weekend, my husband and I were discussing a decision she will be facing at some point, and he said, “You do realize how little control you have over this situation, don’t you?”

Well yes, yes I do, but that doesn’t make it easy! However, I’m so thankful I have him to keep me grounded about these things. And I realized the truth of what he said – that I was fretting over things I couldn’t control. When that happens, I know it’s time to take it to God in prayer.

I’ve written before about praying God’s Word over our children and about journaling prayers for our children. As I thought about how I wanted to apply that to this process of letting go, I took three of my favorite – and very familiar – verses, and wrote out prayers from them.

1. Philippians 4:6-7

“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

These were the first verses that came to mind because I KNEW I was worrying over a particular situation. Here’s my prayer (or at least the general idea of it. The one I actually wrote out has a few specific details that I’m not sharing here.)

Dear Lord, Help me not to worry about this decision our daughter is making. Thank you that I can bring it to you in prayer. I’m also thankful that she is learning to be independent. Please give her wisdom and discernment as she handles this situation. Most of all, may you be honored and glorified with the outcome. Give me your peace regarding this area of my daughter’s life, I pray.

2. Proverbs 3:5-6

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

These verses have been such an encouragement to me through much of my life.

God, I trust you to work in my daughter’s life and to do what you know is best for her. I may not understand your ways, but I believe that you love and care for her even more than I do. May she seek your will and allow you to direct her steps. Help her to follow the commands in these verses and know the peace and joy that come from trusting you.

3. Romans 8:26-28

“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Sometimes I know exactly how I need to pray about something. But there are other situations I’ve faced in life in which I haven’t been totally clear on how I should pray. But the Holy Spirit knows the mind of God, and He can intercede on my behalf.

Heavenly Father, I’m not even sure how to pray about this situation in my daughter’s life. May your Holy Spirit guide me in how to pray and direct my prayer. You know far better than I what is best for her. I ask that your will would be done. Thank you for the assurance that you can work all things together for her good and for your own honor and praise.

We will always be parents and hopefully will continue to have influence in our children’s lives. But as they take steps toward independence, may we be faithful in turning our concerns over to God in prayer and trusting Him to do His work in them.

Related posts:

• 5 Prayers to Pray for Your Children Every Day
• 7 Steps to Becoming a Wise Woman: Trust God
• 10 Prayers to Pray for Your Daughter